OK... This is sort of a weird one, but this is something that's been weighing pretty heavy in my thoughts recently, so here goes.
The only way I can put this is that there are times when I get alienated from everything that's not me. What I mean by that is that I walk around feeling like there's a force field around me, and that everyone else is... not exactly an enemy, but more like a foreign body, and that any interaction they attempt to have with me is a hostile violation of my personal space that is to be responded to accordingly. To put this a bit more glibly, my mindset when I'm in this headspace is that everyone is a moron and that literally any action anyone takes annoys the living hell out of me. And these actions get more annoying the more personal they are. What I mean by that is if I'm working and need to help a customer, it's really not that big of a deal because it's a very straightforward thing, though if they try to be friendly and strike up a conversation with me, I'm extremely curt. With friends and loved ones, however, I get way colder. The most extreme manifestation of this is when partners try to engage in intimate contact with me, it pretty much makes my skin crawl. When I'm like this and a partner tries to kiss me, it revolts me and my instinct is to pull away. It's really only been in the past year or so that I've understood this is a recurrent pattern on my part, and only in the past couple months that I've actually cared enough about the effect it has on people around me to consider doing anything about it (whether it be taking meds or what have you).
It's definitely not depression, I've been seriously depressed once before, and this is completely different. When I'm like this, I can still function just fine, I can do my job, complete my school work, whatever, but I shut everyone and everything out and have hostile reactions to anyone who tries to get through the bubble.
Anyway, I'm not really looking for advice on how to handle this or expressions of support or what have you. This is more directed towards those who have experience in the mental health profession; I'm just curious if what I've described sounds like any actual mood disorder that's on the books.
The only way I can put this is that there are times when I get alienated from everything that's not me. What I mean by that is that I walk around feeling like there's a force field around me, and that everyone else is... not exactly an enemy, but more like a foreign body, and that any interaction they attempt to have with me is a hostile violation of my personal space that is to be responded to accordingly. To put this a bit more glibly, my mindset when I'm in this headspace is that everyone is a moron and that literally any action anyone takes annoys the living hell out of me. And these actions get more annoying the more personal they are. What I mean by that is if I'm working and need to help a customer, it's really not that big of a deal because it's a very straightforward thing, though if they try to be friendly and strike up a conversation with me, I'm extremely curt. With friends and loved ones, however, I get way colder. The most extreme manifestation of this is when partners try to engage in intimate contact with me, it pretty much makes my skin crawl. When I'm like this and a partner tries to kiss me, it revolts me and my instinct is to pull away. It's really only been in the past year or so that I've understood this is a recurrent pattern on my part, and only in the past couple months that I've actually cared enough about the effect it has on people around me to consider doing anything about it (whether it be taking meds or what have you).
It's definitely not depression, I've been seriously depressed once before, and this is completely different. When I'm like this, I can still function just fine, I can do my job, complete my school work, whatever, but I shut everyone and everything out and have hostile reactions to anyone who tries to get through the bubble.
Anyway, I'm not really looking for advice on how to handle this or expressions of support or what have you. This is more directed towards those who have experience in the mental health profession; I'm just curious if what I've described sounds like any actual mood disorder that's on the books.