I'm hoping someone will feel me on this and not think I'm dumb or crazy.

So my basic stance on life is no lives forever I'm gonna die at some point does it really matter when and where it happens? I mean if I want to roam the dark alley way at 3 am why not? Hey maybe I will be murdered, but hey maybe the person who killed me saved from rotting in a nursing home with no brain cells left or saved me from slowly dying a painful death from sickness. I just don't see why I should really value my life; when I am going to eventually lose it? My family thinks I am crazy and they get upset with me. I like to drive around during grave yard hours and it just about kills my Grandma. I do some crazy things because of the way I feel about life. I also see no need to live my life in fear. The world is a shitty place and I know it. Hell I could step out my door and possibly get shot right now. Well I hope y'all don't think I am a nut job now or a total idiot.