a little politcal commentary (smartass)

[steph]

What is President Bush's stand on Roe vs. Wade?
He doesn't care how people get out of Lousiana.


Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.
Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"


President Bush was visiting a primary school and he dropped in on one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.
The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the discussion on the word "tragedy". So the illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a "tragedy".
One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him that would be a tragedy".
"No said Bush, " that would be an accident".
A little girl raised her hand: "if a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy".
"I'm afraid not," explained the president. "that's what we would call a great loss."
The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Bush searched the room.
"Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a "tragedy"?
Finally at the back of the room little Johnnie raised his hand. In a quiet voice he said: "If Air Force One carrying you and Mrs. Bush was struck by a "friendly fire" missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy".
"Fantastic!" exclaimed Bush. "That's right. And can you you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"
"Well," says little Johnnie, "It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be an accident either".

 

[Knox The Hatter]

I was drinking a glass of iced tea when I read the third one...I almost did a spit take on the keyboard...

 

[amk714]

Thanks steph, those are very funny jokes, got any more? 😀

 

[unclebill]

Very funny Steph. Bt the way, I loved the nylon pics of your feet you posted recently, how about some barefoot pics?

 

[Ray<3tiklishft]

Great Stuff, Steph. The third one is excellent!

 

[Em Es]

Better than blonde jokes

Funny, Steph! Thanks for posting those jokes.

 

[RobAce]

These were indeed funny. I posted this list of "THINGS NOT TO SAY OR ASK IN A FOREGIN COUNTRY" a few weeks ago. Hope you all enjoy them. Heck maybe youll have a few of your own.
IRELAND
“Are you magically delicious or just angry and drunk? This beer is black- did a leprechaun crap in it?”

FRANCE
“Do all french people smell like that? Aren’t the French just Germans who can make sauces?”

ITALY
“Is the Pope German? Does he have super powers like Jesus? I could sure go for a can of Spaghetti-O’s! ”

POLAND
“Do you hire foreigners to screw in your lightbulbs?”

GERMANY
“Is this bratwurst kosher? Have you people EVER won a war?"

TURKEY
“Where’s the hash at? It’s cool to slaughter Kurds though, right?”

KOREA
“Can you watch my puppy for a minute, or must you people deep fry him?”

CHINA
“This wall isn’t so great. How many people do you really need here? Do you see 20/20 with those eyes? How many of you can fit into an SUV? Oh you mean you dont get MTV here? You dont even get cable? "

ENGLAND
“Did you ever get a piece of ass from that Diana chick? Doesnt your nationalized healthcare cover Dentistry? Does everyone talk that way or do you all have sticks up your ass?"

SWEDEN
“Do you have any normal meatballs? Want to hear a dumb blonde joke?”

YEMEN
“Yemen? That’s a stupid name for a country. What’s it mean ‘Land Of Fanatics And Desert’?”

INDIA
“You don’t live in teepees? Where can I get a good juicy steak around here? Hey if I touch the dot on your head do I win a prize?"

ETHIOPIA
“After a long day of travel, I’m famished. Hey – those flies sure love your newborn!”

CANADA
“You’re like Americans without money. Hey French and Canadian, that must mean your both dull and obnoxious. Where are all the good looking women, in America, gee I wonder why. What do you Canadian's really mount, seriously?"

SPAIN
“So, this is the country that’s not Portugal? Wow. Your women can shave if they want to, right? Where can I get some Cheez Whiz nachos?"

SOUTH AFRICA
“I liked it better the other way.”

MEXICO
“Cancun is nice, but the rest of this third world country sucks! How much longer before rest of this country moves north?"

SAUDI ARABIA
“Would you like to see my designs for a solar powered car? Is it legal to beat your wives here, or what?”

RUSSIA
“Is it always this cold and economically devastated? Why is that woman wearing earmuffs under her arms?"

UZBEKISTAN
“Can you spell Uzbekistan?”

GREECE
“I hear this place is a less expensive version of Italy. Anyone ever tell you that you resemble a Turk? Where are all the sheep? Do you shave them with shears or is it a part of foreplay?"

AFGHANISTAN
“Seriously, where is the real country… where is everything?”

JAPAN
“What’s Hiroshima? Is that a kind of sushi? I sure could go for some chineese food. Pearl Harbor has recovered nicely dont you think? Why do all your cartoon characters look white and not like you?"

AUSTRALIA
“How can we stop Mel Gibson? Is there a cure? Do Kangraroos hop to avoid the pricks in the field or the pricks that get in their field? I heard that criminals actually started this country. Does all your beer taste like piss?"

AMERICA
“You mean, you’re all not loud, stupid, and fat? Do all of your politicans speak out of their ass? WOW, this slum isnt too bad for New York City. How many people do you plan to oppress today?"

PHILLEPEANS: What did they do with all the shoes?

VIETNAM: Is the Ho-che-Man trail a good place for a bike ride? Where is the school they teach everyone to do nails at? Lip Balm, oh I thought you asked for Napalm.

SWITZERLAND: It was so nice for you to give us that Cheese, where do you make it? No kidding, just watches and mountains...no wonder your never heard from in the news.

VATICAN CITY: So this is the true religion and all you have is a country the size of Oprah's backyard? Where can I go for a good stiff drink? Where are all the daycare centers?

 

[steph]

LOL! Thanks honeys!

 

[sole seeker]

Steph, that was hilarious. Especially the third one. I'm gonna email this to my joke buddies. Don't get excited, I won't be giving you credit. 😉 I just thought I'd mention I felt it was worth passing on.

Rob, nice set. I posted it awhile back. I still chuckled when I was reminded of a couple of those gems. I just wanted to comment on your excellent taste in humor.

 

[steph]

Brat!
Rest assured that will surely count against you if we ever meet...And what, ME, get excited???? NEVAH!
XOXO

Steph, that was hilarious. Especially the third one. I'm gonna email this to my joke buddies. Don't get excited, I won't be giving you credit. 😉 I just thought I'd mention I felt it was worth passing on.

 

[some1somewhere]

I think that I have seen the third one, but with President Clinton replacing Bush, or Hillary as the subject.