Constructive Advice Sought Please

[Leo tickles]

Your view on constructive and destructive is clouded.

I could pick apart Aimee's post and pick out the constructive parts, but I don't like her all that much. So, just think it's destructive.

True story.

 

[Mitchell]

Leo, please explain to me how you feel my view on constructive and destructive is clouded. I know you are sincere, and my friend, so I will listen to you.

Mitch

 

[Leo tickles]

In stressful times, people need support.

Look at the thread I made up when I first broke up with Courtney, then look at the second, and then look at the last one.

These days, I listen to everything. The good, the bad, the shit that has nothing to do with whatever I originally posted. I take in words of other people. 99.9% of the time, they reach one ear, bounce off, and get lost.

But, sometimes, it's good to take some seemingly stupid shit and figure out how or why the person came to the point of saying it to you in the first place. It makes you look at yourself, your actions, and then, you realize shit that you otherwise wouldn't have.

 

[Mitchell]

I understand and appreciate what you're saying. I try to do that, but. once again, it depends on what it is, how it is said, and what is meant by it. Maybe I'm wrong, but thats just my view.

Mitch

 

[Leo tickles]

Half of the people in this world say what they don't mean in the way they don't mean to say it.

You aren't wrong, but I believe a lot of new doors would open if you took things a little less personally.

 

[Mitchell]

I see your point. However, posts like "You say the same thing, over and over again about your father", as was said in this thread. Or.., "You whine about your father", are, to me, personal attacks, and, I feel I need to take those personally.

Posts like yours, and even kis, who sometimes gets exasperated with me, I know are sincere. They are said with good intent. Some of the posts, I believe, are said to belittle, and attack, and not with good intent. That is my problem with such kind of posts.

Mitch

 

[Leo tickles]

I dunno. People say those things all the time in my threads, and I just laugh them off.

To me, personal is in my face where I can react as I see fit without somebody banning me because I responded in the same way as I was approached.

Somebody mashing keys on a keyboard, meh, not worth getting all huffy and puffy about it.

 

[Mitchell]

Interesting perspective, Leo. I will say that while I partially agree with you, it doesnt always have to be "in your face". While the people I'm usually attacked by on the forum are of lesser importance than him, there are times that I havent seen my father for years, and he's done little more than "mashed keys", as you say, in capital letters, at me. I see his words, and it causes me to feel like if he was near me, I'd want to break his face.

It really depends on what's being said, and who is saying it.

Mitch

 

[Leo tickles]

I wasn't talking about him.

I was talking about people on the forum. With him, it's different, and I've been in your shoes with my own dad and other people. That, I took offense to, sometimes.

Here though, not so much.

 

[leafstk]

Aimee, I'd love to say what I want to on a public tickling forum. Unfortunately for me, your posts arent worth my being banned for.

There will be no reason for me to have a thread about him "in a couple of days", because his bday is Saturday, and whatever I do will be done and over with then.

From now on, my best reply to anything you post should be just that "Whatever". That's basically all it merits.

Mitch

Mitch...

What are you going to say when he is DEAD? Are you going to post here and lament what COULD have been? If so, do something about it now. Put up or shut up. Sorry bro, but this is getting irksome, as you can see... to MANY of us.

There are many good people here struggling just like YOU. Or much much worse. People who have had to bury their parents before their time... who have had to deal with illness and disease. But you don't see them whining and complaining EVERY FUCKING DAY.

No, they take strength in their faith, their families, or what have you... and make informed decisions if need be based on advice from them or professionals.

You are not doing this. You are making a fool out of yourself yet again. I'm sorry to say so, but it's true. STOP IT!!!!!!!!!!

 

[LD_Tickler]

Leo, I'm sorry, but I disagree, my friend. I dont feel I "have to" or "should" appreciate "everyone's" point of view. As with everything, it depends on HOW it is presented.

While this may be a "public forum", and while they or the mods may feel they have a "right" to do it, I don't appreciate posts such as the ones that say

"You whine about your father"
or
"You say the same thing, over and over again".

What the fuck is "constructive" about those posts? They are said to belittle the person who posted them

Agreeing with Leo, god help me. Constructive and belittling aren't necessarily mutually exclusive. You say "constructive" but you actually mean gentle.

Example: If I see somebody doing something I think is really, really stupid, my saying to them "Hey, Frank, you're acting like an idiot" is constructive. I'm shining light on Frank's idiocy in the hopes that he will stop, and I'm doing it in such a straightforward way that he can't selectively hear what I'm telling him. Moreover, if I'm right, and he is in fact acting like an idiot, my causing him to feel bad about it will encourage him to stop.

Thus, my harsh words are constructive, but not polite or gentle.

 

[Leo tickles]

Agreeing with Leo, god help me. Constructive and belittling aren't necessarily mutually exclusive. You say "constructive" but you actually mean gentle.

Example: If I see somebody doing something I think is really, really stupid, my saying to them "Hey, Frank, you're acting like an idiot" is constructive. I'm shining light on Frank's idiocy in the hopes that he will stop, and I'm doing it in such a straightforward way that he can't selectively hear what I'm telling him. Moreover, if I'm right, and he is in fact acting like an idiot, my causing him to feel bad about it will encourage him to stop.

Thus, my harsh words are constructive, but not polite or gentle.

Quick, edit your post while you still can before people start hating you for agreeing with me! ROFLWAFFLE, just kidding. Rofflewaffle? Damn I'm in a good mood tonight. Go read my happy thread, it'll make you feel better.

Anyways, yeah, that's sort of kind of what I was saying, but more or less just read between the lines Mitch, and don't take it as seriously as you do.

When all else fails, go to the clips section and watch some previews, milk the reindeer, stress will be lifted, and the stars will be clear.

No, I haven't been drinking.

 

[Babbles]

But we *are asked to be polite as well as constructive here.

Leafstk ------- that should've DEFINITELY been a PM. From any perspective.

Not everyone agrees ---- I think anyone should be able to post what they want. You see multiple threads from one person, and you know you don't think the request for feedback is your style, that's fine.

Ignore it or PM the OP.
Not everyone agrees with you. Doesn't matter, it's all harmless until others cause problems.

It's not that difficult, if you don't want to try to find a (polite) constructive response.

EDIT: ---- Wow, Leo, that's well put 😀

 

[Leo tickles]

Wait what was well put?

And wait why has this thread went from trolling, to somebody agreeing with me, to me telling Mitch to whack his reindeer?

The fuck is going on tonight?

 

[LD_Tickler]

But we *are asked to be polite as well as constructive here.

Honest, constructive advice -the title of this thread - sometimes requires harshness and frankness. Tough love, as it were.

It's far, far beyond the point that Mitch could reasonably expect people to only deliver honeyed words because he asks for them. The empirical evidence to the contrary is overwhelming at this point.

 

[Leo tickles]

Myriads did what? Where?

I just looked all over the place, I didn't see him say anything to Babbles.

And don't curse at Babbles, that's not nice. Be nice.

Peace and love throughout the land, stickleaf.

.... Seriously, I think I'm slap happy. Or high. On my Mocha from Mcdonalds.

Or maybe it's because I'm actually feeling like me again.

But who am I?

Why, I'm Buzz Lightyear! Die Zurg, DIE!

*walks off humming the friend in me song from Toy Story*

 

[LD_Tickler]

Leo, one of Babbles' posts in this thread was edited and replaced by a warning from the big man.

 

[Babbles]

If I think my honest opinion is offensive or could seem to belittle, I'll PM.

I have to disagree --- Just because some people give the worst possible perspective and bash the OP while "on topic," twisting his words to fit whatever they want to read, or to read into his words ---

that doesn't change the fact that the "Golden Rule" does specify ----- polite and/or positive. And they're out of line.

Those who are scornful, even if sincere, should not be allowed to ruin a thread for any OP. Or a series of threads.

It's VERY simple ---- they don't have to look, they don't have to reply.
If they do ---- he didn't ask for honey, he asked for constructive replies. You can see from his answers, even when he disagrees, or people are being disgracefully rude, he's still polite.

He's looking for the same and it shouldn't be too much to ask.

No one should be looking in a harmless thread if they know they won't have the patience to give a polite response.

And it's not rocket science --- it's often easier for those outside a situation to offer advice,
and there's no reason helpful advice can't be unoffensive.

If you really think your most honest answer IS offensive ---- that's what PMs are for.

 

[Leo tickles]

Leo, one of Babbles' posts in this thread was edited and replaced by a warning from the big man.

How the fuck, out of all the posts, did BABBLES' post get a warning?


... Myriads!!!! I challenge you to a duel. You. Me. Mud wrestling in bikini's.

Now.



..... alright.

I'm gonna quit while I'm ahead and go whack my own reindeer before posting again.

 

[LD_Tickler]

that doesn't change the fact that the "Golden Rule" does specify ----- polite and/or positive. And they're out of line.

Is that a direct quote? I'm surprised. Regardless, it's abundantly clear that the GR is enforced not when somebody is impolite or harsh, but only when somebody is unjustifiably insulting, which, as I'm arguing, is not the case for most of the replies here.

It's VERY simple ---- they don't have to look, they don't have to reply.
If they do ---- he didn't ask for honey, he asked for constructive replies. You can see from his answers, even when he disagrees, or people are being disgracefully rude, he's still polite.

He's looking for the same and it shouldn't be too much to ask.

Well first of all, however nice of a guy Mitch is isn't really relevant. He's far more polite than lots of others, that's clear. So what?

People see the posts, they're interested for whatever reason so they participate, and they do so honestly.

No one should be looking in a harmless thread if they know they won't have the patience to give a polite response. It's not rocket science it's often easier for those outside a situation to offer advice, and there's no reason helpful advice can't be unoffensive.

If you really think your most honest answer IS offensive ---- that's what PMs are for.

Well yes, sometimes the only way to give honest advice IS to be harsh. Sometimes your honest opinion is impolite. And why is it so important that it be a PM? Either way Mitch is reading it. Is it too personal to be stated in public? Clearly not, given the nature of these threads. Besides, these threads are discussions, and for those of us who are interested in hearing other people weigh in to our comments, PM isn't an option.

 

[leafstk]

^

This is where you're dead WRONG... yet again, Babbles. You ASSUME that i'm trolling or looking to ignite shit here. No I'm not. I said, i've talked to Mitch ad nauseum about this subject via PM... and I've seen YOU ad nauseum, break in like some sort of fucking super hero. Who are you eh?

I'm done. I truly wish Mitch well, but this is the kind of shit that drives us all up the fucking wall... ad nauseum 😛

 

[LD_Tickler]

^

This is where you're dead WRONG... yet again, Babbles. You ASSUME that i'm trolling or looking to ignite shit here. No I'm not. I said, i've talked to Mitch ad nauseum about this subject via PM... and I've seen YOU ad nauseum, break in like some sort of fucking super hero. Who are you eh?

I'm done. I truly wish Mitch well, but this is the kind of shit that drives us all up the fucking wall... ad nauseum 😛

Protip: Replacing the phrase "ad nauseum" with the phrase "ad infinitum" is a good way to add variety without sacrificing meaning, and as a bonus, you keep that cool latin flair. 😀

 

[Babbles]

Leo, one of Babbles' posts in this thread was edited and replaced by a warning from the big man.

Thanks Leo, and LD, I see it now --- thank you for pointing that out.

LD, since you asked, this is the literal Golden Rule ---

http://www.ticklingforum.com/showthread.php?p=1768317#post1768317

The Golden Rule

If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all.



This doesn't mean that people can't disagree with other people, but it does mean that everyone who wishes to post here is required to go out of their way to make sure that they are being constructive and positive. We are a forum, a place for discussing ideas, and anything that doesn't contribute to the business of doing that is unproductive and unwelcome. Just because we have freedom of speech in the United States, doesn't mean that anyone can say anything they want while the Senate is in session.

The TMF requires a similar level of decorum from its users, and we are always in session. Intelligent disagreement and debate are encouraged and welcome. Simple negativity is not. For example, if you don't like a story, saying why is encouraged and welcome. Saying that it's "lame" is not.

And to get this out of the way in advance, yes there is censorship on the TMF. Posts that do not abide by the Golden Rule, in the opinion of the administrative staff of the TMF, will be removed and people who frequently make such posts will risk having their posting privileges revoked.

Is that a direct quote? I'm surprised. Regardless, it's abundantly clear that the GR is enforced not when somebody is impolite or harsh, but only when somebody is unjustifiably insulting, which, as I'm arguing, is not the case for most of the replies here.

That's a good question --- yes it is a direct quote (I had to look again).

I wasn't sure myself, but I checked some time ago (and found the above) so it does apply... too often. There's a great deal of what this alludes to, here. It shouldn't even need to be in print.

Well first of all, however nice of a guy Mitch is isn't really relevant. He's far more polite than lots of others, that's clear. So what?

Seems to me it's worse when those who are polite don't get the same courtesy.

People see the posts, they're interested for whatever reason so they participate, and they do so honestly.

(See above). Honest doesn't need to be brutal, at least not publicly.

Well yes, sometimes the only way to give honest advice IS to be harsh. Sometimes your honest opinion is impolite. And why is it so important that it be a PM? Either way Mitch is reading it. Is it too personal to be stated in public? Clearly not, given the nature of these threads. Besides, these threads are discussions, and for those of us who are interested in hearing other people weigh in to our comments, PM isn't an option.

Yes, sometimes I over-react. One difference being I don't into threads to cause trouble, but sometimes I do (over) react to what appears harmful or unnecessarily disrespectful.

I see your point that this is a personal matter and posted publicly, but it's all benign ---

In threads like this, especially, "harsh" honesty is especially unnecessary since the OP is obviously not harming anyone, he's polite, he follows the Golden Rule --- I think there are some "honest" responses that should be discussed in PM because they do more unnecessary damage than good otherwise if aired publicly.

 

[leafstk]

So let me get this straight Babbles... you thought what I said was harsh? It was too personal? Like this thread?

 

[LD_Tickler]

Babbles, when somebody posts a topic here in the discussion, it's appropriate to reply here, in the discussion. I see no need to switch to PM to post my honest opinion when it is solicited publicly like this. If some of the posts are too personal to be posted publicly, that's a good indication that the whole subject of conversation shouldn't be discussed publicly. But if the OP has made that decision, I'll follow suit. Whether or not Mitch receives the politeness and tact he tends to show others isn't really here nor there.