Advice would be appreciated.

[tigress]

Long time fetishist, cutting a very long story short.
I am a 23 year old female, lee, pansexual, in a relationship with a man who is open to stuff (we had a polyamorous relationship where I was with him and a woman, he was fine with it because it made me happy, etc) and so not jealous nor has a problem with any of this at all.


So, I'm new to my college, and I meet this girl. Again, making a long story as short as possible, she's one of those playful tickle your friends type. She knows I'm really ticklish, and often has tickle fights with me or just attacks me. And score, she's bi... so I have a crush on her, but would never try anything relationship wise because she's with a guy and he's kinda paranoid/over-protective and she loves him and I would never want to rock that boat because she's an awesome best friend. So I'm not asking like "how can I get it on with her" because I'm not looking to make this anything more than what it already is, a close caring friendship.

But oh god, she tickles me.
A lot.
And I really like it.

We went on a field trip to NYC yesterday to go to art museums, and on the bus (we were the very back of the bus, I was pinned against the window, and honestly kinda planned that...) she had a few quick tickles, tickle fights, and one instance where she wanted to make me smile for a picture so she was tickling me for (god what seemed like a long time!) until she got a shot she liked.

So, I'm starting to feel like... I don't know... almost guilty because I am getting sexual pleasure from something she's doing, as a friend playing around, completely unaware of my fetish. I feel like I should tell her something like "you might not want to do that, I kinda like it", and my boyfriend always teases me that he's going to tell her I like it and that she should help him tickle me (god that would be a dream come true!)

Should I try to explain my fetish to her and see if she feels comfortable continuing (and probably looking back at all the times she's tickled me and get weirded out and not want to be close friends anymore), or should I keep my fetish a secret and feel lucky because a lot of people could only dream of this kind of "problem"?

 

[mass1926]

If she's bi, I think you should explain your fetish to her and tell her I'm interested 🙂

 

[tigress]

If she's bi, I think you should explain your fetish to her and tell her I'm interested 🙂

Again, she's in a monogamous relationship, so she's off-limits for ya.

 

[mass1926]

Again, she's in a monogamous relationship, so she's off-limits for ya.

That's only cuz she hasn't seen my rocking bod 🙂

 

[SteakDinnerBoom]

Long time fetishist, cutting a very long story short.
I am a 23 year old female, lee, pansexual, in a relationship with a man who is open to stuff (we had a polyamorous relationship where I was with him and a woman, he was fine with it because it made me happy, etc) and so not jealous nor has a problem with any of this at all.


So, I'm new to my college, and I meet this girl. Again, making a long story as short as possible, she's one of those playful tickle your friends type. She knows I'm really ticklish, and often has tickle fights with me or just attacks me. And score, she's bi... so I have a crush on her, but would never try anything relationship wise because she's with a guy and he's kinda paranoid/over-protective and she loves him and I would never want to rock that boat because she's an awesome best friend. So I'm not asking like "how can I get it on with her" because I'm not looking to make this anything more than what it already is, a close caring friendship.

But oh god, she tickles me.
A lot.
And I really like it.

We went on a field trip to NYC yesterday to go to art museums, and on the bus (we were the very back of the bus, I was pinned against the window, and honestly kinda planned that...) she had a few quick tickles, tickle fights, and one instance where she wanted to make me smile for a picture so she was tickling me for (god what seemed like a long time!) until she got a shot she liked.

So, I'm starting to feel like... I don't know... almost guilty because I am getting sexual pleasure from something she's doing, as a friend playing around, completely unaware of my fetish. I feel like I should tell her something like "you might not want to do that, I kinda like it", and my boyfriend always teases me that he's going to tell her I like it and that she should help him tickle me (god that would be a dream come true!)

Should I try to explain my fetish to her and see if she feels comfortable continuing (and probably looking back at all the times she's tickled me and get weirded out and not want to be close friends anymore), or should I keep my fetish a secret and feel lucky because a lot of people could only dream of this kind of "problem"?

No no no, her bf is jealous about her getting with other guys! No guy counts his woman getting with another woman as cheating, especially if he can join in! Remember kids, your woman getting with another guy is cheating, your woman getting with another woman is kinky, like doing it on the kitchen table or something 🙂

 

[tigress]

-_-
They've discussed the idea of another chick and it will not work. Both of you, please don't be such misogynists... it's demeaning to bi/pan women...

 

[MrTicklefeet]

Or you could just secretly enjoy the tickling as an added bonus while she's around. I enjoy seeing barefoot women, but if I told every barefoot woman I was really enjoying the show, the shoes would start going on. (I made this mistake with someone once, that gal sat on the fence for the next year.)

 

[tigress]

Or you could just secretly enjoy the tickling as an added bonus while she's around. I enjoy seeing barefoot women, but if I told every barefoot woman I was really enjoying the show, the shoes would start going on. (I made this mistake with someone once, that gal sat on the fence for the next year.)

But see, this isn't some girl walking along the beach, this is someone I've become very close friends with. :/

 

[Maestro1874]

Well it seems like you only have a few choices, none of which you may like.

1. Just straight up tell her, AND tell her that you feel guilty because she's taken, you respect that, and you feel like you shouldn't be getting a secret rise out of her attentions. Then just see how she responds.
2. Deal with it internally. In essence "Get over it." lose the guilt and just enjoy that someone you are close to obviously is close to you too, even if not in the way you MIGHT want.
3. Avoid her. Not a good one, but people have done worse!
4. Try to discourage the tickling part of your relationship - tell her you don't like it or something. A lie, but it might neatly prevent your angst.
5. Tell her SOME of it but not ALL. "I really get excited by being tickled" but don't tie it specifically to her. Lets her sort of feel out (So to speak) where she wants things to be - "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know" probably give you some boundaries, where "Ooo...you mean when I do...THIS...it turns you on?" might make the boundaries a little less clear.


OK! So...I don't know what I'm talking about...I'm just saying...

 

[mass1926]

-_-
They've discussed the idea of another chick and it will not work. Both of you, please don't be such misogynists... it's demeaning to bi/pan women...

I got a better idea. Adopt a sense of humor! Also, misogynist means to dislike a gender such as men not liking women. Clearly that isn't what we implied in our joking demeanor. If you're gonna try and sound smart at least incorporate the right words into your agurments.

 

[MrTicklefeet]

But see, this isn't some girl walking along the beach, this is someone I've become very close friends with. :/

I've done this with friends, never with someone walking on the beach.

 

[LD_Tickler]

I got a better idea. Adopt a sense of humor! Also, misogynist means to dislike a gender such as men not liking women. Clearly that isn't what we implied in our joking demeanor. If you're gonna try and sound smart at least incorporate the right words into your agurments.

Actually misogyny is specific hate/direspect for women. It's not one gender hating the other.

ANYWAY, Tigress... this has come up before. A lot of people believe the moral thing to do is to not secretly derive sexual pleasure from your friends. I've never been really compelled by this, as I have a hard time finding things immoral when there's no clear harm being done.

So I wouldn't blame you if you kept your mouth shut... after all, your tickling fetish is personal. You shouldn't be obliged to come clean - especially since it's her tickling you, not the other way around.

So come clean if you really feel it would ease your conscience, but since you're relatively passve in this situation and no harm is being done... I don't urge you to confess.

 

[naughtylucy]

This topic comes up an awful lot, and I really don't see what the big deal is. We all get turned on by things that seem arbitrary to other people. I think wrists are sexy, and I'm often turned on when I see someone's wrists for the first time. I don't feel compelled to confess to, for example, my male colleagues that I REALLY like it when they roll up their sleeves. If the situation were reversed, I'd prefer not to know. I certainly wouldn't think of it as a violation...just an ordinary human thing that we deal with by sometimes NOT talking about.

-_-
They've discussed the idea of another chick and it will not work. Both of you, please don't be such misogynists... it's demeaning to bi/pan women...

You'll get a lot of that around here, unfortunately. It's the interweb, after all, and there are a lot of people who post frequently on this forum who REALLY like to share their phallocentric notions. Ugly but true. Like your friends possessive boyfriend, who sounds like a tosser.

On that note, if you like this woman, I suggest you ignore the fact of her boyfriend and his caveman issues altogether, and find out how she feels about you, if you think it would be fruitful.

 

[TicklesFemales]

Tigress I think you should tell her of your fetish and love for being tickled, and that when she tickles you it really turns you on. Its possible that she will continue to tickle you when ever her boyfriend is not around. Maybe she likes tickling you too since she knows you are very ticklish. I wish I had a girlfriend like you. I would love to let others tickle you with me. I love having a totally helpless lady all tied up so that I can tickle her as long as I want to tickle her. Of course I respect limits and the use of safewords.

 

[Ticklish9's]

Where do you -realistically- see this going?

I doubt she's completely unaware of your fetish - most people who don't feel like we do will say "stop" or "no" when tickled, whereas we 'lees almost never say that - so she's probably quite aware of what's going on. But she is committed and you are committed and that's fine. You are still allowed to have fun.

I think what's best is to just enjoy it for what it is and recognize that it won't really go anywhere further. As soon as you start getting hung up and attached is when it will start going south. Just have fun! And enjoy what you can while you can. I don't think it's even worth bringing up.

 

[ElFewja]

I was sure I posted something here immediately after this came up. I wonder if some mod deleted it, or else I didn't hit post. Weird.

But anyway.

Why do you think you need to tell her of your fetish? It's actually not all that related to what is going on if you think about it. You have feelings for her, combined with touching/playing and she is in a relationship with someone that you don't want to interfere with. Sounds pretty simple to me (as far as somewhat complicated things go, anyway). I mean, if you want to be specific, you can, but I don't see the point unless you're trying to get her to tickle you, which I wouldn't recommend with how you're looking at the situation.

But then, I think a lot of people would tell you to just go for it, since they don't respect others and their boundaries.

Of course she could be goading you into something further because she is also interested in you and tired of her relationship, but I can't say that with even 50% accuracy; she sounds like she's just playful.

Regardless of whether you're trying to hook up with her or else avoid a bad situation, you'll need to speak to her about at the very least the physical contact. I mean, if you want to talk about tickling and how it's a total turn on for you, go for it, because it's not entirely necessary. Touching alone is intimate, and if you have feelings for her then yea, it doesn't really matter what it is and/or if you get off to it or not.

Man, you're really in a lot of good situations though, and I truly am jealous ;;. At any rate, the best advice I can give is to use your best judgment when you actually speak with her; go with what you think should be said based upon how she reacts to this or that. Definitely don't go in with a fixed mindset of anything in particular.

Edit: I re-read one reply in particular and wanted to drop a bit more. I always feel like I'm taking advantage of a person or otherwise objectifying them when I stare at their feet; I feel bad that I do it. Likewise, I think the OP would be doing the same in this situation. She's kind of taking advantage of a friend in order to gain sexual pleasure. Which is lame. Not that people don't do it, but that doesn't make it right, either. And yes, that is typically the response I get when a girl knows I'm into her feet; the shoes and socks come out. Man, after my ex broke up with me... sad. She never wears socks when I'm not around but... yeah... well I can't blame her.

Etc~

 

[baldadonis]

This situation actually reminds me a little of a dilemma that some people have with attending gatherings. Sometimes during a play session, a person, male or female, can become aroused from play that the others in the session may view as purely friendly and playful. It's one of those things that is just accepted and doesn't need a conversation.

This is actually pretty analogous. I don't think you want to have this conversation with this woman because you are worried about misleading this woman or not being completely honest with her. You want to have this conversation with her because you have a reasonable expectation that she will respond positively and that she will continue to tickle you, maybe more.

If your reason for wanting to mention it was only because of guilt for not telling this woman that she has unknowingly stumbled upon your fetish, then don't. She has no idea what she is doing and does not need to know. As long as the sexual energy you derive from this tickling does not compel you to act upon it inappropriately, then no one is being hurt from the current situation.

If your reason for wanting to mention your fetish, is because you want her to do it more or maybe do more private intense scenes, then obviously that's a more complicated answer. It sounds like her boyfriend wouldn't approve of you taking action that would make this experience sexual for his girlfriend as well. Probably the prudent thing to do here is to say nothing and just enjoy the situation you have, but I'm sure you are the best judge here.

 

[rhiannon]

I wouldn't tell her anything and just leave the situation like it is. You are having fun, she is having fun, nobody gets harmed.

 

[Libertine]

-_-
They've discussed the idea of another chick and it will not work. Both of you, please don't be such misogynists... it's demeaning to bi/pan women...

What about the ones who get off on humiliation?

You need to address your problem with inclusivity. 'Demeaning' is a perjorative phrase, and can be used as a tool of oppression. By excluding, in a judgemental fashion, those wopersons who thrive on hyperensanguination of the buccial capillaries ('blushing' is the sexist term, which of course should be avoided) you are identifying with the embedded patiarchal stucture which blahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblah

Just invite her up to yours for a drink and let nature take its course.

😀

 

[Flatfoot]

At least one person has stated this in the past in other threads, but with our fetish, we have a tendency to get self-conscious about tickling in the sense of forgetting that people who DON'T have the fetish will STILL FLIRT with tickling. I think she's flirting with you and/or TRYING to get a rise out of you.

Like Rhiannon has said, if both of YOUR significant others are cool with it, I wouldn't worry. I wouldn't even worry about the other girl's boyfriend, because that's between her and him, and doesn't involve you. That's HER battle to face. If you're the slightest bit uncomfortable with it, though, you can always jokingly say things like, "Stop! You're turning me on! Not without dinner first!" or me, I would say, "Hey, I CHARGE for that!" 😛 The thing is, joking may not get the message across. I don't know if it should have to even come to that, though. If it's harmless enough, try not to read too much into it. I dunno. Something to consider (probably easier said than done for us!), is try to picture if you DIDN'T have the fetish, and you still have this bi girl that you think is cute, tickling/flirting with you. Do you think maybe you might still find that flirty playfulness arousing?

 

[ElFewja]

Also what Bald. and flat. said. I started to go in both of those directions, then falslely assumed a few things by applying information I don't necessarily know (assumed about situation).

Etc~

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

This situation actually reminds me a little of a dilemma that some people have with attending gatherings. Sometimes during a play session, a person, male or female, can become aroused from play that the others in the session may view as purely friendly and playful. It's one of those things that is just accepted and doesn't need a conversation.

This is actually pretty analogous. I don't think you want to have this conversation with this woman because you are worried about misleading this woman or not being completely honest with her. You want to have this conversation with her because you have a reasonable expectation that she will respond positively and that she will continue to tickle you, maybe more.

If your reason for wanting to mention it was only because of guilt for not telling this woman that she has unknowingly stumbled upon your fetish, then don't. She has no idea what she is doing and does not need to know. As long as the sexual energy you derive from this tickling does not compel you to act upon it inappropriately, then no one is being hurt from the current situation.

If your reason for wanting to mention your fetish, is because you want her to do it more or maybe do more private intense scenes, then obviously that's a more complicated answer. It sounds like her boyfriend wouldn't approve of you taking action that would make this experience sexual for his girlfriend as well. Probably the prudent thing to do here is to say nothing and just enjoy the situation you have, but I'm sure you are the best judge here.

I agree with this.