Good opinions, but it's apples vs. pears really
This has been debated many times, and always will be I guess: I've certainly said my piece a gazillion times. It just about goes hand in hand with safewords. It's apples vs. pears.
There are other levels that some of you may not realize, may not care to realize, or may realize and not understand. And while your points are more than vaild (under some circumstances) and understandable- that doesn't make it the only way, however- specially if you've been at it a long time and need more creativty and spontaneity. Most people new to the scene want it all very "PC"... some others at it for a long time still never reach for more than the tried and true every detail and safeword pre-planned in advance routine. Still others use it as a simple "ploy" merely to gain a partner, then care little for their needs once tied. There's no way to encompass every type of human being and reaction into one simple answer here because there's always a joker or two in the deck. So let me, if I may, explain the non consensual aspect from at least one who plays both ways- I ask you to consider:
It comes in various forms. I'm sure at some time in your life you tickled some at a beach, a sleepover, the pool, or for some circumstance- and unless you prewarned the person and worked out the details and got their permission first- then it was non consensual.
Not unlike the summertime routine of kids picking up their buddy and tossing them into a pool (no one "asks" for that to happen)- it's chock full of fun, laughter, and spontaneity. Now in this all too "PC" tickling community, if that above same event were to take place- they would first have to ask permission.... agree on the water temp... how high and far to be lifted and carried.. how long in the water... oh, don't get my hair wet!... the safewords.... how wet the water can be... on and on until there is not one single thread of fun or spontaneous thrill left alive within it.
With tickling (or any form of S/M and bondage)- there is a matter of trust. Simply put, if you really trust the person, and you're in this scene willingly, a gathering, or private- and they grab you and tickle you, tie you, whatever- it should be no problem (if they have level heads). After all- you're not there to judge a chile cookout competition. Simpler put: if you don't trust the person that much- there's a good chance that maybe you shouldn't BE where you are!
In regard to another version: tickling a person NOT into this scene, or not aware that after they're tied they will be tickled:
To this version of non consensual- view one of our renfaire tapes and see the audience and victim's response... they get involved, and there is no hatred or anger at all. It's damn hard for ANYONE to pass by a pair of trapped bare feet and NOT live out their secret (if momentary) thought of tickling them- yet all those strangers tickling other strangers w/o their consent and against their will is non consensual! And they know it! The same goes for our beach adventures. A bit less so for the Sorority vids- but they have a goal.
And if you really want to boil it down- how about all those time Mothers and Fathers have tickled their infant's toes and feet in the crib... and the kid has NO voice or say in it?
None of these people know what will happen, nor do they care afterwards- in the case of vids, they sign a release even- it's only us in this community that worry so much. Tickling is given little thought outside our tiny world- very little- just like footcare is. Perhaps because some of us are afraid to be "found out" or feel out of place we worry too much. By now, with the advent of online and TMF and other venues and outlets- you should feel more than at ease though.
Tying up a person and tickling them in a non consensual manner (perhaps they've answered an ad of yours, or you met them at a local B/D S/M club) can be a great deal of fun, and elicit a REAL response (many in this community just fake it well)..... and if you're a good top, you should have no trouble judging when enough is enough- and don't cross the lines. Go to the edge? Sure! Tiptoe over it a tad- maybe, based on the situation. But don't skip over the line. And if you're cringing at that thought- consider this as well: most people into bondage and s/m play and who bottom know and expect that type of play- they enjoy that mystery aspect of it all... they enjoy the "victim role".... in s/m terms, and Palace terms for us, it's called "resistance play". If they weren't looking for a scene of some type- then they just wouldn't be there, and wouldn't be letting you tie them up. It's very real. Safe- but real.
(Please don't confuse my words with the stupid theory some say that when a women gets raped, she's "looking for it"- thats ridiculous and not what this is about, and definitely not what we're about)
It enables you to live out your total fantasy perhaps of a tormentor- or victim- an inquisitioner- and not have to worry so much about your "consensual" actions- just as they did way back when. There were no safewords or consenting playes in the Inquisition as we all know. With that type of play, you can scream out your fears and erotic overtones and not feel guilty because "you now have an excuse to let go" as Freud would say.
Now lets get THIS out of the way: I do not condone rape- forced scenes- passing way over limits on purpose- ignoring safewords used for health conditions of for NEW players- or grabbing right off the streets for tickling against their will- or RAP music being played into the ears of tied victims as torture.
What I say is just to loosen up a bit, and try it. My roller coaster theory still holds true. A roller coaster is non consensual to some degree because once it starts- you usually REALLY want it to stop at some point as the fear rolls in... and safewords on a roller coaster are like giving the passengers control of the brakes... none of that works to make the ride better.
Some of you will always want totally consenting scenes- so that you KNOW that at every moment all you're doing is actually giving pleasure... you may need that.... and that's very cool and more than civilized. It means you're a VERY caring loving partner. We don't have enough of them. If that's enough for you in a scene, more power to you.
But to others (who are hopefully sane, clear thinking adults, with no harm in mind) who seek more- I say, try riding the roller coaster just once.
