Mastertank1
2nd Level Yellow Feather
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- Jan 21, 2006
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Friend in NYC sent me this; thought I'd share.
How To Tell You're In A Redneck Dungeon
1. Toys are displayed in wall-mounted gun racks.
2. The dungeon masters are Bubba Joe and Bobbi Sue.
3. The hostess has bigger hair than Roseanne's ass.
4. The suspension rings are hung on the deer's antlers.
5. The neural wheel is missing a few teeth.
6. The interrogation chair is the rusted seat from a '68 Ford pickup.
7. The punishment cage is already occupied by a pair of tick hounds.
8. There's a blown engine, a broken lawn mower, a cracked lawn jockey and some rusted patio furniture scattered throughout the play area.
9. The floor covering is floor mats and mud flaps.
10. The suspension cuffs are foam beer can covers.
11. The branding irons have the same Flying ~W~ as on the cow that was tied to the porch railing.
12. Coffee cans are strategically located on the floor to collect spit.
13. The host refers to 'Y'all Dominates and yer 'lil critters'.
14. There's tobacco juice running down the sides of the candles.
15. There is a 3 speed transmission in the body sling.
16. The spreader bars are made from the axles of the same '68 Ford that the interrogation chair came from.
17. When the Dom drives up in his pickup truck, his dog is lying in the front seat, but his sub is riding in the dog-box in the truck bed.
18. Humiliation play is having to wear a Jeff Gordon T-shirt...and you're a Dale Jr. fan.
19. The Dom's favorite scene outfit is a pair of leather overalls and a John Deere cap.
20. The safeword is "cut it out or I'm tellin' Ma."
21. A pair of pink flamingos brightens the dungeon decor.
22. The Dom intimately remembers the names of the cows that supplied most of His leather for His toys and outfit.
23. The slave refers to her Master as Daddy, because He probably really is.
24. Most of the canes look suspiciously like recycled fishing poles.
25. The bullwhip was once actually used on bulls.
26. At least one of the suspension scenes involves an engine hoist.
27. There's at least one piece of unfinished dungeon equipment still sitting on cinder blocks.
28. The Dungeon music is mostly Country.
29. The Dom's favorite paddle is the same one His Daddy used to use on Him.
30. The fetish video library includes a copy of Deliverance.
31. Most of the slaves are related to their Masters.
32. Quaker State makes the sex lube.
33. Toilet training has to be done outside the dungeon.
34. The restraints and chains were purchased at the local military surplus store.
35. At least one piece of dungeon furniture is all black with the number 3 on it.
36. You are being flogged to the sound of Dueling Banjos.
37. You hear a slave refer to her Master as Boss Hogg.
38. "WalMart is now closing" is acceptable as a safeword.
How To Tell You're In A Redneck Dungeon
1. Toys are displayed in wall-mounted gun racks.
2. The dungeon masters are Bubba Joe and Bobbi Sue.
3. The hostess has bigger hair than Roseanne's ass.
4. The suspension rings are hung on the deer's antlers.
5. The neural wheel is missing a few teeth.
6. The interrogation chair is the rusted seat from a '68 Ford pickup.
7. The punishment cage is already occupied by a pair of tick hounds.
8. There's a blown engine, a broken lawn mower, a cracked lawn jockey and some rusted patio furniture scattered throughout the play area.
9. The floor covering is floor mats and mud flaps.
10. The suspension cuffs are foam beer can covers.
11. The branding irons have the same Flying ~W~ as on the cow that was tied to the porch railing.
12. Coffee cans are strategically located on the floor to collect spit.
13. The host refers to 'Y'all Dominates and yer 'lil critters'.
14. There's tobacco juice running down the sides of the candles.
15. There is a 3 speed transmission in the body sling.
16. The spreader bars are made from the axles of the same '68 Ford that the interrogation chair came from.
17. When the Dom drives up in his pickup truck, his dog is lying in the front seat, but his sub is riding in the dog-box in the truck bed.
18. Humiliation play is having to wear a Jeff Gordon T-shirt...and you're a Dale Jr. fan.
19. The Dom's favorite scene outfit is a pair of leather overalls and a John Deere cap.
20. The safeword is "cut it out or I'm tellin' Ma."
21. A pair of pink flamingos brightens the dungeon decor.
22. The Dom intimately remembers the names of the cows that supplied most of His leather for His toys and outfit.
23. The slave refers to her Master as Daddy, because He probably really is.
24. Most of the canes look suspiciously like recycled fishing poles.
25. The bullwhip was once actually used on bulls.
26. At least one of the suspension scenes involves an engine hoist.
27. There's at least one piece of unfinished dungeon equipment still sitting on cinder blocks.
28. The Dungeon music is mostly Country.
29. The Dom's favorite paddle is the same one His Daddy used to use on Him.
30. The fetish video library includes a copy of Deliverance.
31. Most of the slaves are related to their Masters.
32. Quaker State makes the sex lube.
33. Toilet training has to be done outside the dungeon.
34. The restraints and chains were purchased at the local military surplus store.
35. At least one piece of dungeon furniture is all black with the number 3 on it.
36. You are being flogged to the sound of Dueling Banjos.
37. You hear a slave refer to her Master as Boss Hogg.
38. "WalMart is now closing" is acceptable as a safeword.
