"Son, Go Fuck Yourself, Forever"

[Mitchell]

Artoo, Thank you for your support, my friend. I'm very sorry to hear that you are estranged from your father.

You mentioned subconsciously doing things to him in retaliation for how he treated you. I can understand that.

I also understand how you said that removing him from your life completely would be easier, but that it would be harder on your mom, and you dont want to do that to her.

Honestly, if I had my druthers. I probably would never see my father again. He has done so much to hurt me, and cause me harm, that I just dont want to deal with his abuse and bullshit anymore. That having been said, there is another level of me that has always said "Try, if you possibly can, to have something with this guy, even if you dont like him".

My father's problem is that he never based his relationship with me on how I treated him. It was always "Are you seeing my mother, my brother, and now, my wife". I have told him many times, that I want a solo father-son relationship, not co mingled with his family, but he just wont listen.

In the past, I've beat around the bush about the issues with his family, saying things like "I dont want to discuss it now, etc", hoping he would get the message that I dont want to see them. The issue always came up, because he never stopped trying to bulldoze me into seeing them. This time, I'm going to be more bold. If I happen to talk to him, I'm going to tell him up front "I'm not ever going to see Cheryl, (his wife), and I only want a solo relationship between us. If you can deal with that, fine. If not, I have no basis to go forward." This is a man, who, when I was 13, told me I would not have a family, and that he would divorce my mom, if we didnt continue to put up with his emotionally abusive mother and brother. Being that my mom was afraid that he would get custody of me if they divorced, we both complied, for five years, at our own detriment. By the time they finally split when I was 19, I had the ability to tell him to go to hell, which I unfortunately had to do, due to his treatment of me.

I do hope that you can manage to settle your issues with your father. Good Luck, my friend, and thanks again.

Mitch

 

[Mitchell]

Samantha, I missed your post. Sorry about that. My brain races sometimes when I read this thread.

To answer your question: No, my father had terrible role models for his parenting. His mother, who I was estranged from for the last 17 years of her life, was a cold, miserable human being, who really wanted to see the worst on her son, and me. She orchastrated such trouble, and took advantage of an emotionally disturbed man in my father, that it ended up bringing my family to an end.

My parental grandfather wasn't an overt troublemaker, but he had a vicious temper. I always said that my father got the worst traits of both his parents. He has the snake in the grass ways of his mother, and the temper of his father. Not a good combination of traits.

I'm sorry to hear that your sister isnt a good parent, but that is good that your mom tried to end the bad parenting cycle, and not to become how her mother was.

Thanks again for the support, Samantha. Again, sorry I didnt reply until now.

Hugs,
Mitch

 

[SlaverTickler]

Only Time will tell.

 

[Jmrg10]

I feel for you. . .

Mitch,
For what it's worth, my prayers are with you. I'm in kind of the same situation with my mother. I was born with a disability, and I've grown to accept that, and deal with that, but to hear her tell it, MY disability's been harder on HER than it has on ME. Trying to talk to her about how she's never been there for me emotionally is like talking to a wall. I know it's not the same as your situation, but just know there are people who understand, and people who care, and will listen. Take care! Julie

 

[ElephantEye]

Mitch, I know we have exchanged PMs on this subject before, but I da not seen this post before. Very sorry to hear. All I can say is it's not your fault, there's nothing you can do or could've done, don't let affect you anymore or he 'wins', and like someone said, living well IS the best revenge.

 

[Mitchell]

Julie, I'm very sorry to hear about how your mother is. That's awful.

Thanks for the support, Elephant.

I didnt post this before, but after Julie's post, I guess I can. It isnt a big deal, but it might help understand the situation more.

When I was born, I was very sick. I convulsed for nine days, and the doctors didnt know if I would end up as a vegetable. Luckily, they were wrong, and I ended up being just fine. I have no central vision in my right eye, due to this. When I was about ten, I was diagnosed with a "Learning Disablility". What used to happen to me from elementary school, until college, was I would attend all mainstream classes with the rest of the people, and go to a resource room for tutoring help with my work. I graduated from a regular four year university, and have my degree in history. I'm capable of doing anything I want.

i'm posting this for this reason. My father, and his family, instead of being sensitive to my situation, used this against me, to tell me I have "perceptual problems", and that their emotionally abusive treatment of me wasnt really abuse. I cant post everything my father did to me on this forum, for privacy reasons, but suffice to say, my feelings for him dont come from good treatment of me. My uncle was extremely emotionally abusive to me during my childhood. My grandmother and my mom had a dispute about a year before my parents split, and when I called my uncle for help, to try and mediate a settlement between my mom and his mother, my uncle said "I told your father to leave your mother, and if you dont see your father, so what?" I have never been a priority of my father's. His priorites were his mother when she was alive, his brother, and now, his wife. My feelings never counted. I've told him many times that I want a seperate relationship with him without the other family co mingled in it. He cant accept that. If thats how he feels, fine. I will not have a father on those conditions. Painful as it is, I'd rather not be with him at all.

I apologize if some of this is a repost of what I said in the original post.

Thanks again for the support.

Mitch