You're As Sick As Your Secrets

[mustang]

You are as sick as your secrets.This is an old saying and there is a lot of truth to it. Years of being in the closet and suppressing something as powerful as what really turns you on has negative effects upon a person. There is no way of knowing the nature and extent of these effects, though. I don't think that it is a coincidence that I suddenly quit my life-long habit of biting my fingernails after I came out and began feeling comfortable about my fetish. I no longer have to hide and that is such a relief. I am experiencing more of what it is to feel normal and I think that that makes me less neurotic. My first stage of coming out occured shortly after I met a couple of guys who admitted to having a foot fetish. I can't tell you the relief that I experienced when I realized that I was not alone in this thing. I always tickled every girl's feet that I could, but I never talked about it and thankfully none of these girls ever quizzed me about it. The process wasn't complete till I hooked up with this forum around 10 years ago. I finally have nothing to hide. The craziest thing about me is my foot/tickle fetish and I have lots of company...thank goodness.

 

[socktickler86]

Crap, good thing I have health insurance

 

[A_New_Level]

Suppressing my feelings caused me so much stress when I was younger. I was irritable, impatient, and increasingly pessimistic. Now that I have a forum to openly go on, I'm still all those things, but a lot less relative to where I was at. I'm a big fan of psychoanalysis and the concept of the unconscious mind, stating that any and all supressed memories or sexual desires are expressed as various querks or coping mechanisms, such as biting your fingernails. I hope someday I can express myself to everybody I hold dear so I can rid myself of this burden.

If you can be openly gay in society, why can't you be an open fetish and still have the same level of support? Maybe I should move to San Francisco, or Berekley. They might be more open to the idea of a fetish. At least we have the internet, and this site.

 

[mustang]

I have said before that the gay community should have sympathy for the fetish community. We are subject to the same disrepect, etc. that they once were. Why not liberate everyone so that no one has to live in the shadows? No one choses their sexuality so why should anyone suffer for something that is outside of their control?

 

[A_New_Level]

I wouldn't say either has it worse. While we go through the fact that most everyone else who isn't a fetish thinks we're weird, I don't believe there's a passage in any divine book stating, "Man and woman shall only be turned on by that which has been designated normal, including intercourse and the body parts related to it. All other attractions are heresy." Of course, being a gay tickling fetish is most likely the hardest. It's like on Scrubs, where it wasn't harder to be a woman or black in modern medicine, but it was the black woman who had it the hardest.

 

[love feet]

I have said before that the gay community should have sympathy for the fetish community. We are subject to the same disrepect, etc. that they once were. Why not liberate everyone so that no one has to live in the shadows? No one choses their sexuality so why should anyone suffer for something that is outside of their control?

This is very true!.
its still a lot more of a problem if you have a fetish!!!

 

[mustang]

If the media and others who influence popular opinion were to get behind us in time we would be liberated along with the gays. Quentin Tarantino, the movie producer who has a foot fetish, could help us out by introducing foot fetish themes in his movies. Things like that help to normalize things in the mind of the public. The biggest problem is that no one receives any exposure to alternative sexual life styles...other than the gays that is.

 

[Jagermeistered]

Everybody has a kink, but not everybody has a fetish. Fetishism is just a constant attraction, and you can't break away from it... Oh well!

Their are more people with a skeleton that is more reckless: child pedophillia, non consensual sex(rape), and murder... Keep an eye on these Assholes!

 

[rhiannon]

I have said before that the gay community should have sympathy for the fetish community. We are subject to the same disrepect, etc. that they once were. Why not liberate everyone so that no one has to live in the shadows? No one choses their sexuality so why should anyone suffer for something that is outside of their control?

I don't believe those two communities are comparable. If you are gay, it is absolutely impossible to live a life that makes you happy without everybody around you automatically knowing you are gay.

If you have a fetish, your life can be perfectly happy with only your SO knowing about it.

Their are more people with a skeleton that is more reckless: child pedophillia, non consensual sex(rape), and murder... Keep an eye on these Assholes!

As long as they don't act on it...they're fine.

 

[milagros317]

I don't believe those two communities are comparable. If you are gay, it is absolutely impossible to live a life that makes you happy without everybody around you automatically knowing you are gay.

If you have a fetish, your life can be perfectly happy with only your SO knowing about it.

Exactly. Nobody outside your bedroom has a need to know. But it is fun to attend gatherings and be among like-minded friends. 😀

 

[mustang]

I didn't say that the gay and the fetish communities were comparable. I said that the gay community should have some sympathy for the fetish community, seeing as how they had such a tough time for so many years. No one said that we should shout about our fetish from the roof tops. On the other hand, if the subject comes up, there is no need to slink around an hide like a wounded puppy...unless you choose do so. I did for many, many years, but no longer. I am sick and tired of living in the shadows fearful of being outted. 37 years ago I ran into a couple of different guys who matter-of factly admittd to their foot fetish and I envied them for their freedom. neither of them were the least bit ashamed of their fetish. They admitted it like it was completely natural. I regret reamining in the closet for as long as I did. But, to each his own.

 

[WorkInProgress]

I can only say, as I've mentioned before, I went out for an evening with a woman from a Yahoo Personals ad. For three hours, we had every sign of being suited for a casual platonic friendship with a lot of things to empathize with each other about and a lot of intellectual compatibility. We probably would have seen each other a couple more times and had the occasional E-mail after that. But at the end of our evening together I mentioned my fetishes. For five minutes she acted as if nothing was wrong. Then she made an excuse to leave, and left in a very big hurry. She subsequently made it clear both on her blog and in a venomous note to me that she feared for my safety: she told me that if I ever tried to stalk her she'd have me prosecuted. So I reached the conclusion that some people are better off not knowing. I would add, in my New York theatre circles, two different woman friends of mine, both actresses and neither one all that kinky herself (though some others I've met certainly are), thought it was cool and fascinating, and one of them later invited me to give her a massive foot tickling. So, as a purely practical matter, the choice is: be prepared to have some people think you're a pariah, or use very careful judgment about whom you tell.

 

[sasaxrah]

Gay is not equal to fetish. I came out to my parents as bisexual. I will never tell them that I met my fiance on a fetish forum. One they need to know, the other is none of their business and they'd never want to know.

That said, I'm pretty sure that fetishes are more common in the LGBT community.

 

[rhiannon]

I can only say, as I've mentioned before, I went out for an evening with a woman from a Yahoo Personals ad. For three hours, we had every sign of being suited for a casual platonic friendship with a lot of things to empathize with each other about and a lot of intellectual compatibility.

Why in the world did you feel the need to talk about your fetishes on the first date??

 

[Morpheus72]

Why in the world did you feel the need to talk about your fetishes on the first date??

QFT. It cannot be emphasized enough that this is a BAD idea, unless of course you're meeting from a fetish site.

 

[socktickler86]

QFT. It cannot be emphasized enough that this is a BAD idea, unless of course you're meeting from a fetish site.

QTF? But aren't you agreeing with her?

I agree though, it's a stupid idea to talk about stuff like that to a girl on the first date. If everything went fine and she immediately left and posted all that stuff and acted like a bitch, then she's probably a psycho. What kinda person threatens to go to the police just because of that? Unless you said "i like tying up girls and torturing them".......

 

[WorkInProgress]

Anybody who thinks it was smart of me to tell her what I did will have me for an opponent on that point, and anybody who thinks I was an idiot is absolutely right in my opinion. The reason I allowed myself to be an idiot was that I felt as if we were getting to know each other and sharing a lot of other personal stuff. (My words were, "I have a couple of soft-core fetishes.") Now, that said, I will add, I do think she was a bit drama-queenish about it. In any event, I'm sure she'd be relieved if she knew that I no longer live anywhere near her city, and so far, I don't have anybody in Cincinnati thinking I'm the city's scariest sicko.

 

[Jagermeistered]

Anybody who thinks it was smart of me to tell her what I did will have me for an opponent on that point, and anybody who thinks I was an idiot is absolutely right in my opinion. The reason I allowed myself to be an idiot was that I felt as if we were getting to know each other and sharing a lot of other personal stuff. (My words were, "I have a couple of soft-core fetishes.") Now, that said, I will add, I do think she was a bit drama-queenish about it. In any event, I'm sure she'd be relieved if she knew that I no longer live anywhere near her city, and so far, I don't have anybody in Cincinnati thinking I'm the city's scariest sicko.

I agree with you... The girl you spoke of came from a conservative-ideology. Sex is attraction. Nothing could be further from the truth. Sex between two people is a quadrilogy, two people with two ideas. The conservative fornication is dual simplicity, and nothing could be more idiotic and boring.

Although the singular fetish statutes should be upheld in the bedroom, and not at the dinner table - on a date.

 

[socktickler86]

I agree with you... The girl you spoke of came from a conservative-ideology. Sex is attraction. Nothing could be further from the truth. Sex between two people is a quadrilogy, two people with two ideas. The conservative fornication is dual simplicity, and nothing could be more idiotic and boring.

Although the singular fetish statutes should be upheld in the bedroom, and not at the dinner table - on a date.

That was an awesomely stupid interpretation of the situation. Are you saying every girl with a liberal-ideology would never do such a thing? The chick was just uptight, which is a quality that isn't confined to a certain ideology.

 

[mustang]

I can't imagine anyone being so uptight in regard to a revelation about something as harmless a foot or tickling fetish. I have never had anyone respond with the least bit of negativity in regard to my foot/tickling fetish.

 

[rhiannon]

The chick was just uptight

The way she acted about it was a liiiiittle over the top, that may be true - although you don't know if she had a bad experience with some kind of fetishist stalking her, then it would be a kinda legitimate panic-reaction - but I wouldn't say it is uptight to react badly to a revelation like this on the first date.

I had a guy telling me his fetishes on the first date before too. It wasn't even anything really bad, but the simple fact that he brought it up on our first date was enough for me not to call him anymore because I just felt it was uncalled for.

Kinda gives you the feeling that he isn't looking for a partner or SO, but just for a gratificationg object.

Same thing went for the guy who was talking about being worried of hurting me during our first sex before we had even kissed!

 

[WorkInProgress]

I think it was mainly a matter of her not being familiar with it in any meaningful way. It was like blasting heavy metal at someone who's never even listened to rock and roll.

 

[Mitchell]

All of my close male friends, and the girls I've dated too, have known about my fetishes. I don't hide them, from friends, or girls, because, I like to be honest.

Since I have three distinct, what I like to call "interests". A female foot "interest", a tickling "interest", and an interest of seeing a girl stand barefoot on a ladder, these are my thoughts:

I could not honestly see telling a girl I was dating about my interests on the first date. It would seem I would have to get to know her first, before "spilling the beans", so to say.

I'm hopeful of meeting a girl who will be accomodating to my interests. That having been said, here is how I view things.

Foot fetish: If I met a girl who said: "Mitch, you can never smell, kiss, or touch my feet, ever". Deal breaker, right there. Feet is a fetish I've had since I was five years old. My reply would be: "Why can I touch your breasts, or your vagina, but not your feet?". Such would not be the girl for me.

Tickle fetish: If I met someone who said "Mitch, I really dont like being tickled". I would try to negotiate tickling, in small doses, sometimes, to at least be able to get some tickling action. If she had all the other personality qualities, the level or amount of tickling, could, to me, be modified greatly, as long as she didn't completely say I could never, ever tickle her at any time.

Ladder interest: If I met someone who said "Mitch, I'm afraid of heights, I really dont want to stand barefoot on a ladder for you". I might try to ask if she would mind standing on a stepstool. If she really didnt want to do it, I could probably live with it, if she had all the personality qualities I desired, and didn't completely deprive me of the other fetishes.

I dont have a problem telling male friends about my fetishes, because, they dont have to participate in such, as I'm straight. Girls are a different story. I'm hopeful that when I meet "The One", whoever she is, that she will be at least open minded enough to listen, consider, and try to accomodate. I'm an open minded person, and would try to do so for a girl, if she came to me and told me she had fetishes. My belief is that one should try to be understanding about their partner's sexual needs, both fetish wise, and other wise, so long as it isn't hurting anyone. A person who couldn't do that, and would completely close down, would not be the one for me.

Mitch

 

[Jagermeistered]

That was an awesomely stupid interpretation of the situation. Are you saying every girl with a liberal-ideology would never do such a thing? The chick was just uptight, which is a quality that isn't confined to a certain ideology.

I said she came from an uptight conservative-ideology, and not liberal. I said this because I don't want to bash her religous and social upbringing... I could only be more vindictive if I did, and insult a lot more people.