Serious dating advice

[imontana2000]

Ok guys PLEASE read this I am looking for some genuine dating advice, from men or women who have been through something similar.... please help me. I am 24/m and divorced. I joined match recently in hopes of finding someone. After a few days a beautiful woman winked at me... great! we exchanged numbers and met this past Tuesday. It was incredible.... angels sang, balloons burst, and we clicked off the bat. We met for coffee at a local mall and spent 2 hours just walking and talking through the mall. She didn't want to end the date and suggested we go bowling... so we bowled 3 games before we said our goodbyes. The whole time we laughed, she was physical, and the body language was perfect. Of course before leaving I asked for another date, and before i could even finish the sentence she said YES! so I followed up with her via text that night, telling her that it was nice meeting her and I had fun. She agreed and then I asked about doing something this weekend... she said yea... we'll see, i have ava (her daughter) this weekend, hope thats not an issue." RED FLAG!!!! I said of course not and I would like to see her again... she agreed and said she wants to see me again too. I sent her a small text Wednesday and no contact Thursday. Texted Friday and asked if i could call her later that night? after several hours she replied that she was kinda busy... would it be ok to talk tomorrow? (meaning today) i texted back that all i wanted to know was which church service her and her mother went to, bc I am church hunting and wanted to check theres out. She told me and said I should come, I said maybe I would see her there. So today my mind of course is going nuts! Call it ego, pride, male stupidity but I am smitten by her. So I texted her to kinda see where she was at with still being interested. She said that she has been thinking these past few days and maybe she is not ready for a relationship right now... I could tell she was withdrawn this week. She is actually going through a lot herself and she said she wants a little time for herself. She is letting her match account expire and taking some time off. I responded and said I understand, I want to be here as a friend for her if she wants to talk, I asked if I could get in touch with her in a few weeks to check in and she said that would be fine! Here are the facts according to her; she is separated/divorcing her husband after 2 years... she is 26 but they dated since they were 14... separated in May, she has a 4 month old daughter, she is filing for support so she has court hearings too, she commutes 2 hours to philly, one way for her job... she is trying to find one closer to here... she only lives 10 minutes from me, her step father is cheating on her mother, so her mother and her recently moved into an apartment together, and just the constant care that a new born baby needs... even as I am writing this I am thinking... holy cow this girl is swamped! So ladies and gentlemen... what do I do??? I am smitten, honestly I would like another date with this girl and she knows I am interested. Is this my ego clouding my vision? Should I start going to her church or would that make things complicated more? Ladies should I back off completely or should I call her in a month and see where shes at? Do I wait for her to contact me or do I continue to let her know I am interested without suffocating her? I know women run when they feel pressured! This is so fragile because we literally just met 4 days ago and I am freaking out already!!! I am in no rush to get married again, nor am I desperate by any means... I am a genuinely nice guy looking for a female counterpart. Any healthy advice would be greatly appreciated! Thanks guys enjoy your weekend!

 

[WorkInProgress]

I can really feel what you're going through. Here's my suggestion. The ball is in her court, and the only thing that you can do that could have a favorable effect is refrain from crowding her. What you should do is let a few days go by without contact; don't go to the church service tomorrow; and then, after a few days have gone by, send her a note telling her that the reason you didn't go to the church service was that you didn't want to risk making her uncomfortable, but that if she'd like to talk as friends, you'd be glad to hear from her. Then wait. If she doesn't get in touch with you, then you can be sure that nothing else you could have done would have changed that, because the ball really is in her court, and all you can do is (1) refrain from putting any pressure on her and (2) reaffirm that she's welcome to be in touch with you. Oh, and by the way: only tell her you'll be glad to talk as friends if you really mean it. Meanwhile, busy yourself with as much as possible, because it would be self-defeating to obsess over her. I know that all of this is going to be difficult to do, because every minute that goes by without knowing what's going to happen will be torture, but think of it this way: if she's not the one, someone else will be. Good luck.

 

[kis123]

Okay, my comments are only to help/aid/assist you and not intended to be hurtful.

But I have to say there are issues here that need addressing.

For starters you're 24 and divorced? Why did you marry so young in the first place? Have you dealt with the issues that come with marriage and divorce yet? If you haven't, that's your first step and not a serious relationship.

Second, she's not only in the same spot as you, she's a mother with a young baby. Are you ready for that kind of responsibility? I was a single mom at age 22 and dating as a single mom is not much fun, especially when a woman's looking for someone compatible not only for herself but her child as well.

I'm glad you had a good date but she slammed the brakes, and there's a reason for that. Check on her in a few days/weeks but if it were me I'd continue to date. Maybe you'll find someone with less complicating circumstances on their plate.

Navigating the dating scene through the website route can be aggravating but if that's your only resource it is what it is. But I'd get out more into the public and meet folks in RL because the online dating scene royally sucked for me and I gave it up years ago. But that's my experience, doesn't have to be yours.

Good luck and you're way too young to be tied down in a relationship anyway. Take it easy because it usually happens when you're NOT looking.......

 

[Leo tickles]

The only thing I'll say is don't lose sight of her while you are bonding with the kid. I've dated younger women with kids before. By the time you get to know and like the kid you realize you don't like her that much.

It's important to be a partner, not that guy she has because she has a kid and needs some help from somebody.

Good luck.

 

[imontana2000]

Thank you guys! Keep it coming everyone... I did go to the service today... and I did see her, her daughter, and her mother from a distance. I did not approach or stare... too much lol In a couple weeks... 5 or so, I am going to go introduce myself to her mother and just check in with her... that cant hurt. Her big issue is her commute to work... and I know she is being genuine with saying she is really busy right now... So all I can do it wait in her view not in her way!

 

[GQguy]

Dude. Stop. You went on one date and now you're literally stalking her.

Going to her church is WAYYYY to soon. What if you guys don't like one another? Now you guys have to see each other for however long you guys live in the same area. You guys only went on one date. Save the mutual church thing till you guys are actually dating and going TOGETHER.

My suggestion. Find some more women. Date around. Keep up that profile. And the next time you have a great date with a great girl....take it easy. Take it slow. Don't ruin it for her and yourself by hitting her up everyday. Let her have a chance to hit you up! Let her have a chance to wonder "did he get my text? I wonder what he's up to" and the the joy of getting that reply text. You're killing her anticipation which is one of the most exciting parts about dating! The smell of fresh baked pie....the sight of it....the texture....the taste...and that gratifying feeling of being full. You're just giving her that feeling of being full and that's why you lost her. She's full!

Let her contact you. Don't contact her. Date around. Meet new girls. If you're still interested in her after 5 dates...hit her up and see how she's doing. But only once. If she responds favorably i.e.

you:It's been awhile. How's it going?
her: Hey stranger! It has been! How are you!?!

Then ask her out.

If its more like this
you:It's been awhile. How's it going?
her: Not bad. Really busy. You?

Then move on......It's only been one date bro. You married a chic you thought was great and turned out not to be. Imagine what you don't know about a woman that you went out with once and has avoided you after?

Good luck bro! Let me know if you have any questions!

GQ

 

[imontana2000]

Thanks GQ... definitely been burned with my first marriage and not looking to settle down right now anyways... just looking to spend some more time with her. No stalking, just staying in her view... She could be blowing smoke that shes busy and maybe she has a bf... who knows, yet she seemed really genuine/honest... there are plenty of fish but I want to see where things go with her. If i get hurt then its on me, but I wanted some opinions from people, more so men who think its worth the wait or if she might come around?... and women who think its ok if I do pursue this?

 

[GQguy]

but I wanted some opinions from people, more so men who think its worth the wait or if she might come around?... and women who think its ok if I do pursue this?

So you just want to be told what you want to hear even though it doesn't represent reality at all? Ok man. Keep doing what you're doing. Please keep us up to date on your progress.

 

[voided9]

Give her the space she asked for, date around, and stop going to her church. That's pressuring her.

 

[Ticklurk]

Dude. Stop. You went on one date and now you're literally stalking her.

Going to her church is WAYYYY to soon. What if you guys don't like one another? Now you guys have to see each other for however long you guys live in the same area. You guys only went on one date. Save the mutual church thing till you guys are actually dating and going TOGETHER.

My suggestion. Find some more women. Date around. Keep up that profile. And the next time you have a great date with a great girl....take it easy. Take it slow. Don't ruin it for her and yourself by hitting her up everyday. Let her have a chance to hit you up! Let her have a chance to wonder "did he get my text? I wonder what he's up to" and the the joy of getting that reply text. You're killing her anticipation which is one of the most exciting parts about dating! The smell of fresh baked pie....the sight of it....the texture....the taste...and that gratifying feeling of being full. You're just giving her that feeling of being full and that's why you lost her. She's full!

Let her contact you. Don't contact her. Date around. Meet new girls. If you're still interested in her after 5 dates...hit her up and see how she's doing. But only once. If she responds favorably i.e.

you:It's been awhile. How's it going?
her: Hey stranger! It has been! How are you!?!

Then ask her out.

If its more like this
you:It's been awhile. How's it going?
her: Not bad. Really busy. You?

Then move on......It's only been one date bro. You married a chic you thought was great and turned out not to be. Imagine what you don't know about a woman that you went out with once and has avoided you after?

Good luck bro! Let me know if you have any questions!

GQ

GQ nailed it.