I *live* with these people...

First

One of the coolest things in this world is someone, especially a parent, who feels this way and KNOWS that it's an issue. You rock.

Now then: I won't go all Bella-analyze-y. I will say that I can relate, I get like that and it's not pretty when 6 babies are *all* crying and I can't even go outside for a minute, no escape it feels like...I even nearly closed down the daycare at one point. Instead I got a good book on anger management AND a book called "Dealing With People You Can't Stand" for help with a few idiot daycare parents. And I got back into working out, the adrenaline helps a LOT. I learned to breathe the right way to get myself calmed down and I've been known to beat the shit out of a pillow with a shoe and scream. That actually works 😎

I'm here if you wanna talk about this more

You want to be cut? Wait until next Friday. I'll do it for you. 😛

Seriously, don't. That kind of shit is pretty immature and I know you're better than that. Learn to say "fuck it", Jo. There's always gonna be people out there who try to harass and anger others just because they know they can. The best defense against something like that is to not even acknowledge it. Yeah, it's hard to do at first, but you just have to realize that most of it is small stuff. And those are the things you shouldn't sweat.

Like the grandmom, for instance. Her methods are petty and she only does it because she KNOWS it bothers you. Wanna piss her off? Don't give her the satisfaction of getting mad or even letting it bother you. That'll get to her more than anything else. And then you get to feel that little bit of happiness in that you got to her instead. It's a great feeling, believe me.

As always, you know you can always contact me for a chat. We've been passing like ships in the night lately, but I'll always respond to you as soon as I get the message. Stay strong like I know that you are and don't sweat the small shit.

Love ya, babe.

So we've never really chatted or anything on here, but I've actually come across a lot of your posts and even listened to your radio show a few times, and you remind me a lot of a couple of the friends I hung out with a lot in high school. I saw your blog was the most recent posted on the the index page, and something about the word help has always drawn me in right away. I don't know why, that's my own personal baggage I guess, but I read your blog and figured I'd try for a little advice. Feel free to ignore.


It sounds like you're in a really shitty place right now, and for that I'm sorry. It sucks to see anyone in pain, even an acquaintance online. I feel really bad for how your mother in law manipulates you and your son and your situation. It's dirty to use a kid, or relations with a kid, as a weapon in dealing with others. I can only say that just because she can sink to that level doesn't mean you should, and it sounds like although it enrages you, you're managing to keep from ever behaving as poorly as she does. That's a victory in itself, no matter how small or hollow it might seem.

I've always thought road rage is a great way to blow off a little steam, within reason. I'm sure braking on that moron in the Chevy was a nice rush, and for the moment, probably helped a lot with your anger. Don't go getting hit or risking yourself or your vehicle, but I've always found that yelling/cussing/gesturing at people in cars can help a lot in terms of venting some of the extra anger that comes with everyday life.

As far as the most serious part of your post, the cutting, I just urge you not to let that desire take you over. I've been close with a number of people who have battled the urge to cut, and I know it's not as simple as "You're well loved, don't hurt yourself." But the truth is, you look around this Forum, and there are LOTS of people who care about you very much. I would even wager there are a good amount of people like me, who only know you from posts and the radio and the like, who respect you and wouldn't want bad things to come your way.

When I'm really frustrated with things in my life, I like to pick out a few things that matter to me, but that I can afford to lose. Then I smash them. Throw them off a roof, mash them with a bat, or just chuck them up against things. It's not the best therapy, but I've found that when it's something with a little meaning, it provides that little bit of sadness that helps drive the anger away for a little while at least. I know it's not great advice, but maybe it'll help in some way or another. Either way, I hope things get better.

Stay strong.

I used to be a cutter too. And like you and Mai, I still get the urges, especially when I'm having an emotional meltdown. But cutting = saying die, and we NSD!

As far as the MIL, girl, you've gotta set some boundaries. My MIL is the same exact way, always trying to buy shit for her grandkids all the time just to show everyone what a great person she is. Unfortunately, it's all a charade, she's actually a narcissist who is trying to make herself look good by spending tons of money on toys and junk that the kids don't need. Thankfully she's basically out of my life now. Anyway, set some boundaries. Say, "I don't want you buying Spawn any more toys without my consent. Anything you purchase will be returned. And if you can't respect my limits, then unfortunately he will be unable to spend time with you, and I'm sure you don't want that." I used to argue with my MIL about my future kids. I said if you buy my child the ridiculous amount of shit that you buy your other grandchildren, not only will I send it back, but if you continue to disrespect my boundaries, you'll be cut off. Simple as that. Grandparenting is not a right, it is a privilege.

I have family like what you have!
she is trying to get to your emotional side she is trying to break you that way!
this may not work but you could try bettering her with your intellect you are brilliant!!! . sarcastic wet may help too
also if possible make it so he only sees dad & that way she is powerless . this may not work but you cod try it!