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Chuck Norris

Who let the dogs out? Chuck Norris let the dogs out... and then roundhouse kicked them.
 
Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? The Shadow knows... And by Shadow, I mean Chuck Norris.
 
A school of piranha can skelletonize a full grown cow in four minutes. Chuck Norris can do it in 90 seconds with a bun, lettuce, tomato, and ketchup.
 
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
 
Chuck Norris once kicked a hole in the side of a mountain. He then humped the hole... His orgasm is known as the eruption of Krakatoa...
 
When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.
 
Chuck Norris doesn't photograph. He just stares at the paper and an image of him is burned onto it.
 
When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Chuck Norris plays dead. When playing dead doesn't work, he plays zombie. However so far the martial arts has never failed.
 
Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SATs. On the answer sheet, next to every set of answers (A through E) he added the following:

F) Chuck Norris
 
Chuck Norris never learned martial arts. Martial arts learned of Chuck Norris.
 
Contrary to the myth, Perseus did not slay Medusa. He walked in on day 8 of a Medusa and Chuck Norris staring contest. Suddenly she blinked and Chuck roundhouse kicked her head clean off. Zeus has the whole incident on DVD.
 
The shortage of the PS3s is because Chuck Norris is using them as shotgun targets. :bump:
 
Chuck Norris once ate an alligator and shit a pair of boots, a belt, a wallet, and a vest whaich he then wore on Walker, Texas Ranger.
 
It is widely documented that Chuck Norris killed the dinosaurs by delivering a roundhouse kick to their head for MASSIVE DAMAGE!!! rolling a natural 20 on his attack roll and doing double damage for his critical hit!
 
Each red and white blood cell in Chuck Norris' bloodstream has its own beard.
 
Chuck Norris threatened to roundhouse kick everyone who posted on this thread if we ever let 30 days go by w/o posting on it.
 
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