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A few curious questions about tickling...

Shelly

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Joined
Jul 4, 2011
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Hi,

I am new here, please forgive my nooby-ness. Please help

so, I had a few questions for this community about tickling... please be honest because I want to sort through a few things going on right now in the best way possible! I thought it best to ask people who know more of what they're talking about...

First of all... I'm not terribly into tickling (please, before you dump holy water on me for even joining this forum, hear me out). I'm not against it or anything, but it's definitely not a fetish for me. That being said, my husband is a notorious tickler. He often ties me down to tickle my feet or other such sillyness that I will play along with because it's something he's VERY into. Lately he tells me that he wishes I was more ticklish and will hardly even touch me because of it. And now I feel just awful. He is not happy with our sex life because my body isn't adequately ticklish for him.... this makes me both sad and angry (sad at myself and angry at him for letting his fetish control everything). Is there any secrets or advice to make yourself more ticklish? Is there anything I can do to make this better somehow?

And it's not like I'm anti-ticklish either... I laugh pretty hard and loud when he does tickle me, so I really have no idea what level of ticklishness he is wanting from me... do any of you have any insight about what he could be talking about? (Asking him about this is very difficult, he can barely talk to me about his fetish at all, believe me I've tried)

My next question is.... is there a point where a fetish can become so severe or so important to a person's sex life that it's almost mentally or even physically unhealthy? I realize tickling is important to him, as it is important to all of you here, but wouldn't it be crossing the line to expect your partner to either comply with very specific tickling antics or get nothing at all? Isn't the number 1 priority finding what makes both partners happy?

Anyway, hopefully this kind of topic is appropriate for this forum but I'm at an impasse for what to do. Apparently I am not ticklish enough to even get my husband to want to be with me, but I had no idea how incredibly important this is to him and that my physical limitations could be such a curse. I knew he was into tickling when we got married, but I never knew it would control things this much.

And though I hope nobody would suggest this, please don't say I should leave him or any nonsense like that. We are very happy together and I know he loves me very much. But unlike him I associate love and sex as being linked together, whereas he can be completely turned off from me and still love me of course.

And also, I'm sure that the problem is the tickling... in ever other way I feel we are compatible. honestly what I want to do is try to find a new fetish that me and him can enjoy together. I don't expect him to give up his fetish for me but perhaps tone it down to healthier levels.... and not make me feel terrible for his lack of desire for me. Because it's not my fault, you know!

Any help? Sorry for the rambling. It feels better just to write it all out
 
Let me try to take a crack at your problem here. To answer your first question off the bat, no. There's really no way to make yourself more ticklish. There's little tricks and gimmicks to make things perhaps feel more intense, but there's nothing you can really do about the sensitivity of your own nerves.

But getting to the true meat of it, that shouldn't actually matter. You said you are ticklish in the first place and that you laugh plenty hard at it, so that should be adequate. It's your sex life, too, and it's not going to be any fun for you if you worry about your husband's demands, as unrealistic as they obviously are.

Indeed a fetish can very easily become an unhealthy obsession, and based on your testimony, it's definitely reached that point for your old man. And he needs to understand that he has to take a step back and reevaluate his fetish's place in your life or risk losing the only outlet he has for it.

It's a problem that afflicts a lot of men in this fetish. They very easily become desperate, and that desperation leads to obsession and objectification of their partner. It sounds very much like, if I may say so, your husband sees you less like his lover and more like a thing to tickle. And frankly, that's where I'd be considering cutting my losses and moving on. There's much nicer guys out there, fetishists and otherwise.

But you don't want to hear that, so do the smart thing that hundreds of couples overlook or outright refuse. Get help! Go find a couples' therapist or marriage counselor! Your alternative is staying in a marriage that's only going to get more and more loveless as time goes on.
 
Hi Shelly! I haven't much practical advice to offer, being a rather non-active tickle-phile, but I imagine you'll get tons of useful commentary once the holiday festivities are out of the way. Evidently there are methods for increasing ticklishness via baby powder and lotions (experts can expound on this better than I can); also, you might consider incorporating a bit of role-playing, if you haven't already done so (fantasy scenarios could help boost the ardor level). Primarily, I want to welcome you to the TTC! Hope you find plenty of useful information and perspectives here; one needn't be a tickle-freak in order to contribute and have great conversations!
 
Welcome to the fourm Shelly. I can't really offer any advice on this other than what's already been suggested i.e. lotions etc.

But I hope you find some answers. 🙂
 
Welcome to Tickle Theater Shelly. I'm sorry that you had to suffer the lack of love from your husband...it's really a shame that the fetish he has took control of what's the reality is and because he wishes you to be more ticklish in a way to make him happier (and the fact that you're not into ticklish)...that shows that he need some help.

"Is there any secrets or advice to make yourself more ticklish? Is there anything I can do to make this better somehow?": Perhaps some lotion on some part of your body and alittle more care with it may slightly make it better, but as one said...once you lose your ticklishness, there's no returning it because the nerve system will get used it it. Believe me, I know.

"do any of you have any insight about what he could be talking about?": In my opinion, I would say that he's probably expects you to be ticklish enough to want to squirm and laugh....like some point of you begging for him to stop. (I think most people want that). Don't take my word for it though...just an honest opinion.

"Is there a point where a fetish can become so severe or so important to a person's sex life that it's almost mentally or even physically unhealthy?" If the person with a fetish is not being able to let it out as often in the past...it can happen, especially if that person is not careful. I'll admit, I enjoy tickling and I like feet so much I would always try to find the person online for the chance to see if I can meet that person. However, having a friend or someone that person I love and care for is 100% more important than thinking about my fetish. I can give you more detail if you want, but let's get back to it. For what I'm saying is...if it gets too much, it will become unhealthy.

I hope that info helps somewhat...and I'm not saying he's not worth your time (if I did...forget I said that, because that was a foolish thing for me to say). However, something needs to be done before you two end up getting divorced. For that won't be good for you if you want to avoid it.

And don't worry...I believe it isn't your fault.
 
1: Not to my knowledge.

2: Yes there is. That's about the time where you realize that puberty happened a long time ago, and it's about time to reel in the sexual obsessiveness. Part of being in a 'partnership' if you will, is that you have to compromise on things. If you can't do that, then I suspect there are bigger issues at hand than just how ticklish you are.
 
The ABC's of Tickling...

A: Men think with their dicks- thats their goal to satisfy..

B: Men are about as deep as a thimble when it comes to emotions,
unless it involves "A"..

C: See Bella Donna's Post.
 
Greetings, Shelly. Thanks for coming here and trusting us to help you with this problem. Though you don't have a fetish for tickling, you're certainly welcome to mingle here and perhaps gain some ideas from the stories, artwork, clips or discussions that you can take up with your husband, maybe find a fun combination you both may be able to enjoy together, like a tickling game or scenario.

The others pretty much summed up my own thoughts on the issue, particularly Bella's suggestion to communicate through a third party if your husband is reluctant to speak about it with you. Though, I think that in itself shows a sort of problem. He expects you to be a certain way when he's tickling you, but he doesn't like to talk about his fetish? That right there sounds conflicting.

I'd suggest you be adamant with your husband about talking about what he expects from you, and also what you expect of him in terms of finding a compromise. It really shouldn't be a one-way thing like you've mentioned, regardless of if he's satisfied or not. As I always say when confronting potential problems in relationships, communication is the main key. So, if he doesn't want to communicate what he wants with you, then that's his problem, not yours. Especially since you're married to each other; where's the benefit of keeping a particular fetish a mystery with the one you'll be with forever, especially if actively practicing it?

Anyways, I hope you find your answers, and that your "ticklish situation" with your husband gets resolved in time. Thanks again for visiting the Theater. 🙂
 
It sounds as if your level of ticklishness is really the least issue here. The issue appears, unfortunately, to be your husband's selfish focus on his own fantasies while totally ignoring your needs. Chances are, he's mainly just hitting a wall, finding that reality doesn't match fantasy... and that, however ticklish you were/are, that wouldn't give him the imaginary thrill he's looking for. Clearly, his fetish has reached an unhealthy level of obsession. But he's also just, frankly, being a jerk.

Most of us here would be incredibly thrilled to have a partner as open-minded and willing as you clearly are. By all means get into couples counseling. He needs to realize how lucky he is, and to pay attention to your needs.
 
I very rarely comment on posts like these but in this one I thought I'd share my thoughts on the subject.

Tickling is a major, major fetish for me, a little bit like your husbands but as major as it is its never effected a relationship I've had because I've not let it. My ex wasn't ticklish at all and it didn't bother me. It shouldn't be about that, as has been said a few times here it should be things you both want

Personal opinion is he's letting it take over, you said you're ticklish and laugh pretty hard right? That, to me, should be plenty. If he's asking more of you then he seems to be letting it take over which isn't fair on you

You need to tell him everything you posted on here, if its making him not want to be with you then its a serious issue in my opinion. You're ticklish, you let him tie you up and such to keep him happy but yet he isn't? It seems to be the obsessiveness has taken over and that isn't healthy
 
Hi,

I am new here, please forgive my nooby-ness. Please help

so, I had a few questions for this community about tickling... please be honest because I want to sort through a few things going on right now in the best way possible! I thought it best to ask people who know more of what they're talking about...

First of all... I'm not terribly into tickling (please, before you dump holy water on me for even joining this forum, hear me out). I'm not against it or anything, but it's definitely not a fetish for me. That being said, my husband is a notorious tickler. He often ties me down to tickle my feet or other such sillyness that I will play along with because it's something he's VERY into. Lately he tells me that he wishes I was more ticklish and will hardly even touch me because of it. And now I feel just awful. He is not happy with our sex life because my body isn't adequately ticklish for him.... this makes me both sad and angry (sad at myself and angry at him for letting his fetish control everything). Is there any secrets or advice to make yourself more ticklish? Is there anything I can do to make this better somehow?

And it's not like I'm anti-ticklish either... I laugh pretty hard and loud when he does tickle me, so I really have no idea what level of ticklishness he is wanting from me... do any of you have any insight about what he could be talking about? (Asking him about this is very difficult, he can barely talk to me about his fetish at all, believe me I've tried)

My next question is.... is there a point where a fetish can become so severe or so important to a person's sex life that it's almost mentally or even physically unhealthy? I realize tickling is important to him, as it is important to all of you here, but wouldn't it be crossing the line to expect your partner to either comply with very specific tickling antics or get nothing at all? Isn't the number 1 priority finding what makes both partners happy?

Anyway, hopefully this kind of topic is appropriate for this forum but I'm at an impasse for what to do. Apparently I am not ticklish enough to even get my husband to want to be with me, but I had no idea how incredibly important this is to him and that my physical limitations could be such a curse. I knew he was into tickling when we got married, but I never knew it would control things this much.

And though I hope nobody would suggest this, please don't say I should leave him or any nonsense like that. We are very happy together and I know he loves me very much. But unlike him I associate love and sex as being linked together, whereas he can be completely turned off from me and still love me of course.

And also, I'm sure that the problem is the tickling... in ever other way I feel we are compatible. honestly what I want to do is try to find a new fetish that me and him can enjoy together. I don't expect him to give up his fetish for me but perhaps tone it down to healthier levels.... and not make me feel terrible for his lack of desire for me. Because it's not my fault, you know!

Any help? Sorry for the rambling. It feels better just to write it all out

Your hubby sounds extremely hard to please - you're open to his fetish and give a reaction that a lot of men would kill for. He needs to learn the art of compromise.
 
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