Neutron
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- Apr 19, 2001
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Last Saturday night a young man I knew very well took his own life. He was 18. I'd coached him for 3 years in CYO Football. I'm friends with his father. He had a college scholarship, a wonderful mother, and if you asked him he'd tell you he had a stable homelife. Yet breaking up with his girlfriend made him decide to end it all. I went to the showing, but was too heartsick to attend the funeral. I wish I could have told him this.
I think what others described hits it dead on. Society as a whole is way to prone to just take the easy way out, vice set an example for kids that life isn't always easy or convenient. Take drugs for "ADD" Much of what is described as ADD was normal childhood behaviour for us. Now, parents either don't want to control their kids, or they can't. The teachers are put in a bind because they're being thrust into a position that isn't rightfully theirs, so they get a psychologist involved. Said psychologist HAS to diagnose something, so ADD it is. The kid is never held accountable for their actions, and learns at an early age that behaviour isn't controlled by mom and dad, it's controlled by a pill. Ever notice how many parents seem to spend so much time talking about the various things that are "wrong" with their kids? Like it's a badge of courage.
Now Ryan wasn't a behaviour case. But I will say he constantly seemed to evaluate himself by what others thought about him. Even when he played ball for me he was always wondering if he was having a good game, rather than just play the game. He was an excellent player, but always seemed to worry about the crowds approval.
Today kids seem so worried about how others will think about them. Having a girlfriend is a status symbol, not a way to get social interaction with girls. MOre horrible in my mind is these kids seems to put so much emphasis about how their girlfriend thinks about them they forget what's more important is how they view themselves. There are always people ready to stomp all over you. They don't see it doesn't matter who loves them, if they can't love themselves. This young man shot himself because his girlfriend broke up with him. It didn't matter he had an excellent scholarship to a good school, or that he had great parents, and dozens of friends. What mattered is he was so wrapped up in someone elses assessment of his worth that he didn't take into consideration the only opinion that counts on that is his own. My guess is all the other gifts he had in life he didn't feel he earned, maybe because many came too easy. I think as a society we've taught our kids the value of instant gratification, without teaching that that anything you've obtained easily can also reject you just as easily. And that even though something is obtained at some cost to oneself that thw\ey can't or shouldn't sell themselves to it. Trouble is, kids today give themselves away far too easily, maybe it's the 90 minute movie mentality that's been instilled in them, that being anything that can't be solved easily in 90 minutes is far too difficult, and perhaps world or life shattering.
I and my siblings were raised to be independent to a fault. I was told to read, I worked my ass off, and I played hard. Nothing was instant, and my parents made sure I was aware of the value I brought to the world. The other thing they never did, they never tried to hide the affects of hurt from me. I knew at a young age the world could be tough, and I needed to be tough to win at life. When a lady broke up with me I realized, Hey I'll get another. Sure it hurt, but I also knew I was successful at a lot of things, AND since I'd been given the chance to fail, and had felt failure I knew it wouldn't kill me.
Kids today seem so addicted to instant success (witness how many will buy a video game, then download cheats from the net), that they don't think it's ok to fail. A Goal is something that they don't work towards. It's something that's been instilled life will grant them. Not something that's earned.
If I was to say one thing to a teen these days I'd say don't measure your value by someone elses vision of you. Measure it by how hard you work to achieve what you feel is your due or your goal. We all have various abilities and talents but our potential is limitless. The true measure when one looks in a mirror isn't whether you achieved your goal, the true measure is how hard you worked for it. If you can say yes I gave it my best, then you automatically succeeded because the one thing you can never cheat on is yourself.
I also wish they could do this, so I'll paint a picture. Last Saturday night a very good looking young man, with a bright future elected to end his life with a gun because he felt his breaking up with a girl meant there was no love left for him. 3 days later I was at the funeral home. It took me TWENTY FIVE MINUTES standing in line just so I could see his father. TWENTY FIVE MINUTES. This was at 8PM and it had been like that since noon. They had to open two waiting rooms to accomodate those who were just hanging around, thinking about a bright life, of a young man they loved and admired, that was snuffed out before that life even really started.
I know everyone doesn't have that many admirers or friends, but we all have at least one or two. I really hope, that any young person will at least keep the image I just painted in their mind if they ever feel they need to end it. Maybe they believe the room will be empty, the line short, but that's simply not true. Even if the line is one person long, the room only occupied by one or two people, it's way too many. Just fast forwrd their life to that moment, and hopefully they'll make a different choice. Life is about dreams and goals, whether you achieve them or not is immaterial, what matters is you dared to dream, you dared to chase that dream, and you pursued a goal, no matter how minor or insignificant it seems. What someone else thought of it, or you, doesn't matter. Some of the best swings we take are as we are falling, and scars won honorably, and taken with grace are far more important that successes that we did not earn.
NEVER concentrate on what's been given to you. Earn what's in your life, assess what you've earned and hopefully you'll place enough value on your life to put the gun down.
Sorry if I bored ya. But this place has some younguns, and if they ever feel it's easier to take their life, than to stay in the game, I hope at least something I wrote hits home, and makes them think, you know, living is worth it.
Tron
I think what others described hits it dead on. Society as a whole is way to prone to just take the easy way out, vice set an example for kids that life isn't always easy or convenient. Take drugs for "ADD" Much of what is described as ADD was normal childhood behaviour for us. Now, parents either don't want to control their kids, or they can't. The teachers are put in a bind because they're being thrust into a position that isn't rightfully theirs, so they get a psychologist involved. Said psychologist HAS to diagnose something, so ADD it is. The kid is never held accountable for their actions, and learns at an early age that behaviour isn't controlled by mom and dad, it's controlled by a pill. Ever notice how many parents seem to spend so much time talking about the various things that are "wrong" with their kids? Like it's a badge of courage.
Now Ryan wasn't a behaviour case. But I will say he constantly seemed to evaluate himself by what others thought about him. Even when he played ball for me he was always wondering if he was having a good game, rather than just play the game. He was an excellent player, but always seemed to worry about the crowds approval.
Today kids seem so worried about how others will think about them. Having a girlfriend is a status symbol, not a way to get social interaction with girls. MOre horrible in my mind is these kids seems to put so much emphasis about how their girlfriend thinks about them they forget what's more important is how they view themselves. There are always people ready to stomp all over you. They don't see it doesn't matter who loves them, if they can't love themselves. This young man shot himself because his girlfriend broke up with him. It didn't matter he had an excellent scholarship to a good school, or that he had great parents, and dozens of friends. What mattered is he was so wrapped up in someone elses assessment of his worth that he didn't take into consideration the only opinion that counts on that is his own. My guess is all the other gifts he had in life he didn't feel he earned, maybe because many came too easy. I think as a society we've taught our kids the value of instant gratification, without teaching that that anything you've obtained easily can also reject you just as easily. And that even though something is obtained at some cost to oneself that thw\ey can't or shouldn't sell themselves to it. Trouble is, kids today give themselves away far too easily, maybe it's the 90 minute movie mentality that's been instilled in them, that being anything that can't be solved easily in 90 minutes is far too difficult, and perhaps world or life shattering.
I and my siblings were raised to be independent to a fault. I was told to read, I worked my ass off, and I played hard. Nothing was instant, and my parents made sure I was aware of the value I brought to the world. The other thing they never did, they never tried to hide the affects of hurt from me. I knew at a young age the world could be tough, and I needed to be tough to win at life. When a lady broke up with me I realized, Hey I'll get another. Sure it hurt, but I also knew I was successful at a lot of things, AND since I'd been given the chance to fail, and had felt failure I knew it wouldn't kill me.
Kids today seem so addicted to instant success (witness how many will buy a video game, then download cheats from the net), that they don't think it's ok to fail. A Goal is something that they don't work towards. It's something that's been instilled life will grant them. Not something that's earned.
If I was to say one thing to a teen these days I'd say don't measure your value by someone elses vision of you. Measure it by how hard you work to achieve what you feel is your due or your goal. We all have various abilities and talents but our potential is limitless. The true measure when one looks in a mirror isn't whether you achieved your goal, the true measure is how hard you worked for it. If you can say yes I gave it my best, then you automatically succeeded because the one thing you can never cheat on is yourself.
I also wish they could do this, so I'll paint a picture. Last Saturday night a very good looking young man, with a bright future elected to end his life with a gun because he felt his breaking up with a girl meant there was no love left for him. 3 days later I was at the funeral home. It took me TWENTY FIVE MINUTES standing in line just so I could see his father. TWENTY FIVE MINUTES. This was at 8PM and it had been like that since noon. They had to open two waiting rooms to accomodate those who were just hanging around, thinking about a bright life, of a young man they loved and admired, that was snuffed out before that life even really started.
I know everyone doesn't have that many admirers or friends, but we all have at least one or two. I really hope, that any young person will at least keep the image I just painted in their mind if they ever feel they need to end it. Maybe they believe the room will be empty, the line short, but that's simply not true. Even if the line is one person long, the room only occupied by one or two people, it's way too many. Just fast forwrd their life to that moment, and hopefully they'll make a different choice. Life is about dreams and goals, whether you achieve them or not is immaterial, what matters is you dared to dream, you dared to chase that dream, and you pursued a goal, no matter how minor or insignificant it seems. What someone else thought of it, or you, doesn't matter. Some of the best swings we take are as we are falling, and scars won honorably, and taken with grace are far more important that successes that we did not earn.
NEVER concentrate on what's been given to you. Earn what's in your life, assess what you've earned and hopefully you'll place enough value on your life to put the gun down.
Sorry if I bored ya. But this place has some younguns, and if they ever feel it's easier to take their life, than to stay in the game, I hope at least something I wrote hits home, and makes them think, you know, living is worth it.
Tron
