If your woman doesn't want you in a kink event, you either need to respect her wishes or you need out of that relationship.
Meeting folks requires effort and time, and is not simple. It is easier if you're well-groomed and gregarious, moreso if you've dime to fly around. Otherwise it's a limited scope, and you could very well end up single and pissed off.
You can PM me about your specifics if you don't want them further voiced in public, too.