Being a Gentleman

[Biggles of 266]

I guess it has something to do with being raised by my mum, who reads a lot of Jane Austen and that kinda stuff, but she's trained me to act like a gentleman. Do women still want to have doors held open for them and chairs pulled back?

Some girls get pissed off by that kinda thing, like they think it means they're inferior. What do the women of the tmf think?

Biggles (still annoyed at not offering to carry the books of a cute friend up a hill in the sun, what an idiot I am!)

 

[Krokus]

Well

The way I see it, I will be a gentleman, but if they make any sort of remark about it (negative of course), they better get ready, cause thats when I enter asshole mode.

 

[Deleted member 2452]

being a gentleman

means keeping your weight on your elbows, and knees!
hehehe
steve
p.s. i always hold a door for a lady, tough if she doesn't like it!

 

[primetime]

i will always be a gentleman. it is my nature to do so. if a woman doesnt like it, then i would have to question the woman. what woman wouldnt want to be treated special? it's not like we are treating them as inferior, it is us just treating them like the special people that they are.

 

[giggledude]

Why perform such courtesies only for women? I hold doors, etc. for everyone regardless of sex or age or any of the other characteristics by which one might expect A to defer to or make some gesture of respect to B whether I would be A or B in the equation, unless I have personal knowledge that a particular person will not take it as a common human kindness (in which case it would not be courteous to impose my standard of civility over his/hers). The ready answer is early training, which is not bad but strikes me as a little too unreasoning to be entirely good in and of itself.

As to why some women find such treatment objectionable, my guess would be that it's a sign of how changed times have made former equations inequitable. Men did A, B and C for women; women did X, Y and Z for men. The utility and/or symbolism of A/B/C can perhaps be said to be of more greatly reduced value than that of X/Y/Z; someone looking for a new exchange might not appreciate someone appearing to expect the perpetuation of the old one.

And courtesies won't always appear that way to the object. I was called Sir before I was 25 years old, and it took me a week to recover from the blow, though it was not meant to injure.

 

[Mimi]

Since this post was directed towards the women of the TMF, and so far only men have replied, I will step up to the plate...lol.

I am a physically strong, mentally strong, "can take care of myself" kind of gal. But I gotta admit I am a sucker for a true gentleman. I do not see it as a compromise of my independence in any way, shape or form. I never feel as if a man is trying to make me inferior, simply because he opened the car door for me, or pulled my chair back. In fact, those kinds of gestures will only strengthen my opinion of him.

Most women, no matter how independent they may be, still like to know their man is there to take care of them, protect them, and treat them like a lady......



....even if she can kick his butt in a wrestling match 😀 😀 😀 😀


Mimi

 

[Strelnikov]

One of the hallmarks of a true Southerner is that we'll call you Sir or Ma'am (as applicable) if we suspect that you're at least 30 seconds older than we are. Right, Joby?

Strelnikov

 

[BellaRisa]

I've heard of women who dislike being treated 'like a lady', but I have yet to ever meet one. Heck, all of my friends these days are in the adult world, and the men in my circle take it even further than 'nilla guys. I've gotten very used to having my hand kissed, my coat held and a drink offered, etc. And there's always someone happy to help you in and out of your restraints <heh>. Honestly, ladies around here are treated like gold 😎 Nothing to do with Dom or sub status either, it's just the way it is.

I have always felt that there's a bit of a double standard, I enjoy being treated well by gentleman but I also want my equality acknowledged. I asked my hubby about this, and he made his opinion pretty clear: "Hey, you keep me sane and healthy and actually baked me not one but TWO pretty babies in your oven. Least I can do is hold the damn door, y'know?"

That about sums it up🙄

Bella

 

[giggleygirl25]

complete agreement

i love being treated like a lady(even tho i don't always act like one)...its nice having the door opened and having a group of guys stand up when you enter a room, kinda makes ya feel like royalty or something...i don't see how it infringes on my independence whatsoever...in fact i wish there were more gentlemen in my lil town

 

[Flatfoot]

Why perform such courtesies only for women? I hold doors, etc. for everyone regardless of sex or age or any of the other characteristics by which one might expect A to defer to or make some gesture of respect to B whether I would be A or B in the equation, unless I have personal knowledge that a particular person will not take it as a common human kindness (in which case it would not be courteous to impose my standard of civility over his/hers). The ready answer is early training, which is not bad but strikes me as a little too unreasoning to be entirely good in and of itself.

As to why some women find such treatment objectionable, my guess would be that it's a sign of how changed times have made former equations inequitable. Men did A, B and C for women; women did X, Y and Z for men. The utility and/or symbolism of A/B/C can perhaps be said to be of more greatly reduced value than that of X/Y/Z; someone looking for a new exchange might not appreciate someone appearing to expect the perpetuation of the old one.

And courtesies won't always appear that way to the object. I was called Sir before I was 25 years old, and it took me a week to recover from the blow, though it was not meant to injure.

Wow, man, you sound like John Nash!

 

[Biggles of 266]

what a co-incidence! Days after posting this, I find a story about chivalry in the newspaper.




Opening the door on chivalry
August 8 2002


Chivalry is a tricky business in the post-feminist age.

Nine out of 10 women expect a man to hold the door open for them, a report says, but only 22 per cent are happy for the man to pay for dinner.

Melanie Howard, of The Future Foundation, which made the study, said: "Although the figures for holding doors open for women seem pretty non-contentious, it still means that every tenth woman a man steps aside for is probably going to take offence."

Most of the 1,000 people interviewed thought it was "ridiculous" for a man to stand up when a woman entered the room.

The foundation found that most people were pleased by a relaxing of formality, but wanted manners to be taken more seriously.

Eighty per cent wanted the custom of saying "good morning" to strangers in the street to be reinstated and nearly two fifths liked the idea of visitor calling cards.

Elevenses were popular among older people (48 per cent), while under-35s were more enthusiastic about a cocktail hour. Twenty-one per cent of people overall said they would like the National Anthem to be played at the start of films and plays. A fifth thought that male newsreaders on television should wear dinner jackets.

Most agreed that calling a superior at work "sir" was no longer appropriate.

Some 97 per cent approved of the freedoms that women have compared with their mothers and grandmothers and almost three quarters felt that society was less snobbish.

Eighty per cent of people said they expected to hear bad language used in public places; only two per cent were happy about it.

Touch-tone telephone technology and call centres got many people annoyed.

Older people in particular disliked being addressed by their first name by people they did not know.

The Telegraph, London

 

[Biggles of 266]

but only 22 per cent are happy for the man to pay for dinner.

god bless those 78 per cent!


Biggles (poor college student)

 

[TicklingDuo]

I have no problem with a guy doing any of those things for me. It's nice. I'd do it for him too. Beyond being gentlemanly, it's called being polite and considerate of other people. In my view, gender doesn't matter. As a matter of fact, Drew and I tend to alternate. So many places have two sets of doors nowadays. Whoever gets to the first door first will hold it for the other and then that person will hold it for the first. No biggie. It's just being nice. Besides, those are great times to sneak in little pokes as you go by!

Ann

 

[Daumantas]

I know for a fact Mrs. Daumantas likes it when I hold open doors, etc. for her. She is greatly appreciative.

Unfortunately, the hipster doofuses of the world seem to have made being an asshole the thing to be. Anything else marks you as "uptight" or "sexist" or something.

 

[Ayla ny]

I love having the door held for me, etc...

the way I see it... he isn’t thinking that I am incapable of opening a door. 🙂 he just wants to pamper me and to remind me of what kind of man he is. sometimes, for an independent woman, it can take a little getting used to... but to this independent woman it is a very good thing.

 

[siamese dream]

Being a gentleman is fine, what really annoys me and makes me not want to be around a guy is when he treats me like a helpless thing he has to take care of, or some princess to be put on a pedestal, and not a real person. When he doesn't really know who I am but claims to want to do all this stuff for me. It feels so false, like the guy would rather have a toy than a real relationship. I like being pampered and treated like a lady, but I also want to be treated like a good friend, and to hold intelligent conversations with the person.

 

[Deleted member 2452]

siamese you can have both

there is no reason you can't be talked to, or have the kid gloves come off when alone. conversly, the guy can treat you like the piece of fine china you are when in public. this is where comunication comes in! talk to the fellow, and explain what you'd like in the relationship.
steve

 

[JoBelle]

LOL
Yessir, Strel,
You're right on spot when it comes to saying Sir and Ma'am in the South. It's part of a regional conditioning. I was called "Ma'am" long before I had earned the right to be treated like an adult. I was raised in a home with a strong willed Cajun Mother and a male chauvenist Father (yep, I'm Daddy's spoiled little girl..lol). I suppose that accounts for the fact that I like men who "Act like men" as the saying goes, but still treat my like Mistress of the Manor. 😛

I have always appreciated a true gentleman. To me, that is someone is is so secure in himself that he worries not what anyone else thinks when he opens my doors, gets my drink, or shows a variety of respectful behavior. Isn't that what it's all about? Respect? I think men would find a lot of pampering and "doting" in return if they went back to some "old school" behavior. *Referring, of course, to those that don't.*

Thank goodness for men who act like Chivalry is not dead! It makes it a pleasure for us ladies to keep our high heels and skirts...rather than joining the men in boots and overalls!! LOL

I like being a woman....especially....when a gentleman is in the room!

Joby

 

[Strelnikov]

Quoting Daumantas:

"Unfortunately, the hipster doofuses of the world seem to have made being an asshole the thing to be. Anything else marks you as "uptight" or "sexist" or something."

Right on, brother.

Someone posted in another thread that "there's nothing so innocuous that someone won't take it too seriously", and get their knickers in a twist over it. I once said "Excuse me, young lady", and received the irate response "I'm not a lady!" She said it - I didn't. Joby would have been proud of me.

Strelnikov

 

[Dave2112]

Perhaps chivalry isn't quite as dead as we say it is. I strive to treat women with respect, I always hold doors, chairs, etc. and if someone doesn't like it, I'm sure they'll tell me.

It's a tough thing to gauge in this day and age, but it's my feeling that deep down, women like the extra attention to thier comfort. Maybe if we could get men to treat other men with respect and dignity, the rest would fall into place and not be seen as a page out of the Victorian past. Respect isn't just a male/female thing, it's a human thing.😎

 

[shark]

Much of my chivalrous acts are common courtesy.I hold a door for anyone reasonably close.Opening a woman's side of the car is normal courtesy.
I did have an "interesting" encounter. I took a girl out...actually she was older than I,but you get the idea.After parking,she sat in the car waiting for me to exit and open her door.After that,she starts going into the mall we were going to.
I am checking the doors,lights,parking spot location,and "checking the vicinity".Meanwhile,she is already halfway to the building,not even acknowledging my existence,expecting me to run and catch up, I guess.Then she stands there waiting at the door for me to catch up and open it.
Needless to say,this didn't last very long.Paying respect is one thing...paying tribute is another.