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Yes means yes: does no always mean no:

hazelf1

1st Level Red Feather
Joined
Sep 14, 2009
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Tickling is a happy laugther event, and yes is good.

Nobody wants to be tickled at first (some do most don't admit to it) but often tickling goes ahead with tieing and sometimes is non consent at first,and somtimes if a suprise gang or group tickle is slightly forced in nature.

expearience says when no means no and when it means maybe or persaude me.

Hoes it worked for you, how do you know particularly if with a new lee
your views on this one.

remember it all revolves around the lees needs, else it dosn't work playing hard to get can be play, or for real hard to tell with a new lee.


To me a safe word is the answer and i always ask about any taboos, or no go areas, before play or during very early lead in, then play can start but sometimes the mood changes.

Have you ever ignored a safe word.
 
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Kind of hard to understand your question...though I will respond to what I can. As far as safewords...my general rule is to never ignore a safeword. If I'm having a tickling session with someone as a ler, I EXPECT them to say no, beg, refuse, ect. Which is why I like to have a safeword in place if I don't know the person well. For that reason, if they say the safeword, that's how I know to stop. If I'm with someone familiar, typically a lover, I know their limits because I know them at heart.
 
No, when you're having your belly and feet tickled, definitely means, "Yes YES! GOD YES!!"
 
I haven't been in the position to do so, but I would *never* say no to a safeword. If I found that my partner was calling it out every couple of minutes, we would have to sit down and re-evaluate both the situation as well as the purpose of a safeword. As it stands, I have never had my partner need to use his safeword.

Also, to be honest, I don't even have one to use, because my current partner is very good at knowing the difference between the no's that mean yes, and the ones that mean stop immediately.

But I can't imagine ignoring a safeword. To me that would be a major breach of trust. If I ever had one in a tickling situation, I would use it only because I couldn't breathe or because my restraints became painful. Both of these situations should warrant attention and should not be ignored.
 
Tickling is a part of the BDSM world. That's where it came from once upon a time before it become the lightweight fluffy fodder it is now in this community. We (and yes, I was one of them) pulled it from the bdsm world, where it was ignored. We did so not to lose any of it's erotic fear, it's essence, or the great headspace of s/m~ but more so to hone it. Give it something deeper, more fun, a twist of it's own, definitely more levels.

It backfired. Right after "Tied and Tickled" was a smash hit, every guy and his brother was suddenly an expert tickler... the WWW made it even worse... and then tickleporn swallowed up anything that was left. Leaving behind the fossils you have today.

Safewords are bullshit. They're imaginary at best. The concept of them was good (mostly for those with an illness, or to get more ladies into the scene by making them feel safer), but the follow through sucks. They've been overused in all communities. This allows 'topping from the bottom'- again overdone in TK communities. Safewords are like giving control of the brakes to the riders on a roller coaster-- it completely ruins the ride, no surprises, no erotic panic. It's fake at best. And tickling of a fetish nature is based upon erotic panic. Take that away and you're left with hollow quickies.

There is no such thing as a 'safe' word.. a magic word that will suddenly stop your captor from doing whatever they're doing to you, turn them into a zombie who will do as you say at that moment for your safety. Once you are tied- for better or for worse, you are theirs. So choose wisely based upon trust. Because if you rely upon and believe in safewords you believe in the tooth fairey.... who also is not going to fly in and rescue you should your tormentor decide to ignore your magic safeword.

What you should be seeking and speaking about is experience, respect, and safety. Those are real qualities and rare in TK. Good tops are ever more scarce. That's why all the videos are so fake today.

A good top knows when "no" means no... and they read you like a book- your needs and situation comes first. Your head may be in the clouds but they are holding that string with feet firmly on the ground...

Seek those qualities out in an experienced top and you will never need a magic 'safe word'.

And perhaps if anyone is seeking something more out of tickling they should really look up the meaning of "headspace". This was also once a part of TK in days long gone by. It's a forgotten art long overshadowed by fast tickleporn and cheap 'fantasy'.

Of course everyone has their own needs and tastes.. it's your choice to do whatever you wish in your life. But if you put all your faith in safewords it will come up and bite you at some point.
 
Kuj, In all fairness I don't think you can entirely disregard non intense tickling as crap simply because it is not at he level YOU enjoy, as MOST people in the world engage in non-intense tickling, whether involving bondage or not. In the video market? it may have began as more intense bdsm but then involved into lighter play that also appeals to many people. I myself enjoy intense tickling... but just saying... (I like to keep open mind to all view points)

Oh, I agree- 100%. That's why I said "every one has their own tastes". Let me be clear again that I feel there should be ALL levels from fun to intense- all accepted, none frowned upon. TK vids should be labled correctly though- not titled "Intense Tickling" Or "Real Tickling" when it certainly is not and the bondage is a joke. Label it "Fantasy Tickling" or something. Tickleporn should be labled such, as such fun, playful stuff.

Direct to your point-- despite those that mistakenly believe I play at 150mph all the time--I too use playful tickling just like you and many others. Wrestling... sand burials... lighter bondage... human bondage (feet in a headlock by a fireplace is a favorite of mine).. threesomes... and so forth. I enjoy all the levels, and they all have their time and place~ and ALL of them can be fantastic fun during those times.

Other times I have a mixture of bdsm and tickling... my theme events are like that.. and there are private times of s/m with no tickling at all of course.

But this TK world has become lopsided and leans only towards only the light fantasy stuff. Ticklers inparticualr seem to be so scared of everything.. tight bondage for one.. putting any creative effort into a video or live scene for another. It appears to be all fast, chaep, and easy today.

They're also afraid of going too far or "going over the edge".. lol. What in Heaven's name I wonder are they worried about? Losing control? Well that's the name of the game. Oh yes theres "power exchange" which I'm sure you'll agree is a contradiction in terms and used for, well whatever.

But what ticklers miss out on, and in all reality; tickling, bdsm, all this play, is about losing control. Not so much as 'giving it up' (which means you still retain power in essence) but more so having it taken. Ask any lee and they'll tell you that they would rather have it be taken than have to dictate what to do.

So many have told me, especially ladies I've met have spoken to me and told me, they've come into this scene see only the tickleporn and the fake tickling or the only the light fluffy stuff videos and most posts contain- and are turned off and leave thinking "Is that all there is to it?". Well no- there's 100 more levels... but few if any are approached on message boards such as this one.

And that's a sad loss.
 
Looking back to my original comments at the start of the thread i do state that expearience dictates when no means no or otherwise.

Being that tickling is all things to all people i still consider that a safeword is very often appropriate if dealing with a new lee.

Even time served lees and lers meeting for the first time do not know where they are capatable until that first meeting, and it may take several to reach perfection and unision if ever, trust is a important part or element but until that is reached or established and fully understood at what point its reached,then there is a place for a safe word.

The reason i say it revolves around a lees needs is that its no good tickling feet if the leee wants thier pits tickled, a ler is always happy if tickling, a lee is happiest when tickled in their favorite spot, in a perfect world mutual satisfaction should arise, (yes i know it isn't a perfect world).

Much reference is made to topping and bottoming (bdsm terms) domination and submission have their place in tickle play but is not the be all and end all.

I don,t see where the videos come into things in any big degree.

This site caters for all levels of skill and experience and tastes like the saying "tickling is all things to all people"

I don't think for one moment anyone could accuse me of being vanilla, on the other hand i don't support the "well iam a ler and i'am going to tickle hell out of you regardless of your wishes" type person, control on a bdsm site and situation is one thing, on a tickling site there are slight differences.

At the end of the day it does come down to trust and experience, but the safe word does have a place, there is a distinct line between non consentual and force and that is where a new lee with a safeword will have a little more confidence,till the trust is built up, i agree it dosn't stop a over zealous, insentive ler from going over the top and ingnoring it, but its a start in the right direction.

Over on www.mydungeonspace.com there is a small tickling section, some members of this site are over there including me, but basically it dosn't figure high in the in the site, nor on fet life, and i don't think we can compare the domination and submission, top/bottom play in that field to tickling, some of the principles are the same but there is a hell of a lot of difference.
The main thing being complete and full control in every way 24/7 master slave ownership type situations wearing collars, a lot different to the tickling fun site here.

Tickling has never figured high in the bdsm world.

Well you pay your money and take your choice as the saying goes tickling is all things to all people, lots of folk will disagree with a lot of my imput, some may agree, i just thought i would make clear my views and where i'am coming from.
 
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I would never ignore a safeword.

A lot of people would say it's because I'm a spineless bitch, but i would say it's mainly because nothing would terrify me more than being tied down with no way out.
Think of what they're feeling; tickling is meant to be fun for both parties, not euphoric for one, and terrifying for the other.
 
At the end of the day it does come down to trust and experience..

That says it best.. go for that each time out and you'll never go wrong.

And~ to each his (or her) own!

PS: as for why videos have a play in all this- people coming into this scene, NESTfolk, as well as some long timers, seem to only learn what they know from TK videos- indeed most tickle tops think they are experienced merely from watching them, when it's as far from reality as one can get, and about as shallow as it can be.
 
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I would never ignore a safeword.

A lot of people would say it's because I'm a spineless bitch, but i would say it's mainly because nothing would terrify me more than being tied down with no way out.
Think of what they're feeling; tickling is meant to be fun for both parties, not euphoric for one, and terrifying for the other.

Again- this is very subject to the individuals involved. Some enjoy taking a roller coaster ride that you have no control over. Doing your homework beforehand ensures you've chosen (and hopefully gotten to know) a top or partner that you trust, so you know safety is there... but the trip is not "topping from the bottom"- it's spontaneuous, fun, and not of your control. This allows you and your inner mind to let go and enjoy the ride.

But some, perhaps even yourself, enjoy having the control when tickled. This allows you to direct and dictate your pleasure better.

A safeword for someone who is very new or has some health needs is wise. Never ignore that. But I never knew a good top that didn't always pre-read the person long before they ever needed a safeword. So again it boils down to experience.. and trust. You simply can't beat that combo.
 
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