Back To The Hospital Yet Again

[Mitchell]

Well, of course it had to happen. We are going back to the hospital yet again, after being home not even 24 hours. Of course I'm upset that my mother isn't feeling well, but I'm also exhausted, disgusted, frustrated, and angry, for both her and myself. My father arrogantly told me when my paternal grandfather was sick with cancer, (I was 11) that the caregiver is often considered by the medical doctors as much as the patient. Thus was his justification for my father's mother's rotten treatment of me at that time.

I have NO ONE in my family to support me. My aunt the artist went off on me last week, my other aunt is incapable, and my first cousin doesnt care. This, from people who I gave time, and money to, for years. Nice to know they are there for me in my time of need. Of course everyone knows that my father is just waiting for my mother to die, to he can get her alimony check back. I dont even have to go off about him.

Also, to boot, my mom has been raging at me.

To put into perspective: Since May 27th, I have been home a total of.. counting last night.. two weeks. The rest has either been in NJ with no or limited computer access, and over a month in the hospital.

So, I'm gone again.. A day.. A week.. a month.. I dont know. My mom was told she might have burning from the radiation. She thinks she has a heart problem.

i apologize if this is a rant. I'm just at my wits end. It was nice to have one night home last night. Who the hell knows when I'll have another one?

Again.. sorry.

Mitch

 

[Angel_2]

Man I don't know what to say, this is very heartbreaking and I'm so sorry to hear your mom has to go back to the hospital. Its tough to deal with but your strong and your mother is just as strong. Just keep your head up and forget everyone else. its you and her if you need anything my pm box is always open. God Bless Bro

 

[Mitchell]

Thanks, Angel. I appreciate your support.

I dont know what is going to be. After my mom screamed at me that she wanted to go to the hospital, and she heard from her cancer Dr in NJ who advised her to go, she said she was going to sleep, and try to fight it off.

The cancer Dr didnt think it was anything serious. However, the doctors in Lancaster told her that she is susceptible to blood clots in her lungs, chest, and heart, because she has cancer, and has received treatment, so the thought that she God Forbid has a clot, or had/will have a heart attack, is very real.

I'm just going to let her sleep. As we know EMS runs 24-7. I can call them at 3am. I hope she feels better, but, after all that has happened, it wouldnt surprise me if we had to go.

Mitch

 

[Leo tickles]

This is becoming destructive to you...... I suggest looking into alternative options that aren't so pleasant.

 

[Mitchell]

Yes, Leo, I know its destructive to me. Of course my main concern is my mom, but i dont deny I'd love to be home for a while. It would be nice to watch a baseball game, or an On Demand movie, or hang with my friends on forum.

Plus, as everyone knows, I have high BP. I'm not supposed to be over 175 lbs on the Drs scale at any time. Last time I was 180 on his scale, and while he wasnt thrilled, my bp was okay, so he didnt go off on me.


All the stress and hospital food has made me eat. This morning I tipped the home scale at a robust 186. I havent been that heavy since I lost the weight in 2005. I was supposed to have gone to see him in August for my six month bp check, but with all the trips and hospitalizations, havent gone yet. 186 on my scale will be 190 on his. I want to get down to no more than 180, but.. I'm going to have a dose of chinese food before going on a diet. I am entitled.

I keep hoping my mom will wake up and feel okay, but.. as i always am, I will be by her side later tonight if she calls EMS, or anytime, of course.

Thanks again for the support.

Mitch

 

[Bugman]

Sorry to hear this Mitch, but I'm a bit confused. If your mother has to be hospitalized can it be handled in Lancaster or will you be going back to New Jersey? I don't get a clear sense from your post which may be my fault.

 

[kurchatovium]

Sorry to hear this Mitch. 🙁 Hang in there buddy.

 

[Mitchell]

Thanks, bug.

I'm sorry for not clarifying my post. My mom was just released from Lancaster General yesterday. If we go back tonight, it will be to Lancaster General again. We likely wont be going up to NJ again until her appts with the cancer drs, and scans, which hopefully will be coming up soon.

Thanks kurch.

She is still sleeping. I pray she wakes up and feels better. However, as I said before, at this point I'm prepared for anything.

Mitch

 

[carol8961]

Sorry to hear about this, Mitch. I will keep you and your mom in my prayers. If you ever need to talk, let me know.

Carol

 

[Mitchell]

Thanks for your support and prayers, Carol. They are appreciated. I will definitely PM you if I want to chat. Thanks.

Mitch

 

[GQguy]

This is becoming destructive to you...... I suggest looking into alternative options that aren't so pleasant.

I agree....although we might mean different things. Following your story has allowed me to really think about how I would handle the situation you're dealing with. I would do many things differently...but that's neither here nor there. The big theme i'd keep in mind though is that "life goes on". My dad was in a coma a few years back for 3 months. During which I(we) thought death was imminent. I visited him everyday BUT....I continued my life. I figured out how not to be a burden on my mom should she be a widow(signed up for the military). I worked two jobs, laughed, saved, cried(alot), drank(alot), dated,worked out, played basketball, argued, saw my little bro graduate, played with my nephew...ect while simultaneously not knowing if that next day might be dad's last. That was my last summer at home before the military but I made the best of it.

Your situation requires more intimate care.....but I suggest you live your life too! Treat yourself to a baseball game. Go to a movie. Chill with friends. Sleep at home when you can. A few hours away from mom will only help give you more time to clear your head and hers. Man! I remember the fights my mom and I would get into while my dad was in the hospital. Beers with friends or an upcoming date with that cool girl definitely allowed me to handle my world being tossed on it's head far better.

You're the boss bro. You may not be in control of your circumstances but you still have control of your attitude. I suggest living your life. You're still a good son and your mom seeing you happy is likely the best gift you can give her. Isn't that the point of motherhood?

GQ

 

[GQguy]

This is becoming destructive to you...... I suggest looking into alternative options that aren't so pleasant.

I agree....although we might mean different things. Following your story has allowed me to really think about how I would handle the situation you're dealing with. I would do many things differently...but that's neither here nor there. The big theme i'd keep in mind though is that "life goes on". My dad was in a coma a few years back for 3 months. During which I(we) thought death was imminent. I visited him everyday BUT....I continued my life. I figured out how not to be a burden on my mom should she be a widow(signed up for the military). I worked two jobs, laughed, saved, cried(alot), drank(alot), dated,worked out, played basketball, argued, saw my little bro graduate, played with my nephew...ect while simultaneously not knowing if that next day might be dad's last. That was my last summer at home before the military but I made the best of it.

Your situation requires more intimate care.....but I suggest you live your life too! Treat yourself to a baseball game. Go to a movie. Chill with friends. Sleep at home when you can. A few hours away from mom will only help give you more time to clear your head and hers. Man! I remember the fights my mom and I would get into while my dad was in the hospital. Beers with friends or an upcoming date with that cool girl definitely allowed me to handle my world being tossed on it's head far better.

You're the boss bro. You may not be in control of your circumstances but you still have control of your attitude. I suggest living your life. You're still a good son and your mom seeing you happy is likely the best gift you can give her. Isn't that the point of motherhood?

GQ

 

[Mitchell]

GQ thanks for your suggestion.

I live with her, so I'll be sleeping here. I work at home too.

I do go out on my own. In fact, if we dont have to go to the hospital tonight or tomorrow, I plan to go to lunch out, do some shopping, etc.

She just woke up a bit ago. I asked her if she wanted to go to the hospital, and she said no. I'm hoping she can rally on her own, but as I said before, I'm prepared to take her if I have to.

Mitch

 

[GQguy]

Enjoy the shopping and lunch!! Invite some friends out that can make you laugh.

GQ

 

[Mitchell]

Thanks.

Mitch

 

[ticklebunny 2]

Mitch, I am so very sorry to hear all this tragic and sad news about your mother. I am sorry you have to keep ending up in the hospital. That has to be rough on your mother and on you also. That is really tough. I feel for you-really wish/hope things get better for you-hope your mother has a steady but quick recovery-sadly it looks like that might not happen. I am really sorry to hear that. Cancer is a terrible thing-I give you kudos you having this strength to be there for your mother-be strong for her. I know she deep down is proud of you-just got to remember she is in a lot of discomfort and misery physically/emotionally right now-cancer talking not her. Hospitals are never fun -I have a feeling she is more angry at the situation then she is at you. Try to be good to yourself as much as you can. Cherish the time you have with your mom-I am praying for you and keeping you and your mother in my thoughts. Hopefully she can make it through this and have a solid recovery-healing-but if not-asked God show your mother mercy-make her another angel in Heaven-take away her pain. I hope you know I mean no harm-just saying hope it will be a happy ending for you and your mother-loved ones that are there for you and her-few that might be-from what you said. However if God can't take her pain away-pray she not be in a lot of pain-merciful -give you a chance to cherish the times you have with her-give you both a chance to say goodbye. I am sorry-really wish this might have a happy ending. You are in my thoughts.🙁

 

[Mitchell]

ticklebunny, let me explain something:

Obviously, if my mom is going to suffer, I want her to go peacefully and without pain. As I said before, every doctor we've spoken to said she is nowhere near death, medically, which is why your posts bother me. Her cancer Dr advised me to take her to the hospital tonight, and she doesnt want to go. As i said last night, no one, not me, the doctors, or anyone, has a scan or information saying any of this is terminal at this point.

If you decide to post in my threads about my mom, you really could help me at this point if you just said
"Sorry she's ill, hope she gets better" As you can imagine, the "Hopefully if she doesnt get better, she'll go without pain" is upsetting, especially at this point. Right now, the doctors are looking for ways to make her better, not for her to go without pain, since they have no information that she is terminal at this point.

Mitch

 

[ticklebunny 2]

Like I said I am sorry Mitch. I mean only well for both you and your mother. I will not mention again hopefully if God is not able to heal her over time-then he take her pain away-show her mercy and she will go without pain. I meant no harm /no hurt towards you or her when I expressed this-however I can see how me saying this could be hard to see /read/take in right now-I did not mean it to be harsh and without feeling/no way meant it to be callous Mitch. I only meant well. Sometimes I have trouble expressing myself at times when it comes sadly to sad heavy topics like this-tend at times to have a strong view/feelings on certain things at times. No doubt me saying that to you would upset you and emotionally disturb you-for that I am very sorry. I only meant it be a kind loving wish-not currently at this time-but only if things got worse-worse came to worst-she fought a really long and hard battle gave it all she had-spirit was ready to go home-not saying now-meant I had been saying only if after all was done-she could not be healed by God and if she could not be helped by doctors and medical staff, best cancer treatments, radiation ect done but sadly did not work. I said this because-also wished her peace like you wish her peace also do not wish to see her in pain-God make her an angel.

That is all I meant. I really do pray and hope all goes well-I am glad to hear so far the doctors are saying the cancer is not terminal-that is good news.
May God heal her and take away her cancer/medical troubles.

 

[Mitchell]

ticklebunny, I understand what you meant. I'll just say this: I appreciate your good wishes for my mom to get well. Its best left at that.

Mitch

 

[asianfeetickler]

Hi Mitch

I am sorry to hear that your mom is in pain.

There was a time when my dad had to go to hospital late frequently at night as well, so I can corelate.

I understand your situation is totally worse than mine.

I wish you have the strength to keep going and that your mom recovers soon.

Hlundertaker

 

[Mitchell]

asian, thank you for your post and your support.

I'm very sorry to hear that your dad was in pain and had to go to the hospital frequently. Also, I would never say my situation is worse than yours, because I understand that any medical emergency with a person close to you is upsetting.

Whats so upsetting to me is not knowing where this is going. Right now my mom's chemo Dr probably thinks we are at Lancaster General, because he ordered us to go there today. My mom doesnt want to, she just wants to sleep. I've told her I will do whatever she feels she needs.

This will probably be a wait and see situation.

Mitch

 

[Leo tickles]

@GQ- We defiantly mean different things. But the concept is the same. Mitch, your life is yours. You understand that your mom is a responsibility, but you are letting go of yourself to help her.

 

[Mitchell]

I understand that Leo. Right now I have to take one day at a time. This morning my mom woke up and feels like shit. We have to call her cancer Drs in NJ today to find out about her body scan, which can hopefully be done soon.

As for me, I'm trying to do the best I can.

Mitch

 

[kis123]

I've been down this road before with my mother. I was her primary caregiver with five sisters who did for her as they chose to and continued to live their lives while I was trying to work, go to school, deal with a husband, and raise two young kids. I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown, but I managed to make it through.

You do have to find some sort of balance and to find a life of your own. I'm right there with you in hopes your mother makes it through. But you are drowning in all of this and need some time to yourself. Have you asked anyone in the hospital for help? Do you have a social worker in place? They can point you to resources to get you some help. If you can get out the house once or twice a week it'll do you a world of good.

You need to establish (or reestablish) a life separate from caregiver for your sick mother before it completely consumes you and you are in your own hospital bed.

I hope the best for you both.

 

[Mitchell]

Thanks, kis, I appreciate your good wishes. I have been in touch with social workers at both the hosp in NJ, and here, and will touch with them again.

Just so everyone knows, we are going back to the hospital again this afternoon, as soon as I finish doing some housework, getting things together, and get my mom's meds at the pharmacy. We will probably call EMS late afternoon. My mom feels like hell. My concern is that with her just having been there 19 days, having just been discharged Monday, and such, that they wont view her as like the girl who cried wolf, and not admit her. Dr B, her chemo Dr in NJ, always says that admission is up to the ER doctors. This isnt even his hospital, as we know, so who knows what will be.

I may not be able to get online again today. Thanks as always for everyones good wishes. I'm usually never gone long when we're in Lancaster Gen, as I can come home and get online, since I'm here in town. If shes admitted, I may be back on tomorrow or Friday. If no admission, I'll get in touch late tonight or tomorrow morning.

Mitch