Cheating

[Adam]

No, I'm not talking about cheating on a test when you were in high school. I'm talking about the other kind of cheating. The kind that generally sucks ass when you're in a relationship. This has not happened to me in a good 5 or 6 years, but I figured I'd get everyone's take on the issue if I could.

Have you ever cheated or been cheated on? Were you able to forgive your significant other or were they able to forgive you? What kind of emotional stuff did you go through as a result? Of course, share only what you'd like to. This thread is not intended for others to judge, so I hope we can all keep it civil.

My own answers, no, I have never cheated on a girlfriend and can't believe that I ever would. I have been cheated on, however. Sadly, these 2 betrayals happened back to back. The first ex I was able to forgive since she was honest with me, but not enough to date her again. My trust in her was simply gone. The second, good riddance to bad rubbish. She lied about if for the longest time until a blog posting, of all things, confirmed it for me. Ironically, she was admitting to have cheated on the guy after me and even gave a timeline of how far back it went. Doing some simple math, yep, I caught her.

Emotionally, the ramifications of cheating can suck. Hard. I went through the full gamut of emotions. Disbelief, rationalization, sadness, anger... you name it, I felt it. When someone cheats on me, it's like they're standing right there saying, "You aren't good enough for me", and their actions back it up. 🙁

Again, let me remind folks that this thread is not meant to judge anyone else. I'm simply curious. Let's all have some intelligent conversation, shall we?

 

[Bugman]

No, I'm not talking about cheating on a test when you were in high school. I'm talking about the other kind of cheating. The kind that generally sucks ass when you're in a relationship. This has not happened to me in a good 5 or 6 years, but I figured I'd get everyone's take on the issue if I could.

Have you ever cheated or been cheated on? Were you able to forgive your significant other or were they able to forgive you? What kind of emotional stuff did you go through as a result? Of course, share only what you'd like to. This thread is not intended for others to judge, so I hope we can all keep it civil.

My own answers, no, I have never cheated on a girlfriend and can't believe that I ever would. I have been cheated on, however. Sadly, these 2 betrayals happened back to back. The first ex I was able to forgive since she was honest with me, but not enough to date her again. My trust in her was simply gone. The second, good riddance to bad rubbish. She lied about if for the longest time until a blog posting, of all things, confirmed it for me. Ironically, she was admitting to have cheated on the guy after me and even gave a timeline of how far back it went. Doing some simple math, yep, I caught her.

Emotionally, the ramifications of cheating can suck. Hard. I went through the full gamut of emotions. Disbelief, rationalization, sadness, anger... you name it, I felt it. When someone cheats on me, it's like they're standing right there saying, "You aren't good enough for me", and their actions back it up. 🙁

Again, let me remind folks that this thread is not meant to judge anyone else. I'm simply curious. Let's all have some intelligent conversation, shall we?

Sorry you had to go through that Adam,and back to back no less.I have some thoughts on this but i will save them for tomorrow when i am not so tired and its to be hoped can make a bit of sense.

 

[Marquis De Sade]

I have cheated and have also been cheated on. I cheated in high school and having to live in the aftermath of that wasn't pretty. I realized I'd hurt someone I cared about, our relationship, our shared friends, myself, and even the person I'd cheated with. The whole thing was a mess and was something I promised I'd never do again.

When I was cheated on, at first I felt terrible. Karma probably, or some form of it. One of my friends said, "You'll always have us though." And of course it meant nothing to me at the time but it helped soon afterwards once I learned on my own that a relationship is built on a very, very strong foundation of trust that, once broken can never be put back together again the way it was and so, really...what was the point of grieving over it?

I was only cheated on once after that but, because of my previous learning experience in high school I didn't waste time asking questions, punishing her or myself, I just flat out said goodbye and that was that. End of relationship. She wanted to give it another shot and later on said I was fucking robot because I had no emotions but again, what was the point of hurting? All the memories, goodtimes and bad, in the end, meant nothing because it wasn't enough and we obviously weren't meant to be together. So I emptied out my emotional cache and moved on.

I'm in a relationship right now though where I feel I really know the meaning of true and pure trust. When she spends time with another male, I don't even bat an eyelid. Never have since I met her and most likely never will. Same with her when I'm with a female no matter who it is. She'd been cheated on as well and I think us lucky enough to have learned the right lessons from our experiences and met each other.

Wow. I think that's the most I've ever shared about myself here. 😀

 

[chicago]

Have you ever cheated or been cheated on? Were you able to forgive your significant other or were they able to forgive you? What kind of emotional stuff did you go through as a result? Of course, share only what you'd like to. This thread is not intended for others to judge, so I hope we can all keep it civil.

I haven't cheated per se, but I have lied and done some things I probably shouldn't. I still feel horrible about hurting someone I love, even though they've forgiven me and everything is pretty much peachy right now. It was a complicated situation and I never intended to hurt anyone, but those situations are kind of funny in that it usually ends up that everyone gets hurt.

I have also been cheated on. The first guy cheated on me for the entire time we were dating with some nutcase of a girl that claimed she was pregnant. My dumb ass gave him another chance, and it ended up not working out soon after because he was emotionally retarded. It hurt, but in the end, I just felt stupid for continuing to date him.

The second guy was a bit more of an ass in that he told me he loved me, wanted to be exclusive, but was dating me and pretty much every other girl in Chicago as well. He lied about everything under the sun and after we broke up he continued to make my life a living hell, probably because I started dating his best friend. My boyfriend and him aren't as close, but they have the same friends so I have to see him from time to time. Luckily, in those circumstances, there's usually alcohol around to drown the feelings of intense rage.

Basically, being cheated on hurts, but once you get over the fact that you loved the person and anger and cynicism starts settling in, you feel better, but most likely added a few pounds of baggage to your next relationship.

Hurting someone you love always hurts.

 

[..Glamorous..]

I have cheated once, I'll never do it again.

However I have been cheated on multiple times, with nearly every guy I have been with.

It sucks, Not so much when your not taking the relationship srsly. However, when Im in it, it destroys everything. I have only EVER forgiven one person, its hard and I think about it all the time. The trust is minimal and know I need people to prove their loyalness to me. I no longer trust ANYONE.

 

[TicklishHope]

Well.. I have been cheated on numerous times.. it hurts.. especially the first time.. but after the first.. you somewhat expect from the next guy.. and the next.. and so on and so forth.. It doesn't hurt all that much anymore. I just tell myself that I should have known and it was dumb.. and maybe cry for an hr or so.. and I move on.

 

[Adam]

Very interesting perspective so far. My thanks to everyone. Keep 'em coming.

 

[kis123]

I have cheated once, I'll never do it again.

However I have been cheated on multiple times, with nearly every guy I have been with.

It sucks, Not so much when your not taking the relationship srsly. However, when Im in it, it destroys everything. I have only EVER forgiven one person, its hard and I think about it all the time. The trust is minimal and know I need people to prove their loyalness to me. I no longer trust ANYONE.

Same here-cheated once and cheated on with every relationship I've ever had!

It was towards the end of my marriage; I was near suicidal and just wanted to die. I met a man during the course of business and everything started out professional and friendly. He preyed on me and I took the bait; I needed someone to save me and he came along just in time. Unfortunately, he did what all men do-they go back to their wives. I was devastated and wanted to die; I felt used and rejected-not good enough for anyone. I had to come to terms with what I'd done; I hurt a family and I destroyed a marriage. The worst part of that tim was I ended up alone anyway. I picked up the broken pieces and swore to NEVER get involved with a married man ever again!!

I feel I'm probably getting cheated on now even though he won't admit it. He's cold, distant, and has been MIA for weeks. I think he doesn't want to face me because he knows he's caught but he won't admit it and he won't end the relationship. So I'm going to play this all the way out; I've started back on my online sites and I'm moving on.

I know this much; I will NEVER trust a man again. There is no such thing in my world as a monogamous and faithful man. I just assume he's eithe cheating or will cheat at some point in the relationship because that's all I've ever known including my father and stepfather. Friggin' serial cheaters who hate women but aren't gay so they need them! I will enjoy the time I have with them until they finally leave.

That's my world these days and I don't trust anyone anymore!! I'll leave that delusion to someone else.

 

[Marquis De Sade]

There is no such thing in my world as a monogamous and faithful man.

Your opinion.

 

[Deleted member 66627]

Your opinion.

Ditto.

I don't cheat. Period.

 

[xionking]

Never been cheated on.

And would never cheat.

I did have a moment in 2004 where a girl I had been infatuated with for almost all of high school threw herself on me at a party and wanted me for the night. For the life of me, I couldn't do it whilst I was still with my girlfriend at the time.

 

[Marquis De Sade]

Never been cheated on.

And would never cheat.

I did have a moment in 2004 where a girl I had been infatuated with for almost all of high school threw herself on me at a party and wanted me for the night. For the life of me, I couldn't do it whilst I was still with my girlfriend at the time.

Hmmm...that got me thinking. Is it still cheating if there's no sex? Because I never had sex with anyone else if I was with someone.

Like, I know cheating is cheating is cheating but, did you mean sex?

 

[kis123]

Your opinion.

My reality!

This isn't the "beat kis up" thread! I was asked for an opinion and gave it. Whether you like it or not is your opinion but extremely irreelent to me and my situation!

 

[tickledorange]

I'm sorry, but if some guy cheats on me and I find out, I'll mess him up. AND his ***** of a "girlfriend". I've seen what it does to families and I don't think I can "patch things up" if that happens. It's like an automatic death sentence in a relationship. The old adage is true, too: "Once a cheater, always a cheater."

 

[kis123]

Ditto.

I don't cheat. Period.

You know, the next time someone asks for an opinon, I'll translate that to "whatever opinion makes people warm and fuzzy inside", not necessarily a legitimate opinion!

I knew I shouldn't have responded to this thread at all! I said "in my world"-that doesn't mean it applies to anyone elses!

*going back to lurking*

 

[Deleted member 66627]

You know, the next time someone asks for an opinon, I'll translate that to "whatever opinion makes people warm and fuzzy inside", not necessarily a legitimate opinion!

I knew I shouldn't have responded to this thread at all! I said "in my world"-that doesn't mean it applies to anyone elses!

*going back to lurking*

:\

Your opinion was met with Marqui's opinion which was met with my opinion.

You're the last person I see holding back, hon. I've seen your posts.

I meant no offense, was just offering MY opinion. 😉

 

[Marquis De Sade]

Totally didn't mean to offend you Kis, as I'm sure you didn't mean to offend me.

🙂

 

[Adam]

Hmmm...that got me thinking. Is it still cheating if there's no sex? Because I never had sex with anyone else if I was with someone.

Like, I know cheating is cheating is cheating but, did you mean sex?

I'll leave it up to each individual poster to decide. If you feel as though you have cheated before, sex or no sex, feel free to divulge that information if you'd like. In my case, both women that cheated on me engaged in sexual intercourse with another man. Pretty clear cheating as far as I'm concerned. 😛

 

[KrazieDog]

I've never cheated on anyone. Don't think anyone has ever cheated on me, and the one that may have, was in the days before we broke it off anyway.

It really is a pet peeve of mine. It's one of the first things I lay down when getting serious with someone. I need honesty and trust. All I ask is if your feelings start to change, just let tell me. If you feel you are in love with someone else or you just don't care for me like you once did, just tell me. Yea it may hurt, but I'd rather have the truth and we can separate like grown ass people...but just don't let me find out you are cheating on me. If you do, go and don't look back. There will be NO getting back together ever. It's done. Once you lose my respect you might as well not exist in my universe anymore. And on the trust side, I will never put up with a super jealous person. Some people like to mask that in "oooh but I only get that way because I love you sooo much". No you don't. If you loved me, you'd realize you are the only person for me. I won't deal with 100 phone calls asking what I'm doing, where I'm going etc. Because anytime I do something, I invite her along anyway.

Furthermore, if my friends do it to someone I care about, I let them know straight up, "you are telling her or I am within 24 hrs". I don't care if she is "your" girlfriend. If you chose to introduce us and force us to get to know one another and she becomes my friend, I will not sit back and watch you fuck her over.

And to me Marquis, no sexual intercourse is not needed to meet the criteria of cheating "to me". Everybody may see it differently and that's cool, I respect every single person's on view on this. But if you've given you heart to someone else, it might as well be the same thing. If I walked up to my girl making out with someone on the hood of a car, it's the same to me.

 

[The Bandito]

Never cheated and never will.

Never been cheated on physically (that I know of that is). But I have definitely been cheated on emotionally. Meaning that I have been in relationships that should have ended earlier. For whatever reason, they continued on a bit longer. And the gal I was seeing gets interested in someone else, or just starts sorta looking around.

In other words, she had motive, but not opportunity. lol.

To me it's all the same. Cheating is cheating. If I ever did get to the point where I was unhappy enough to break the sexual rules of my relationship... I would end that relationship right then and there.

Cheating just plain sucks, and should go away.

^^

B

 

[xionking]

Hmmm...that got me thinking. Is it still cheating if there's no sex? Because I never had sex with anyone else if I was with someone.

Like, I know cheating is cheating is cheating but, did you mean sex?

Sex, kissing, blowjobs, donkeys, it's all cheating to me.

The girl I was talking about in '04 wanted to have sex with me, but initially at the party where I was djing she was trying to make out with me etc. For me, making out with another person when you are in a relationship is more or less cheating. I love making out as much as I love sex.

 

[-Hari-]

Its my view that cheating counts as an affectionate act with someone other than your partner, but there are obvious gaps in this theory so im going to contradict myself. be it kissing, sex, or whatever else, its cheating. your sharing this affection with another.

Now you say having a cuddle is an affectionate act but is blatently not cheating, the same for a quick kiss on the cheek to say hello or goodbye between friends. I agree and this shows theres no solid rule.

I think we all know full well what is acceptable to do whilst in a relationship and whats not, you know its cheating when it feels wrong and you know your other half would be hurt if they were to find out. Peoples idea of right and wrong is what tends to ruin it, some people think its ok to kiss passionately with someone other than theyre partner, whilst theyre partner will most likely see it differently.

To cheat is to take that magical bond you have with a person and to share it elsewhere. those of us lucky enuf to make this bond with someone should in my opinion respect it and either remain loyal to theyre partner or to be honest and split up, theres never an excuse to cheat.

Sure you can say, "well they cheated on me first" but does that REALLY make it ok? you label someone as a cheater and then wish to aquire that label yourself just for revenge? I would prefere to make it to my death bed still being able to say that that im no cheat! once youve cheated you will never be abe to say that again! it CANNOT be undone..

For that reason, no, ive never cheated and never will, and for those same reasons, those who have cheated on me in the past will never have even a portion of my respect.

A roundabout way of answering a simple question I know 😀

 

[xionking]

^ What he said.

 

[Marquis De Sade]

And to me Marquis, no sexual intercourse is not needed to meet the criteria of cheating "to me". Everybody may see it differently and that's cool, I respect every single person's on view on this. But if you've given you heart to someone else, it might as well be the same thing. If I walked up to my girl making out with someone on the hood of a car, it's the same to me.

Yup. I totally agree.

 

[tcklft]

I've never cheated and never will, but have been cheated on. If she'd told me she just wanted me as a friend with benefits I would've enjoyed the relationship for what it was and we could've stayed friends after things had run their course. We broke up after I learned of the infidelities (yep, plural) and I haven't seen her since. Cheaters suck.