Hey guys and gals:
I've never done this before, but I recently received a review on Bounce of Aces, via a note on dA...and the review was so generous and rather clever that I wanted to attach it to the actual Bounce of Aces thread.
This review comes from Nohbody000 who can be found here on dA:
http://nohbdy000.deviantart.com/
Please check out his page as his writing is actually pretty damn good. Amigo - thank you again for the wonderful review and the permission to repost it.
Here it is...
I recently bought and read the novel Bounce of Aces and the Mystery of Duchess Valentine and I have some constructive criticism:
1. If you just tone down the alluring cover-art so that a person going to read it isn't instantly captivated and entranced by the beauty and detail of the overall incredible design, that would help...
2. The story seems a bit "award-winning"... Although everybody wins in the end, it doesn’t come off as a sappy Disney movie ending. Were you feeling like an overachiever that day? The flow of events is simple and enjoyable with a steady pace that doesn’t bore or confuse the reader: that is not something you want in a novel. The plot itself reads like something that knows it exist for the enjoyment of reading. Not wise.
3. The dialogue is too delectable. With words like “bozo deluxe” and “little biscuit” the characters seem realistic and yet unique. This makes the conversations spontaneous and fun. I don’t know who told you that was a good idea for a novel, but they were wrong. The dialogue is supposed to be filler for the boring narration, which you also fail to do.
4. The Characters themselves have too much… well… character and too much individuality. Everyone from the main characters and foil down to the minor characters are too distinct. Each character trait expressed in dialogue and narration set them apart and makes them as unique as their name. Actually, if they didn’t have names, they would still be easily discernable. Haven’t you heard of stock and flat characters? You’re supposed to have hundreds of useless nobodies spouting off one or two lines and then throwing them away. Rookie mistake. Moreover, why is the narrator so descriptive and relatable? She is constantly analyzing her decisions and using her strengths and weaknesses to handle the situations that arise in the story. Who do you think you are, Ray Bradbury? You can’t go around writing well-rounded characters; IT MAKES THE STORY GOOD! Dummy…
5. Don’t get me started on the setting. What is with this unique idea of making a place that is always cloud interesting? Haven’t you read any of the books by R.L. Stine? Your setting are only supposed to add boring details to the exposition and bog down the story, not add mystery and context to it. Duh!
6. Oh, I forgot the illustrations. What makes you think you can be unique even in your artwork? The colors all blend into some weird display of satisfying aesthetics. There is nothing in the background to distract you from what’s important. Why do you want great artwork to go together with a great story? This level of equality has to stop. Now.
7. You wrote the tickling scenes too well. I felt like I was there in the room as the action was happening. All the scenes followed a similar format never adding too much or showing signs of slowing down. All the reactions and techniques written sounds like they are coming from someone who knows what they are talking about. You can’t cheat and rely on previous knowledge. You have to write the story as though you have never had any experience with the subject and Googled the information 10 minutes before writing the story.
What I am trying to say is, if you could have made the novel as a whole… blander… and less… epically amazing, that’d be great.
Your most enthusiastic fan,
Nohbdy000
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It comes at a fun time, as I'm currently working on a new Bounce chix pin up book and comic. yeah a new Bounce Chix COMIC. It's been too long.
A million thanks again to everyone for the support and sorry for the necromancy.
Deeto
