An older woman

[kcantankerous]

As most probably know I'm a very very selective person when it comes to dating, let alone starting a relationship. Anyways, I have found the woman of my dreams. With many of the qualities I want in a lady. Problem is she's 23 years older than me. That's right course I really don't care about that too much at this point but, I am kinda worried about how I might feel after I've finished my masters degree, then she'd be in her lat 40's early 50's. I am slowly warming up to the idea of having children, and the all important growing older with your spouse thing. But I'm worried because she is the only person I met that has all the qualities Im looking for, the age being the only draw back. Not to mention she's a beutifal mature woman, and exotic, not like the average looking 40 year olds out there. She's strong willed, and raised some good kids. Positive and hard working, and has a pretty voice. I'm tired of the garbage I have to sift through in the 20 year old bracket, which I fall in. I'd give anything to be older, so I can grow old with her. But I don't know if I can make the commitment knowing that she and I are 2 decades apart. I want to commit to her, but during the prime of my life she'd be nearing 60 and I dont care what anyone says, thats when most start falling apart, so to speak. Hmm anyone else had this type of issue?

 

[steph]

Babe~you're legal~no need to overanalyze the age thing. I get a lot of msgs from guys much older and much younger than me, I love it. She sounds perfect for you and like a fine lady. IMHO? Move slowly but enjoy and have fun... 😀
XOXO

 

[amk714]

Knogz, if you really love this woman, you need to discuss these issues with her. How important is it for both of you to have children? Does she already have children? (I assume she doesn't since you didn't say so, but I might be wrong.) If she's the woman of your dreams, and you want to spend the rest of your life with her (and she feels the same way about you), I think you should do everything you can to hold on to her. Whatever you do is up to you, but that's my opinion, in a nutshell. Good luck to you both. 🙂

 

[TKpervert]

knogz, two decades is too much to overcome. Keep this great lady as a friend and mentor but stay single til you're 30.

Don't buy into the tired "true love overcomes all".

It's bullshit.

It's actually reality that overcomes all.

 

[kirasao]

Tricky, tricky, tricky!

This woman needs to know how you feel right now, before you both end up getting hurt in the long run. That way, the two of you can come to any necessary compromises now before they become a problem later on down the line. If you're having doubts that involve her, let her know in order that the two of you can work through them as a couple. It sounds to me like she cares enough about you to understand what you're going through and can offer some advice. Good luck.

 

[ticklingfeet4fu]

My parents are 21 years apart. My dad is still alive today and is 81 and has been married to my mom ( this was dad's third marriage )for 40 years. He had 3 children with my mom. In fact my mom turned 60 years old yesterday. I am the oldest at 39. So to TK Pervert it is not bullshit. If you are mature and know how to handle things then as Debbie Gibson would say "Anything Is Possible". I will let you know my mom was 19 when she got married to him. She started going to school ( college ) when she was 32. They worked out a plan an balanced it with love and understanding. Like I said, anything is possible. Don't listen to people who try to discourage it. Make up your mind and you go for what you believe is right in your HEART and your HEAD. With the difference in years you MUST use your head in this decision. She will always be more mature than you and she will be right more times than not ( even though you might think otherwise ) because she has been down that road before. If you can figure out how to be wrong once in a while and you understand that she is wiser than you than why not? I think if my parents weren't so sucessful in their marriage I would probably felt more like TK but it has been a sucess and it is possible that you can draw from the fact that it was a sucess. Any questions just PM me. Good luck to the both of you and may the Lord shine down on the both of you. You sound like you make a great couple.

 

[TKpervert]

So to TK Pervert it is not bullshit.

Ok maybe 'bullshit' was a tad overstated.

I retract 'bullshit' and offer to replace it with 'horsepucky' and might even be negotiated down to 'poo poo'. 😀

I'm not a romanticist, I'm a realist. Reality wins most every time. Reality is where we all live.

For every annecdotal success, there's thousands and thousands of failures.

I still advise 'no' to this venture.
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[ticklingfeet4fu]

Ok maybe 'bullshit' was a tad overstated.

I retract 'bullshit' and offer to replace it with 'horsepucky' and might even be negotiated down to 'poo poo'. 😀

I'm not a romanticist, I'm a realist. Reality wins most every time. Reality is where we all live.

For every annecdotal success, there's thousands and thousands of failures.

I still advise 'no' to this venture.
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.
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I would be honest, like I said towards the end of my long first post I would be careful. I think the heart and the head MUST be be used here. But it is hard to with your logic either TK. I live in that same realistic world you do. But let's be honest here. We still have divorce court regardless of if they are the same age or 50 years apart or anywhere inbetween so does it matter? I am not so sure it the times we live in that it really matters. I am a realist and divorce happens every single day. And why? Because of misrepresentation or infidelity or whatever and all these things happen to people who are around the same age too. If knogz relationship does not work it will probably be because they stopped working at it. Same as any other relationship that ends up in divorce. They stopped working hard at it. I really hope I am making sense at 4:08am.

 

[aun_existe_amor]

Only you can decide what is right or wrong for you. It's your life. Do what makes you happy. My ex was 32 years older than me but the age difference eventually did split us up. We had 3 good years together though.

 

[TKpervert]

Yep, ticklingfeet4fu, you're making lots of sense.

But you yourself brought up the fact that yes we have divorce courts and they are frequented by troubled couples who are the same age or close.

My logic starts with the fact that marriage is a tough road and 50 percent end in divorce.

My logic also tells me that it's unwise to throw the curveball of two decade's difference in age at a marriage and hope it survives because of the 'power of love', like somehow the age difference will make the 'power of love' stronger in this relationship than it is in the relationship of a couple close to each other in age.

I won't even say 'poo poo' this time.

I'll just say success is unlikely, much less than 50 percent.
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[kis123]

Ok maybe 'bullshit' was a tad overstated.

I retract 'bullshit' and offer to replace it with 'horsepucky' and might even be negotiated down to 'poo poo'. 😀

I'm not a romanticist, I'm a realist. Reality wins most every time. Reality is where we all live.

For every annecdotal success, there's thousands and thousands of failures.

I still advise 'no' to this venture.
.
.
.

Let's talk about reality for a moment, shall we?

You can't always control who you fall in love with-now that's a reality that I'm presently living!

My ex is 15 years my senior and we were together for 10 years and raised two wonderful children. There's another reality.

I have a friend who is 26 years old who I've related with better than every 40 and 50 something I've ever met. There's another reality.

You are entitled to your opinions. Are they keeping you warm at night? Now, that's the ultimate reality!

If knogz can find a way to be happy and ignore ignorant rantings from critics, have at the woman 23 years your senior and make it happen. You will never know if you don't try.

I personally wish him the greatest of success. I'd rather fail trying than to succeed at absolutely nothing. Nothing ventured, nothing gained!

 

[maniactickler]

As most probably know I'm a very very selective person when it comes to dating, let alone starting a relationship. Anyways, I have found the woman of my dreams. With many of the qualities I want in a lady. Problem is she's 23 years older than me. That's right course I really don't care about that too much at this point but, I am kinda worried about how I might feel after I've finished my masters degree, then she'd be in her lat 40's early 50's. I am slowly warming up to the idea of having children, and the all important growing older with your spouse thing. But I'm worried because she is the only person I met that has all the qualities Im looking for, the age being the only draw back. Not to mention she's a beutifal mature woman, and exotic, not like the average looking 40 year olds out there. She's strong willed, and raised some good kids. Positive and hard working, and has a pretty voice. I'm tired of the garbage I have to sift through in the 20 year old bracket, which I fall in. I'd give anything to be older, so I can grow old with her. But I don't know if I can make the commitment knowing that she and I are 2 decades apart. I want to commit to her, but during the prime of my life she'd be nearing 60 and I dont care what anyone says, thats when most start falling apart, so to speak. Hmm anyone else had this type of issue?

stick with her until her looks start hitting the wall, then find yourself a nice young hottie. just my advice. 😉

 

[giantfan121262]

Hey, Kongz:

AFA I am concerned age is just a number. What is more important is to see what you want in life and in a woman so you can be happy, and also see what she wants, and if you two are on board with each other. It's very mature and so not shortsighted to also see possible obstacles that might lie down the road. She sounds like a great lady. I would move slowly to test the waters and enjoy each others company in the meantime. Good luck to both of you.

 

[Knox The Hatter]

My last girlfriend was nine years older than me...this year, she turned 53. I hope that she eventually found happiness with someone.

Mrs Knox is nine years younger than me. The age difference would've been formidable if I had met her, say, back in 1988, when I was 27, and she was just graduating high school, but when we actually met ten years after that, it meant absolutely nothing.

In the ultimate scheme of things, age doesn't matter very much. It's how much the two of you are willing to put into this relationship to make it work. Period.

TK Pervert: my suggestion to you would be to change your screen name to "cuphalfempty". I can't think of a more apt one, can you? : 😀

 

[kis123]

stick with her until her looks start hitting the wall, then find yourself a nice young hottie. just my advice. 😉

And we can always count on you for such wonderful advice......... 😱

 

[isabeau]

And we can always count on you for such wonderful advice......... 😱

lmao aint it the truth kis??? he always is sooo smart.

anyway follow your heart. it wont let you down. as a somewhat older person myself, i believe that if you find true love age shouldnt matter in the least, unless the person involved is under um 18 i suppose. age is just a number. you love what the person is and how right they are for you, not the years they have lived here on earth. the only thing that bothers me is, you said you would like children. a woman in her late forties to almost fifty will have more problems conceiving than a younger woman. but not always. anyway good luck. as i said before follow your heart, your heart will never fail you.

isabeau

 

[crydun]

I agree with the consensus that age is just a number.

The best two relationships I've had on here(both still going, though in different degrees) are with 2 44 year old men. I love them both in their respective ways and I don't worry about the aging thing.

1) because I am younger, I could take care of them better

2) You don't have to be old to get ill or die. Heck, I could go first.
Life is meant to be lived. Enjoy it!

 

[blondie46]

Hi knogz,
My off again now on again fiance is 18 yrs younger than I am, and we have both backed off numerous times, but not because of the age gap. I have received a lot of support from
www.agelesslove.com
It is similar to this forum, with different topics, a chat room, older men, older women/younger men, sex, politics,etc. That one and this one are my online "homes."
Sending you hugs and wishing you much love in your relationship.

 

[kcantankerous]

Thanks for all of yalls input.

I really wouldnt mind sticking with her, and I need to let her know that. All I care about is what I want and thats her. However, if it looks like my involvement of that degree will harm her or her kids I wont make a move at all.

 

[TKpervert]

knogz, you're too immature to make a big decision like this so early in your life.

1. You described her as "Positive and hard working, and has a pretty voice."
If all you want in your life is a pretty voice, you're pretty easy.

2. You came to this board of strangers looking for validation for a decision you should be able to make for yourself.

If you're that enthralled with her, be her soulmate but for God's sake don't marry her. Shack up if you want but keep all finances separate.

 

[Sultrybrunette]

Hi knogz,
My off again now on again fiance is 18 yrs younger than I am, and we have both backed off numerous times, but not because of the age gap. I have received a lot of support from
www.agelesslove.com
It is similar to this forum, with different topics, a chat room, older men, older women/younger men, sex, politics,etc. That one and this one are my online "homes."
Sending you hugs and wishing you much love in your relationship.

Hmmmmm thanks for the link. I will be putting that in my favs and taking a closer look when I have more time.

Knogz, your an intelligent guy. You know what you want. I agree with the rest of them that says just talk to her about how you feel and your reservations about it all. Communication will always be the most important thing. If you do decide to go for it I truly hope that it works out for you. Best wishes.

 

[Edge]

I agree with you on the "20 year old stupid girls"...most of them are sooooooooo lost and just ridiculous. Sure 20 year old guys aren't the greatest either but they are a lot easier to talk to, get along with, and are a lot less picky than 20 year old girls. Add to that the fact most 20 year old girls think that every guy is into boobs and sex...thats it lol. Forget tickling, most of them have no clue what a foot fetish even is...
anyways you should stick with your older woman if you liike her. I don't think I personally could date someone even a few years older than me, let alone that much older, but to each his own...I like girls a few years younger than me, if you like her, age shouldn't really matter much. Just see what happens.

 

[50greg]

You like older men, do you, Sultry? Gee. 🙂

 

[kis123]

knogz, you're too immature to make a big decision like this so early in your life.

1. You described her as "Positive and hard working, and has a pretty voice."
If all you want in your life is a pretty voice, you're pretty easy.

2. You came to this board of strangers looking for validation for a decision you should be able to make for yourself.

If you're that enthralled with her, be her soulmate but for God's sake don't marry her. Shack up if you want but keep all finances separate.

What are you afraid of??? The possibility that this relationship might work?? Why so negative and so insistant in pushing your opinions?

So she's good enough to screw and shack-up with, but not to marry? That goes way beyond shallow!

If knogz is willing to take the chance of loving an older woman, it should be respected whether you like his choice or not!

How do you know he hasn't come to a decision by himself? He's only listened all opinions-the final thoughts about this will come from him on his own!

You're being way too judgemental! If you don't like his decision, don't make it for yourself-but leave him alone to make his own way!

 

[steph]

Well, I dig knogs, kis and tkperv. I'd love it if we stop fighting honeys. Sometimes, in the end, the heart wants what it wants, yes?
XOXO