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Dealing with unwelcome attention


4th Level Blue Feather
Aug 9, 2001
Howdy folks, Mama B here :cat:

This is about what to do with negative online attention. Every now and again, you may find yourself receiving emails, IMs or PMs that are unfriendly or make you uncomfortable. It's easy to get upset or frustrated, when quite often no offense is intended; sometimes folks are mean, but often people just have trouble properly expressing themselves online and may seem more intense than you're comfortable with. The best way to handle this is to politely let the person know how they're making you feel, and ask them to stop. If that doesn't help, it's best not to begin sending insults and hurtful words back and forth, even though that can be tempting, because that doesn't help and only makes matters worse. If the person really isn't listening to you and won't leave you alone, the best thing to to is back off from communication and let the moderators know that you're feeling harrassed and you aren't sure what to do; we're happy to listen, and chances are we can help. I'm always here to help, you can PM me or email me at [email protected] and I'll work with the other mods to do what we can to make things better :marchofthekitties:
If you're getting annoying PM's from someone, there is also an ignore list feature. Look under the "Settings and Options" heading in the "Your Control Panel" bar. You can also ignore someone by going to their profile and clicking on the "User Lists" drop-down menu under their name.

Keep in mind that the ignore feature won't just block PM's, you won't be able to see the ignored person's posts, either.

Just figured it was worth mentioning. :)
Thanks, i have a lot of these problems.

Sadly, this seems to happen a lot to newer female members. Some guys get idiotic and start up with the "hellow im wantin 2 tikl yur feetz lol" and crap like that. I hope it doesn't end up scaring you off. Like ASU said, there's the ignore feature, and if anyone proves to be way too persistent, report it to the mods and they will deal with it.
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I think I may have experienced the same thing :D It's unfortunate for everyone when people are scared away. People ought to feel comfortable in places like this without worrying about getting harrassed, but alas that is the internet. No way around it but to get used to it.
Yes, this happens I think to everyone. The first day I joined I got 2 IM's asking strange questions. I am a male, so it is probablly worse for the women who join. Unfortunatlly this makes things harder to connect with one another. While this place seems very warm things like this slow down the community.
I agree. People should feel comfortable here. But there are always a few that make it harder for everyone else. it sux
Use a seemingly ambiguous screen name and hang out in the chatroom for a little bit. You'll understand quickly.
the chatroom is a cesspool of creepy. :(

Heh heh. I wish that were a joke.

The "funny" (I use the term funny loosely) aspect is that there's more aggressively-creepy "girls" (I also use the term girls loosely) than guys!

So you know, with that said, maybe we could together on a messenger sometime and swap pictures of unbelievably gorgeous models and I'll drool all over your feet.

I couldn't resist. :neenerneener:
I think it hurts us normal guys more often than not. All I did once was say something along the lines of ..

But yes my name is xxx and i am from the xxx area.

I am just introducing myself right now, im 5`6 my race very nice and ticklish though I am mostly a ler and sometimes a lee.

I am here free to chat anytime your on and whenever you are ready we can chat.

That is all I wrote and got no responce, I guess these "other" guys ruin it for the good guys like me and you. I guess my pm got deleted in the clutter.

Though this seems pretty harmless enough ("harmless" is probably the wrong word but I'm too tired right now to think of another one), a lot of this post says, "I wanna play" and not a genuine curiosity to see if you and the other person have enough mutual interests aside from tickling to form a connection and become friends.

Unless play was your intention of course, but from your post I assume that it wasn't. :)

Height, race, physical whereabouts and where you're ticklish have little to do with actual personality traits and that, in almost any conversation whether in real life or online are what spark the beginnings of a friendship. :)
Heh heh. I wish that were a joke.

The "funny" (I use the term funny loosely) aspect is that there's more aggressively-creepy "girls" (I also use the term girls loosely) than guys!

So you know, with that said, maybe we could together on a messenger sometime and swap pictures of unbelievably gorgeous models and I'll drool all over your feet.

I couldn't resist. :neenerneener:

*faps furiously* what are you wearing?
When I said I thought I had experienced the same thing I meant I thought someone decided to ignore me just to be safe. Turns out they just don't visit the forum as often as I.

And who in their right mind would want to harrass me?
I'm going to compare the situation to being in public almost. You'd never walk up to a lady and be like "Look at me, wanna come home with me?". No, you'd initiate conversation find things in common and progress from there or, initiate conversation realize you have no mutual interests and continue on your merry way. Although there's probably tons of rejection in there, oh well don't take it personal some people just don't want to talk. That's the way I look at it.
I have to say from a female point and a newbie here....it is true. I have already had several people that reminded me of One-night stands to put it politely. Believe me I am not trying to judge anyone for how they choose to go about meeting people; however, that is not what I'm here for. I want to get to know people, make friends, and learn more about myself as a lee. On my side of things, I don't mind telling people about me if they are being genuine because that's the only way we'll get to know each other.

I would like to say though that I have already met some very nice, seemingly genuine people on the TMF. I will continue to hold out the belief that there are more nice, friendly, genuine people here than the other variety.
I've been hanging out in the chat room, and yes, even as a man, it can get right creepy.
Thanks that really helped. Being a young female this happens to me a lot. This also doesn't just apply to women, some of the young guys I've started talking to from TMF say they also get creepy messages from men also. Why does it seem like people want to jump the gun and ask stuff they shouldn't be asking until they get to know the person first!? I consider myself a very laid back and understanding person, but really what happened to morality? Did it die and I didn't get the memo?
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I've only been a member for a few days and I'm already discovering this. I entered the chatroom and had several guys asking if I was into tickling/being tickled by men. When I told them I wasn't, they just kept asking questions, making comments, whatever, etc.

Thanks for the tips...
Ignore them...Don't let anyone spoil your fun with their ignorance..

Good advice. Sure, if anyone does something that truly makes you uneasy, go and report it. But just keep in mind, you don't have to deal with anyone that you don't want to. Sometimes I'll see someone go off on how awful/annoying/shitty/etc. a person is and I just think, ignore them! I don't understand why people just don't use that feature more often. It's not worth the stress.

Why deal with unwanted crap? :shrug:

Life is way too short.
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