Do you primarily identify yourself by your sexuality?

[Artoo]

So, I was wondering about this at work tonight, when I was talking to a couple who are BDSM lifestylers, in that they live out their sexualities 24/7.

Our sexuality is a huge part of our lives, but is it how you principally define yourself?

 

[RavenMoon]

Principally, no. I don't define myself by my sexuality, though it does play a part in how I do principally define myself. I define myself by my openness and acceptance. (Now you see what I was talking about) This includes not just my open and accepting sexuality, but also my religious, political and social tolerances and understandings.

My sexuality is a big part of my life. I write about sexuality. I mentor others in sexual areas. I spend a lot of time talking with others about sexual views since I am bisexual. But it is just a facet of who I am.

As a side note, my Love and I have been working together to build a D/s relation that works for us. Sexuality is just a facet in D/s as well. D/s is about the balance between dominant and submissive partners and living a life together that embraces that balance.

I know I look at things a little differently sometimes, so this is all offered up from my own view points and understandings. It is a very interesting question and I'm curious to read how the thread develops.

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

Nah. I think of it more as a piece of the puzzle that is me 😀 A big piece...but still, there are lots of other..ya know...pieces...that make up the...puzzle....and...yeeaaaahhh.......

 

[rhiannon]

I think what they mean with living out their sexualities 24/7, is that their sub/dom behavior is not only restricted to the bedroom. Some SM-couples have a totally equal relationship outside of the bedroom, but they are submissive and dominant everywhere and at all times.

As for myself: No. I certainly don't define myself by my sexuality. I am me, I like sex, but there is much more important things in life - like friends and family.

 

[Intoxiphilia]

Definitely not. It's an interesting part of me I would say, but I'm a complicated tangle of all sort of weird things. I couldn't really identify myself primarily by any one thing.

I think people who define themselves solely by their sexuality, or really any single thing, are one dimensional and boring. No offense if anyone here identifies themselves mainly by their tickling fetish! You could still be a cool person 🙂

 

[Deleted member 2452]

no

my sexuality is my personal business. it is a private part of who i am. no one needs to know about other peoples sex lives.

steve

 

[sasaxrah]

Our sexuality is a huge part of our lives, but is it how you principally define yourself?

Hmm, good question. My fetishes are not how I define myself, although they certainly contribute to who I am. However, other parts of my sexuality are a part of my self-definition. Being queer (I am bisexual) is a part of who I am. I can't say it's the most important part, but it's certainly up there.

 

[Capnmad]

Our sexuality is a huge part of our lives, but is it how you principally define yourself?

No. Just a facet. There's a lot more interesting about me aside from the fact that I love women, pleasure and tickling.

I like to think of my character defining me -- personality, ethics, that sort of thing -- of which my sexuality is only one of many parts.

 

[Adam]

Nah. I think of it more as a piece of the puzzle that is me 😀 A big piece...but still, there are lots of other..ya know...pieces...that make up the...puzzle....and...yeeaaaahhh.......

What she said. It's a large part of, but not what defines me.

 

[ParanoidChant]

Good topic.

I remember this dude from elementary school. He and I went to different Junior High schools, and then had the same High School. In those three years where I didn't see him in the halls every week, he came out of the closet. When we met up again, he had become flamboyantly gay, adopting a lisp and constantly reminding people of his sexuality.

I suppose personality's change a lot during those formulative years, but I was still taken a back by how ... fake he seemed. Don't get me wrong: I understand that society doesn't exactly give homosexuals an easy time and that flaunting one's sexuality can often be a way of fighting back against intolerance. But if you don't actually have a lisp, I mean ...

I dunno. Frankly, I don't know how I would primarily identify myself by my sexuality. Perhaps that's because there's no real stereotype of a tickle fetishist - our forum's proof of that, we're just as diverse and eclectic as society at large. Sense of self doesn't appear to stem from our fetish, from what I've seen.

 

[CarolinaTickler]

I would say sexuality is a part of my life, but not the defining part. I think it would be tough to nail down just one part of my personality and say that it defines me.

 

[His Divine Shadow]

I don't really know how I identify myself. It is not my sexuality, I would say. At this stage in my life my schoolwork probably defines me. No mention of sexuality at all, be it this fetish or my bisexuality.

 

[Marquis De Sade]

Nope.

My sexuality's sorta like underwear with pics on 'em. There's no reason to go about sans pants just so everyone can see how awesome my Family Guy underwear is. 😀

 

[Deleted member 66627]

No. It comes out the most when I'm with you all. I try to have some things of value that help define me. Not that this isn't of value (to me), but it would obviously be viewed in many different lights from other folks who don't share the fetish.

 

[Mephistopheles]

Nope. I define myself by what I do, not by who I am.

 

[PlayfulCarbonara]

I find that people who identify themselves completely by their sexuality (be it BDSM, some odd fetish, or even which way they swing) are trying to compensate for some desire for attention. They flaunt around what they know would shock people or at least gain their attention in hopes of attracting as much as possible. I'd much rather define myself by being an ass than define myself as "that dude who likes tickling". 😛

 

[Rupert]

GReat question,


I do not use it primarily but rather use it as a strength to fuel my alpha male mentality 😀

 

[Mz Chaos]

Nah. I think of it more as a piece of the puzzle that is me 😀 A big piece...but still, there are lots of other..ya know...pieces...that make up the...puzzle....and...yeeaaaahhh.......

I hate to have to tell you this... but I'm pretty darned sure you're a few pieces short of a complete puzzle.

But thank goodness you have all your marbles... oh wait... you probably don't have all of them either.

 

[meangry]

Identification is inherently flawed.

 

[Excess]

I don't, because my life doesn't revolve around sexuality. Anyone's who does is fucked up. I don't mean THAT way either. <_<

 

[AmandaBear]

Well, I'm a virgin and I don't even know what my sexuality is at the moment. But I'm not worried about finding out where I fit on the spectrum because it's not *that* big of an issue for me and my self-identity comes from many other areas and it's ridiculous to mostly define yourself based on your sexual attractions. Just my personal opinion.

 

[Carsomyr]

I don't, because my life doesn't revolve around sexuality. Anyone's who does is fucked up. I don't mean THAT way either. <_<

Pretty much this, but with a "to each his own" thrown in at the end. I think it's a big loss if you just become consumed by your sexuality in terms of defining yourself - because there is so much more to a person than that. Why is it that a person adopts such a strict identity, anyway? Do you feel you need to prove something?

I dunno, maybe some people really just enjoy it, and I mean if they feel like their lifestyles are like heaven on earth for them, then keep it up I suppose! More power to you if you really enjoy it that much...

As for me. Tickling is PART of my personality. I also have a passion for hockey, but that doesn't mean I plan my life after the NHL season, or pray to Alex Ovechkin every night before I go to bed (I strictly do it on weekends and when there's a big game coming up 😉). All those bits and pieces TOGETHER help us identify ourselves.

Well, I'm a virgin and I don't even know what my sexuality is at the moment. But I'm not worried about finding out where I fit on the spectrum because it's not *that* big of an issue for me and my self-identity comes from many other areas and it's ridiculous to mostly define yourself based on your sexual attractions. Just my personal opinion.

Basically what I was trying to say too. Oh and I don't really know enough about my sexuality either, to identify myself through it too much. I know I like tickling, but I don't know how much further it goes.

 

[AmandaBear]

Pretty much this, but with a "to each his own" thrown in at the end. I think it's a big loss if you just become consumed by your sexuality in terms of defining yourself - because there is so much more to a person than that. Why is it that a person adopts such a strict identity, anyway? Do you feel you need to prove something?

Very philosophical and I agree whole-heartedly. Sexuality is very fluid and diverse, anyway. It's one of the mysteries of life. @_@

Basically what I was trying to say too. Oh and I don't really know enough about my sexuality either, to identify myself through it too much. I know I like tickling, but I don't know how much further it goes.

I'm with you on that one. Personally, I don't even know if my interest in tickling is a fetish or not. All I know is that I've had a peculiar fascination with it ever since I was 8 years old...even though I've never been tickled in my life. Makes me wonder if there's a hidden psychological meaning somewhere in there. xD

 

[Excess]

Pretty much this, but with a "to each his own" thrown in at the end. I think it's a big loss if you just become consumed by your sexuality in terms of defining yourself - because there is so much more to a person than that. Why is it that a person adopts such a strict identity, anyway? Do you feel you need to prove something?

Well yeah, and I think it's quite sad when someone becomes consumed by it. That's what has likely happened to the types you hear about sexually abusing someone, though that may also be due to being unable to express it physically.

Liking something is good. Loving it is ok. Obsessing over and becoming it is the road to it possibly ruining your life and keeping you from growing.