Even though my life is far from dull mentally, in fact, mentally, my life is busy, but physically it has gotten quite boring. I find myself in a rut that I haven't visited in a long time.
There was a bit there during the recent move where I got to do a little spackling, sanding, painting, packing and unpacking but that has slowed down to a trickle...
The other day my daughter's landlord pulled a dirty and life got a bit stressful when his actions sent my daughter back to Washington State (that is for another blog)... but that too is now over...
Now it's back... boredom, stagnation, not doing much but breathing from one day to the next... yep... dull to the nth. Each day is pretty much like the one before it.
My days consist of this computer, my video games, watching movies and pretty much waiting for the day to end so that the next can hurry up and get here.
Boredom is not depression, however, it is my belief that if a person is bored long enough, depression is soon to follow. Like I need another bout of that.
I can hardly remember a day back home when I was bored. There seemed to always be a friend to visit, a person to call, a place to go, a thing to do...
but here...
I am still as foreign to this area now as I was when I moved here. Due to the locations of the places I have lived, I haven't made but a handful of friends and those I have made just aren't on par with the ones I left behind. We don't seem to have too much in common. I have gone practically nowhere since I have been here, partly because of gas prices, and partly because of no one to do things with. What hasn't helped is that my finances have kept me from driving for the past year making me pretty much dependant on rides from other folks and limits my travels tremendously(obviously).
About every other phone call, my best friend back in WA and I get to scheming on how I can get back there. I miss being necessary, wanted and needed. Back home there are friends who want me and need me more than I am wanted and needed here.
Maybe I wasn't able to do much, but the little I did made their lives a bit easier and mine a bit more fulfiling.
The only part of my life here that is fulfiling is... hmmm... well... oh dammit... I can't think of anything.
While I have a hundred reasons for leaving, I have not one reason for staying. What I thought I would find when I came to Ohio didn't pan out so now I'm kinda stuck.
And not only am I stuck here, I'm stuck in this stupid rut.
Double Stuck.
Too bad a person doesn't come with an off switch. I could just flick the damned thing and be done with it. I could make room for someone else in the space I take up, give the next person that much more air to breathe...
There oughtta be an off switch for those of us who have outlived our usefulness, have nothing left to lose, nothing left to do, no one left to help, are no longer needed and who want to make room for the next guy/gal.
It isn't fair.
There was a bit there during the recent move where I got to do a little spackling, sanding, painting, packing and unpacking but that has slowed down to a trickle...
The other day my daughter's landlord pulled a dirty and life got a bit stressful when his actions sent my daughter back to Washington State (that is for another blog)... but that too is now over...
Now it's back... boredom, stagnation, not doing much but breathing from one day to the next... yep... dull to the nth. Each day is pretty much like the one before it.
My days consist of this computer, my video games, watching movies and pretty much waiting for the day to end so that the next can hurry up and get here.
Boredom is not depression, however, it is my belief that if a person is bored long enough, depression is soon to follow. Like I need another bout of that.
I can hardly remember a day back home when I was bored. There seemed to always be a friend to visit, a person to call, a place to go, a thing to do...
but here...
I am still as foreign to this area now as I was when I moved here. Due to the locations of the places I have lived, I haven't made but a handful of friends and those I have made just aren't on par with the ones I left behind. We don't seem to have too much in common. I have gone practically nowhere since I have been here, partly because of gas prices, and partly because of no one to do things with. What hasn't helped is that my finances have kept me from driving for the past year making me pretty much dependant on rides from other folks and limits my travels tremendously(obviously).
About every other phone call, my best friend back in WA and I get to scheming on how I can get back there. I miss being necessary, wanted and needed. Back home there are friends who want me and need me more than I am wanted and needed here.
Maybe I wasn't able to do much, but the little I did made their lives a bit easier and mine a bit more fulfiling.
The only part of my life here that is fulfiling is... hmmm... well... oh dammit... I can't think of anything.
While I have a hundred reasons for leaving, I have not one reason for staying. What I thought I would find when I came to Ohio didn't pan out so now I'm kinda stuck.
And not only am I stuck here, I'm stuck in this stupid rut.
Double Stuck.
Too bad a person doesn't come with an off switch. I could just flick the damned thing and be done with it. I could make room for someone else in the space I take up, give the next person that much more air to breathe...
There oughtta be an off switch for those of us who have outlived our usefulness, have nothing left to lose, nothing left to do, no one left to help, are no longer needed and who want to make room for the next guy/gal.
It isn't fair.
