Ask a Leaf!

[leafstk]

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

Now that's just wrong, lol!

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

I would say so, yes

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Because sex isn't, unless you like the lights out

When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two cents in... what happens to the other penny?

It goes in the Social Fund for Quirkville of course!

 

[Acarophiliac]

What happened to the answer to my question, leafy? 😀

 

[leafstk]

Ok, so I don't have time to properly bomb you with questions since I have to work. Here are the rest of the questions.

To this I say:

Why is the man who invests all your money called a 'broker'?

They're scam artists, the lot of them!

Why do croutons comes in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

Hold the mold, please

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

Just because...

Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

It is the nature of things

Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?



"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

You're askin' the wrong guy!

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

Tell me... what the hell is a tree surgeon?

Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

Yup! Really pisses of the establishment 😀

What hair color do you put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

Oh poor Tex

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

To serve you, of course!

How come no one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning?

Because they are hosers 🙂

How come you never hear about gruntled employees?

Oh I know a few 😀

If quitters never win and winners never quit, what fool came up with "Quit while you're ahead"?

A gambling addict?

Would you be willing to commit perjury in court for a close friend?

Depends on the circumstances

Would you be willing to eat a bowl of live crickets for $40,000?

Absolutely not

Would you be willing to give up sex for five years if you could have wonderfully sensual and erotic dreams whenever you wished?

Um... NO

Would you be willing to give up sex for one year if you knew it would give you a much deeper sense of peace than you have now?

Short term pain for long term gain?

Would you be willing to have horrible nightmares every night for a year if you would be rewarded with extraordinary wealth?

No

Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 5 years to become extremely attractive?

Who says I'm not now? 😛

Would you enjoy spending a month of solitude in a beautiful natural setting? Food and shelter would be provided but you would not see another person.

Sure, sounds nice lol

Would you generally be overdressed or underdressed at a party?

Casual, depending on the setting

If you could wake up tomorrow in the body of someone else currently living, would you do so? Whom would you pick?

I don't think so... but it would be fun to fuck with people for a day 😀

Would you have one of your fingers surgically removed if it guaranteed immunity from all major diseases?

Nope... that would mean one less tickle tool! 😛 😱

Have you ever returned an item to a store for a refund after havng used it?

If it didn't work, sure

Would you like to have a child much more intelligent and attractive than yourself?

What kind of questions are these anyway?

What was the most recent movie that made you cry?

A re-run of a powerful Six Feet Under episode :

If you could bring one character to life from your favorite book, who would it be?

Zaphod Beeblebrox

Do you believe honesty is the best policy?

Yes

What vegetable do you most resemble?

I love broccoli!

What dead person would you least want to be haunted by?

No idea

Which cartoon character do you resemble the most?

Dennis the Menace?

What one toiletry item could you never live without?

Toothpaste

What would constitute a perfect evening for you?

Steak dinner at the Keg, tickets to a Leafs playoff game, bar hopping around the city afterwards

Which animal is the smartest? Why?

Birds... they know to fly south away from this frozen tundra in the winter, lol

If you could have heard the deathbed confession of one person from history, who would you pick?

Hey, I'm not morbid 😛 LOL

Which color describes you most accurately?

I dunno, but I love BLUE!

Which is more important: actual experiences, or the memories that remain when the experiences are over?

Well, you don't have memories without the experiences, right?

What is the most romantic thing thats ever been done for you?

Candlelight dinner

If you could read the private diary of someone you know personally, whose diary would you read?

That's just wrong... I would never do that

Would it disturb you if, upon your death, your body were simply thrown into the woods to rot?

WTF is up with these questions, Nemesis! 😛 😀

Would you accept $1 million to leave the country and never set foot in it again?

No, I Canada. Make it 2 Mil and we have a deal 😛

If you could romantically kiss someone that you never have, who would you want it to be?

D'awww, you think I'm gonna tell you that? 😀

Would you accept $10,000 to shave your head and continue your normal activities without a covering of any sort and without being able to explain the reason?

Sure... it'll grow back 😛

Would you accept a much less enjoyable job paying twice what you make now?

Depends, but probably not

If you could solve one of history's "unsolved mysteries" which would you choose?

Area 51

Would you be content with a marriage of the highest quality in all respects but one - it completely lacked sex?

No, because I want kids dammit! 😛

Would you be willing to become extremely ugly physically if it meant you would live for 1,000 years at any physical age you chose?

No... I don't dig vampires

Nicely done, Goddess! 😛

You have not heard the last of DeadLeaf... not by a long shot!

 

[leafstk]

Why do people park in driveways and drive on parkways?

Because that's just the way it is, dammit!

It is Monday morning, are you going to turn over a new "Leaf"?

Hey Pokey!

Yes, a new day has dawned... I'll report back to ya tomorrow how it went 😀

Do still miss watching Dexter every Sunday??

I think I am still in withdrawls!!

Hey Taryn!

Boy do I ever! The wait for next season is already killing me!

What happened to the answer to my question, leafy? 😀

Patience my boy, patience! 😛 😀 I've had just about enough of ridiculous questions for one day LOL

 

[Acarophiliac]

I've been shamelessly flirting with the girls on this forum. Is that a good move or a bad one?

 

[leafstk]

I've been shamelessly flirting with the girls on this forum. Is that a good move or a bad one?

Always worked for me!

 

[Acarophiliac]

Have you ever wanted to be someone else for a day?

 

[leafstk]

Have you ever wanted to be someone else for a day?

I believe that was one of the questions Nemesis asked, LOL Not really, but maybe Leafs GM Brian Burke so I can slap some sense into the team

 

[goddess_nemesis]

Nicely done, Goddess! 😛

You have not heard the last of DeadLeaf... not by a long shot!

Note to self: never visit your thread while I'm at work. I nearly busted a gut at some of your answers.

Sorry about the one post bombing. In my defense I couldn't bomb you properly because of work. 😛

Also, even though I asked to be bombed, you two shouldn't have taunted me in my Confession Thread. I couldn't let that slide, now could I?

 

[Acarophiliac]

Did you see Mike Tyson guest host RAW last Monday night?

 

[Pokey]

good morning Leaf! Hope you are well!

 

[Helena]

good morning Leaf! Hope you are well!

Morning, Ninja!
Hope you are well.
What are you up to?

 

[Desparting297]

Eh???

 

[leafstk]

Note to self: never visit your thread while I'm at work. I nearly busted a gut at some of your answers.

Sorry about the one post bombing. In my defense I couldn't bomb you properly because of work. 😛

Also, even though I asked to be bombed, you two shouldn't have taunted me in my Confession Thread. I couldn't let that slide, now could I?

Glad you enjoyed, they were fun to answer 😀 All's fair in love and war! 😛

Did you see Mike Tyson guest host RAW last Monday night?

No, I'm really not a boxing or wrestling fan I keep an eye on the UFC, but that's about it 😀

good morning Leaf! Hope you are well!

Howdy Pokey! Thanks man! Bit frustrated today to be honest, but I'll survive 😀 How are things your way?

Morning, Ninja!
Hope you are well.
What are you up to?

Helena! I'm doing well, how are you these days? Right now I'm trying to figure a few things out and banging my head against the wall, lol. But it's all good 🙂 What's new with you?

 

[leafstk]

Eh???

LOL, it's catching! I'll make a hockey fan out of you yet!

 

[Big_Dogg85]

LOL, it's catching! I'll make a hockey fan out of you yet!

Make a hockey fan out of K? I got ur back bro!

What is up my friend?

Did you watch the Sportscentre Top 10 that had all of the rants against officials?

 

[Pokey]

all is well over here in Michigan Leaf. What time do you usually have breakfast (If you eat breakfast, lol)?

 

[paracarl44]

How do you like TicklingNemesis bombing your thread?

 

[leafstk]

Make a hockey fan out of K? I got ur back bro!

What is up my friend?

Did you watch the Sportscentre Top 10 that had all of the rants against officials?

Hey Dogg!

I'm good, how have you been? Our Leafs are really stinkin' it up again 🙁 Damn, I missed the Top 10 last night! I'll have to see if it's on the website 😀 What did you make of this whole Auger/Burrows debacle?

all is well over here in Michigan Leaf. What time do you usually have breakfast (If you eat breakfast, lol)?

I've never been a big breakfast eater, Pokey I usually have something small like a muffin or something mid-morning... like around 10:30 to tide me over until lunch time

How do you like TicklingNemesis bombing your thread?

LMAO! 😀 She did good! But alas, she has awoken a sleeping giant

 

[Pokey]

Pancakes or waffles?

 

[deadlywiffeathr]

Williams suffered a minor injury tonight. Delighted or saddened by this news? 😛

 

[texastickler]

Spread the word my friend. Mr. Texas himself should be back full time on Monday. BTW. I broke down and got Skype.

 

[Desparting297]

Why isn't Boots a shoe shop?

 

[paracarl44]

Is there a hockey game tonight?

 

[leafstk]

Pancakes or waffles?

Mornin' Pokey! 😀 I prefer pancakes on the rare occasion that I have them.

Williams suffered a minor injury tonight. Delighted or saddened by this news? 😛

I'm ecstatic!! She's so arrogant and her little tantrum at the U.S. Open didn't help win me over either, lol. 😀

Spread the word my friend. Mr. Texas himself should be back full time on Monday. BTW. I broke down and got Skype.

Hey man! That's awesome, good to hear! 😀 I'll have to add you to Skype when you get back

Why isn't Boots a shoe shop?

Hey Hyper!

Thats a good question, lol. I don't believe we have "Boots" stores here... what kind of store is it then? 😱

Is there a hockey game tonight?

Hey Carl!

Yup, there was a game last night.... they got killed 🙁 I actually dozed off, it was so awful