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So, it's happening again...

T

the tickleshow

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Mar 15, 2009
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Went on a date last night. She was smart as a whip, incredibly beautiful (imagine a taller Bailey Page )and she was open about how much I appealed to her. We are already planning date #2.
So, while walking last night, we had our arms around each other and I tickled her for about a second. She is, apparently very ticklish. But, she said the quickest way to turn her off would be to tickle her because it makes her feel like she's being treated like a child. She said her last boyfriend ticked her and he ended up with a broken rib. (She's a brown belt in tae kwon do)
How do I get her to try tickling?
 
Yeah this is a tough situation. I've come across plenty of kinky girls whether it be by FetLife, Okcupid, or various other things and tickling is just a real hard limit for some people. My most recent ex was pretty kinky, and I told her if she never ever wants to do it, I wouldn't make her, but she should at least give it a try for a minute or two - it'd make me really happy. Sadly we broke up a few weeks later and never got to try. Other ex gfs have been deathly ticklish, and hated being tickled, but were open to giving it a shot for the sake of being open minded and trying new things. Don't push the issue until you've got an idea of how open minded she is, but my advice would be to get an opinion on it sooner rather than later depending on how important you value the fetish
 
hate to be negative, but it sounds like she has a hard-wired bad-memory reaction to it. Several of these can't be defeated:

1. "Hate being tickled because brothers/sisters/parents/ex used to tickle me until I cried."
2. "Hate being tickled cuz it's childish."
3. "Hate being tickled because I hate losing control of the situation."
4. "Hate being tickled because it hurts/can't breathe/get scared I'm going to pass out."

This forum is about 80 percent tickler sentiments and about 20 percent ticklee. I kinda wish it were more even. Personally, I would find it a fetish turn-off if she associates me tickling her with anything negative.
 
Sorry, but it gets me every time how much people try to make other people do something that they hate. She told you she doesn't like it and why she doesn't like it. You have to respect that! If that's a deal breaker for you, than that's the way it is.

Imagine yourself in her shoes. Imagine something you really hate, and then someone wanting to do it to you nevertheless. Would you appreciate it?
 
You don't get her to do it.

If you date for a while and things work well and you 'get' each other, at some point you'll have a frank discussion about what turns you on. Including tickling. In the light of a good relationship, her care for you and so forth she may CHOOSE to do it with you, and to see if being with someone they understand the intent of, and care for makes a difference.

Or perhaps not.

You never know. But for now, in your relationships formative period, you've been told what NOT to do. Listen to the lady. She knows her own self and mind.

Myriads
 
Myriads needs his own "Loveline" radio show. The man is a genius.
 
the tickleshow said:
... She said her last boyfriend ticked her and he ended up with a broken rib. (She's a brown belt in tae kwon do)
How do I get her to try tickling?
Click to expand...
You don't. She has made that abundantly clear.
You decide whether she is worth seeing without tickling her. That is up to you.
 
You know 'playing down the sexual aspect' of it is the most common opinion on this board for whatever reason, but maybe the exact opposite could work. Let her know it's something that turns you on. You're not some goofy jackass who doesn't know when to stop, you're getting off on it and want to find a way where she might be able to. Contrary to what I've read on here for years, people I've involved tended to be more intrigued when they know it's a kink and not me just being a cheeky idiot.

Of course that also opens up can of worms in which you now need to discuss sexual kinks to a relative stranger, but if she was opening up to how much she was digging you, go for it. I assume being an adult you have enough tact to elaborate on how much of a kink it is without necessarily devolving into "HRNG FOOT TICKLING *splooge*", but yeah, just come right out with the fetishy aspects of it.

What do you have to lose? You're either in a committed relationship with someone who's not going to indulge what's very clearly a big thing for you, or you cut the cord and break clean early on.
 
I agree with Comfort Eagle.

Lay it on the table as soon as you get to any sex talk/what turns you on talk.

Yes, tickling is childish if the person is a vanilla just tickling someone....not that that's a bad thing, some other vanilla people have fun with it.

But you said she's smart, which may mean she's "above" all that....which may be another area of concern.
(I guess at this point in my life, I hope to find someone humble and very fun loving...have had it with egotistical oh too-serious women. But obviously the fun ones get taken
pretty damn fast.)

Once she finds out it's an actual fetish, if she understands what that mean,s that will change the equation. Then you'll be able to make a decision based on her view
after that.

(She said it was "childish," as opposed to "I hate it," which is where I think you may have a chance with her. If it had been "I was traumatized by a creepy uncle," then forget it.
But if you have an actual tickle fetish, I think in the "childish" to even "I hate it," situation, just lay it on the line and see what he or she says, and then go from there. If someone hates being
tickled, and the other is just doing it just to get a reaction out of their significant other, then the relationship wouldn't really change. If one partner has a fetish, that changes things.)
 
Comfort Eagle said:
You know 'playing down the sexual aspect' of it is the most common opinion on this board for whatever reason, but maybe the exact opposite could work. Let her know it's something that turns you on. You're not some goofy jackass who doesn't know when to stop, you're getting off on it and want to find a way where she might be able to. Contrary to what I've read on here for years, people I've involved tended to be more intrigued when they know it's a kink and not me just being a cheeky idiot.

Of course that also opens up can of worms in which you now need to discuss sexual kinks to a relative stranger, but if she was opening up to how much she was digging you, go for it. I assume being an adult you have enough tact to elaborate on how much of a kink it is without necessarily devolving into "HRNG FOOT TICKLING *splooge*", but yeah, just come right out with the fetishy aspects of it.

What do you have to lose? You're either in a committed relationship with someone who's not going to indulge what's very clearly a big thing for you, or you cut the cord and break clean early on.
Click to expand...


Definitely. She was honest enough to tell the OP why she didn't like it; if he wants any kind of relationship, he has to let her know he does like it, and see if they can find some common ground. If he tries to keep it hidden (because she sounds like a pretty good catch anyway), what's going to happen when she finds out?
 
Thanks, everyone for the advice. So, after a great night out and after she made plans with me for another date, voluntarily (and without prompting) "did things" to me in the car on the drive back to her place and told me how happy she was to have "found me", she has decided we don't "click".
I appreciate the feedback from everyone, unfortunately, this one is moot. Maybe next time.
Thanks
 
the tickleshow said:
Thanks, everyone for the advice. So, after a great night out and after she made plans with me for another date, voluntarily (and without prompting) "did things" to me in the car on the drive back to her place and told me how happy she was to have "found me", she has decided we don't "click".
I appreciate the feedback from everyone, unfortunately, this one is moot. Maybe next time.
Thanks
Click to expand...

Well, least you got your knob slapped around in the car. So good job for that.
 
the tickleshow said:
Thanks, everyone for the advice. So, after a great night out and after she made plans with me for another date, voluntarily (and without prompting) "did things" to me in the car on the drive back to her place and told me how happy she was to have "found me", she has decided we don't "click".
I appreciate the feedback from everyone, unfortunately, this one is moot. Maybe next time.
Thanks
Click to expand...

Weird. Do you practice proper hygiene down there? That might be why you no longer "click" if she told you after she "did things" to you.

Oh well, saying she's happy to have "found you" sounds clingy and desperate after a first date too.

Another one bites the dust.
 
You can be open that youre into it and have a conversation about likes, dislikes, limits, and compromise or you can learn to live with little to no tickling or you can cut your losses before things get serious in search of someone more open to your kinks.
 
I agree that Comfort Eagle's advice has some real merit to it. But there's something you might want to consider. Once you tell her, you can't untell her. Do this, and you've permanently associated tickling with the realm of sexual activity, as far as she's concerned. Even though it's not sex, you'll likely be expected to treat it as such and abide by the same policies. In short, you would very likely close the door on any prospect of extra-relational tickling. If that's what you want anyway, then fine. But if like many of us, you want to keep a legal (non-cheating) avenue of tickling other women on the table, then I would think twice before spilling the beans.

Plus, spilling the beans is no guarantee she'll change her mind and decide she's okay with enduring it nightly as long as you're happy. If she hates it, she's eventually going to reach a point in which she can't tolerate it any more.

What's needed here is to create some positive associations with tickling to preclude the negative ones. You can tell her (truthfully) about healthy and therapeutic aspects of being tickled. The relief of stress, the release of endorphins, etc. Tell her you want to explore this with her. Start out with very easy borderline tickling, making sure to stop whenever she says. Build up trust. People who hate being tickled usually do so because their previous tickling came with the unspoken message that essentially said, "I know you hate this, and it makes you miserable, but I'm going to do it anyway."

By starting small and building trust, over time she will be able to endure more tickling without the panic that normally accompanies the sensation. More importantly, it will allow her to actually enjoy the sensation, and create positive associations with tickling that will replace the current negative ones. The key is in having patience. This won't happen in a day, a week, or even a month. But it sounds like she's a great person and someone worthy of the investment.
 
If you want to pop boners tickling other women, be honest about that or dont pursue monogamous relationships. Not "spilling the beans" so you can play with others is shitty. Not only is it a pussy move but its immature.
 
LOL. Yes, because referring to a pragmatic strategy as a "pussy move" is the epitome of maturity. :laughhard: :bwahaha:
 
DontAskJusTckle said:
LOL. Yes, because referring to a pragmatic strategy as a "pussy move" is the epitome of maturity. :laughhard: :bwahaha:
Click to expand...

You may find it pragmatic in order to feel up multiple females under the guise that it is innocent, however if that were the case, i dont think youd be too concerned with said beans being spilled. Keeping that info under wraps purposefully for selfish reasons is the easy way out vs honesty so yes, pussy move in my opinion.
 
Thanks again, folks. I agree with Chicago on this, though. I'm not interested in anything extra-curricular. I would be happiest in a monogamous relationship that included tickling as part of our sex life. I'm far too old to be thinking about random hook-ups and the like.
 
the tickleshow said:
Thanks again, folks. I agree with Chicago on this, though. I'm not interested in anything extra-curricular. I would be happiest in a monogamous relationship that included tickling as part of our sex life. I'm far too old to be thinking about random hook-ups and the like.
Click to expand...

Sorry it didn't work out with this one. But I have no doubt of your success in the future. An honest, reality-based outlook is half the battle.
 
Wait for another intimate moment and then tell her that when you tickle her, her reaction is so beautiful, sensual, and sexy it really turns you on, not child-like at all, but you see her as an irresistible woman with a beautiful laugh . This both flatters and empowers her to feel desirable and sexy, as all women want to feel.

DO NOT talk about tickling as an abstract 'thing YOU are into'... ' merely YOUR thing'. That will make her feel like an outsider. Its NOT about a random 'tickling fetish'... its about HER and only HER! And how she has this sensual power over you.

If she still balks with a hard no. Move on. Some people just hate tickling.
 
Full disclosure. Make the conscious decision to be transparent; if you don't, you will be soon enough; she'll be able to read you like a book. Do not attempt to manipulate. Disingenuous words seem to carry no weight any longer, even if said with conviction.

The likelihood of her liking tickling can be likened to her telling you that she thinks its hot when a guy sucks your schlong. That's prolly the quickest way to turn you off; it's the same for her. It prolly sends her creepy-feeling meter through through the roof. Its just plain creepy for some and they loathe it; I get it.

Hoping you have the convo sooner than later before hearts and souls become invested and painful decisions need to be made.

Blessings to you and your connection. :)

Edit: Oh jeebuz, I just re-read and missed the part where she had a change of heart.

*STOOPID* :/
 
Last edited:
DontAskJusTckle said:
LOL. Yes, because referring to a pragmatic strategy as a "pussy move" is the epitome of maturity. :laughhard: :bwahaha:
Click to expand...

You could easily argue that trying to "sneak" a sexual proclivity in an adult relationship is the equivalent to the "Do you like me? [ ] Yes [ ] No" note.

C.A.B. said:
Wait for another intimate moment and then tell her that when you tickle her, her reaction is so beautiful, sensual, and sexy it really turns you on, not child-like at all, but you see her as an irresistible woman with a beautiful laugh . This both flatters and empowers her to feel desirable and sexy, as all women want to feel.

DO NOT talk about tickling as an abstract 'thing YOU are into'... ' merely YOUR thing'. That will make her feel like an outsider. Its NOT about a random 'tickling fetish'... its about HER and only HER! And how she has this sensual power over you..
Click to expand...

I'm not sure this is the smoothest idea either, it does have the power to make a woman feel special, but it also comes across as a bit... 'overly attached' to the woman. 'This thing I like, here let me show you' has always worked for me as far as an opener, I know it's an odd thing and I realize she's probably confused/weirded out by it, but I know what I'm doing and can make it a more 'common' (for lack of the better work) thing and take a lot of the bizarre aura off of it.

It is a sexual thing and it's important that's clear. But it also does well to not come at them as though it's this grand, erotic experience you want to share with them because they're just so special. Not at first.
 
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