Constructive NEST Discussion

[MaxSpeer]

Hi Gang!

While a lot of the discussion here is meant to stimulate and titillate, I thought I would bring up a thread that would help me/us understand and hopefully alleviate fears for first-timers or never-beens about going to a Gathering. So here it is:

What is your greatest fear about going to a Gathering?

I hope this question stimulates honest answers and I hope that the mods are mindful of non-constructive responses.
Please help me by keeping this thread on-topic and resist the urge to hold side/private conversations to those that respond.

Thanks!

Max

 

[venray]

Great idea for a thread Max.

My biggest fear before attending my first gathering (SBGI) was that I didnt know if I would be accepted by others that already knew one another.

Another was that I or my wife would be "coerced" into doing something
that we really didnt want to do.

10 minutes after arriving those fears went out the window and we knew we were among real friends. Everyone made us feel welcome and all of
the participants respected each others boundaries.

Attending our first NEST was one of the best experiences we ever had. Just meeting all the great folks who have been getting together for years and being treated like one of the "family" was an experience in itself. Looking forward to this year.



Ray

 

[Limeoutsider]

That my parents would find out where I was and come and cause a scene

 

[ticklishbbw]

My biggest fear before attending my first gathering (SBGI) was that I didnt know if I would be accepted by others that already knew one another.

Another was that I or my wife would be "coerced" into doing something
that we really didnt want to do.

Ray

While one of my fears is also being excepted by a group of people that already know each rather well, being "coerced" isn't my fear, in fact, it's the exact opposite. I'm more afraid I'll be ignored!

tbbw

 

[Ayla ny]

what made me the most nervous was the idea of sharing something so intimate... in a party atmosphere. I wasn’t sure how it would mix. I really wanted to hang out with and meet people, but was pretty sure I would never be able to ‘play’. I was curious tho...

after the shock of hearing everything discussed so openly wore off... I relaxed (a little lol) and had a great time meeting some wonderful people. I even decided to give the play thing a try. and am glad I did. but that’s me. I SO completely understand why someone would not want to.

my initial reason for wanting to attend was actually to prove to myself that everyone else was as normal as I am. I was right. 🙂

 

[Ayla ny]

While one of my fears is also being excepted by a group of people that already know each rather well, being "coerced" isn't my fear, in fact, it's the exact opposite. I'm more afraid I'll be ignored!

tbbw

ticklishbbw, I can totally understand that concern. but it’s been my experience so far that the ‘veterans’, while very glad to see old friends, are all about making the new people feel comfortable. they’ve been there and know that ‘new kid on the block’ feeling, and go above and beyond to make you feel like one of the gang.

and I’ll bet you a ten spot right here and now that if you don’t want to be “ignored”... you won’t be! 😉

 

[Knox The Hatter]

If TBBW's coming, I will personally ensure that she be assiduously paid attention to...I will come up to this person and introduce myself...🙂

 

[ticklishbbw]

If TBBW's coming, I will personally ensure that she be assiduously paid attention to...I will come up to this person and introduce myself...🙂

I sent in my info, and I plan on attending. We'll see how it goes! I have a couple of months to work up the nerve!

tbbw

 

[AffectionateDan]

Good topic, Maximus!

That my parents would find out where I was and come and cause a scene

OMG! Eeeeep! How freakin' much would that SUCK!

My biggest fear before attending my first gathering (SBG I) was that I didnt know if I would be accepted by others that already knew one another.

Another was that I or my wife would be "coerced" into doing something
that we really didnt want to do.

Originally posted by Ayla ny ticklishbbw, I can totally understand that concern. but it’s been my experience so far that the ‘veterans’, while very glad to see old friends, are all about making the new people feel comfortable. they’ve been there and know that ‘new kid on the block’ feeling, and go above and beyond to make you feel like one of the gang.

These relate directly to one of my only remaining concerns about play parties... that someone new to all this will get a bad impression their first time out, and chuck the whole idea after a bad experience. So yeah, it's vital that everyone feel as safe and comfortable as possible!

Originally posted by Ayla ny and I’ll bet you a ten spot right here and now that if you don’t want to be “ignored”... you won’t be! 😉

That's a safe bet! 😉

Originally posted by ticklishbbw I have a couple of months to work up the nerve!

Just make sure that you work up the ticklish nerves FIRST, and I'm sure you won't be disappointed!

 

[kis123]

Interesting and well-timed thread......

Since I signed up for NWOT on Apr 3. I have no idea what's going to happen when I get there. I'm sorta the human wallflower type and it takes me awhile before I warm up. If I'm still able to make it, I think I'm just going to be an observer. I'm not sure if I want to play just yet. I'll play it by ear.

Fears/concerns:

The unknown
actually ending up being the wallflower for the entire 6 hours
still being a tied and tickled coward after attending NWOT
And any other fear you can create in your own mind.

H E L P!!!!!!!!

 

[edv]

Man, it's been so long. My biggest fear was that I was driving up to philly alone to a "tickle party", with a bunch of people that I had never met. Having been to a few "creepy" s&m parties before, I was hoping it wouldn't be that kind of atmosphere. Well, it wasn't. Everyone was super nice, sociable, and a little nervous just like me. The hosts and partygoers really do go out of thier way to make newcomers feel welcome. Now I think my biggest fear is Bella......ecspecially when she gets that evil look of glee in her eyes while peeeling my socks off. YIKES!lol Hope to see you soon!


Peace

Ed

 

[AffectionateDan]

Perfectly valid fears/concerns, Kis...

...I, for one, was nervous as hell when I went to my first Gathering, even though everyone was SO nice it was amazing. I may have still been a little bit in denial, though, because after some quality social time, everyone seemed to just KNOW that it was time to play, so they got started. They were all veterans who'd known each other for a long time and were used to this, but I went into shock when it started, since I had no idea WHAT to expect. One of the gals, bless her heart, jumped onto the bench (a Flander's Bench?) and got comfortable, and the 'Lers went to work. I'll never forget it... it was like a swarm of ticklebugs just descended on her! I was all, "Yikes!", and couldn't believe this was really happening, and it went on and on and on, and she loved it and so did they. I couldn't bring myself to play, as I was too stunned at it all being REAL. But I got over it. 😉 You will, too. It's allllll about the love, if you're playing with the right people and you know you're safe and in good hands.

 

[dvnc]

Acute creepiness. Being completely repulsed by the folks playing around me. Heck, I *KNOW* how *my* events were run, but attending was a different deal. Was always SO grateful that every host, coast to coast, was so cool about play scenes.

I did meet folks, at my events and others, that bugged me. I meet folks like that at the mall, too, though, and while I thought it'd be a big bummer, it was just status quo for the world. Some people don't appeal to me. I'm *certain* I don't appeal to some people. Those that know me can attest.

As a host, I always was most concerned about the same thing, Max. What's worryin' folks? It's why safety was always my big thing. Folks don't NEED gatherings for their play parties once they know one another. It's a lot easier to simply invite the folks you know to come over, eat your food, drink your drinks, and play. Gatherings were always about two big things - bringing around the new folks to dig the fact that we're all real, and socializin' with 'em. Play's an added bonus, and one that's practically inevitable in a group of us!

I had many attendees worry about whether I was going to be weird, dangerous, etc. Had women worry about whether they'd be touched inappropriately (had to remind them that the same laws apply in the event as outside). That the larger folk attending are so protective of the rest of the folks is great.

It's a good question, brother. Glad you asked!

dvnc

 

[AffectionateDan]

I had many attendees worry about whether I was going to be weird, dangerous, etc. Had women worry about whether they'd be touched inappropriately (had to remind them that the same laws apply in the event as outside). That the larger folk attending are so protective of the rest of the folks is great.

Indeed! 😀 I was always kinda partial to the warning about meeting the doorframe at high velocity should one violate the trust, myself...

 

[tommytikl]

I think some nervousness might be that some people find tickling extremely arousing and might be embarressed by that fact.
I think one important point is that a "circle jerk" is NOT going to happen during a scene...yeah some people might get "aroused" watching or tickling but nothing is going to be whipped out.

It can be very overwhelming to some that their lifelong love of tickling, which they hid from everyone and thought no one else could LOVE tickling, to finally see a lee strapped to a massage table and tickled by MANY hands can be very overwhelming like Dan mentioned.
My first NEST I also stood in a corner mostly...and knew I could have actually tickled if I could have gotten past my "shell" that I had built up...

Heck it can be tough for some people to say the word tickle let alone actually talk about it or see it.

Anyway, gatherings are great and whether you are a wall-flower or hysterical lee, they should be attended just so you know you are not alone!!!

Tickle On...
Tom

 

[P50]

Good question.

Difficult description

Complex thoughts behind the answer



-1- Lack of knowledge and experience with expected norms, protocols, behaviors, manners, and the concept of "being polite"

-2- Making an enemy as a result of my ignorance of item number 1 just stated (i.e., a mistake on my part, while no malicious intent was present within me)

-3- Unwanted "outing" as a result of attending. The main areas of fear being

[A] Church,

Work,

[C] School,

[D] Closer Neighbors,

[E] My community as a whole,

[F] Family Members

[G] Some idiot in the government (including the schools) labeling me as some word nobody's ever heard before



-4- Radioactive fallout from item number 3 just stated (i.e., my paycheck, my service in church, my rating with the school board, harrassment by the neighborHOOD "kids", thrown out of older family members' wills, etc.)

-5- Self-Esteem complexes in my mind; age, height, weight, looks. I'm not a walking Ken doll.

-6- Being around people I don't enjoy; specifically, being too close to drunks and/or tobacco users; Being asked to interface with persons of significantly different intellects; being in the same room (even the same building) with controlled substances being used out of legal bounds (e.g., pot smokers)

-7- High-speed intimacy. For me, tickling is a close, caring, intimate act which requires lots of time to cultivate.

-8- Public Tickling.

-9- Someone going outside of the limits of item number 1, with ensuing force resulting, raising the distinct possibility of violence. I have not had a fistfight since my teens and I intend to keep it that way until the day I die.

-10- Request to tickle a stranger. I don't know how I would react to that.

-11- Ridicule from others with a significantly different agenda.

-12- Seeing, or just knowing, that a woman was treated in such a way as to require forceful intervention.

-13- Being called upon to issue that force to restrain the person from that woman.

-14- Sitting next to a woman I want to tickle, but can't due to item number 1 above.

-15- Other people watching me tickle a woman.

-16- What if I become excited and can't hide it ?

-17- Being in the presence of other excited males who aren't hiding it

-18- The possibility of the gathering becoming a "party", the likes of which are so frequently practiced by those in their late teens and early twenties; i.e., an excuse (and a lame excuse at that) for hiding the real purpose of simple, irresponsible drunkeness as practiced by college idiots and just-out-of-high-school losers of the 3rd degree.

-19- Going to sleep in front of strangers who are in this group.

-20- Being tickled and having a bad reaction (e.g., vomiting, choking, fainting, etc.)

-21- An event arises that requires official intervention; the kind where the ambulance and police show up; and they start taking names and addresses from your drivers' license.

-22- Asking a woman to tickle her and being rejected publicly (aka The junior high school dance syndrome)

-23- An asteroid could make it through the atmosphere without burning up and land on the building and kill us all,,,, okay, maybe not, but number 1 thru number 22 are real possibilities

 

[MaxSpeer]

I would like to thank everyone for their honesty, but in no way imply that I am ending this thread by responding. I would love it to continue because I feel that it is so important for first-timers to read this and realize that, perhaps, others share their own fears.

I must admit, that even though I started NEST with a handful of guys in 1997, watched and helped it grow, and seen many people in many different forms of tickling since then, I still feel shy in the crowd. When NEST was at my apartment for a while (even though we would cram 50+ people in there) I tended to hide out in the kitchen and talk to a few people at a time. Why?
Here's my take on it.

1) I am so used to getting that uncomfortable, shocking, exciting, embarassing, arousing, quick glimpse at a mall or a restaurant or in a park that seeing it all around me for hours on end is a bit overwhelming. Not in a arousal kind of way but it's like taking a trip to a chocolate factory.

2) Rarely do I say "tickle" outloud. Now, all of a sudden, I am speaking about it like I was speaking about working out at the gym or taking a stroll.

3) For me, I want to make sure everyone has a good time and I am fearful that they won't or be bored or something like that.

4) Tickling is so intimate for me between my partner(s) and I that it's not something I normally do in public. In truth, I rarely play at NEST and only for a few minutes if I do. Unless, of course, it's with my girlfriend. I am happy that alot of the people LOVE to play at NEST and be played upon. I appreciate it because I know others are enjoying it.

5) By the time NEST is over I go through a period of not even wanting to see tickling or hear about it. That lasts about the length of one night's sleep. I wake up and say, "My God, I am insatiable!"

6) NEST is about friends. Because of this, I won't use the term newbie now or anything like that. If you come to the NEST you are equal to everyone there.

I know if you've never been to one, you might feel out of the loop of comments. To tell you the truth, I do too because most of the time I am too busy running around to enjoy those moments. But understand that there is no pecking order or Insiders and Outsiders. It's just so much f**king fun that we hate to see it end and love to bring back our memories.

Remember hearing about how cool sex was and not really getting it until ya did it? That's the way it is going to NEST. Then you wonder why you didn't do it sooner. For a person into tickling their whole life, it is a cathartic experience.

Max

 

[bratgirl365]

Well said Max! I too am not a "crowd" kind of person with this. I, in the beginning felt that tickling is an intimate thing shared between two people.
My first Nest experince was two years ago. I remember thinking, I must be crazy...what if I walk in and recognize a coworker...family member....anyone who didn't know my secret, the fear was so overwhelming I almost didn't go. After being there for 5 mins, I felt comfortable with the people and after an hour I was already participating in a foot demo. My second year....I was able to experience the other side of being a lee....my first time as a ler....ooooooooh, the fun .
Although I still feel this is an intimate thing...I think I've learned how to seperate the two....one on one and with a bunch of silly, funloving, funny,outgoing people.
See you again this year. 😉

 

[RChello]

well said Brat🙂

"We have nothing to fear but fear itself,,, ok and an unmerciful tickling by a NEST attendee too" I added the last part,,, forgive me Mr Churchill🙂

 

[tklgal226]

That my parents would find out where I was and come and cause a scene

that's what im afriad of.

i live back at home (while im in college- im boring, lol) and it's like "Ummm, yeah, mom? Im going to...um....a friend's house for the weekend...yeeeeeeah, that's it....what's the plane fare on my credit card bill? Ummm...i don't know?"

Lol...

~clair

 

[dvnc]

There are trains to that locale, though. And if you start sockin' away a 20, here and there, you'll find the sum is manageable.

Coordinate with QBWeaver. While she may not be the one to scoop you from the station, she'll likely find you a way to the main hotel easily enough. Coordinating with her means you can find a roomie at the hotel, potentially, too. Very useful, for economical reasons alone. 'Sides, roomies are good safeties.

You east-coasters need only to reach Philedelphia with funds enough to sustain a weekend. Booze? Why bother? Save your change, and spend the weekend tickling or being tickled, or both. You'll be lucky to remember to stop and eat, if memory serves. Hearin' Bella scream, "Gentemen, feed your 'lees!" is still a fond one for me. Just get there with room arrangements and funds to feed and attend. There ain't great expense to this, truly.

Well worth the event!

P50, you, sir, covered the gamut! Props to ya for the list length, and knowin' how to use it!

 

[MrPartickler]

P50: I must say, I thought that was a great post. It probably just about covered it all. I laughed out loud on several of those points. lol

I usually don't comment on gatherings much, but in the interest of providing a breadth of viewpoints, I'll do so now. I've attended one (not NEST) and had an OK time. I, too, was nervous at first but was eventually able to relax somewhat. I met good folks. I also witnessed and even participated in some play. Still, I have to say, gatherings aren't for me. I'm glad I experienced it and had some fun, but I'll probably never attend another one.

I guess doing things so out-of-the-ordinary doesn't help me feel "normal" at all--quite the opposite in fact. (This opinion seems to contrast with many others' views I've come across in the past.) Oddly enough, attending a fetish-themed affair I can't really discuss with anyone but the attendees isn't something I normally do. Also, seeing and participating in group ticklings isn't really my cup of tea either, except in a novelty/comic sense.

I suppose if it were reasonable to expect I could meet another special <i>individual</i> there I might have reason to return. (dating...anyone? lol) However, for a variety of reasons, that's not a realistic expectation IMHO. Even if it were, I would only see real merit in attending a local gathering, for obvious reasons. Of course, if my s/o were interested in attending, I'd also find renewed interest. 😉

Despite these opinions, I'd recommend to anyone curious or otherwise intrigued who have never attended a gathering, to try it themselves sometime. Even if it's not for you, you'll probably be glad you went.

 

[lite]

Cool topic, Max!

Even though I had been to two other gatherings (the Memphis gathering, hosted by the lovely lilkittykatfeet, and SBG 1, hosted by the ever-charming njjen) before I went to my first NEST, I was nervous about going to NEST for one reason: SO MANY PEOPLE! 🙂

The other gatherings I had attended were much smaller, and I thought that meeting so many people would be overwhelming, or present some sort of safety issue, even though kwildoctr and I went together (he had similar concerns).

We needn't have worried; we felt right at home and completely comfortable the minute we walked in the door and saw the sweetheart of NEST, QBWeaver. I'm sure that attending the previous night's cocktail party, and meeting many of the attendees then, helped to increase our comfort level, but that wasn't the only thing. The people who attend gatherings, generally speaking, would like to see them continue, and as such, everyone looks after everyone else. I had injured my toe the night before the gathering, and all throughout the gathering people were making sure I was okay. As the wise DVNC says, "It's all about the love."

If you can, you should try to attend, even if you just meet people and choose not to play. No one will think that's rude or weird, and I for one would like to meet as many of you wonderful people as possible! 🙂

 

[Ayla ny]

first let me say that I can pretty much relate to every single concern expressed (except maybe the parents showing up thing (lol) at 35 yrs old, it’s been a while since that was a real concern).

but as one of the biggest over-thinkers in world, I also want to say... there are always reasons why we couldn’t, shouldn’t, wouldn’t. always. but if you take a step back from expectations and worries... and just let it boil down to, “do I want to?”... then you might decide that meeting some of the people you have been reading for so long (whether you agree with every word they write or not) in itself might be pretty cool.

I really liked Max’s Chocolate Factory analogy. I wouldn’t want to live in one... but boy oh boy, if they are offering a weekend pass... I’m there!

(ps it took me more than four years of, “I wanna... but really shouldn’t...” to get to my first. so if this year, or any year, isn’t it for you... don’t stress over it. but if you are standing on the fence... JUMP! the water‘s fine. and last year there were chocolates. 🙂 )

I’m as normal and outwardly vanilla as they come, and I had a wonderful time.

 

[JPie1]

(ps it took me more than four years of, “I wanna... but really shouldn’t...” to get to my first. so if this year, or any year, isn’t it for you... don’t stress over it. but if you are standing on the fence... JUMP! the water‘s fine. and last year there were chocolates. 🙂 )

I’m as normal and outwardly vanilla as they come, and I had a wonderful time.

Boy I can really relate to this...I wanna but shouldn't took me years to come out of lurker mode. My 1st gathering was a CAT...I went in as a frightened little mouse but it didn't take me long at all to become quite bold in being at and going to gatherings. I think if Ann, Drew, Venray or Tracy were to see this they can relate to what I looked like coming into the gathering and going out. Over the last few gatherings I have been to its been as much of meeting your online friends as it is the play of it all. I love meeting everyone and putting faces to words. Especially Ms Ayla above who I had been chatting with through the forum for years....I hope to meet many more of you at future gatherings. I have enjoyed every person I have met.

With some luck this will be my 1st NEST I am getting to attend and can't wait to meet Max and Jan as well as all the rest!

JPie