Dating Advice Needed

[MaleTickleeDC]

Okay, I'm curious to get some opinions on this. I know that it's a bad idea to **** where you eat, but there's this woman at my workplace who I find just so hot, and who is always smiling at me and glancing at me from across the room. Trouble is that I'm afraid that I already may have screwed up my chances with her. I'm a consultant at my workplace, so I'm only there for a few days, weeks, or months at a time. We're all easily replaced (they can fire us for looking at them the wrong way) so people tend to stay working and don't take long coffee breaks or what have you. That makes it hard to mingle. So I kept hoping to catch this woman by the water cooler or something, but it just didn't happen. A couple of weeks went by, and there are only so many times you can exchange glances or smiles with someone before seeming creepy. I didn't want to seem creepy so then I started ignoring her. Not sure if that was the right move but it was basically impossible to catch her on a break.

Anyway, I also noticed that her girlfriends in the office all of the sudden started giving me knowing glances and smiles as they walked past me. They had never even noticed me until that point, and all of the sudden they all started looking my way. Even the guy who sits next to her started looking at me whenever he walked by and nodding at me. So I kept waiting for a chance to get her alone but no opportunity presented itself. The only chances I had were times that she was walking down the hall or into the kitchen with her entourage of friends and I'm not enough of a suave operator to just bust into the group and start chatting with everyone, wooing her, making everyone my friend, etc. So finally after like a MONTH of all of this, I caught her by the coffee machine. She looked over at me, I found my balls and went over there, and made...some stupid comment about how cold it was outside. LOL. She remarked that it was cold inside. Then she started tending to her coffee again. She made a noise, like she was trying to think of something to say but couldn't. Then she finished stirring her coffee and left.

Okay, so at this point, I'm thinking that, okay, she's not interested. Maybe she has a boyfriend or whatever. Okay, no problem. But then today I was going to lunch and there she was waiting for the elevator with the woman who seems to be her BFF at the office. I figured I would just ignore her, since she clearly wasn't interested. But she stared at me for like 10 seconds, like she was waiting for me to come over and talk to her or something. I was confused so I didn't do anything. Then the elevator door opened. I held the door for her and her friend. She just walked past without looking at me or thanking me. Her friend made kind of a face when she did that, and smiled at me and said "thank you!" loudly, as if she thought what her friend had done was rude.

So basically my questions are:

1) WTF?
2) Why are women so difficult to understand?
3) My real question: is there any point in pursuing this woman or is this simply a situation where I should just forget the whole thing?

 

[Bohemianne]

I'll give you some generic hint -lol- if it applies.

1. I learned this wisely from only one person: "Talking about the weather is lame". So watch out your opening line.
2. Try hard to have a closer interaction with her. If she bites and tend to laugh at most of your humor, even the weakest one, then she likes you. With additional spice and effort, you can have some future.

 

[addys]

nice advice Bohemianne!

 

[Libertine]

Ask her a carefully framed question which cannot be answered with a yes or no. This approach will mean she has to converse with you.

 

[GQguy]

Have you guys even been formally introduced yet? You can't skip steps. Be social.....you see anyone guy/girl at the watercooler say hello and ask them how their day is going. Get their name, and introduce yourself. There nothing more awkward than talking to somebody and ignoring them when they pass. You both were guilty of that. Be the man and stop that crap and talk to her. A simple "how's it going?" will suffice. Or...step it up a bit and ask her how she like working there. How long she's been in town, does she like it here, what does she like to do. Insert a few joke in there. Women know that when guys start asking these questions that they're interested....so don't worry. You're not fooling anyone. If she's interested too she'll answer willingly. If she's very interested or at least an intelligent woman she'll ask about you. If she's not interested or not polite asking how her day is going will end with a "fine" and a breaking of eyecontact/communication. But even if that does happen wish her a good day as she leaves and strike up more convo the next time you see her. You never know...she might have just been shy or having a crappy day.

Just be more social with everyone. Hell....if you were friends with the guy nodding at you you could get the inside scoop as to why everyone is looking and smiling at you. If you befriended her less rude friend she could tell you if her friend is worth dating or not. Ect.

Good luck
GQ

 

[Bothersome]

My thought process in that situation would be;
"Okay, what does she know about me that's so damn hilarious?"

But I'm paranoid. I'd say just risk it one day and strike up a conversation; as Libertine said, one that can't be easily dismissed with one or two sentences. If getting fired is a problem, then I... I honestly don't really know. Asking her out to dinner or coffee would probably be a little... sudden. xD

 

[TickleMyFancy]

I dunno if this would be too forward for you, but honestly, you need to talk to her when you're NOT at work. So if I were you, I'd walk up to her next time you see her and say something along the lines of "I don't want to be too forward, but work is a really difficult place to talk to someone, and I'd really like to get to know you. Could I give you my number? I'd love a call from you."

If a guy did that to me at my job, I'd be flattered. Plus, then it puts the ball in her court, so if she's not interested, you find out, and then you can go back to ignoring her lol.

 

[MaleTickleeDC]

These are all good points. I know several people brought up the question as to why all of her friends seem to be looking at me, smiling at me, even nodding at me. I don't know, and I can only assume she's said something to them about me. The thing is, she could have said anything to them. She could have said, "Hey, check out that guy over there. He's always checking me out. He's kinda cute, don't you think?" Or she could have said, "OMG why does that creepy guy keep checking me out! Somebody tell him to stop!" She could have said anything in between. But yeah, I know that I'm the guy and it is my job to move things along in these situations. I can complain about the limitations of the work environment all I want, but the reality is that most women aren't going to break the ice. I have a tendency to waffle on these things until it's too late.

 

[Bothersome]

I don't believe in anyone having a specific 'job' when it comes to dating.

If I'm going to be asked to treat someone equally and with respect, then we're going to do the same things. I'm not going to pay for dinner if she isn't willing to split the bill every now and again.

As for asking someone out, my ex asked me out. I don't ever plan on asking a girl out, and if that means I'll be single for the rest of my life, that's fine. I just don't feel comfortable with the thought, and I doubt I ever will be. If they're interested enough, they can ask me out. If not, then they won't.

 

[GQguy]

I don't believe in anyone having a specific 'job' when it comes to dating.

If I'm going to be asked to treat someone equally and with respect, then we're going to do the same things. I'm not going to pay for dinner if she isn't willing to split the bill every now and again.

As for asking someone out, my ex asked me out. I don't ever plan on asking a girl out, and if that means I'll be single for the rest of my life, that's fine. I just don't feel comfortable with the thought, and I doubt I ever will be. If they're interested enough, they can ask me out. If not, then they won't.

How is that working for you?

GQ

 

[Coup de Grace]

I dunno if this would be too forward for you, but honestly, you need to talk to her when you're NOT at work. So if I were you, I'd walk up to her next time you see her and say something along the lines of "I don't want to be too forward, but work is a really difficult place to talk to someone, and I'd really like to get to know you. Could I give you my number? I'd love a call from you."

In many cases, that would be WAY too forward. Something like that could have you in the HR office in no time flat. I work in a law office and just looking at someone the wrong way can get you into trouble.

In any event, my advice is to just be yourself. There's no need for a cheesy pick-up line or to act like something you're not. I've learned that a simple, "Hi, how are you?" is the best pick-up line ever. If she's interested, she'll talk. Simple as that. Something that's good for a conversation piece is common ground. Just look for what you two already have in common (work, school, etc.) and that's an icebreaker right there.

I ride public transit every day to work and there's a cute girl that checks the tickets. Normally, she doesn't say much and goes about her job so I forced her to talk to me by intentionally not having my ticket out. Over time, she became friendly and one day, she actually sat next to me and started chatting me up. I learned we have quite a bit in common from out little chat. If I wasn't married, I would probably pursue her.

 

[Marquis De Sade]

This isn't about mindgames, and it's not about careful planning really. Talk to her, get to know her a little. Make small talk with her. You're both adults, the schoolyard crap should be left at the schoolyard. Ask her if she'd like to go for something to eat or something. Sounds corny, I know, but at least she then knows you're interested. And part of this is letting her know you're interested without coming across as a stalker.

This. But, The Game is still played after the schoolyard.

Also:

 

[suikoden]

Contrary to the sappy movies Hollywood puts out, hot girls do not feel a burning desire to rush over and throw themselves at shy, slightly awkward guys.

From speaking to my female friends, it sounds like she is basically giving you a signal to show your interest. You didn't so she probably assumes you aren't interested at all. We might be in the 21st centruy but in my experience and that of everyone I know, women generally like a guy to show his interest.

Libertine's idea of an open quuestion is good. If you are there on a Monday morning you could make a random comment about the weekends never being long enough and then as long as she doesn't blank take it from there. You aren't proposing marriage, just testing the water.

Maybe Bothersome gets girls to approach him in which case I would love to know his secret but I've always had to do some legwork.

 

[Marquis De Sade]

Maybe Bothersome gets girls to approach him in which case I would love to know his secret but I've always had to do some legwork.

Easy. Talk to any female as you would a male friend. And above all else, be funny.