Well, today I sucked down two of said coffees and I'm flyin' right now. WTF? It's been a minute since I've visited D&D's and forgot how much kick those things have,especially when it's been a while. My diet is pretty clean and sweets aren't a part of it so when I indulge in such a drink it's more sugar than I've probably had in the last two months. Whoa. I got out the house this morning and the coffee was a nice compliment to the brisk Novemeber air,so I said fuck it.
Last post I wrote about a job interview and touched a bit on balance. That interview was a huge wake up call. I walked out of there thinking ''WTF?'' Aside form the low,I felt a real sense of urgency to pieces together and to do it now. Just fuckin' find a way. I've spent the last two plus years falling to shit in this apartment,horrible time. I've been cut off from a lot of large aspect of life and that presents a whole other world a shit to balance. Balance is the key to everything and it's a constant effort to maintain it or to work towards it. From your diet,to your ''work and play'' balance, to relationships with others,to nature and the basics of the ecosystem. Existance as a whole is just a constant struggle to maintain balance from the smallest level to the most vast.
All this time sittin' in here, away from all material crap and the such that people in the swing of societal existance consume their lives with has been crazy. I've become so disconnected from that aspect of life that I don't even know. Personally,I'm a very imbalanced person,that's just the way it is. I've always been that way and I honestly believe it has a lot to do with astrology.I'm a libra and if I remember correctly it's the only inanimate object of the zodiac represnted as the scales. It's almost like those who represent that sign are assigned task and responsibilty to help even things out.Maybe I'm crazy,I probably am,okay I am.
In my search search to get things straight in my life,I've had to do a lot of digging and diagnosing. How I grew up has really shaped the way I am today. For better or worse. I think back when I was young,like 12 or 13, a lot of kids are concerned homework, negative things as well I'm sure ,everybody does but I caught up in tough way. I was more concerned with this dude pulling a gun on me or walking wherever and having someone jump out and slice me with a box cutter.Looking back I see how impressionable those early years really are and how they form your vision of the world. In me it causes a great contradiction. Naturally,I'm the quiet,shy,nice fuckin' guy but had to adapt to society abroad. It's like two completely opposite ends of the spectrum and could never find happy medium. It's like two different people sometimes and that can make it difficult dealing with others,especially in the workplace.
I spent nearly one third of my life working in a garage, which looking back now is probably the worst decision I ever made.Actually,there's no probably about it. My intentions were good,I set goals that I worked very,very hard for but my vision was clouded and ultimately I was very misdirected and I paid for it in the end. I always lived with the belief that hard work pays off but learned a valuable lessson.You can put forth the blood,sweat and tears climbing a mountain but if the only thing at the top is a hungry lion what's the point? To bust your ass only to be ripped to shreds and devoured at the top? It doesn't make sense and it's downright stupidity. Lesson learned. A friend of mine,D,a coworker as well for a while,saidt it best when he said ''we don't go to a job, we live a lifestyle''. Boy was he dead on,very wise words. You know what sucks,and I'm heading somewhere with this I just get sidetracked a little, actually I'll continue it in the next paragraph.
I recently ran in to another old freind/coworker and caught up a little. He actually hooked me up with some good herb which was the first time I smoked in a looong time,but let's not get off track. He mentioned that first off,D had since got fired from the last I had been around. D is like me in a lot of ways which was why we got along. He's a very cool dude,metalhead,awesome sense of humor,one that I envy,but could allso be a hothead under the right circumstances. My old manager once said that he had the most difficult crew to handle,boy was he right...LMAO!...poor fuckin' Mike. At one point we had a crew that consisted of some really 'unique' personalities. I'm getting somewhere with tihs,I really am. The garage ''lifestyle'' is a little different from your typical 9-5,hours wise alone it's like 8-8 or 7-8,crazy shit. You know the saying,''the inmates run the asylum'',it's kinda like that. I won't drag this out to far but there are a lot of edgy people in that industry,felons,drug addicts a lot really crazy people and it makes for a very unique environment.People would be blown away if they could go behind the scenes. It's a place where you would basically tell your boss the get out of your face or you'll smash him in the mouth with a fuckin' hammer.
What I'm getting at is this,before I go way out there,I have some social issues to say the least and I got a find job. For a while I was just like whatever,I had other issues on my mind and didn't put a lot of thought into it. I'm working with a job coach in an attempt to find something but, you know. Frusteration. I physically can't do the things I would prefer and excel at. She coming up with customer service or possibly some office job possibly,yeah....right. I'm more of a give me a task and leave me alone kinda mentality.That's my niche,and I'm very,very efficeint in that sense.Just let me focus and I'll do whatever with the utmost quickness and dead on effeciancy.Which is why I excelled in automotive repair, despite learning from nothing and having a strong dislike for it. I didn't answer to people,it was just like,''get the fuck away from me and let me do what I gotta do.'' Looking back now,I really liked that aspect of the job and became accustomed to it.
Here's the potential issue for me, I have to work very hard on finding a complete balance in my life,and it has to be now, or I'll never be able to hold a job. Maybe I have the wrong impression, but I picture some little turd in a suit and tie, on power trip, giving me lip and telling me what to do.......YEAH........RIGHT.Picture that happening. I could be looking at it wrong,I could have the wrong impression....but,I like to look at things from all possible angles. I need to be centered because right now I'm very,very low in life and it would be understandable if someone got the wrong impression. They're not going to realize that the line is very thin once you reach it. The side of easygoingness may same endless but in reaching the other side theres no warning signs. There's no ''beware ahead'' or ''caution steep cliff'' sign,once you cross that, you immediately step on a land mine.Big Ba Da Boom. Really,I think it's funny,lol, but in all seriousness it's a problem.I laugh because,I know that I'm a good person,fucked up but good nonetheless,but if you're a piece of shit,and there's plenty of them out there, and cross me wrong I'll snatch you by your neck so fast you won't have a fuckin' clue.
In order for me to succeed I have to be smart. I grew up on hardcore music and love what it stands for,at least to me.It taught me to take all the negative,all the hard times and bring forth and project something positive. While at the same time, completely destroying whatever detours(spelling) you in your life. Whether it's a person or some other obstacle, crush it hard and leave no doubts. I absolutley love fighting ,the art of it, the technique and intelligence, the beauty of how it's strategy translates to the greater picture.Kinda off topic but,it saddens me that I'll never have the chance to earn my shodan in judo. It's sometimes works to my detriment but I have unbreakable focus and dedication when I see something I really want. To the point where you can't move on if it becomes unattainable because you put so much into it and it meant so much. With that said,I took a lot wonderful,priceless things from those years.
One thing that was made vividly clear is how the art of fighting can be one in the same as how you live your life. Again,I'm going somewhere with tihs.
I have a better picture of how I went wrong in life and. I thought if i just worked hard and pounded my way through life that I would win the battle. In some cases yeah,that might work but more often that not it isn't very intelligent. Life is general is no different than banging with this guy on the block. You gotta be smart and there's always an exception to the rules, but for the most part it's smarter to rely on tactics than pure aggression.You go at someone full throttle,throwin' hays trying knock a fool out and you might get lucky and land one but more than likely you won't.Then what? You're out of gas and this dude is about to wipe the ground with your face. That's what I did in my life, just throwin' hays hopin' to hit something.Ultimately I ended up here, beaten into the dirt. Lesson learned.
That's why it pains that a certain chapter in my life,a richly rewarding one,is over in a sense. Although, even if on the smallest level I continue to keep that mindset and build on it when possible. In the back of my mind I have a long term goal as far that evolution of that part myself is concerned. It's unlikely but i'm going to try.That's going to be my secret endeavor,if I ever accomplish that goal I might mention it in words. So my vision consists of finding a common ground somehow, and living a more tactical life. Let's be honest, if I were to take that suit and put his face through a computer screen,ultimately he would win. I can't have that.Aggression is good thing to possess,and I possess it,but,as Bruce Lee states,it needs to be controlled aggression with intelligence,and I possess that to.
What a rant. I like ending these with music so I'll get to the getting because I have to go pay my rent and get back in time for the fight tonight.Speaking of fights,how about fuckin' Shogun vs Hendo in a couple weeks? Holy shit. That's going to be a fight for the ages. I'm a big fan of both fighters but I'm a huge Shogun fan and I'll be on the edge of my seat for that one. Fuckin A! Thank you Joe Silva for putting that fight together.
A while back I posted in the ''old songs'' thread and posted ''Together Forever'' by The Vigilantes.They were the first band I ever saw live and their music was very difficult to find for the longest time.I did manage to find their full length album back in the day but it took a while.Anyway,when I saw that youtube vid I also saw a live clip of a reunion of them singing that same song.Fuckin' epic! Did I really just say epic? Anyway,after I saw them at live they basically broke up and were never heard from again,it was like they never existed.I watched this vid I was ripped through time,it was surreal. It brought me back to a better time and reminded me that things weren't always bad and maybe they won't always be.
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Last post I wrote about a job interview and touched a bit on balance. That interview was a huge wake up call. I walked out of there thinking ''WTF?'' Aside form the low,I felt a real sense of urgency to pieces together and to do it now. Just fuckin' find a way. I've spent the last two plus years falling to shit in this apartment,horrible time. I've been cut off from a lot of large aspect of life and that presents a whole other world a shit to balance. Balance is the key to everything and it's a constant effort to maintain it or to work towards it. From your diet,to your ''work and play'' balance, to relationships with others,to nature and the basics of the ecosystem. Existance as a whole is just a constant struggle to maintain balance from the smallest level to the most vast.
All this time sittin' in here, away from all material crap and the such that people in the swing of societal existance consume their lives with has been crazy. I've become so disconnected from that aspect of life that I don't even know. Personally,I'm a very imbalanced person,that's just the way it is. I've always been that way and I honestly believe it has a lot to do with astrology.I'm a libra and if I remember correctly it's the only inanimate object of the zodiac represnted as the scales. It's almost like those who represent that sign are assigned task and responsibilty to help even things out.Maybe I'm crazy,I probably am,okay I am.
In my search search to get things straight in my life,I've had to do a lot of digging and diagnosing. How I grew up has really shaped the way I am today. For better or worse. I think back when I was young,like 12 or 13, a lot of kids are concerned homework, negative things as well I'm sure ,everybody does but I caught up in tough way. I was more concerned with this dude pulling a gun on me or walking wherever and having someone jump out and slice me with a box cutter.Looking back I see how impressionable those early years really are and how they form your vision of the world. In me it causes a great contradiction. Naturally,I'm the quiet,shy,nice fuckin' guy but had to adapt to society abroad. It's like two completely opposite ends of the spectrum and could never find happy medium. It's like two different people sometimes and that can make it difficult dealing with others,especially in the workplace.
I spent nearly one third of my life working in a garage, which looking back now is probably the worst decision I ever made.Actually,there's no probably about it. My intentions were good,I set goals that I worked very,very hard for but my vision was clouded and ultimately I was very misdirected and I paid for it in the end. I always lived with the belief that hard work pays off but learned a valuable lessson.You can put forth the blood,sweat and tears climbing a mountain but if the only thing at the top is a hungry lion what's the point? To bust your ass only to be ripped to shreds and devoured at the top? It doesn't make sense and it's downright stupidity. Lesson learned. A friend of mine,D,a coworker as well for a while,saidt it best when he said ''we don't go to a job, we live a lifestyle''. Boy was he dead on,very wise words. You know what sucks,and I'm heading somewhere with this I just get sidetracked a little, actually I'll continue it in the next paragraph.
I recently ran in to another old freind/coworker and caught up a little. He actually hooked me up with some good herb which was the first time I smoked in a looong time,but let's not get off track. He mentioned that first off,D had since got fired from the last I had been around. D is like me in a lot of ways which was why we got along. He's a very cool dude,metalhead,awesome sense of humor,one that I envy,but could allso be a hothead under the right circumstances. My old manager once said that he had the most difficult crew to handle,boy was he right...LMAO!...poor fuckin' Mike. At one point we had a crew that consisted of some really 'unique' personalities. I'm getting somewhere with tihs,I really am. The garage ''lifestyle'' is a little different from your typical 9-5,hours wise alone it's like 8-8 or 7-8,crazy shit. You know the saying,''the inmates run the asylum'',it's kinda like that. I won't drag this out to far but there are a lot of edgy people in that industry,felons,drug addicts a lot really crazy people and it makes for a very unique environment.People would be blown away if they could go behind the scenes. It's a place where you would basically tell your boss the get out of your face or you'll smash him in the mouth with a fuckin' hammer.
What I'm getting at is this,before I go way out there,I have some social issues to say the least and I got a find job. For a while I was just like whatever,I had other issues on my mind and didn't put a lot of thought into it. I'm working with a job coach in an attempt to find something but, you know. Frusteration. I physically can't do the things I would prefer and excel at. She coming up with customer service or possibly some office job possibly,yeah....right. I'm more of a give me a task and leave me alone kinda mentality.That's my niche,and I'm very,very efficeint in that sense.Just let me focus and I'll do whatever with the utmost quickness and dead on effeciancy.Which is why I excelled in automotive repair, despite learning from nothing and having a strong dislike for it. I didn't answer to people,it was just like,''get the fuck away from me and let me do what I gotta do.'' Looking back now,I really liked that aspect of the job and became accustomed to it.
Here's the potential issue for me, I have to work very hard on finding a complete balance in my life,and it has to be now, or I'll never be able to hold a job. Maybe I have the wrong impression, but I picture some little turd in a suit and tie, on power trip, giving me lip and telling me what to do.......YEAH........RIGHT.Picture that happening. I could be looking at it wrong,I could have the wrong impression....but,I like to look at things from all possible angles. I need to be centered because right now I'm very,very low in life and it would be understandable if someone got the wrong impression. They're not going to realize that the line is very thin once you reach it. The side of easygoingness may same endless but in reaching the other side theres no warning signs. There's no ''beware ahead'' or ''caution steep cliff'' sign,once you cross that, you immediately step on a land mine.Big Ba Da Boom. Really,I think it's funny,lol, but in all seriousness it's a problem.I laugh because,I know that I'm a good person,fucked up but good nonetheless,but if you're a piece of shit,and there's plenty of them out there, and cross me wrong I'll snatch you by your neck so fast you won't have a fuckin' clue.
In order for me to succeed I have to be smart. I grew up on hardcore music and love what it stands for,at least to me.It taught me to take all the negative,all the hard times and bring forth and project something positive. While at the same time, completely destroying whatever detours(spelling) you in your life. Whether it's a person or some other obstacle, crush it hard and leave no doubts. I absolutley love fighting ,the art of it, the technique and intelligence, the beauty of how it's strategy translates to the greater picture.Kinda off topic but,it saddens me that I'll never have the chance to earn my shodan in judo. It's sometimes works to my detriment but I have unbreakable focus and dedication when I see something I really want. To the point where you can't move on if it becomes unattainable because you put so much into it and it meant so much. With that said,I took a lot wonderful,priceless things from those years.
One thing that was made vividly clear is how the art of fighting can be one in the same as how you live your life. Again,I'm going somewhere with tihs.
I have a better picture of how I went wrong in life and. I thought if i just worked hard and pounded my way through life that I would win the battle. In some cases yeah,that might work but more often that not it isn't very intelligent. Life is general is no different than banging with this guy on the block. You gotta be smart and there's always an exception to the rules, but for the most part it's smarter to rely on tactics than pure aggression.You go at someone full throttle,throwin' hays trying knock a fool out and you might get lucky and land one but more than likely you won't.Then what? You're out of gas and this dude is about to wipe the ground with your face. That's what I did in my life, just throwin' hays hopin' to hit something.Ultimately I ended up here, beaten into the dirt. Lesson learned.That's why it pains that a certain chapter in my life,a richly rewarding one,is over in a sense. Although, even if on the smallest level I continue to keep that mindset and build on it when possible. In the back of my mind I have a long term goal as far that evolution of that part myself is concerned. It's unlikely but i'm going to try.That's going to be my secret endeavor,if I ever accomplish that goal I might mention it in words.
So my vision consists of finding a common ground somehow, and living a more tactical life. Let's be honest, if I were to take that suit and put his face through a computer screen,ultimately he would win. I can't have that.Aggression is good thing to possess,and I possess it,but,as Bruce Lee states,it needs to be controlled aggression with intelligence,and I possess that to.What a rant. I like ending these with music so I'll get to the getting because I have to go pay my rent and get back in time for the fight tonight.Speaking of fights,how about fuckin' Shogun vs Hendo in a couple weeks? Holy shit. That's going to be a fight for the ages. I'm a big fan of both fighters but I'm a huge Shogun fan and I'll be on the edge of my seat for that one. Fuckin A! Thank you Joe Silva for putting that fight together.
A while back I posted in the ''old songs'' thread and posted ''Together Forever'' by The Vigilantes.They were the first band I ever saw live and their music was very difficult to find for the longest time.I did manage to find their full length album back in the day but it took a while.Anyway,when I saw that youtube vid I also saw a live clip of a reunion of them singing that same song.Fuckin' epic! Did I really just say epic? Anyway,after I saw them at live they basically broke up and were never heard from again,it was like they never existed.I watched this vid I was ripped through time,it was surreal. It brought me back to a better time and reminded me that things weren't always bad and maybe they won't always be.
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