What the hell is going on over here???
Hmmm.....let me see if I can help to get this thread back on track. BTW, I looked at the title of this thread; Alchemy asked for opinions from LADIES on his subject matter. Guys, glad you can chime in and give you POV's but no one can answer his question better than the LADIES he directed to.
Now.....let's answer the question from a woman's perspective:
We tend to learn what we live; I lived in a horrible upbringing. My mother was unable to equip me for the real world and my father was too busy feeding his sociopathic narcism (sp) to give a damn about teaching and training his daughters. The only advice I ever got from him was "boys make babies!" Wow, how profound!! But I have to admit it kept me out of beds in high school because the last thing I wanted to do was shame my family. Shame-based upbringings tend to do that to you.
Storyteller and Babbles covered a lot of ground and they coulldn't be better said. I ain't messin' with what's already been discussed. But if you aren't training your daughters at home, someone is going to give them one helluva education in the streets!
It also goes to self-esteem and self-worth (things that are normally obtained at home). If you grow up in dysfunction, you don't get these needs met. I was very careful with my children growing up. I raised with a firm hand but was very loving and got to know them as individuals. When a parent does that, you learn what their real needs are and can help them get met. You end up with independent intelligent individuals who have a sense of self. They don't need to go to the streets for validation, esteem, or anything else. They don't have to open their legs just because someone said "you're pretty." Do you know neither of my parents ever told me I was attractive? But I got called every "fat", "bitch", or "MF" in the book! Simply put, I was fresh meat in a world of hungry dogs who could smell dysfunction a mile away!
I married a man just like my father; someone who was horribly insecure and hated women but liked hetereosexual sex so he had to deal with them. My self-esteem was so violated after 10 years of marriage I nearly killed myself. I walked away from a 5-bedroom house in the suburbs to live on my sister's 2nd floor and get away from him!
Eight years later, I own my own home, have obtained my Bachelors, and am working towards my Masters degrees. I figured it out folks and this was a 20 year process for me. I don't need a man to validate me; I need him to love and respect me. If he doesn't love and respect me, I DON'T NEED HIM!! I learned the value of being alone to reflect on my mistakes and find out why I was attracting horrible people in my life. Now I haven't quite mastered it yet, but I make much better choices in men than I used to; I've had two babies with two losers who I had no business ever getting involved with! My mother died shortly after learning to love and forgive herself at age 68. She taught me that I didn't want to wait that long to get my shit together.
A final note and kis is done:
As far as Alchemy is concerned, I know him personally. He is 100% man in every sense of the word. He happens to know how women should be treated and respects himself as well. He doesn't have to lower himself or his standards in order to get laid--he has no problem attracting women at all. But, he'd rather be on his own than to latch himself to someone who will treat him badly in exchange for sex or love. I admire that quality in him and wish more men in my own age group had that mindset. Believe me folks, Alchemy's one helluva catch IMPO and he will find that special someone someday.
He asked a question about a very real dynamic, an attractive woman who seemingly has a lot to offer settling for a toothless drunk, obnoxious loser! Some women just don't have standards. All he has to have is it going on between his legs and the deal is sealed! No self-respecting woman would be bothered with that crap so that answers another part of the dynamic! She lacks self-esteem, confidence, and self-respect.
Hmmm.....let me see if I can help to get this thread back on track. BTW, I looked at the title of this thread; Alchemy asked for opinions from LADIES on his subject matter. Guys, glad you can chime in and give you POV's but no one can answer his question better than the LADIES he directed to.
Now.....let's answer the question from a woman's perspective:
We tend to learn what we live; I lived in a horrible upbringing. My mother was unable to equip me for the real world and my father was too busy feeding his sociopathic narcism (sp) to give a damn about teaching and training his daughters. The only advice I ever got from him was "boys make babies!" Wow, how profound!! But I have to admit it kept me out of beds in high school because the last thing I wanted to do was shame my family. Shame-based upbringings tend to do that to you.
Storyteller and Babbles covered a lot of ground and they coulldn't be better said. I ain't messin' with what's already been discussed. But if you aren't training your daughters at home, someone is going to give them one helluva education in the streets!
It also goes to self-esteem and self-worth (things that are normally obtained at home). If you grow up in dysfunction, you don't get these needs met. I was very careful with my children growing up. I raised with a firm hand but was very loving and got to know them as individuals. When a parent does that, you learn what their real needs are and can help them get met. You end up with independent intelligent individuals who have a sense of self. They don't need to go to the streets for validation, esteem, or anything else. They don't have to open their legs just because someone said "you're pretty." Do you know neither of my parents ever told me I was attractive? But I got called every "fat", "bitch", or "MF" in the book! Simply put, I was fresh meat in a world of hungry dogs who could smell dysfunction a mile away!
I married a man just like my father; someone who was horribly insecure and hated women but liked hetereosexual sex so he had to deal with them. My self-esteem was so violated after 10 years of marriage I nearly killed myself. I walked away from a 5-bedroom house in the suburbs to live on my sister's 2nd floor and get away from him!
Eight years later, I own my own home, have obtained my Bachelors, and am working towards my Masters degrees. I figured it out folks and this was a 20 year process for me. I don't need a man to validate me; I need him to love and respect me. If he doesn't love and respect me, I DON'T NEED HIM!! I learned the value of being alone to reflect on my mistakes and find out why I was attracting horrible people in my life. Now I haven't quite mastered it yet, but I make much better choices in men than I used to; I've had two babies with two losers who I had no business ever getting involved with! My mother died shortly after learning to love and forgive herself at age 68. She taught me that I didn't want to wait that long to get my shit together.
A final note and kis is done:
As far as Alchemy is concerned, I know him personally. He is 100% man in every sense of the word. He happens to know how women should be treated and respects himself as well. He doesn't have to lower himself or his standards in order to get laid--he has no problem attracting women at all. But, he'd rather be on his own than to latch himself to someone who will treat him badly in exchange for sex or love. I admire that quality in him and wish more men in my own age group had that mindset. Believe me folks, Alchemy's one helluva catch IMPO and he will find that special someone someday.
He asked a question about a very real dynamic, an attractive woman who seemingly has a lot to offer settling for a toothless drunk, obnoxious loser! Some women just don't have standards. All he has to have is it going on between his legs and the deal is sealed! No self-respecting woman would be bothered with that crap so that answers another part of the dynamic! She lacks self-esteem, confidence, and self-respect.
(Will someone PLEASE tell him his plaque will be in the mail first thing Monday morning???) It's an evolutionary process~you're drawn in by them (a-holes) when you're young and immature, because you're used to it, you don't know any better or don't think you deserve any better. At some point you wake up and figure it out. Get it?
