daisycrazy5496 said:
I think that a safeword is a good thing, generally speaking. I only find one problem with them...I tend to use them the second things get intense. In other words, I'm a total chicken! I want to keep things going, but the safeword tends to come out whether I want it to or not. The only time I can last any descent length of time with my 'ler is when I'm in a very stubborn mood and don't want to give in (it helps if he is being obnoxious about it (in a playful way)...that tends to make me want to hold on for a long time).
I think that in my case, a 'ler that is in tune to my body language is a better way to go. I want to be pushed to my absolute limits sometimes, but don't want to go past the point of enjoyment, and I think an experienced 'ler would know where that boundary is.
Maggie
I think this is a good way to go in my personal life (although I think safewords should always be used at gatherings becuase the situation is different). As I was taught, safewords were originally mean to be used when things were either VERY VERY intense, like too intense, or if something was actually going wrong (bad cramping, feelings of fainting, chest pain or heart palpitations, etc...) for the very reason that safewords could be used too easily. What would happen in a scene including level of intensity & what to watch out for was negotiated BEFORE, and often play was performed by a dom who was good at "reading" a sub, so if something got "too intense" that was either how things were supposed to be in the scene, or that was when things stopped. In the olden days of BDSM play safewords didn't even exsist!
In my personal life, I like the light, fun stuff. But I am also attracted to the darker, crueler side of tickling both as a top & as a bottom. That doesn't mean I don't care about my partner or myself (I don't tickle people I don't like, for example - do you?) and that doesn't mean I'm not safe, but I know that if things got too intense I'd yell out the safe word and possibly miss out on what in the long run might lead to an amazing high and an intense experience. At times, on occasion, I want ... well, need.... to feel that panic and loss of control, and I like to savor it in (willing) victims. I DO have some sadism and masochism in me when it comes to tickling. The trick to stay in control, keep it balanced, and don't get dangerous. Though I will always respect a safeword, & I'll have one at the ready if things get bad, I think negotiation and knowing a person are as much if not more important than using a safe word - for those times when it does get intense, even too intense, but the endorphin and adrenaline high, and the emotional attachement to your play partner, make it so worthwhile in the end....