Ticklemmmeeeeee
1st Level Red Feather
- Joined
- Dec 20, 2002
- Messages
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hello🙂
Haven't posted here in a loooong while and thought I would post a quick writing I wrote depicting a piece of my life and realizations as of late....many of you know (and most probably and rightfully so do not care,lol) that I have become a Christian ...so here is a post on my experiences and recent epipheny with ending a relationship, losing a piece of myself and surrendering myself to God (or not as it turned out)...enjoy, or enjoy hating it,lol.
Perhaps the greatest most cruel deceit we experience is discovered when we trust the "certain assurances" of life's marvelous promises. We all seem to have our own ideas of what happiness means...entails...is dependent upon. Often the "certain assurance" of indestructable happiness is a beautiful gate. This entrance declares, The door to eden....however, it actually enters the garden of misery. In this garden is unimaginable emptiness. Accompanying that emptiness is indescribable pain.
No ones primary ambition in life is to experience misery. No ones intention in life is to live in despair. In the later stages of adolescence and the early stages of adult life, we independently choose our first paths. We choose those paths in the full conviction that they are the paths to happiness. Our selections are made in the unshakable confidence that our dreams will become our reality.
Happiness will come when we experience our dreams, or so we believe. Living in pleasure guarantees happiness...or so we believe. When our dreams are reality , misery and despair are impossibilities...or so we believe.
Why are we so easily deceived by life's promise of the marvelous? We try to escape misery by pretending to experience pleasure. When we mask misery with the faces of pleasure we ask to be deceived. We beg deception to deceive us. This results in a faked innocence of self-deception, we live in the pre-fabricated pretense of empty illusions.
at some point our misery so overwhelms us it becomes undeniable. Then we confess the reality of our unhappiness. If people closest to you cannot value and love you, how can God value and love you? This is the lie we begin to believe. The ultimate deceit is the conviction that God cannot love me if people do not love me. The ultimate conviction that failed human relationships make a relationship with God possible.
self-deceit is too easy if ur not looking for it....we can lie to ourselves about ourselves more convincingly than we can lie to anyone else about anything else because we let ourselves get away with it. Why do we lie to ourselves? What is it that we lie about? What would we so desperately need to believe that we make ourselves believe that which is untrue so we may go on believing in it? I've pretty much given up everything to be a child of God....everything, that is except the child of God...myself...I've been living with a troublesome unsurrendered self, spoiling my own happiness and the happiness of those around me until something the likes of losing someone so close jolted me into the necessity of self-surrender. I have heard people and God's word telling me I have to surrender to God and I made myself believe the illusion I tried so desperately to convince them of, because I needed to believe it myself....that being, that I had indeed surrendered to Him....however, I was instead looking for evidence of surrender , resulting joy, instead of centering the surrender in an act of my will , leaving my emotions to take care of myself, a selfish act . I didn't get it before but now I think I do, or at least am closer to getting it...the order of true surrender is first faith, then fact then feeling.
I am in no way suggesting that self-surrender solves all of ones problems, the result will be dependent upon how I respond to it and whether it manifests itself in my daily life...I feel as though it is , so perhaps I am on the right path. I do not know all that my surrender will not accomplish yet but I do know what it will do.....it will re-establish a rightness in my relationship with God...my relationship with myself and my relationships with other people.
Being so close to and right with God gives me a safe and loving foundation upon which to work out my problems and center my life. It puts my feet on the way to solving my problems in a way that glorifies God not me and brings praise to Him, not me or other people. It is only because of God that I am able to do what I do, He gets the praise not me. It is only through God that I can love another and he will love me, but without praising God first, that love is selfishly based, not Godly based. All love without God is selfish. How do I make this conslusion? God is love. God created us. The creation does not exist without the creator, neither does the created determine how the creator dictates the creation, the creator dictates the destiny and outcome of the created. Void of God's interpretation of the very creations He made, we define ourselves for ourselves and measure ourselves by ourselves. See the ridiculousness in attempting to alter this?
Surrender to God is the only way to true happiness. It is only in giving ourselves to God that we truly gain our genuine selves back.
Sadly, not wanting to surrender to God does not release you from surrendering.
You , me, we will all surrender to something....some people surrender to "themselves" as God. I can almost guarantee that if you surrender to yourself as God you will not like your God. You will do as you like and then you won't like what you do. You will express yourself and then you won't like the self you express. You won't like yourself and no one else will really like you either.
People following and praising you is not the same as people liking you, I know, I have had followers and much praise in my life but very few I was genuinly close to.
Therefore, if you don't surrender yourself to God, you will probably surrender to someone else as God, and if you do you will probably be disillusioned. Every human idol has feet of clay.
If you surrender to money , you make money your God....surrender to your fetishes and you make your fetishs your God....If you surrender to society , you make society your God. If you surrender to a lover you make him your God and if he does not love God he can't possibly love himself or you either.
If you truly desire a loving relationship God tells us to start with Him because He loved us first.
I wish to experience the re-birth of my soul through self-surrender , but self-surrender means not only the new birth of a soul it means the birth of everything...new relationship to God, to myself, to society, new outlook on life, new method of responding to daily problems, new power to face whatever comes, new sense of inner unity and belonging, new resources to live by....sound extreme?
The alternative is not whether to surrender or not to surrender. We all surrender from the moment two cells surrender to each other to form a new life down to the moment when our bodies are surrendered to the grave.
So, yes, we all surrender.
Some of the surrenders are built in necessities to surrender. We have to surrender if we are to survive. There are built in necessary surrenders such as a new baby surrendering to it's mothers breast for survival.
But some surrenders are optional, optional with results or consequences. We are free to choose but not free to choose the results or consequences of our choices.
They are in hands not our own. I think some people go through life choosing to surrender to the right person and submit to the right things ...they get results...the sum total of reality is behind them...they now have solid backing for their way of life. But others will go thru life surrendering to the wrong person or things ...they get consequences...they are up against reality...they are frustrated...in trouble with themselves and others....whether it is a once-for-all surrender brought about by a life crisis or a day by day realization that brings about your surrendering self....surrender is essential to being truly free to be who you really are and live how you honestly want to. Any thoughts? Confirmations? Testimonies? Hate mail? Letter bombs?..LOL 🙂
::::waves hello to all my friends I never get to see or talk to anymore::::: 🙂🙂
Haven't posted here in a loooong while and thought I would post a quick writing I wrote depicting a piece of my life and realizations as of late....many of you know (and most probably and rightfully so do not care,lol) that I have become a Christian ...so here is a post on my experiences and recent epipheny with ending a relationship, losing a piece of myself and surrendering myself to God (or not as it turned out)...enjoy, or enjoy hating it,lol.
Perhaps the greatest most cruel deceit we experience is discovered when we trust the "certain assurances" of life's marvelous promises. We all seem to have our own ideas of what happiness means...entails...is dependent upon. Often the "certain assurance" of indestructable happiness is a beautiful gate. This entrance declares, The door to eden....however, it actually enters the garden of misery. In this garden is unimaginable emptiness. Accompanying that emptiness is indescribable pain.
No ones primary ambition in life is to experience misery. No ones intention in life is to live in despair. In the later stages of adolescence and the early stages of adult life, we independently choose our first paths. We choose those paths in the full conviction that they are the paths to happiness. Our selections are made in the unshakable confidence that our dreams will become our reality.
Happiness will come when we experience our dreams, or so we believe. Living in pleasure guarantees happiness...or so we believe. When our dreams are reality , misery and despair are impossibilities...or so we believe.
Why are we so easily deceived by life's promise of the marvelous? We try to escape misery by pretending to experience pleasure. When we mask misery with the faces of pleasure we ask to be deceived. We beg deception to deceive us. This results in a faked innocence of self-deception, we live in the pre-fabricated pretense of empty illusions.
at some point our misery so overwhelms us it becomes undeniable. Then we confess the reality of our unhappiness. If people closest to you cannot value and love you, how can God value and love you? This is the lie we begin to believe. The ultimate deceit is the conviction that God cannot love me if people do not love me. The ultimate conviction that failed human relationships make a relationship with God possible.
self-deceit is too easy if ur not looking for it....we can lie to ourselves about ourselves more convincingly than we can lie to anyone else about anything else because we let ourselves get away with it. Why do we lie to ourselves? What is it that we lie about? What would we so desperately need to believe that we make ourselves believe that which is untrue so we may go on believing in it? I've pretty much given up everything to be a child of God....everything, that is except the child of God...myself...I've been living with a troublesome unsurrendered self, spoiling my own happiness and the happiness of those around me until something the likes of losing someone so close jolted me into the necessity of self-surrender. I have heard people and God's word telling me I have to surrender to God and I made myself believe the illusion I tried so desperately to convince them of, because I needed to believe it myself....that being, that I had indeed surrendered to Him....however, I was instead looking for evidence of surrender , resulting joy, instead of centering the surrender in an act of my will , leaving my emotions to take care of myself, a selfish act . I didn't get it before but now I think I do, or at least am closer to getting it...the order of true surrender is first faith, then fact then feeling.
I am in no way suggesting that self-surrender solves all of ones problems, the result will be dependent upon how I respond to it and whether it manifests itself in my daily life...I feel as though it is , so perhaps I am on the right path. I do not know all that my surrender will not accomplish yet but I do know what it will do.....it will re-establish a rightness in my relationship with God...my relationship with myself and my relationships with other people.
Being so close to and right with God gives me a safe and loving foundation upon which to work out my problems and center my life. It puts my feet on the way to solving my problems in a way that glorifies God not me and brings praise to Him, not me or other people. It is only because of God that I am able to do what I do, He gets the praise not me. It is only through God that I can love another and he will love me, but without praising God first, that love is selfishly based, not Godly based. All love without God is selfish. How do I make this conslusion? God is love. God created us. The creation does not exist without the creator, neither does the created determine how the creator dictates the creation, the creator dictates the destiny and outcome of the created. Void of God's interpretation of the very creations He made, we define ourselves for ourselves and measure ourselves by ourselves. See the ridiculousness in attempting to alter this?
Surrender to God is the only way to true happiness. It is only in giving ourselves to God that we truly gain our genuine selves back.
Sadly, not wanting to surrender to God does not release you from surrendering.
You , me, we will all surrender to something....some people surrender to "themselves" as God. I can almost guarantee that if you surrender to yourself as God you will not like your God. You will do as you like and then you won't like what you do. You will express yourself and then you won't like the self you express. You won't like yourself and no one else will really like you either.
People following and praising you is not the same as people liking you, I know, I have had followers and much praise in my life but very few I was genuinly close to.
Therefore, if you don't surrender yourself to God, you will probably surrender to someone else as God, and if you do you will probably be disillusioned. Every human idol has feet of clay.
If you surrender to money , you make money your God....surrender to your fetishes and you make your fetishs your God....If you surrender to society , you make society your God. If you surrender to a lover you make him your God and if he does not love God he can't possibly love himself or you either.
If you truly desire a loving relationship God tells us to start with Him because He loved us first.
I wish to experience the re-birth of my soul through self-surrender , but self-surrender means not only the new birth of a soul it means the birth of everything...new relationship to God, to myself, to society, new outlook on life, new method of responding to daily problems, new power to face whatever comes, new sense of inner unity and belonging, new resources to live by....sound extreme?
The alternative is not whether to surrender or not to surrender. We all surrender from the moment two cells surrender to each other to form a new life down to the moment when our bodies are surrendered to the grave.
So, yes, we all surrender.
Some of the surrenders are built in necessities to surrender. We have to surrender if we are to survive. There are built in necessary surrenders such as a new baby surrendering to it's mothers breast for survival.
But some surrenders are optional, optional with results or consequences. We are free to choose but not free to choose the results or consequences of our choices.
They are in hands not our own. I think some people go through life choosing to surrender to the right person and submit to the right things ...they get results...the sum total of reality is behind them...they now have solid backing for their way of life. But others will go thru life surrendering to the wrong person or things ...they get consequences...they are up against reality...they are frustrated...in trouble with themselves and others....whether it is a once-for-all surrender brought about by a life crisis or a day by day realization that brings about your surrendering self....surrender is essential to being truly free to be who you really are and live how you honestly want to. Any thoughts? Confirmations? Testimonies? Hate mail? Letter bombs?..LOL 🙂
::::waves hello to all my friends I never get to see or talk to anymore::::: 🙂🙂
