TickleSwitch24
TMF Regular
- Joined
- Jun 24, 2007
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Been seeing some posts throughout the forum involving people talking about how depressed they are. Thought you might want to know something.
I'm 26 now. Product of a middle class family with consertive views. Pretty normal childhood as far as I know. In high school I had signs of depression, but most could be explained as growing pains. They were much worse, but easy to hide (although,
After high school I found myself in a situation where many things were going wrong. Traumatic things happened in close succession. I also had absolutely no way to leave the situation or improve it: the definition of helpless. I never thought of killing myself (its not in my nature) but I was not afraid to die. I was so depressed that I wished every time I went to bed that I would slip into a coma. It was that bad. There was no let up. I felt like this every day.
After about a year of living like this, something wonderful/disturbing happened. It stopped. I did not feel depressed any more. It took me quite a while to realize that I was still depressed, I just had lost the ability to feel it.
People would tell me I looked depressed, and I just figured it was the way I looked. Sometimes people would tell me I looked pissed, in a situation where I should have been pissed, but I didn't feel pissed. Even though I was even acting pissed. I lost the ability to feel it.
Later on something happened that I should have been upset about - and I was. In that moment all the feelings that had been involuntarily suppressed came out at once. It built up and built up and then, as if someone flicked a light switch, it stopped. I still was sweating and felt like I was overheating, but in the blink of an eye, it stopped. That's when I realized that I had a big problem. Whenever I had strong feelings about something, they would get shut off.
What I'm trying to say is, if you feel depressed a lot... and you know who you are... don't be afraid to get help. It's pay now or pay later. Years ago, I was embarassed about it and explained it away as normal. When I tried to talk about it to friends, they said "Yeah, I feel that way too" which made me feel invalidated. Now I'm going to a counselor and with some help, I can feel emotions the way I used to for about 45 minutes, but after it's done, I can't remember what a lot of it felt like. I just remember what I was thinking at the time, and some of it was good. It's a scary ordeal, I mean, what happens if I start to feel again, the good and the bad? Who will I become? What in my life will change? It would have been a lot simpler to find a way to get over my worries about seeing a counselor, or been willing to take the time to find a counselor that was right for me. Instead, I'm trying to do what I can to get back the emotion I used to feel, especially the good ones. Bring someone into your life that can organize your thoughts and give you guidance on how you can live your best life, and reach your full potential. For some people, it's just part of growing up.
I'm 26 now. Product of a middle class family with consertive views. Pretty normal childhood as far as I know. In high school I had signs of depression, but most could be explained as growing pains. They were much worse, but easy to hide (although,
After high school I found myself in a situation where many things were going wrong. Traumatic things happened in close succession. I also had absolutely no way to leave the situation or improve it: the definition of helpless. I never thought of killing myself (its not in my nature) but I was not afraid to die. I was so depressed that I wished every time I went to bed that I would slip into a coma. It was that bad. There was no let up. I felt like this every day.
After about a year of living like this, something wonderful/disturbing happened. It stopped. I did not feel depressed any more. It took me quite a while to realize that I was still depressed, I just had lost the ability to feel it.
People would tell me I looked depressed, and I just figured it was the way I looked. Sometimes people would tell me I looked pissed, in a situation where I should have been pissed, but I didn't feel pissed. Even though I was even acting pissed. I lost the ability to feel it.
Later on something happened that I should have been upset about - and I was. In that moment all the feelings that had been involuntarily suppressed came out at once. It built up and built up and then, as if someone flicked a light switch, it stopped. I still was sweating and felt like I was overheating, but in the blink of an eye, it stopped. That's when I realized that I had a big problem. Whenever I had strong feelings about something, they would get shut off.
What I'm trying to say is, if you feel depressed a lot... and you know who you are... don't be afraid to get help. It's pay now or pay later. Years ago, I was embarassed about it and explained it away as normal. When I tried to talk about it to friends, they said "Yeah, I feel that way too" which made me feel invalidated. Now I'm going to a counselor and with some help, I can feel emotions the way I used to for about 45 minutes, but after it's done, I can't remember what a lot of it felt like. I just remember what I was thinking at the time, and some of it was good. It's a scary ordeal, I mean, what happens if I start to feel again, the good and the bad? Who will I become? What in my life will change? It would have been a lot simpler to find a way to get over my worries about seeing a counselor, or been willing to take the time to find a counselor that was right for me. Instead, I'm trying to do what I can to get back the emotion I used to feel, especially the good ones. Bring someone into your life that can organize your thoughts and give you guidance on how you can live your best life, and reach your full potential. For some people, it's just part of growing up.