Do *you* think the forum is split?

[CarolinaTickler]

I was thinking a powerpoint presentation or possibly flannel graph. Maybe even a puppet show. I think all the problems of life can be explained with a good puppet show.

 

[Sandrock74]

Yes, Cy/MiG requires a puppet show to drive the point home. I'm all in favor of one!

 

[Excess]

I support a puppet show only if brownies are passed out as snacks. No one can be mad at puppets. And if you can, then I simply cannot believe you to be human.

 

[KrazieDog]

I'm in the camp of why bring it up yet again....it never ties itself off....EVER. It's never resolved. It just causes shit for a while then goes away having pushed people that aren't friends or don't like each other to begin with, or, never will be friends most probably, even further apart. People aren't looking for the obvious answer, which is the place will always be the place it is. A public gathering point for a single passion. People's natures are what they are. People who think there is a problem, will continue to think there is a problem. People who try to get out of what they don't put in will always be envious of what those that do get something out of it. Those who don't think there is a problem will continue thinking such. And those who just do their thing and enjoy it for what it is will continue to enjoy it for what it is.

Is there a split? Of course there is. Just as Jeff said, split 100+ different ways. The only two groups we tend to hear from are those that are happy for the most part, active, participate (because they get out what they put in), and those who don't. For the last time, there is no clique. I'm not even discussing it. A clique is an exclusive group of people. No one is being excluded for the one billionth time. If there is a clique, someone pm all the names for the people in it. I have to see it. How do people keep getting in it if its so exclusive??? I made friends with a shit ton of people before ever going to a gathering, because I went out and met them, pm'ed them, chatted with them. Of all the people I've ever contacted since joining the forum, only one has never sent a response, and that's totally fine by me. They aren't required to respond to me. Am I mad/hurt by that? Absolutely not. They aren't required to do anything or talk to anyone here they don't choose to.

If you don't choose to actively get to know people, and that includes starting slowly and letting the relationship unfold naturally and unrushed, then don't EVER make a post about being excluded or not fitting in. YOU have to make the effort too. Don't go to one radio show and say I went to the show and no one talked to me, I thinking I'm going back to lurking. Go to another, and another. Say hello when you enter, partake in conversation. Soon people will start recognizing you every time you walk in and you will feel more part of the experience. Now if you are an asshole or hurtful to others, don't be surprised if people don't want to hang around you or talk to you. That's just common sense, not clique dynamics.

I've said this before and I'll say it again, if you haven't made any efforts to make friends with anyone in a specific group of friends, and YOU feel excluded that is YOUR problem. Don't go talk shit about a nice group of people because you are having a bout of self esteem issues. It's your fault! Did that hurt your feelings? Couldn't care less to tell you the truth if you've got the balls to talk down to people you don't know, for not collectively saying "wow that new guy bob sure seems like a really nice lurker with one post, shall we take him under our wing?" because YOU think they should. People, understand, you are not owed anything here. YOU come here under your own pretenses, and YOU choose how much to put in to it. YOU hold the control in YOUR hands to choose to make friends with people. YOU are not owed something for nothing. YOU go out and make something happen versus just waiting for threads like this to pop up and jump into them to say "yea". Quit crying like you are owed a users manual and get into friendship free card at the door.

This is not the BGM music club. You are not owed 14 free cd's, a tshirt, and 20% off all items. This is the city park, all the toys and rides are sitting there, and the people are all over. The swing won't push you by itself, the merry-go-round won't turn on its own, and the bathroom won't grab you and put you on the seat, and unless they need you for a pickup game of basketball, the people "may" not go get you to play. Put yourself on the swing, merry-go-round,pull your own pants down, and go up ask if you play ball with them. You'll hear so often, you get out what you put in and that's the truth. If you think that's not true for you, then start with self evaluation as to what you MAY be doing wrong, before ever pointing a finger elsewhere. I understand it may be your nature to point first and that no one was ever a friend enough to you to say "grow up", but you are entering a community of 80,000 and you very well will meet those people here outside of the box you lived in all your life.

I've made some of the best friends I have here. I am NOT lonely on the outside. I just talk to people. When I was a lurker, I never assumed people didn't like me or I was excluded. I never put in the effort at that point, therefore I could not expect anything else.

So there are groups of friends here on so many levels. A lot of those groups overlap, some do not, some are online only, some involve only forum pm's, some im's, some phone call and email, some all of the above, some through gatherings, some from munches, some because people live in the same area, etc. On the outside they look neat don't they? They aren't always so. I have some friends on here, that are NOT friends with each other for various reasons, and as a friend I have to balance that. I know my place in each person's heart and where I fit. The people that don't like each other have to learn to deal with all of it too and, like me, at the very least appreciate my friendship with the other person. There is no room for jealousy. There will be inside jokes every single day as with any group of friends. There are threads that go by once a day that I'm on the outside of, so I just move to the next one. How the fuck selfish can I be to think I HAVE to understand what other groups of friends talk about or else they need to change so my delicate senses don't get hurt. We are sharing a public space. If I'm at the park and 5 people start laughing about a code word they all know, it is none of my business and I'm not owed an explanation as to why that is funny to them, nor do they have to stop being friends with inside jokes at that public venue.

So does it seem like a lot of mumbo jumbo? Maybe, but its just a fraction of all the stuff that goes on everyday. We are split into many groups here and that is fine. Tickling is the only thing we all share coming in, and walking out, even if you hate someone, you still share at least that with them. Beyond that, no one is owed anything personally from others, and have to quit assuming as much.

 

[Excess]

^While this is generally a good point, the problem with it is that it assumes that people who feel like 'outsiders' haven't tried, and that they think they should be owed something just for being there. I know a number of people that have genuinely tried to fit in, but for some reason or another, have gone largely ignored. So what of them? They make up more than you think.

There are too many variables to set everyone in a particular group, just like you're claiming with the 'clique' thing.

 

[nenezinho]

Everyone.....

There´s what?...more than 80.000 users!!!!!!!!!!!

I understand Crystal is really a sweet person, i understand everyone who feels unapreciated or unnoticed, but....but.....

It´s more than 80.000 people!!!!!

Hell...i work in a company with 150 people and there´s no way all of them work together. I´ll go further and say there´s a bigger split between those 150 than i feel here within the 80.000

We will all keep loving Crystal and all the others who try to get out of their ways and bring more people in as active users but they cant "save us all"

Some people will lurk, some will stay active, some will be loved, others ignored, some will not care.

 

[Knot Amewzed]

Everyone.....

There´s what?...more than 80.000 users!!!!!!!!!!!

I understand Crystal is really a sweet person, i understand everyone who feels unapreciated or unnoticed, but....but.....

It´s more than 80.000 people!!!!!

Hell...i work in a company with 150 people and there´s no way all of them work together. I´ll go further and say there´s a bigger split between those 150 than i feel here within the 80.000

We will all keep loving Crystal and all the others who try to get out of their ways and bring more people in as active users but they cant "save us all"

Some people will lurk, some will stay active, some will be loved, others ignored, some will not care.

Well stated, Nen.

 

[KrazieDog]

^While this is generally a good point, the problem with it is that it assumes that people who feel like 'outsiders' haven't tried, and that they think they should be owed something just for being there. I know a number of people that have genuinely tried to fit in, but for some reason or another, have gone largely ignored. So what of them? They make up more than you think.

There are too many variables to set everyone in a particular group, just like you're claiming with the 'clique' thing.

I'm not going into right or wrong here Excess, but if someone is ignored, not excluded, what of it? The point is to try, but should that fail outside of exclusion, why does it matter? It I try to be friends with Slacker, and he ignores me, then all I can do is move on. I can't sit there and wallow in the fact that slacker won't be friends with me. I move on. I'm an adult, this community is a part of my life, but is not my life. For all legal purposes sake, everyone here is over 18. I may have worried that I didn't fit in in 8th or 9th grade, but I come and go here freely and if someone, or multiple someones don't like me here, and that is the case, what does it matter? Will that effect me at work, or while I'm grocery shopping? Nope. But I will say again, for "some" who have acted in the past in a way to turn some or lots of people off, have that against them too. And that, I won't even try to quantify. Everyone acts differently here when turned off or hurt by someone and each will go about resolution or disassociation in their own way.

I will add my previous post isn't directed at anyone particular in the thread. Everyone that I've seen post in it for the most part are active posters and make their own niche around here, in that I see them around. While not immediate friends with some of them, I know of all of them on the forum posting around. And I agree about the variables. I simply used examples of groups. In no way is that all of them. It was just to point out as you say, that there are too many to classify. So yes there is a split in that there are many, many splits, and groups all throughout which is the way of the world. We'll never be a "I'll teach the world to sing in perfect harmony" group just as there will never be total world peace. How we deal with our differences and how we handle ourselves is what is important.

 

[Excess]

I'm not going into right or wrong here Excess, but if someone is ignored, not excluded, what of it? The point is to try, but should that fail outside of exclusion, why does it matter? It I try to be friends with Slacker, and he ignores me, then all I can do is move on. I can't sit there and wallow in the fact that slacker won't be friends with me. I move on. I'm an adult, this community is a part of my life, but is not my life. For all legal purposes sake, everyone here is over 18. I may have worried that I didn't fit in in 8th or 9th grade, but I come and go here freely and if someone, or multiple someones don't like me here, and that is the case, what does it matter? Will that effect me at work, or while I'm grocery shopping? Nope. But I will say again, for "some" who have acted in the past in a way to turn some or lots of people off, have that against them too. And that, I won't even try to quantify. Everyone acts differently here when turned off or hurt by someone and each will go about resolution or disassociation in their own way.

I will add my previous post isn't directed at anyone particular in the thread. Everyone that I've seen post in it for the most part are active posters and make their own niche around here, in that I see them around. While not immediate friends with some of them, I know of all of them on the forum posting around. And I agree about the variables. I simply used examples of groups. In no way is that all of them. It was just to point out as you say, that there are too many to classify. So yes there is a split in that there are many, many splits, and groups all throughout which is the way of the world. We'll never be a "I'll teach the world to sing in perfect harmony" group just as there will never be total world peace. How we deal with our differences and how we handle ourselves is what is important.

Perhaps, but I brought it up because it's something that wasn't touched upon. What of it? Well, I dunno, but the same could be said about how anyone feels. Are those who did try and fail looked down on for expressing how they feel? Especially when it's already been brought up? Expressing negative feelings isn't necessarily whining after all.

And also, you talk about moving on. I know what you mean and that's fine. But there's a difference. You get ignored by Slacker, you have plenty of places to move on to. But where would someone ignored in general at a forum like this move on to? Tickling forums aren't really common y'know. It especially stands out here, since this is by far the most active one.

I know you're not directing it at anyone in particular. And general is too broad. But exploring as many sides as possible makes it possible to see if there's anything in common and give added insight, which in my opinion is the whole point of such discussions.

 

[FlockOfSeagulls]

The FACT that this subject continues to pop up over & over again would only lead one to assume that there is some validity to this topic

 

[Capnmad]

This is a good thread so far -- it illustrates the basic problem we have here pretty well, and so far, none have gone loony. I'll be using it as reference. The funny thing is, there are bits of truth to everyone's posts, but no one is striking on a comprehensive truth.

And let me just say I tend to be from the camp that if I don't post on it, or Crystal doesn't post on it, or Xionking doesn't post on it, someone else will sooner or later, because it's a perenniel problem. We're not going to stop the problem, but we can manage our response and change our strategy to something more civil and hopefully more effective and lasting than "It's your fault!" "No! It's your fault!" "HEY! They can't come to a resolution, so let's crack jokes 'til this thing is dead!" -- which is the stupid way it always breaks down.

Currently, we're stamping out fires and letting the embers smolder. I believe we can cool the embers as well.

But carry on for now.

 

[BostonTickling]

Everyone.....

There´s what?...more than 80.000 users!!!!!!!!!!!

I understand Crystal is really a sweet person, i understand everyone who feels unapreciated or unnoticed, but....but.....

It´s more than 80.000 people!!!!!

Hell...i work in a company with 150 people and there´s no way all of them work together. I´ll go further and say there´s a bigger split between those 150 than i feel here within the 80.000

We will all keep loving Crystal and all the others who try to get out of their ways and bring more people in as active users but they cant "save us all"

Some people will lurk, some will stay active, some will be loved, others ignored, some will not care.

Word

 

[ikaiyoo]

I made friends with a shit ton of people before ever going to a gathering, because I went out and met them, pm'ed them, chatted with them. Of all the people I've ever contacted since joining the forum, only one has never sent a response, and that's totally fine by me.

***NOTE*** I am not complaining whining or anything of the sort. I am merely commenting on the statements and voicing my opinion. before anything is taken otherwise.

Ok I will disagree with you on this is all you have to do. I have written people, I have probably sent private messages to probably over 100 different people. i have recieved 3 responses. And all I did was introduce myself to them and say I read their post or whatever and thought they were interesting and wanted to say hi. I have sat in the chat room tried to converse with people and gotten so frustrated in the process of being totally ignored that I start saying absurdly outlandish shit just to get acknowledgement that I am actually saying something.... and even then it is not always returned. So it isnt like you just throw out a message add water and you have instant friend. I didnt give up though I still do this, well not the chat and radio shows as much but there are still shows I want to hear. I make posts and I respond to post and try to converse connect something.

And to prove my point that it isnt as easy as it sounds. I suggested some kind of munch or something I was toying with organizing. the first time I threw it out fishing for comments on if they thought it was a good idea... I had 10 hits on it in three days, and 3 of those were me. I got one response. From the guy I was talking to when I got the idea who said he was interested.

So I took the idea of someone else and made the post again. Well I got alot more reads and 11 responses. of the 11 responses 7 were two people hijacking the thread and giving each other shit and 1 was mine. so that means 4 people actually responded... and as i said in that post if I dont get some feedback I am giving up trying to do something like that which i have, I know I am not in the best location for a munch which is why I was trying to organize something not even near me to do that was better suited for more people. and still I got nothing really. And that is fine. I do not have to organize anything I will let people who get more response take care of that.

So no it isnt just getting out there. I do not know what it is but i am trying to find it. and at this point I am almost like you know it is not worth the effort i will go on doing what I do and being who i am and if people want to talk to me fine if they dont then there loss. I have better things to do then worry about it.

 

[xionking]

***NOTE*** I am not complaining whining or anything of the sort. I am merely commenting on the statements and voicing my opinion. before anything is taken otherwise.

Ok I will disagree with you on this is all you have to do. I have written people, I have probably sent private messages to probably over 100 different people. i have recieved 3 responses. And all I did was introduce myself to them and say I read their post or whatever and thought they were interesting and wanted to say hi. I have sat in the chat room tried to converse with people and gotten so frustrated in the process of being totally ignored that I start saying absurdly outlandish shit just to get acknowledgement that I am actually saying something.... and even then it is not always returned. So it isnt like you just throw out a message add water and you have instant friend. I didnt give up though I still do this, well not the chat and radio shows as much but there are still shows I want to hear. I make posts and I respond to post and try to converse connect something.

And to prove my point that it isnt as easy as it sounds. I suggested some kind of munch or something I was toying with organizing. the first time I threw it out fishing for comments on if they thought it was a good idea... I had 10 hits on it in three days, and 3 of those were me. I got one response. From the guy I was talking to when I got the idea who said he was interested.

So I took the idea of someone else and made the post again. Well I got alot more reads and 11 responses. of the 11 responses 7 were two people hijacking the thread and giving each other shit and 1 was mine. so that means 4 people actually responded... and as i said in that post if I dont get some feedback I am giving up trying to do something like that which i have, I know I am not in the best location for a munch which is why I was trying to organize something not even near me to do that was better suited for more people. and still I got nothing really. And that is fine. I do not have to organize anything I will let people who get more response take care of that.

So no it isnt just getting out there. I do not know what it is but i am trying to find it. and at this point I am almost like you know it is not worth the effort i will go on doing what I do and being who i am and if people want to talk to me fine if they dont then there loss. I have better things to do then worry about it.

I wholeheartedly agree with you.

-Xionking

 

[Ticklerguy4u]

Well unless a person outwardly says "We don't want you around." I don't feel there is a clique' but I will say that sometimes I do envy those that are able to meet others on a regular basis. I have been here on and off for a couple of years, I have talked to some on the phone but I have only met one person in real life and that was Tamia78...and had a blast. The problem is there are no tmfers in my state so its difficult and expensive for me to meet anyone here.

 

[Goodieluver]

The FACT that this subject continues to pop up over & over again would only lead one to assume that there is some validity to this topic

Not when its been argued to death over and over and every time its involving only a certain set of people but new people chime in about it

 

[unit5610]

I have an annoying tendency to oversimplify issues, but I truly think that you get out of this what you put into it, and that we shouldn't be concerned with perceived cliques. I don't expect everyone, or even a majority, to like me in any given setting, but I've made great friends here and find it satisfying to be a part of this community and that's all that counts for me.
That being said, I do feel there is the appearance of a split during the 2 or 3 months leading up to NEST, but it really doesn't matter because there are probably 78,900 members who can't make it to NEST including many active members, so there remains plenty else to post and chat about and lots of great folks with our shared interests to interact with. This place still rocks, or we wouldn't be here now and caring about questions like this.

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

I don't believe there's a split inasmuch as there's a perception of a split. For some reason that I've never understood a lot of people need to fit things into neat little categories: veterans/newbs, older/younger, active/lurker, etc. etc. And with that perception, it brings a bit of a stigma.

For example, older may tend to say "we want things the way they were" while the younger might say "we need change from the status quo". Two opinions that appear to be in conflict and thus, arguements, often heated, sometimes ensue. Tempers flare, heated words are thrown from both sides, feelings get hurt, lines get drawn, some leave and a bit of a war begins.

But in truth, it's all smoke and mirrors. Everybody here has a common bond. And it doesn't matter if you come here for friendship, to learn and grow or you're just looking for hand-party material. Get past all that and you have a large group of people who love the community in their own way. Granted, you're always going to have those who love to stir the pot and shake things up for their own amusement. But the majority of people here are, or should be, smart enough to see past the illusion of groups or cliques or whatever other nonsensical terms you want to use and see that there's a place here for everyone.

And in the end, that is how it should be.

Freakin' superb.

But then there's also people who know eachother from gatherings and by other means and so have a personal bond that you can never get by just posting on a forum. And over the years the regulars have gotten to know eachother through various ways and that's something you cannot just become a part of.

I have to disagree with you love. I went to my first gathering having been very inactive on the forums for the most part, and I've never been met with open-er (yeah - I said it - open-er) arms. I've never felt more welcomed or immediately accepted than I did there. Of course I don't feel like I have any bestest of all best friends here...yet...because it IS damn near impossible to create that bond just by posting -- but it's damn near impossible NOT to create that bond if you get up and get out and GO to things.

Of course it's more difficult for you guys who are scattered all over the planet, and I don't really have an answer for that yet - but give me time! I are genius 😛

😀 😀

Honestly there is a kinda clique the whole NEST thing if your a NESTee you sorta share a special bond with other nestees its probably not intentional but its there

Like a few others said - it's not a clique..it's a shared experience. It's naturally gonna bring people together. If you want in on it, get in on it! We've discussed this before love. Nobody's stopping you but you!!

 

[maniactickler]

Whenever your dealing with large groups of people, there will always be cliques. thats just the way it is. im not big on being into cliques myself. i just go sulk in the corner by myself.

 

[KrazieDog]

So no it isnt just getting out there. I do not know what it is but i am trying to find it. and at this point I am almost like you know it is not worth the effort i will go on doing what I do and being who i am and if people want to talk to me fine if they dont then there loss. I have better things to do then worry about it.

^ That's it! Right there is what I'm trying to say. The part you quoted from me was not the magical formula. It's only what I've done. But the point of it is exactly what you said above. Either way, I like you Ben. 🙂

 

[Rorshach]

Great topic Crystal Light!

I'm fairly new here so I don't expect my opinion to carry much weight. But what the hell, I like to ramble so here I go.

When I realized I was coming to the TMF daily, I began searching through old threads that dealt with the TMF itself. I found a lot of threads thanking the administration for such a great forum; a sentiment I'm all too happy to echo! There were however several threads that were less gratuitous. Interestingly what I found were mostly threads about cliques. There were very strong feelings expressed on both sides. I suppose you could call that a split but I don't see it as cause for concern.

I also spoke to some people over at Tickle Theater that used to be active here. Some of them actually liken the TMF to Nazi Germany. They say that anybody who doesn't fall in line with main "clique" gets gang-flamed, ostracized or even banned in some cases. While I'm always interested in people's input, I make my own judgements based on what I see. So far I've seen nothing to support these wild claims. Without exception every TMF member I've spoken with has been very cool with me. I don't feel obligated to elevate any one person or group above the others.

Maybe I'm just easy to please. 🙂

 

[Goodieluver]

I never knew why people who were "accused" of being cliquish or the group mentality felt the need to defend themselves or to explain it

I mean

 

[Leo tickles]

Yes, but the people with the administrative panel on their screen are in your corner.

 

[meangry]

I think there is a divide between smart and stupid people on this forum.

There are far too few smart people, and way too many stupid people.

 

[Rorshach]

I think there is a divide between smart and stupid people on this forum.

There are far too few smart people, and way too many stupid people.

And which side do you see yourself representing?