Age Factor in relationships?

[Bugman]

I had a cousin who was married to a guy 30 years older then she was.Worked with guy whose wife was 64 i think,and he was 48.Seemed to work for them.

As for myself,i'm 54 and i don't think i'd want to get serious with anyone much younger then 40 or so.Someone older,sure i'd do that.I did, a couple of times long ago.

 

[Lord Doctor]

I've always looked at it this way. So long as one of them isn't in a school uniform, it shouldn't really be an issue. But it is for some, and not for others.

Loving relationships are weird things; They can surprise you, sometimes even shock you when you find yourself head over heals for the sort of person you don't "go for", maybe even someone you thought you hated.

I suppose you either click with someone, or you don't. That's just the way life is.

 

[BellaRisa]

I like my fathers rule best

If my daughter is under 18 and you are 18 or older I will burry you in my garden.

Anybody over 18 who has been dating sombody under 18 is probably a loser, unless they started dating in the early teens. Even then I find it hard to understand why a 17 year old would date a 15 year old.

Two years difference isn't that bad really; my husband is two + yrs older than I am, we met in college when I was only 17 (I started school a bit early in life) and he had just turned 20 and we're still together and very happy 17 yrs later. Furthermore I dated a 17 yr old when I was 15, we were both in high school and liked the same music and had plenty in common; a junior dating a mature freshman isn't a bad thing 🙂

 

[Ekdall98]

it just depends on the people. ive read many cases just now on how it does work but for me personally it plays a good part of it. my current gf is 18 and im almost 22 and its going pretty well but i think thats about as far as ill go in age difference either way up or down.

 

[SlaverTickler]

Two years difference isn't that bad really; my husband is two + yrs older than I am, we met in college when I was only 17 (I started school a bit early in life) and he had just turned 20 and we're still together and very happy 17 yrs later. Furthermore I dated a 17 yr old when I was 15, we were both in high school and liked the same music and had plenty in common; a junior dating a mature freshman isn't a bad thing 🙂

But you see, between 15 and 17 you mature allot... ok I know I didn't but I stopped maturing at 13. My point is 17 to a 20 year old isn't that much of a jump. Of course I would have killed him, but jail time in Canada isn't quite as harsh in the USA.

 

[Homer28]

Age to me isn't a factor overall. I don't care if a person is older or younger or same age. All that matters is the maturity level. If the couple can't meet on a maturity level I don't feel that it will work out. I also don't feel that maturity always comes with age. I know of few people are older than me but act the same age as my younger sister (10-13) and than I know people my age that some would say have old souls.

If you're looking for a casual fling this might not be an issue but to me a serious relationships require adults. I wouldn't be able to date a guy no matter what his age if he had the mentality of a child nor would I want to behave that way. That just limits any growth to me. I would feel I have to play babysitter more than girlfriend. I really just don't think age makes much of a difference in that respect.

Ya, what she said🙂

 

[Adam]

I agree with those who have said that it's not so much an age issue as it is maturity. However, I do like it when a potential partner is at east close to my age. I'd say within 5 years either way, but I'd never exactly handcuff myself to that as a "rule".

 

[Deleted member 66627]

There is a 16 year age difference between Tracy and I. I truly believe that age differences have very little to do with the relationship. It is all about the people and personalities involved with one another...

Agreed.

 

[Mitchell]

No, I dont think having an S/O 10 years younger is a problem. I'm 39, and the last two S/O that I've had have been eight and ten years younger than me. I think it is more so about compatibility, than age.

Mitch

 

[Redmage]

But you see, between 15 and 17 you mature allot... ok I know I didn't but I stopped maturing at 13. My point is 17 to a 20 year old isn't that much of a jump. Of course I would have killed him, but jail time in Canada isn't quite as harsh in the USA.

My first girlfriend was 17, when I was 15.

 

[SpiffyTickler]

It seems that the given examples of drastic age-differences in a relationship are ones where the guy is older than the girl. What about relationships where this common gender/age difference is switched and the guy is the younger one?

For instance, I’ve been seeing an amazing 32 year-old woman for around half-a-year and I’m only 21.

Even before this I can’t say that I ever viewed relationships with major age differences as being inherently wrong. I tend to believe that most things that go on between consenting adults which do no harm to outside parties are fine.

As for whether or not age was an issue for me, the difference was something that I had to get used to. Early on, despite being very attracted to her, I viewed her as an authority figure in large part because of her age. With that categorization comes a level of respect which includes a feeling of “hands-off” in any context other than as a friend. However, after getting past this silly categorization, I’ve discovered that the age difference isn’t really an issue at all. Rather, it’s a major plus! I’ve gained someone who is not only a lover but also a mentor that can give me insight into things with a depth and clarity that very few people my age can match.

Being the younger guy also changes the dynamic of the relationship. I’ve typically dated girls who were either around my age or slightly younger, so I’ve usually felt like the more mature one. I’d be the advice-giver, the planner, the team leader, and it would be the typical social norm of the guy being the head of the relationship. Not so much in this relationship, but I don’t mind taking a backseat when the person driving is incredibly intelligent with 11 years of life-experience on me.

As far as I’m concerned, the only way in which age matters is when you’re thinking about how other people will view the relationship. Outside of that, what matters is personal compatibility. Our age difference doesn’t impede my ability to connect with her or dampen any feelings I have for her. She’s one of the most amazing people I have ever met, a feeling that has only rooted itself deeper the more I’ve come to know her. Plus, the longer this goes on, the less the age difference matters to anyone in any context. The only thing that matters to me is that I love her.

 

[LindyHopper]

@Spiffy: your post made me smile out loud!

The last two people I've dated have been 11 years younger and 16 years older than I am. These are both well outside the range I would have previously considered a possibility, but all it takes is the right person to change your mind.

I know it's easy and simple to say "Age is just a number," and "It only matters how old you are inside." This is true to a point, but also, I think, an oversimplification. Age is part of the dynamic of a relationship. Being well-established in a career during your early 30s puts you in a different place in your life than a college student is. Your priorities are different. Your perspectives are different. Simply writing that off as unimportant cuts you off from one of the things that makes you you, both as individuals and as a couple.

Age can be a window that helps you understand the other person. I can remember that when I was 21, I wasn't the greatest at relationship communication, and neither were the peers that I dated. With an extra decade of practice now under my belt, I can be cool with taking more responsibility in this area, to help us get where we want to go.

It's neat to feel my own position vary in different relationships, in ways that can be difficult to explain. For example, I've experienced the feeling of being "taken care of" in ways that feel almost paternal in one relationship, like service to a queen in another, and like support from an equal partner in yet one more. This works great for me - I have a lot of different aspects to my personality, and they all like some exercise now and again. 🙂

At the moment, I feel immersed in energy and enthusiasm and the desire to learn and grow. I'm enjoying going out drinking and having fun like some young, flirtatious goofball. I'm playing with being the driver for once, when my usual habit is mostly to react to my guy's initiative. I feel appreciated, almost worshipped, in a way that years of perspective kind of ruins for a person! 😀 It's almost like seeing life through a different set of eyes.

I highly recommend the experience, when the biggest downside seems to be the occasional startle of realizing, say, that your boyfriend was in kindergarten while you were taking the SAT. 😱 In other words, no big deal, compared the beauty and joy to be gained.

 

[ikaiyoo]

Ok after some stuff since I last posted I would like to restate my position. I think in general there is no defined rule set for the difference of age between two people. I think however about when the gap is taking place. I think the younger the person the hard it will be to maintain that connection and deal with the issues of the two different points in their lives. I also believe it is harder at that point to maintain some kind of honest dialogue between the two people. For whatever reason be it that the older doesnt want to lose the younger one, or that the younger is unsure of their self and just wants the attention that is given and will say whatever to keep that attention going reguardless of how they feel. Now I am not speaking of like 40 and 50 or 30 and 40 ot what have you. I am talking like 20 and 30. so I guess if your willing to deal with that fact and not attach your self too much to that person it is ok but you are seaking any kind of fullfilling relationship then it more then likely will not work... not saying it never does but i think the majority of the time it wont and someone will get hurt in the process.

 

[McNoodle]

I used to think that age should matter until the first time I saw Anna Nicole Smith look into J. Howard Marshall II's eyes. From that point on I realized love recognizes no age barriers.