Attraction..

[Soulfly]

Disclaimer: I am an overweight person.


Now, I have been making a solid effort to lose weight, and I've had some success.


My question is this. Why are people so cruel? Let me put it this way: Soemone comes up to you and expresses interest in you romantically. You politely say: I'm sorry, but I'm not interested in dating right now."


There is nothing wrong with that. But tonight I made an effort to express interest in a girl (which WAS NOT easy for me) .. and this was the response I got:


"your disgusting, don't look at me"

..Now, I usually get over things pretty quickly. I understand that sexually, people are only attracted to people that HAVE attractive physical traits. I accept that. But when she said that to me, I just thought to myself...Why would someone want to do that? Why would someone want to hurt someone on such a deep level? I'll never forget what was said to me tonight. I actually cried about it.


I'll continue to try my best to lose weight, but I don't know if I'll ever be able to get over this experience.

 

[ticklingfeet4fu]

Let me tell you something Soulfly. I do not consider myself attractive at all. In fact, I find myself to be pretty ugly. But Sadira finds qualities in me so I have a girlfriend. Which is nice. But let me tell you something, if that lady did that to you or anyone, she is not worth the air you breath. Trust me on this one buddy. If she treated you like that then she isn't worth the time or the effort to think about her. Now, if you want to use her as a motivation tool that is worth the while. What I mean is: if you want to one day after you have lost the weight you feel comfortable losing go back to her and let ehr know what she can't have now then by all means stick it to her. She deserves that. Nobody deserves to be talked down to Soulfly. And you don't either. You are better off without her. She is a superfical . But I didn't say that. 😛

 

[asutickler]

Don't look upon it as a bad thing: Her response revealed to you that, despite what you thought, she is not someone whom you would want to have a relationship. Had she been polite, you might have gone on wasting time fixated upon her without realizing that she is a nasty person. Now you know, and this gives you more time to use in looking for someone else.

Being overweight is no fun... But its fixable. Its also certainly not the worst thing in the world: I've never met someone whose appearance was so off-putting that I couldn't stand to be in the same room with them. I have, however, met several people who were so rude, nasty, snobbish, or etc. that I couldn't stomach being in their presence.

 

[leafstk]

Someone so callous and shallow shouldn't be worthy of your tears, man. That was a totally uncalled for and nasty thing to say... don't look inward, she obviously has issues of her own

 

[aun_existe_amor]

Everyone else on this thread has been completely right. I know you are hurt and you will always remember what she said to you but that doesn't mean that you will never get a girlfriend whether you are overweight or not. Don't lose weight because of what she said or because you want a girlfriend, do it because you want to. There are lots of women who prefer bigger men, I'm one of them. I'm not just saying it to make you feel better, look at the "who do you prefer to tickle" thread. A few days ago I said that I liked bigger men. If I do, then other women do too. The woman who upset you isn't worth your tears. When you least expect it the perfect woman will find you 🙂

 

[german]

Wow that is harsh. When I first read it I honestly thought maybe you went out of your league but really no one should be spoken to like that regardless who she thinks she is.

I wish I had your resolve, if that was me I would of pimped slapped the taste out of her mouth. Now seriously all I can say is chin up man you dont want some one that shallow anyway. Find someone nice and friendly also keep on doing what your doing; hit the gym or what ever you do to lose weight and keep on asking out the girls you dont know what ill happen.

Kust

 

[isabeau]

you know i sometimes wonder how people can be so callous and rude.. hon shes not worth your time.. my pm box is open if ever you need to vent. and dont worry, for all the bitches out there, i believe there are many more nice kind and considerate people.. you just happened to run into a class a bitch. dont think about it too hard, please dont let it affect you. you are such a nice person i would hate to think this has ruined anything for you..

isabeau

and good luck with losing weight, wanting to is a good start. but take it slow, no matter how fast you would wish it to come off, slow is healthier and will have better effects in the long run...

 

[german]

Also man if you want advise with weight lose or any help or advise with your training, etc, just pm me I'm sure I could help get a program or something.

Kust

 

[lk70]

Just want to echo what everyone else said and what you probably already knew anyway. You sure as heck didn't want someone like that anyway. She's going to have a lot more trouble finding long term happiness than you are, you can be sure.

Do whatever you need to do to feel good about yourself and things will fall into place as they should. (Sounds simple and believe me I know it isn't- just something to work towards.)

 

[new2sceenbob]

Some people are just cruel

Some people are just cruel. There is no excuse for it. It is a flaw in their character, or their soul if you will. I believe that in life we are only responsible for our own actions. We can be great successes, or dismal failures, only because of what we do, not because of what other people are doing around us. Please hang in there, and I wish you great success...

Sincerely,
Bob

 

[tkrexx]

What-a-BITCH!!

There are women who are as bad as children, they don't realize how badly they hurt people, and not just men. Or they DO realize it, and get off on the power they percieve it brings them. Don't give her that power, man. Obviously her only goals in dating are upping her social status with the other girls. She does that by slamming "Unworthy" guys very publicly and going after guys out of her leaugue. It's also quite apparent she can't get said guys; her hurtful attitude suggests an unhealthy amount of frustration.

I can identify with you, Pal. I've never been overweight, but I've always been "Under-tall." There are just as many gals who won't lower themselves to date a short guy. That part doesn't bother me, I know how to deal with it. What really sets me off is the fact that these are the very same women who will get vehement if a guy says he won't date a "Fat Chick." Do NOT tell me what's ok for you is taboo for me, regardless of gender/race/"league." #1 button you should not push.

Assuming you are in the same company with this gal again, Soulfly, DO NOT allow her to finish one sentence to you directly. If she tries even to apologize for her previous appalling behavior, don't empower her with anger or hurt, keep cool and immediately begin talking to someone else about anything and walk away. Even a total stranger across the room is more deserving of your attention. I'm a big fan of treating people exactly how they treat me. It's easy to spot the assholes that way. The assholes don't like how they're being treated.

Rxx

 

[TicklishLurker]

There is nothing wrong with that. But tonight I made an effort to express interest in a girl (which WAS NOT easy for me) .. and this was the response I got:


"your disgusting, don't look at me"

Been there, done that SO many times with men. I've heard a ton of variations of "You're a nice person, but you're too fat to be seen with in public" or "I'd be ashamed to be seen with such a fat woman in public." Basically, I'm good enough to talk to when people aren't looking, but when they are I need to go away and pretend I don't know them. It's one of the reasons I'm such a bitter b***h now. And, like you, I've tried it all to lose weight except surgery. I've gone to nutricionists(sp?), done the Atkins thing, joined a gym (that was a disgusting experience, I was the only one who bothered to wipe down the machines and every time I went within a couple of days I had a cold - not to mention the black mold in the women's dressing room....) Now I'm on thyroid medicine and it's working a little, but not much. (I have a slightly underactive one.)

Now you've heard enough times that "she's too shallow for you" - and it's true. Not all of us women are that shallow, no matter what the tv networks would have you think. But as far as being cruel - well, some people are jerks. But we'll see how she feels about people who don't fit society's standards of beauty when she's old enough her metabolism no longer works correctly, after three or four kids have ruined her figure, and her first wrinkles appear.

 

[tulipangel]

WOW.... was she raised by farm animals? No, farm animals have more class then that! Sorry you had to go through that! As a woman with some extra "meat" I have had BOYS act like that to me.... No real MAN or WOMAN would do that! She is a little girl in a womans body! Your a good person and SHE isnt worth YOUR time!

 

[Helena]

Hello to you, my darling. It was not your fault that someone treated you so badly. She's a bit*h.

It is better to keep looking for a partner that will love and care for you. And I want you to know that skinny people don't always get treated nicely either. It is the truth that some people are just self centered and mean, and it has nothing to do with weight. Their personalities are horrid.

Be kind to yourself today and everyday. If you need to talk about this with someone, my PM box is always open to you. I'm glad that you told us about your feelings in this forum. Sometimes just talking about your awful day can make it feel a little better. 😛

 

[tulipangel]

Very well said Helena.... I tried on a dress the other day in my size and this girl who must have been a size 2 tried the same dress on... she told her friend "if a fat girl is going to wear it I cant"..... so i put the dress back, i should have bought it anyway... looked better on me then it did her 😉
Some people just don't have class! 🙂

 

[Strider]

This girl was just a bitch, you'll run across them from time to time in life. Just try not to let it get to you too much (and trust me, I know that part can be difficult).

As for the weight, I've had to battle it my entire life. It's not always easy. I'm at a decent enough weight now, but only because I force myself to go to the gym 5 days a week, otherwise, I'd blow up.

 

[terorizer]

That is really cold.

Everyone has said this young lady isn't worth the effort or fretting, which is all true, but I know sometimes, one truth may have nothing to do with another; it still hurts to be rejected. We must not let that hurt negatively affect how we view ourselves though. It's easier said than done for some, but ultimately, the opinion that matters most in regards to self, is your own. A queen knows when she sees a king, so carry yourself like one. Where one woman sees "disgusting and fat", another woman sees "security and power".

Congratulations on your weight loss achievments btw! Keep it up, most importantly for good health. I know it's not easy, but rest assured, there are plenty o' fans of the "big sexy"! 🙂

 

[drew70]

What she did was one of the worst things a human being can do to another and at the worst possible moment. She's a ****, plain and simple.

 

[Mark Diplock]

I hate those rude people

I've met my fair share of rude people. even got stung myself once.
Trust me, there is always going to be someone who will be like that. However.. I would never have met some really nice people if i stayed away and never spoke up. Take it on the chin and find someone else who likes you.
You'll find them. They're out there!

 

[slap'n'ticklee]

You did not need to hear that!!!

I was so saddened to read your post.

I know what its like to be where you are right now, you see, I have recently lost nearly 5 1/2 stone and I still wanna lose a further 10lbs. I am glad that you are doing something about it as it will most definately start to build up your confidence, believe me that this will not happen over night, unfortunately.

I wanna give you a big hug, this girl is such a nasty piece of work and you shouldn't waste another second of your time thinking about what she said to you and how it made you feel. She is obviously someone that loves to go around hurting peoples feelings, just think in about 20 yrs time she could have a weight problem and I hope to God that she doesn't get snide comments thrown at her.

Sending you loads of hugs and like Izzy if you wanna chat then please feel welcome to PM me, don't know how I can help really but know that you are not alone with feeling like this and it does get better, thankfully...

 

[maniactickler]

Dont let losers like that bother you. keep your chin up. its all in the attitude. i see plenty of overweight guys with hot chicks. hell, im a real thin guy and i cant even land a hot babe. must be the flatulence thing. but thats another matter.

 

[kcantankerous]

Your a man its all good, last I checked there's millions of women just about in any state including wherever you live. Breath and keep on looking if thats where you are in your life, even if a thousand girls turn you down there's still millions you havent asked out yet.

 

[Tamia78]

I'm gonna echo everyone else's sentiments, and defintely say try not to think about her. Bitches like that get their come-uppance sooner or later. It's like the saying "Misery loves Company"......she must be one sad bitch to say such hurful words. My guess is that the same thing got said to her by some unattainable asshole she was trying to flirt with.

You are so much better than that! And the good news is, you are going to meet someone who will cause you to forget those words were ever said to you. Good luck on your weight loss goals. You'll do fine!



--T

 

[steph]

Apologies for the profanity~but what a classless f'ing pig.

Don't let an insensitive asshat like this put you off from people in general~I ADORE the big cuddly guys in my life! LOVE them! I always feel so safe and secure around them.

Listen, here's a true life tale from the trenches: I sometimes have to counsel patients who are in recovery from drugs and/or alcohol. For a lot of them, this is a total lifestyle change. Sometimes the people in their life are skeptical and try to derail their efforts at bettering themselves. They tell them things that are rude and unsupportive.

Do you know what we teach them?

The negative things other people say about you and TO you are VERY often more a reflection on them and what kind of people they are, instead a reflection on you. People who hurt, hurt others. Please dry your tears and see the precious commodity that you are. You owe that much to yourself. With love.

XOXO

Disclaimer: I am an overweight person.


Now, I have been making a solid effort to lose weight, and I've had some success.


My question is this. Why are people so cruel? Let me put it this way: Soemone comes up to you and expresses interest in you romantically. You politely say: I'm sorry, but I'm not interested in dating right now."


There is nothing wrong with that. But tonight I made an effort to express interest in a girl (which WAS NOT easy for me) .. and this was the response I got:


"your disgusting, don't look at me"

..Now, I usually get over things pretty quickly. I understand that sexually, people are only attracted to people that HAVE attractive physical traits. I accept that. But when she said that to me, I just thought to myself...Why would someone want to do that? Why would someone want to hurt someone on such a deep level? I'll never forget what was said to me tonight. I actually cried about it.


I'll continue to try my best to lose weight, but I don't know if I'll ever be able to get over this experience.

 

[Soulfly]

Thank you guys so much. Reading all these replies has made me feel so much better.


I'll continue toward my weight loss goal, and I won't give up on a relationship, either.