Battle with my fetish..

[Rectangle]

I'm putting this here because, well, I didn't much feel like putting it in "Tickling Discussion" where guys are out looking for wank fodder..
..that just comes across as wrong..if you mods see fit, move it, I wont take offense..

I need advice people.
Or do I?

Hell..I don't know..
I don't know where else to turn, what else to do with this..

Alright, centering my mind, the night's worth of wine is talking and I'm bordering on a rant..
..can't go there..

A little bit of backstory will get me on focus..

I'm a southern boy by birth.
Deep south.
A very..religious..south..

..It just dawned on me by the way, most of you guys probably don't want to read this..so be it..but I'm literally at a breaking point here, and since the one constant I can remember since I was very, very little is my fetish, and the TMF seems to be the place where my fetish is personified, I'm posting this here and now anyway, if you've got beef with it, don't read..

..anyway..

..a very religious south..
..and I grew up religious. Christian.
Very Christian.

I still am. Not to the point where I'm not sitting here posting on TMF with naked women flashing in ads on the side of the screen, but I'll get to that in a moment..

..I never gave much thought to my "fetish" when I was a kid, up through high school..
..my high school sweetheart was also Christian, and all about tickling, I guess I lucked out, but she saw it, as did I at the time, as a way to be physical but not "sexual"..at least according to what Christians view as "sex"..and she didn't mind going back and forth with it one bit..

..so I grew up with relatively little guilt about it. Of course, I wouldn't have wanted my grandmother to know about it, but before God, I saw myself as fine, blessed actually, that I had something to keep me away from..well..debauchery..

Flash foward. I'm in the Army, tromping through Germany and France, soon to be on my way to Iraq..
.little less "Christian"...the high school sweetheart is gone..replaced by a French girl who, amongst other things, had no problem with the "Chatouillement".
As a matter of fact, I know a lot of guys on here are tense about their "other" finding out..but I've never had that problem..never..literally every girl I've ever been with, I've been able to be honest with them, and there has been no problems..
..so no guilt there either..

Flash foward to Iraq..
..Infantryman..machine gunner..responsible for the lives of my closest friends..Ramadi..hell..roads exploding..friends dying..feeling of failure..fear..missing my family..missing God..needing God..

..I came back with a different life perspective, different spiritual perspective..

..I started digging into Christianity, pretty soon, I left the "Baptist" roots of my youth and found myself at the doors of a Greek Orthodox Church..
..got out of the Army as soon as my contract ended, and headed straight to a monastery..
..intended to become a monk..
I didn't. Was told I "wasn't ready", to go be Orthodox in the world for a few years, and if I still felt the same, to come back.


Now..I was on my own back out in the world..
..decided to go to college, put this nifty "GI Bill" to work..
..and soon enough, I started talking to girls..

Now..before I go there..I want to mention..from the moment I got serious about my faith, I hadn't even looked at TMF..
..there was a period before that when I went to my first munch, and was almost about to "embrace" the "kink" lifestyle..
..but I took a different turn..

..now, I'm at college, and I'm talking to girls..I'm not an ugly guy, maybe not Fabio, but I'm confident enough..
..and I start hanging out with some..
..and, just like before, the "fetish" thing is not an issue, I guess I have a decent enough way of presenting it, I've never had a girl that's been like "I'll never tickle you.." or "You can never tickle me.."..
..still, at this point, no guilt..

Flash foward to Confession with my Priest.

Since I had no guilt about it, when I was confessing "almost" having lost my "new" virginitiy after baptism with a girl, I mentioned the tickling thing.

..it was like I has walked over and set fire to the window curtains.
I got hit with a multi-month excommunication, given a prayer rule, told that I was living in delusion..

..none of which I disagree with persay..
..but it was kind of a shock..

Now, I found myself stuck fighting a battle with a part of me that I've never given enough thought to, or been put in a position to give enough thought to, to fight..

..so I tried.

I mean it TMF people, I've tried.

But the more I try to fight it down, the more it seems to have a hold.

I'd go to confession, I'd be told it was just demons attacking me..
..which I still don't disagree with..


..but I feel like I'm being ripped in half..


And tonight? I got drunk, made a new Fetlife account, got back on TMF after being forever gone..

..and I feel myself being pulled back into it.


But for what?
What is it I'm looking for here?
Sexual gratification?
That comes quick and leaves quick, for a guy at least, then you're left with the wreckage of guilt inside..


Why am I here?
Why am I looking for others "like me" in the area?
What is "like me"?
Why is it different?

Why should I feel guilty about this? I never did before..
But then again, why shouldn't I? It's weird..
..but if it wasn't normal, why are we ticklish in the first place?
..and I'm not a "weird" guy, I've got friends, I'm in school, I'm pretty "normal"..
..except for this..


I'm just confused.
Broken up.
Torn up actually.

And where else is there to go?
The visit with the Priest will come soon enough, and I'm not even close to being close to giving up my faith over this..
..but you guys are the only ones that understand..
At least I hope..

But hell, this could all be for naught, the mods might tell me I'm out of line for posting this on here and it all might get deleted into oblivion..


I don't even know what I'm asking for TMF.
I just need to rant, and need people that understand to hear it..

..other "weird" people that are just as normal as I am except for this one thing that supposedly tips the scale..

I don't know..dammit..take it for what you will.

If you read this far, thanks for it.

 

[Rectangle]

Nothing?
Well...I'm going to go find a comfortable place to pass out I think..
I'll save the verdict for the morning..

 

[Bothersome]

If sexual gratification is sin, then call me the most notorious sinner around.

I'm not going to speak on your behalf, but I know that at this point in my life, I have far more important things to worry about than whether I have the 'thumbs-up' from any omnipotent being. If it's really that big of a deal, then sin now, and ask for forgiveness later. Problem solved.

I have never, ever, ever felt guilty for making myself happy(given that I don't make others miserable in the process, which from what I can tell you aren't), and I find it downright revolting that there are people out there who would change that.

I hope you'll forgive my tactlessness, but this is not a subject that I beat around the bush with.

What you have is a sexual kink. If you weren't meant to have it, it wouldn't be there. You can either fight that truth for the rest of your life, or you can just accept it.

 

[mabus]

First off, don't expect immediate responses, especially since I noticed you posted it at 3:00 AM!

Sometimes topics have to sit a while, sometimes no one has any input. It's not a negative thing at all towards you, they just have nothing to add.

But patience is important, especially since many people aren't at the computers all the time.

(That's also dangerous territory. I had the biggest falling out with some guy (never really a friend, now HATED enemy) once because I worked on a project for him,
and he was an utter narcissist, and he'd e-mail me...and then 15 minutes later mail again, angrier....and 10 minutes later, again...you could see the blind rage building up in each message.
...meanwhile...I'm at work! Not even near a computer.
Years ago I was selling something on Ebay, and this guy won the bid. ....and again, e-mailed me every 5 minutes, rage level increasing, you could tell he turned to screaming - WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?!!! BALAAARRGHHHHH!!!! ...I'm at school, 30 miles from my computer. I never sold anything to him again, trust me.

On to your question, here's the answer - You're going to have to come to your faith questions on your own, or by advice here.

Yes, most Christian leaders will tell you any sexual thoughts are a mortal sin and you're going to hell.
I don't believe that, but if it's true, 99% of humanity is going to hell.

A lot the sexual belief's of the Catholics and Baptists and every other christian religion, along with Islam, are bullshit, and here's some proof:
-I believe about 91% of people who get those promise rings, the ones where they go through this ceremony and promise to not have sex before they get married......91% have sex before they get married.
I knew many who got those rings in college...and had sex after.
-I think there was a scandal in the Catholic church a while back, a little thing..... I'm just kidding - there were thousands upon thousands of Catholic boys and girls, mostly boys, sexually molested and/or raped by pedophile Catholic priests, and the church heirarchy covered it up, moved molesting priests around, told peole to shut up about it, and worst of all, made many children who were molested, GO TO CONFESSION, often times WITH THE PRIESTS WHO MOLESTED THEM.
The ONLY reason, the ONLY REASON this was stopped (even though it's probably still going on) is because of investigative reporting and huge media coverage. If the media HADN'T done their job in this case, the church would STILL be molesting young boys.
-But let me not give all the grief to the Catholic church here - every demonination of Christianity has some pedophile minister problem, the Catholic church just got stuck with all the bad publicity because the media never liked the Catholic church.

-Look at the people themselves - There will be a talk about Mother Theresa, or some mundane religious topic. Several people show up.
But if the talk is about SEX! or PORN!, why....HUNDREDS show up! WHY are all these people NOT showing up to the Mother Theresa talk?!
But they'll be all pious - "We ABHORE sex!!" To which I as again...why weren't you at the other talks on non-sexual topics?!

Don't be intimidated by all the intense anti-sex talk in religion, because you can write encyclopedia's on the hypocrisy of it all.

But you can obviously STILL be a faithful and spiritual person.

Do you have patience?
Do you protect innocent people?
Do you share what you have when you have abundance, and even when you have little?
Do you not love money, and don't succumb to greed?
Are you kind?
Do you treat all people fairly, and not kiss the ass of the rich and important while blowing off or mistreating those who are poor and not important in the world's eyes?
-A very famous person said once, and I've heard variations repeated, that the best test of character is how you treat people who can't get you anywhere.

Just read the BIble, mainly Jesus' words. He rarely spoke about sex, he MOSTLY spoke about NOT JUDGING OTHERS, FORGIVING OTHERS, and NOT BEING IN LOVE WITH MATERIAL POSSESSIONS.

From someone who's lived enough life, the biggest problems I've had in life was with PEOPLE WHO WERE GREEDY.
If my neighbor has a tickle fetish and tickles his wife every night, this does not affect me at all. In fact, I'd enjoy hearing the laughter every night.
If my neighbor WANTS MY LAND, ...NOW WE GOT PROBLEMS. And there are a LOT of neighbors who want their neighbor's land.
Greed, selfishness, these are the things that Jesus hated.

So no, you won't go to hell if you tickle your wife's feet. No matter what your sex-hating pastor tells you.

 

[Rusty Shackleford]

The thought or act of tickling sexual arouses you... it's a fact, and one you must reconcile with your own personal beliefs if you ever wish to find peace.

It is weird, man, I totally understand where you're coming from as I've wrestled with this topic in my youth; it's honestly no different than someone who only likes asians, or dudes who only love huge asses, or chubby chasers, or foot fetishists, or boob guys, etc etc. The sooner you equate this peculiar fascination of ours to any of the other kinks in the veritable sexual rainbow (hahaha imagine a sexual rainbow?) the better off you'll be.


Do you have a problem with your fetish, or do you have a problem finding a way to fit it into the world-view your struggling so desperately to maintain?

If you'd like my advice, anybody who tells you any of your sexual feelings are "wrong" or should be repressed (witht he exception of pedophilia and the like) is dead wrong... you didn't choose to feel how you feel about tickling any more than a homosexual chooses what sex he's attracted to.

If you have to abstain from premarital sex due to your religion (I understand the concept behind it, and more power to you) you better cut the tickling out, too.

Have fun with that shit, man.

 

[BlackestLily]

This seems like a tricky thing to even give an "answer" to. I mean...I could tell you what I believe, but if it doesn't line up with your beliefs, it's really not to going to do you a bit of good.

But as far as religion and God goes...you were created as what you are, including that fetish of yours. That is a fact. You are what you are.

You also seem to be choosing things in life that conflict with that very internal piece of you. I'm not sure exactly what you're looking for when you are checking out other religions, but if it's a closeness to God, then that's cool. But when you pick extremely strict religions, you aren't going to find a priest who is going to give you the okay to enjoy something tied to sexuality. If that's even what you're looking for. But that fetish isn't going to go away, and loving God and your faith won't make it disappear.

You can live a morally straight life, as well as find a significant other who is a good person, without joining with such a strict place. If you continuously set yourself up for this type of conflict, you're going to be very confused, frustrated, angry (at yourself, at others, who knows really) and it's not spiritually, physically, or emotionally healthy. Your fetish and faith CAN co-exist peacefully. 🙂

 

[DontAskJusTckle]

Wow. Baptist to Greek Orthodox. That is a radical jump in doctrine, my friend. If you ask me, you are over-thinking all of this. I would say your head was screwed on tight when you had the Christian girlfriend of your youth. You and she tickled each other to alleviate the desire for sex and it worked. If you could somehow find your way back to this simple yet profound relationship with a girl, I think you'll have a lot less heartache over it. If she's the right girl, marry her and then you can have sex and/or tickling.

The thing to remember here is simply this. Tickling is not sex. Stop over-thinking about sexual overtones and undertones. Churches are fine but ultimately your relationship with God is between you and He. So stop wondering if your church leaders would approve of it or not and just find a girlfriend with whom you can have a good tickling relationship.

To put it another way...Don't ask, just tickle!

 

[emilyemilyemily]

i'm not feeling very eloquent today, so all i'll say is this:

let your freak flag fly.

that is all.

 

[Myriads]

Sometimes we need a doctor, others a psychologist, and in some cases, a philosopher.

And what you are having is a philosophic crisis.

The way you 'are' is in conflict with the idea of what you understand o be a spiritual ideal. That conflict is fueling your feelings, confusion, and led you to search here for answers.

From the outside your issue shakes down to a very simple, and classic philosophical question.

"Who am I, and how do I appear to my God?"

Which leads so some follow up questions:

"Did God make me as I am, or have I been corrupted?"

And

"What does God see as 'good'?"

These all seem to be swirling about in your mind, and you are trying to work them through. As you are trying to define your spiritual path in life. The problem is that that path is not well marked, and you are unsure if you are on it, on the right path at all, and if you have the ability to find and stay on said path.

What I think you need to answer first and foremost is "Who am I?"

You need to decide if your fetish is a part of you and from whence that part comes. Until you answer these questions you will find no traction on any others because they all depend on you knowing yourself, and if you are as God intended, or have a corruption to over come.

These are personal questions that none of us can answer. You've seen war, So you have already had an experience that has caused you to look deeply into yourself, so you have experience in working on self stuff like this.

Best of luck, and please feel free to chat with us as needed.

Myriads

 

[Rectangle]

Sometimes we need a doctor, others a psychologist, and in some cases, a philosopher.

And what you are having is a philosophic crisis.

The way you 'are' is in conflict with the idea of what you understand o be a spiritual ideal. That conflict is fueling your feelings, confusion, and led you to search here for answers.

From the outside your issue shakes down to a very simple, and classic philosophical question.

"Who am I, and how do I appear to my God?"

Which leads so some follow up questions:

"Did God make me as I am, or have I been corrupted?"

And

"What does God see as 'good'?"

These all seem to be swirling about in your mind, and you are trying to work them through. As you are trying to define your spiritual path in life. The problem is that that path is not well marked, and you are unsure if you are on it, on the right path at all, and if you have the ability to find and stay on said path.

What I think you need to answer first and foremost is "Who am I?"

You need to decide if your fetish is a part of you and from whence that part comes. Until you answer these questions you will find no traction on any others because they all depend on you knowing yourself, and if you are as God intended, or have a corruption to over come.

These are personal questions that none of us can answer. You've seen war, So you have already had an experience that has caused you to look deeply into yourself, so you have experience in working on self stuff like this.

Best of luck, and please feel free to chat with us as needed.

Myriads

Thanks, this hit it on the head.
I was drunk when I wrote this, so my apologies for the ranting tone of it, one of the dangers of being drunk, alone, with computer around..


My issue is this: If I didn't have a fetish, if I was.."normal"..all the way..
..would I still be hanging out on a site like this?
A "normal" version of TMF where porn ads litter the screen and people come together to talk about sex and the best ways to have it?

Would I be going to events and munches to sit around talking to people about sex?

Would I be browsing the latest "normal" porn videos, would I know the names of the companies that produce them?



I don't think I would.
So why am I trying to cram myself into this box now?


"Tickling" itself is an innocent enough thing..but throwing myself into the "passion" of it, to use an Orthodox term, and letting it control a part of my life, ends with it becoming less of an "innocent" part of me, but rather something that starts to have a deeper impact internally.
It would be the same thing if I "threw myself" into a vanilla sexual lifestyle.

Speaking of innocence, I remember my grandfather telling me once:
"Guard you're innocence, it's the most valuable currency you'll ever hold, and it's the hardest thing on Earth to earn"


Maybe if there was an "innocent" way to be a part of the "fetish" lifestyle, it would be different..
..but with the naked women all over the place on TMF, the darker side of the "kink" lifestyle, the absolute hell you've got to sort through to find someone to talk to on, say, Fetlife or something..

..there's not really an "innocent" way to turn yourself over to the control of your "passions" without taking your eye off of the ball spiritually..


But I don't think it's a "fetish" dilemma I'm dealing with, there's no real difference between tickling and sex in this regard..



So it comes down to what is more important to me:
Finding "Truth", or finding "pleasure".


Either costs the other it seems.

 

[Bothersome]

And just why the hell can't you find truth while experiencing pleasure?

Truth is truth. It doesn't change. No matter what you are experiencing, truth will still be truth, and it will still be in the same place it has always been.
Two plus two will always equal four, and other such analogies.

And yes, people without a fetish watch porn.

 

[emilyemilyemily]

Thanks, this hit it on the head.
I was drunk when I wrote this, so my apologies for the ranting tone of it, one of the dangers of being drunk, alone, with computer around..


My issue is this: If I didn't have a fetish, if I was.."normal"..all the way..
..would I still be hanging out on a site like this?
A "normal" version of TMF where porn ads litter the screen and people come together to talk about sex and the best ways to have it?

Would I be going to events and munches to sit around talking to people about sex?

Would I be browsing the latest "normal" porn videos, would I know the names of the companies that produce them?



I don't think I would.
So why am I trying to cram myself into this box now?


"Tickling" itself is an innocent enough thing..but throwing myself into the "passion" of it, to use an Orthodox term, and letting it control a part of my life, ends with it becoming less of an "innocent" part of me, but rather something that starts to have a deeper impact internally.
It would be the same thing if I "threw myself" into a vanilla sexual lifestyle.

Speaking of innocence, I remember my grandfather telling me once:
"Guard you're innocence, it's the most valuable currency you'll ever hold, and it's the hardest thing on Earth to earn"


Maybe if there was an "innocent" way to be a part of the "fetish" lifestyle, it would be different..
..but with the naked women all over the place on TMF, the darker side of the "kink" lifestyle, the absolute hell you've got to sort through to find someone to talk to on, say, Fetlife or something..

..there's not really an "innocent" way to turn yourself over to the control of your "passions" without taking your eye off of the ball spiritually..


But I don't think it's a "fetish" dilemma I'm dealing with, there's no real difference between tickling and sex in this regard..



So it comes down to what is more important to me:
Finding "Truth", or finding "pleasure".


Either costs the other it seems.

wait, so, you're down with getting drunk, but sexual pleasure is a no-go? this seems incongruous to me...

 

[Rustenexcel87]

Before reading any of the replies I want to say that I get what you are saying. I am a devout Catholic and have struggled with similar issues but my father who is very active in the church once told me something that stuck with me. Angels are in heaven. We are not perfect and not meant to be perfect. God wants us to be happy. Tickling isn't hurting anyone. It might lead to a sexual encounter for you, one that you might view as wrong based on your beliefs but it is all how you approach it. If you feel this strong avoid one-night stands, save sex for that special girl, not saying you need to be married, but don't beat yourself up, your human. I for one look at my tickle fetish as a gift. I have met some awesome people who I am proud to call friends as a result of embracing this part of me. Having this part of me that is different from most people has showed me how to be open minded. It's also taught me to measure the whole person and not just to measure them or myself by just one aspect of our lives. I don't define my life by my tickle kink. With that said my tickle kink is one of the things that helps me enjoy my life. Best of luck on your spiritual journey, may you find the answers you seek. Just be open to all blessings. Close friendships you make on here with people who can identify with this part of you are a blessing in my book. Tickling don't define you man it is just a drop in the bucket that is you. Much respect for where you have been and where you are trying to go.

 

[Rectangle]

wait, so, you're down with getting drunk, but sexual pleasure is a no-go? this seems incongruous to me...

Orthodoxy, and traditional Christianity in general, isn't as hard lined on alcohol as its later developing protestant cousins..
..Heck..Orthodox invented Vodka, Ouzo, etc..Christ turned water into wine..

 

[Bothersome]

Orthodoxy, and traditional Christianity in general, isn't as hard lined on alcohol as its later developing protestant cousins..
..Heck..Orthodox invented Vodka, Ouzo, etc..Christ turned water into wine..

What's the difference then, between the Protestant avoidance of alcohol, and the traditional avoidance of everything else that makes life less miserable?

 

[Rusty Shackleford]

It's simple, really. If you feel masturbation and sexual thoughts/activities are against whatever God you are trying to please, cut the shit out. I'm sure you'll be miserable, but who knows, maybe on a subconscious level you'll be happy.
Or you could take the hard road, and dig deep to find out who you truly are.

"To thine own self be true"