Bad experience trying to tell someone about tickling.

[JosephineBlack]

Wow, so there are a lot of interesting and helpful responses given here. I'm a big believer in Karma and so I'm not going to go off spewing hate about some girl I e never met. But, what I will say to you is that you are worthy. Your likes, your dislikes, everything that makes you you - it is enough and it worthy of finding someone who can appreciate and compliment you.

Do I think her reaction was crappy - yes, but I don't know her experiences to know if there was a reason behind her feelings -- and at the end of the day someone really can't help how they feel about something.

I remember years ago when a boyfriend told me some of the things he was into - it was some very serious pain play...things that I had absolutely no interest in and that almost scared me sometimes...and while we disagreed on certain aspects of the bedroom, we found some really fun middle ground and we continued to respect one another. Maybe you don't find that fantasy tickle sole mate your imagination comes up with, but finding someone whonis willing to accept you as you - to prioritize your needs as they do your own --- you'll be able to find happiness there too I think.

 

[Comfort Eagle]

How you're telling someone is a big factor, too. I think if I just immediately sent over a handful of intense Tickle Room videos to a potential play partner within the hour of dropping the news, I'd likely get a less enthusiastic response than I would if I had just explained it in a more appealing way. Even if tying her to chairs and making her squeal is something I'd want to do to her, obviously there needs to be some kind of easing into it.

 

[Sensualswitch10]

Sorry you had such a bad experience. I personally haven't really used the "f" word with vanilla girlfriends. They've all figured out I was into it fairly quickly, though. I've been incorporating bondage and tickling in my relationships just about from the time I started having relationships. The approach has been to feel the other person out and gradually increase the amount of tickling, both playful and during more intimate moments. You won't find much success going from zero to one hundred with the normies in my experience. Some on here may disagree with my approach, but it has worked quite well for me.

As far as her response, that sucks man. That's got to sting. Some people are just really judgey about non vanilla sex stuff. It's unfortunate, but try not to let it get you down.

 

[jinx]

Ticklecountry your analysis of the situation was very insightful and skillfully expressed.

 

[duderino84]

I'd say when people show each other porn it's both a test of limits and an invitation to share. You did, she didn't find it as endearing. It happens. You're more direct than me. I think the other side of showing porn is the sport aspect. Like "look how relentless that guy is". I think you need someone a little more in touch with feelings to match with.

 

[Yote]

Yeah, jumping into the tickling community first thing when you reconnected with her wasn't a smart move. It didn't seem like you worked you way into telling her like you said you did.

But you learned from your lesson, and that's a good thing. That girl sounded scornful, and it wasn't right of her to shame you like that on her part. I don't think you missed out on much if those are her true colors. A better woman will come along the way.

 

[Tickle Country]

Ticklecountry your analysis of the situation was very insightful and skillfully expressed.

Thank you. I tried my best to not come off as a raving maniac.

 

[NYC_finest]

You didn't make a mistake; you simply found out that the two of you are incompatible before you got emotionally involved with her. She's obviously narrow-minded and you may consider yourself lucky you've had such a lucky escape.

There are plenty of women out there who are willing to experiment. I've been married to one for over a decade, and she's a real beauty.

Now get out there and you may well get lucky- sooner or later, and let's hope it's sooner.

Keep pitching.

Thanks man, yea someone else I know who’s into fetish actually said I should put everything out in the begging so that kind of was another reason I did that.

But thanks for those kind words!

 

[NYC_finest]

If she thought that "making a personal connection" about your fetish was the only reason you started talking to her again, she might have been hurt by that.

That actually wasn’t the reason I started talking to her again. We had already started talking before I told her. But we were close and we vibed well together so that kind of gave me the comfortability to tell her.

 

[NYC_finest]

Hey that really sucks, I'm sorry to hear it. With that said, I've only opened up about this fetish to women I have been in established partnerships with, after we got to that point
I never brought it up with friends, or potential girlfriends. Only within established relationships.

Topics like this require intimacy on both sides. Until that is cultivated, I don't think it is a good idea to bring up to someone. Think boundaries for yourself and the other person.

Just my 2 cents and again sorry to hear of your experience.

On an additional note, I agree with some others who commented about said girl. If someone opened up to me, prematurely or not, about something like this, I wouldn't respond with shame. Would you? I'm assuming no, even if it wasn't your thing.

She sounds emotionally immature. Which is way more about her than it is about you. But next time wait until you two have at least had sex a few times/went out a few times to bring it up. If it were me that's what I'd do. If someone wants to indulge you out of either pleasure or love, great. As long as they communicate limots, and those limits are respected. If they don't want to indulge you, well, then you're incompatible. Personally for me, incompatibility hasn't come from the bedroom, but from deeper places psycologically.

Yea I’m actually taking it all in and hopefully I will learn from this to be a bit mite cautious if I ever decide to tell someone else.

 

[NYC_finest]

Learn from this one, keep telling people you're interested in about what you like. Life is about falling and getting back up. They won't all be winners, but you'll find one if you keep tryin.

Thanks you! I def agree with this!

 

[NYC_finest]

How soon after you decided to start talking to her again did you bring up the fetish stuff? And what kind of videos were they, like lighthearted, playful stuff, or hardcore, drooling-around-the-ball-gag stuff?

I just showed her some of my collection of my favorite clips, I had on my comp, and actually took her to the video clips section in here. It was a little bit of everything, from playful to torturous. And we started talking for a while before I told her. Once we reconnected we were having conversations and having out all the time. But it was just the other day that I actually came out and told her

 

[NYC_finest]

Wow, so there are a lot of interesting and helpful responses given here. I'm a big believer in Karma and so I'm not going to go off spewing hate about some girl I e never met. But, what I will say to you is that you are worthy. Your likes, your dislikes, everything that makes you you - it is enough and it worthy of finding someone who can appreciate and compliment you.

Do I think her reaction was crappy - yes, but I don't know her experiences to know if there was a reason behind her feelings -- and at the end of the day someone really can't help how they feel about something.

I remember years ago when a boyfriend told me some of the things he was into - it was some very serious pain play...things that I had absolutely no interest in and that almost scared me sometimes...and while we disagreed on certain aspects of the bedroom, we found some really fun middle ground and we continued to respect one another. Maybe you don't find that fantasy tickle sole mate your imagination comes up with, but finding someone whonis willing to accept you as you - to prioritize your needs as they do your own --- you'll be able to find happiness there too I think.

That’s very interesting . Too I think sometimes based on what we’re into, we do create a fantasy of the “perfect” person who can share our interest in that.

But yes someone who is willing to accept you is really what’s important

 

[brotherted]

There's an interesting question here about what's too fast and what's too slow -- regarding telling someone new about our little hobby.

Too fast -- and you not only might creep them out, but even worse betray a lack of empathy for the other person
Too slow -- and you not only disrespect your own needs, but also risk wasting a whole lot of your time and theirs

And so what's optimal? Probably changes with every person. But I'm a little embarrassed to admit that the higher the prospect, the more I'll delay, so as to not let "creepy fetish" be a potential issue. I suspect I'm not alone.

 

[ChicagoDavid]

First, sorry about that experience! I would ignore her for awhile, then send a message, "hey, do you want to pretend I never opened up to you on that fetish of mine and go back to the friendship we had? If so, let me know! If not, I wish you well."

Second, I really do need to Monday morning QB ya -- I've made the same mistake, and it's amazing how much better the conversation goes if you present it very differently. (Unlike admitting you're a Packers fan -- it doesn't really matter how you couch that one.) Sensualswitch10 describes a nice approach. No one can script a conversation or scene for you, but the concept is slow, and don't act like you're admitting to something weird. When the masseuse asked magic fingers, "why didn't you stop her from tickling you," I think the answer should be a casual, "I thought it was fun!" If she says, "no, it's horrible!" the answer is, "some people definitely feel that way. Other people think it can be fun."

People who don't have the fetish can find it enjoyable if introduced gradually and in a fun way. That's not 100%, but it's a much higher percent than "here let me show you tickle porn (sorry to say it, but please learn from that and don't do it again, same with community.). Figure out a way to make it fun. There are a bunch of possibilities. She lies on her stomach for a backrub. A couple minutes of hopefully great massaging. Then, light tickles. She complains, hey! A whisper in the ear - "the good news is, you're gonna get a great 20 minute massage. The bad news is, a few minutes of slightly evil tickling is the price." Then just a couple minutes, not too evil, and a full 20 minute massage. There are lots of ideas. A woman once said to me, "I never knew that tickling could be so erotic!" (One of my better days.)

 

[WheresThe Clip?]

So anyway, I met this girl and after we had been talking for a bit, I told her I was really into sex. So then I decided to show her some video clips of people having sex. Then after that I told her I belonged to a community where people did nothing but discuss people having sex, shared stories and experiences, and even shared video clips and photographs of people having sex. Yet what a bummer, she acted really weird from that point onwards.

Do you see my point ? And sex is what the normal people do. So you know already that you let your enthusiasm get the better of you here. Just chalk it down to experience and go a little slower next time.

 

[GirlMeetsTickle]

How do you know she’s extremely ticklish from chilling with her?

 

[duderino84]

How do you know she’s extremely ticklish from chilling with her?

Apparently OP must've tested the goods in the midst of being approached. Or maybe he figured she was a shy personality type. Shyness and tickling seem to go together.

So anyway, I met this girl and after we had been talking for a bit, I told her I was really into sex. So then I decided to show her some video clips of people having sex. Then after that I told her I belonged to a community where people did nothing but discuss people having sex, shared stories and experiences, and even shared video clips and photographs of people having sex. Yet what a bummer, she acted really weird from that point onwards.

Do you see my point ? And sex is what the normal people do. So you know already that you let your enthusiasm get the better of you here. Just chalk it down to experience and go a little slower next time.

So avoid sex? 😛 The thing is, people would likely ask not to be tickled unless it's in an orgasmic way (IE, just through sex). So I don't blame OP for trying to clear the air. I think the real issue is the porn...a lot of prospects I knew for tickling either asked me if it was a thing or looked it up themselves. And it was just easy to say "I like making people laugh, it's a turnon".

 

[GirlMeetsTickle]

Apparently OP must've tested the goods in the midst of being approached. Or maybe he figured she was a shy personality type. Shyness and tickling seem to go together.

Hm..never heard of shy types being thought of as ticklish, and it’d be really bizarre imo for someone to think they know someone is extremely ticklish on that basis. Plus the OP said she was bubbly anyway. Yeah maybe it's just that the OP tickled her. Just wasn’t sure.

 

[duderino84]

Hm..never heard of shy types being thought of as ticklish, and it’d be really bizarre imo for someone to think they know someone is extremely ticklish on that basis. Plus the OP said she was bubbly anyway. Yeah maybe it's just that the OP tickled her. Just wasn’t sure.

Idk I come across "bubbly" types of people who are always laughing themselves hysterically over nothing (random social quips and shit) and I'd be lying if tickling didn't cross the brain. To me that translates into nervous or shy energy on their parts.

 

[GirlMeetsTickle]

Idk I come across "bubbly" types of people who are always laughing themselves hysterically over nothing (random social quips and shit) and I'd be lying if tickling didn't cross the brain. To me that translates into nervous or shy energy on their parts.

Ok. Just sounds like more of a stretch at this point. I believe you though.

 

[Wolf]

Ok. Just sounds like more of a stretch at this point. I believe you though.

I dunno..it's been my experience that a number of people who are considered shy aren't as used to physical contact, and just might be a little more ticklish.
But, that's just me.

 

[chicago]

Wishful thinking is remarkable

 

[Wolf]

Wishful thinking is remarkable

Perception is everything, isn't it?

 

[GirlMeetsTickle]

I dunno..it's been my experience that a number of people who are considered shy aren't as used to physical contact, and just might be a little more ticklish.
But, that's just me.

Oh, I meant I believe duderino when he says he thinks some bubbly people who laugh about 'nothing' are actually shy/nervous, and that tickling occurs to him. But yeah, I don't agree, just to make that clear. Even if someone is 'bubbly' out of nervousness, I would never called that shyness. And if the OP says she approached him and came across as bubbly, I don't suspect that he took her for a shy type for one second. And I don't think that correlates to ticklishness anyway.

But I believe you too.