...about safewords...

[Spotman C]

The wife and I were just talking after a wonderful midweek tickling session(new album to come soon).We realized that we are just a few weeks of our ten year anniversary, and even though I insisted on setting up a safeword before I ever tickled her, she has never used it.Now keep in mind, I have tickled her beyond belief every chance I get(read "to orgasm")but she has never ever used it. Thats what we were just talking about and she says it is easier to use her pleas to get pauses in my tickling and direct the sensations into an orgasm than to search her spinning memory for the safeword.Since her admission was one that set my hands to shaking, I thought I'd ask if any other 'lees have "contingency plans" in case they cant get the 'word out.Or do you disregard yours altogether?

 

[TicklingDuo]

VERY good topic! Personally, I think that safewords are a must. A signal to use as a backup is a good idea too. I won't play without one. Even though I've only used my own once, it's best to have it in case something happens. Nine times out of ten, you won't need it. The LER is paying attention as they should and knows before you have to say it that something is up. But, I wouldn't want to be without if there's a problem...or if the LER isn't paying attention or gets distracted.

As far as not being able to remember the safeword, that's one reason for having a single one that's used all the time. Making up a new one each time that's difficult to say can be fun in stories. But, in RL play, it can also leave a lee without a necessary out if they're in trouble and can't come out with it. I always like to err on the side of safety. So, I don't get into that if it's a serious tickling session.

Ann

 

[qjakal]

Alternatives...

With some especially sensitive 'lees, I've found it easier to rely on ping pong balls. I put a yellow one in one hand, and a red in the other. If there's a minor issue or need for slowing down, she drops the yellow one if she lacks enough breath or control. Obviously the red one is a stop signal. There's NO way a 'ler can't notice a ping pong ball falling, and although I've had a few crushed, it hasn't ever failed. Just an idea... Q

 

[sole seeker]

Actually, I read what I thought was a great idea sometime back on this forum. I use coughing as a safeword.

My lee really likes it better than what we used to use. I used to make her say "antidisestablishmentarianism". When she finally got it out so I could hear the entire word, I would make her spell it before I quit. (Just to be sure she meant it.)



(Just kidding of course ... I didn't quit then, either!)

 

[cleopatra2003]

Ahhhhh Sole Seeker so you love to tease Interesting!

To Q, ping pong balls! Did you ever get hit in the head or get something broken?

 

[Knox The Hatter]

Ah, a safeword...a great idea...the thing is, with Mrs. Knox and I, it's rather superfluous. There comes a point, when, in the course of passionately tickling my wife, she will call me by my real first name, in a certain tone of voice that could only mean that she can't take anymore....
But, I do believe in safewords.

 

[TicklingDuo]

Actually, I read what I thought was a great idea sometime back on this forum. I use coughing as a safeword.

My lee really likes it better than what we used to use. I used to make her say "antidisestablishmentarianism". When she finally got it out so I could hear the entire word, I would make her spell it before I quit. (Just to be sure she meant it.)

Are you serious about this, SS? If so, remind me to never play with you. I will NEVER play with anyone who doesn't stop the moment a safeword is used.

I guess this brings up another related question. What is a safeword or safe signal really for? Many people use safewords as a part of the game. You have to do things like what SS is saying in order for the tickling to stop. That can be fun. But, there's still the issue of safety and something serious happening that demands an immediate end (or pause) to the tickling. I beleive that this MUST be honored at all times. So, an addition to what SS is saying could be having the code word to give up AND a true safeword/signal to use if there's a problem.

I can't stress enough that safewords/signals should always be a part of playing safely and consensually. Maybe it's my medical training. But, I don't believe in taking chances when a person's well-being is in question.

Ann

 

[TickleMantis]

I know a girl who has been known to kick her boyfriend in the family jewels when he won't stop.

...of course their not into tickling and wouldn't even consider using a safeword, but thats one incredibly painful way of stopping it.

 

[TicklingDuo]

OUCH!!!

Actually, I kick at times too....and bite...and.... That's why we started to use bondage. Drew going to work with a black eye or fat lip is NOT a good thing.

Ann

 

[njjen3953]

The double pinch.

As many of you know, I tend to go to sub space

http://www.ticklescene.com/TS-A-subspace.html

when the tickling gets very intense. While in sub space, I become non-verbal. My ler needs to keep a body part close to one of my hands, so if I need to have the scene stopped, I can give 2 quick pinches.

 

[Oddjob0226]

Some doms know their sub so well that safewords aren't used; they can read the voice or body language of their victim and adjust accordingly. I know other couples who just shout out RED if things get bad (pity the poor girl who got confused at our Dallas gathering and kept yelling ORANGE....he he he... that's meaningless!)

And, if all else fails and the sub forgets the safeword, the words SAFEWORD work just as well.

Also, there are some restraitns, that, with practice, a sub could get out of him/herself with a special trick or, at least, with great effort. It depends on the design of the restriants, the "hardware" it uses.

 

[sole seeker]

Are you serious about this, SS? If so, remind me to never play with you. I will NEVER play with anyone who doesn't stop the moment a safeword is used. Ann

No Ann, I'm not serious. I got lots of serious in real life, on this board I'm almost never serious. (My humor has been described as dry by those who know and like me, and caustic by those who don't.)

So am I serious about tickling someone after they give the safeword? Hell no! Like I say, I'm facetious, certainly; caustic, occasionally; but rarely am I serious.

 

[TicklishPhoebe]

I'm glad to hear you were kidding about not honoring safewords...

I'm with Ann on the safeword issue - if someone were not to stop at a safeword, I'd be really, really angry - and so would Lady E (I don't know about anyone else, but I'd be *way* more afraid of pissing Lady E off than pissing me off).


I've never, ever had a problem, though. Every tickle session I've ever done has been a blast, and everyone has been nice, fun, respectful, and just generally all around good people.

 

[Eternal Tomboy]

I think that a safeword is a good thing, generally speaking. I only find one problem with them...I tend to use them the second things get intense. In other words, I'm a total chicken! I want to keep things going, but the safeword tends to come out whether I want it to or not. The only time I can last any descent length of time with my 'ler is when I'm in a very stubborn mood and don't want to give in (it helps if he is being obnoxious about it (in a playful way)...that tends to make me want to hold on for a long time).
I think that in my case, a 'ler that is in tune to my body language is a better way to go. I want to be pushed to my absolute limits sometimes, but don't want to go past the point of enjoyment, and I think an experienced 'ler would know where that boundary is.

Maggie

 

[sole seeker]

I think that a safeword is a good thing, generally speaking. I only find one problem with them...I tend to use them the second things get intense... but the safeword tends to come out whether I want it to or not. Maggie

Don't know if this would help or not Maggie, but you might consider setting it up so that you have to say the safe word 3 times, each word spaced one second apart. That way if the safeword just slips out of your mouth without meaning it, you can cut yourself off before it comes out three times. Also, if you have to space it out you won't be subconsciously "machine-gunning" it without meaning to. (When some people panic, they tend to "machine-gun" words, like "ow-ow-ow!")

Set up coughing as a backup signal. If you find you are unable to say the safeword more than once (even though you mean to say it), you can still get your ler to stop by coughing.

 

[TickledToDeath]

I too have NEVER "USED" (or actually Said) a safeword but it was always there. "Rumplestiltskin".
As the song goes, "It's better to have and not need than need and not have".
Some who have safewords tend to abuse them and say them when they really don't mean them. For instance, my GF Shygirl, will, after a long tickling will say the safe word then follow it with a sarcastic comment to me and or the ticklers that we are faggots or pussies, etc.
Thus meaning that the safeword was not really meant. Ergo, the tickling continues or recommences. After the ??? time she does this, and the tickling stops briefly, if she is serious, she states that she definatly has had enough.

It is good to have one , just in case.


TTD

 

[Oddjob0226]

I think that a safeword is a good thing, generally speaking. I only find one problem with them...I tend to use them the second things get intense. In other words, I'm a total chicken! I want to keep things going, but the safeword tends to come out whether I want it to or not. The only time I can last any descent length of time with my 'ler is when I'm in a very stubborn mood and don't want to give in (it helps if he is being obnoxious about it (in a playful way)...that tends to make me want to hold on for a long time).
I think that in my case, a 'ler that is in tune to my body language is a better way to go. I want to be pushed to my absolute limits sometimes, but don't want to go past the point of enjoyment, and I think an experienced 'ler would know where that boundary is.

Maggie

I think this is a good way to go in my personal life (although I think safewords should always be used at gatherings becuase the situation is different). As I was taught, safewords were originally mean to be used when things were either VERY VERY intense, like too intense, or if something was actually going wrong (bad cramping, feelings of fainting, chest pain or heart palpitations, etc...) for the very reason that safewords could be used too easily. What would happen in a scene including level of intensity & what to watch out for was negotiated BEFORE, and often play was performed by a dom who was good at "reading" a sub, so if something got "too intense" that was either how things were supposed to be in the scene, or that was when things stopped. In the olden days of BDSM play safewords didn't even exsist!

In my personal life, I like the light, fun stuff. But I am also attracted to the darker, crueler side of tickling both as a top & as a bottom. That doesn't mean I don't care about my partner or myself (I don't tickle people I don't like, for example - do you?) and that doesn't mean I'm not safe, but I know that if things got too intense I'd yell out the safe word and possibly miss out on what in the long run might lead to an amazing high and an intense experience. At times, on occasion, I want ... well, need.... to feel that panic and loss of control, and I like to savor it in (willing) victims. I DO have some sadism and masochism in me when it comes to tickling. The trick to stay in control, keep it balanced, and don't get dangerous. Though I will always respect a safeword, & I'll have one at the ready if things get bad, I think negotiation and knowing a person are as much if not more important than using a safe word - for those times when it does get intense, even too intense, but the endorphin and adrenaline high, and the emotional attachement to your play partner, make it so worthwhile in the end....

 

[njjen3953]

I think negotiation and knowing a person are as much if not more important than using a safe word - for those times when it does get intense, even too intense, but the endorphin and adrenaline high, and the emotional attachement to your play partner, make it so worthwhile in the end....

ABsolutely. Excellent point, Mike.

 

[Limeoutsider]

Well, in the few times I've been tickled, I've found that once I start laughing, there is no hope of me forming comprehensive words.

 

[TickledToDeath]

Well, in the few times I've been tickled, I've found that once I start laughing, there is no hope of me forming comprehensive words.

Hmmmmmm, ok, your safeword would be, "comprehensive".

TTD

 

[Limeoutsider]

Hmmmmmm, ok, your safeword would be, "comprehensive".

TTD

I personally likr "red light, green light" but that's just me.

 

[TickledToDeath]

I personally likr "red light, green light" but that's just me.

Ok, red light green light. Be dull and unimaginative What about yellow light?



TTD

 

[grippedchimp]

I think the idea of safewords do work. I know how honourable many ticklers are, and they don't want to inflict unnecessary punishment on their spouses. After all, anyone into getting tickled enjoy it up to a certain point, and using a safeword is a last resort.

 

[TickledToDeath]

Provided the safeword is NOT used when not serious and not abused. However the best ticklers and ticklees don't NEED one!

TTD

 

[aphrael]

i think backup signals are the best way to get past all the problems, i.e. not being able to form words etc.
you could have a safeword _and_ the two pinch sign _and_ the cough.
by the way- what is rl play?