Some People!

What a day.

I am having a profoundly difficult moment right now. Bitters linger in my mouth from the mood that is just settling in, but it will pass. Sadness overwhelms it.

I've lost a friend.

I've felt it coming, but just got the news today.

It's not by the death of a body. Death took "the spirit of friendship" instead.

My friend was...
Passionate about contact.
Passionate about desire.
Passionate in need.
PASSION...resonated through this person who was desperate to love at the end of the day that they couldn't see beyond it - to what it takes to live before sunset.

You see, death is imminent when only one side of the freindship is at work. When it's only one person calling, writing, worrying, well...you see how this works. Shameful that I wasted so much energy trying to keep safe a friend though a hard time only to become some irritant in their world. Someone they must "play nice" with now for fear that some truer and deeper colors will show to the other people who love me. When you walk in the same social circles, you must beware whom you use in a less than generous way.

I don't really blame my friend. I'm saddened by them.
My friend is weak of heart.
Weak of the moment.
Weak of focus.
Weak of addiction.
I don't blame my friend for the death of the friendship....I blame my friend for letting me think it stood a chance of survival. Lies are never pretty, no mater how subtle.

Passion play.

They weren't, however, passionate about the sanctity of trust. Fostering a friendship for personal gain is dispicable enough, but to then not have the strength to admit it....sad. Perhaps this will be a lesson to the next person they befriend. The next "newly found friend who shares so many wonderful things."

I don't take freindships lightly. When I find out how very wrong I was about someone...my heart gets tired. It's moments like these when I embrace those I DO know, the honest and decent people.

So, here I sit, figuring the eulogy and decided which flowers to send. So sad right now...just so very sad.

I just needed to get it out.
Joby

Sorry?

Relationships are the most complex things around...which is why they are interesting, of course. Can't get an exact picture from your post, but I feel the sense of betrayal between the lines. It's always best to be honest upfront in any relationship, but I know it doesn't always work that way...I've failed a few times for various reasons also...mostly fear and youth. Hope you can work through this without tearing yourself up emotionally too badly...keep posting and I'm sure there'll be the usual outpouring of support from the community. Q

Thanks Q, I appreciate it.

Betrayel, yes.
I HATE to be used, whether for money, play or friendship. I believed a bunch of lies to be a person's true self and it appears that trust has been for not. Thing is..this ex-pal is very open about how secure they are and how happy they are...and very willing to disclose all sorts of "I'm self aware" kinds of words with everyone...but inside...a total mess that still can't get the act together. Damn shame. I'm sad for them. So much so that should they ever figure it out, I'll likely ....nah scratch that sentiment!

Though nice words from folks like you tend to soften the blow, I just needed to vent and I know that the person I WANT to say it to...well that would fall on deaf ears, ya know?

Thanks again oh Yankee of big heart and tickle fingers!
Joby

Sorry to hear about this JoBelle.The best thing you can do is try to get over it and move on,however hard it may be.

I feel your pain...

I too lost a good friend, Joby, back in January, on my birthday actually. I had been quite entrusted to her for a long while, but had the understanding that we would never be more than friends. She grew tired of my clingy behaviour and decided to put an end to what she thought was un "unhealthy" relationship. It may have been unhealthy, but nonetheless, my heart was broken still. I thought we were great friends, but I was wrong.

oops

but what I mean to say is, that really sucks. I am sorry Joby, and I feel for you.

I'm very sorry Jobelle. I've lost a few friends over the years, two to death, one to betrayal. However; I handled the situation poorly. It's one of my few regrets, a lost friendship over some doll, some twist who eventually used me. I take friendships pretty seriously as well. It's hard to lose a friend, and I offer you my sincerest appologies.

One of the worst things you can experience is a loss of trust and faith. When someone dies, you lose that person. When someone betrays you, you've lost that person and you still have to deal with that person's replacement walking around. I've got a little of that going on myself, with someone who claims to be a friend...turns out I'm more or less being used, but luckily I've seen through it so I've braced myself emotionally.

The problem is that we live in a world growing less and less concerned with passion and emotion and more concerned with gain and self. You need to find the pockets of humanity left and pitch your tent. They're there...just a bit fewer and farther in between than in times past.

I hope you start feeling better soon. You're obviously the better person here, so cling to that. 😎

Dave2112 said:

One of the worst things you can experience is a loss of trust and faith. When someone dies, you lose that person. When someone betrays you, you've lost that person and you still have to deal with that person's replacement walking around.

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Touche`...said nail has been hit on the head. I'm grateful someone else understands.Two words for y'all...THANK YOU!

I also hope your situation passes with the fewest ripples in your "lake of life" as possible, Dave. Sleep helped clear my head....so I guess time is a good answer to these types of things.

Friendship is the basis for most things for me. It's my faith. Hate when it gets shaken. I almost wish this had been a "lovers" situation, as it would likely have been easier to deal with than a friend.

Joby...truckin' along.

Lean on us, on me, when y'need to, darlin'. Friends got your back for such things. Nothin' helps heal ya like a friend or three.

Really sorry to hear you lost a friend, darlin'. That's the worst, t'be honest. It's those that remain that bolster ya to heal on your own, 'cause none of us have such healin' for you. Such is yours to do, and ours t'support. Ain'tcha glad y'got us for support?

Wishin' well for ya,

dvnc

dvnc said:

Ain'tcha glad y'got us for support?
Wishin' well for ya,
dvnc

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More than you know, my Impish friend...more than you know!
Have I sent you your weekly lovin' & huggin' thought??

If not, consider it doubled!!
Much love,
Joby 🙂