Connection

[alchemy]

I have a philosophical question for everyone...

Is true, lasting connection possible between two people? The more I go through life, the more relevant this question seems to become. Are we part of a whole, or are we a whole unto ourselves? Do we truly need people, or do we want people? If we are a part of a whole, which seems to be the more romantic of the two, then human connection is essential for existence. Without it we would surely either lose our minds or lose our will to live. If we are a whole unto ourselves...that is to say, if we are all simply separate from each other and can only experience life from our own perspective, then a true and lasting connection between two people is an illusion..nothing more. If the latter is true, then to think we have any hope of truly making a lasting connection with someone is absurd, a fantasy. Are connections lasting or are they doomed from the very start...are they made to be broken? Bruce Lee once said "Ultimately, all knowledge is self knowledge." If this is true, then relationships with others simply exist to help you explore yourself, but when that exploration deviates just a little, the bond is easily broken. There is also the possibility that neither of these are true. It is possible that every person is simply different and therefore every person's experiences will be different. Would that bring up the subject of destiny then? Are we predestined to a fate, or do we create our own? More specifically, are some people predestined to be alone, or do they create this destiney for themselves? Are some people predestined to connect with others while other people stumble aimlessly from person to person, always searching? Are human relations this complicated? Are people this distanced from each other? Is it really this hard to find someone to connect with?

Thoughts?

 

[amk714]

I know other people will have better answers to your questions, alchemy, and I don't like to make my posts too long, so I'll keep mine as short as I can without losing too much detail. Also, I'll answer your latter questions first, I'm funny that way. 😀

To me, life is a mix of destiny and free will. We can control some things in our lives up to a point, but not everything. Some people can exercise their free will more than others, depending on their circumstances. For example, a person born into a rich family has more opportunities than someone whose family is poor, so you'd expect the rich one's destiny to be better. But let's say the poor one gets an education, works hard at her job, and saves her money, and the rich one doesn't work, squanders his fortune, and tries to evade his taxes. Then she'll be more successful than him because of free will. I realize it's an oversimplication and real life is much more complicated, but that's what I think about destiny and free will and how they apply to our lives.

As for connections, I believe most humans need to form meaningful relationships with others to survive and thrive. I couldn't imagine dying a lonely death, but since everyone is different I guess there are a few people who could be lonely and still die happy, though I don't understand how. I hate to use cliches, but money can't buy happiness. Most of us need our friends, family, and loved ones, and I feel that the connections we make with them do stay with us our entire lives.

Well, those are my thoughts, alchemy. I hope you form some lasting connections, and if you think your destiny is bad, try to change it by exercising your free will. Take care. 🙂

 

[kis123]

Alchemy-try getting some sleep once in awhile! This is way too deep to be thinking about at 3am!

I like amk's answer-short and to the point!

Now here's kis' spin on this issue:

I believe in the concept of seasonal relationships. Some people aren't meant to be in your life forever or they're not meant to be there at all times. Sometimes people are in your life based on certain circumstances. Once the circumstances change, that relationship changes or is no longer needed.

As far as lasting human connection is concerned, this is a rare find and should be treated and respected as something very valuable. One of the problems in todays world is that we're so into instant gratification that we grab at everything we see, use it, realize that's not the "thing" we needed, then dump it like garbage. That's okay if you're looking for paper plates or plasticware, but that's not the way you treat people. People have feelings and callousness can hurt those feelings sometimes irrepairably.

In today's microwave society, no one wants to take the time to cultivate a relationship on any level. Too many people compromising common sense in the name of company. Instead of several dates to get to know someone, some folks jump right into bed with no idea who their dealing with. Then they wonder why it's over after a few weeks! They missed the part where you cultivate the relationship first before you drop your clothes! Everyone is on fast forward-no one slows down anymore. It makes relationships very impersonal and low-level.

It's about trying to find that special someone that you can connect with. Someone who lets you be "you" without having to explain yourself. When you find that person, you don't let go. You do what is needed (within reason) to cultivate that relationship and allow it to grow. I'm a pretty jaded chick that has been through way too much to believe that relationships last forever. But, that doesn't stop me from trying either. When I do discover that rare find, that special someone, I do my best to treat that person with the love and respect he/she deserves because it's tough to find a diamond in a world filled with coals.

I know I went all over the place (as I usually do) but I really do hope this helps. I wish you only the very best in your search for the answers to your questions.

 

[venray]

Personally I feel as though we change a little bit every time we interact with someone and take a little bit of that person "with us" on our journey through this life....

The more relationships we form, the broader our point of view...the fuller our lives become....


Ray

 

[TklDuo-Ann]

Personally, I think we need other people. It doesn't have to be a romantic relationship. It can be a friendship or an acquaintence. But, those with whom we interact help to form who we are as individuals. Are there lifetime relationships that work...romantic or otherwise? Sure...if we allow them. I think what tends to complicate things is allowing society to dictate what a relationship means rather than just going with the flow and being true to ourselves. Some relationships may be surprising to both us and those around us. But, who cares? If they work, they work.

As for Ray's comment that "The more relationships we form, the broader our point of view...the fuller our lives become...." I totally agree.

What makes people miserable is trying to fit into someone else's ideas of who we should be....or fit them into our idea of who they should be. Be true to yourself. Honor others enough to let them be true to themselves. Then, see what happens.

Ann

 

[amk714]

I like amk's answer-short and to the point!

Thanks, kis123! I like your answer also, as well as Ray's and Ann's. We sure have some deeply philosophical people at this forum! 😀

 

[kurchatovium]

I think people make life much more complicated than it has to be. Worrying about how much of life is free will or how much is predestined. Worrying about your relationships with others. The rules to life are quite simple, but much like the Chinese game of "Go" (a game played with black and white stones) though the rules may be very simple the game takes years to master. Thus

1) Be Compassionate
2) Be Strong
3) Be Wise

The rest will follow. Whether its relationships, work, family, friends, etc. Remember though the game of life takes years to master, but thats half the fun really. Just some simple thoughts from your humble widdle atom. 😀 😛

 

[lk70]

Personally I feel as though we change a little bit every time we interact with someone and take a little bit of that person "with us" on our journey through this life....

The more relationships we form, the broader our point of view...the fuller our lives become....
Ray

I think this is so. Every interaction we have with anyone has value and helps form who we are. And with some of the people we brush against, we will form a lasting "connection" that may continue for the rest of our life (lives) even if we don't have contact with that person anymore. Which leads right to kis' point about seasonal relationships. Some people are in your life for a reason, others for a season- sometimes it's tricky knowing which.

I think when people have an impact on us there is something to learn from them. When you meet someone for the first time and sit down across the table from them and just BAM- you feel good, at ease, at peace- pay attention to that- that person matters to you in a big way. And you can learn from pain as well as pleasure.

Destiny? I don't know. I don't think so. I think we're talking free will, keeping in mind that we are influenced by various aspects of the natural and physical world.

And I think we are very much part of a whole while still making highly individual choices as we swim through our lifetimes, different paths, different results- all part of one big picture.

Alchemy- if you like to read, and have time for a long book and you don't mind some far out ideas - The Bridge Across Forever by Richard Bach and then if that suits you, try two others by him: Illusions - the Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah and One (co-authored by Leslie Parrish)

Loving this topic and want to read more.....thanks for posting it.

 

[Ignatz]

"I want to love my neighbour not because he is I, but precisely because he is not I. I want to adore the world, not as one likes a looking-glass, because it is one's self, but as one loves a woman, because she is entirely different. If souls are separate love is possible. If souls are united love is obviously impossible. A man may be said loosely to love himself, but he can hardly fall in love with himself, or, if he does, it must be a monotonous courtship. If the world is full of real selves, they can be really unselfish selves. But upon (the other) principle the whole cosmos is only one enormously selfish person."
--from Orthodoxy by G.K. Chesterton