Done some soul searching.

[Leo tickles]

And I have a love/relationship with what I found. I don't know what the point of this post is, but stay with me for the majority of it.



Okay. I'm 18 now. I had a pretty rough childhood. I was born in Ukraine, and moved to America in about 1996 with my family. From what I can remember my father was not a druggy or anything, but that didn't stop him from being abusive. He beat both me and my mother all the time. The police didn't do anything, and to shorten a VERY long story, I killed him. The cover up was cancer, the police, IMO, knew the deal, but anyways. This was when I was 14 and a half. Since then, I've been totally fucked in the head.

I think I have like 5 diffrent disorders, and sometimes act like I shouldn't towards people. Namly women. So far, a couple of the TMF ladies have felt the 'wrath' of my depressive know-it-all I lived through life and you haven't disorder. (Yes, I call it a disorder.) And to those ladies I apologize, but, do not wish to speak to again. Another disorder. Once I say bye, I move on.

The love/hate relationship on what I found basically boils down to this. I like how I am, but I hate how I go about things. I really don't know how to fix these problems, and medication is not an answer. I refuse to take pills, I don't think I'm crazy, and my councelor says I need them.

I figure why do I need these? People my age are out smoking pot, and all I'm doing is trying to figure my life out. Why do I need these pills? It's true, I don't go to college, I live in a small house by myself with my animals, and I have enough money to survive. I realize how important school is, and it's not that I don't wanna do it because I'm a teen and it's school, it's because I just can't force myself to. I don't wanna blame my "problems" for it or anything, it's just hard to do it.

Again, I really don't know what I posted this for. I'm guessing to just let you folks know how I am, because as I post, you may wonder what my problem is. So, there it is, a short version of it at least.

I'm going to be straight up and honest- I don't want your "good lucks" and all of that because I don't deserve them. And that's not depression kicking in, I just know I don't..... anyways..... thanks for reading and I hope you all enjoy your day, even though I prolly depressed all of you. (Paranoia... grrrrr....)

 

[DannyMc]

New Beginnings

Hello Leo , Some things are very hard to forget , but keeping in mind life is full of new things and new people . There is alot of bad in the world but there is alot of good also . We all land up having to deal with the bad at times and hopefully don't let it take from the good we have or that we can have . For myself I try to take life one step at a time but sometimes find that two or three steps come along to trip me . In my life I try and work very hard to keep my happiness and the happiness of others , it's very important to me . Keeping occupied with things and people gives one a cense of direction and fulfillment . Leo I hope you go back to school and find the things you need to make your life happy .

 

[unit5610]

Hey Leo...I agree with Danny about school. You seem like an intelligent and articulate guy who could really benefit from furthering your education. It's not just about career, I have friends that I still keep in touch with from undergraduate school over 25 years ago, and I made new friends just recently at graduate school, and learned stuff in both instances outside of the classroom that I'll have forever. School creates a focus and helps to create goals that can help put the past in perspective and make your future your priority. And I will wish you good luck because you care enough to post about your situation and try to figure it out.

 

[tulipangel]

Hey Leo. Get your education! Your a sweetie and if you need a shoulder my PM box is open to you. 🙂

 

[Mz Chaos]

The love/hate relationship on what I found basically boils down to this. I like how I am, but I hate how I go about things. I really don't know how to fix these problems, and medication is not an answer. I refuse to take pills, I don't think I'm crazy, and my councelor says I need them.

I figure why do I need these? People my age are out smoking pot, and all I'm doing is trying to figure my life out. Why do I need these pills?

Dude... I'm bipolar... without my pills I can't even live with myself. Why in the hell do you think they make them?
If you need them, and they have been recommended to make your life easier but you won't take them... quit yer bitchin'.

 

[Dário F]

I totally agree on what the others said about school, and considering that you are an 18 year old guy, you still have your whole life ahead of you, furthermore, i think now is the time to stand up and face your problems, whatever they may seem, cause the more time you spend wondering about what you should or should not do, the more difficult it will be for you to take action. My honest advice once again is: continue your studies. You'll regret it later on, you can be sure of that. It's never too late to change, and since you're still young, in your case you're in the right time to set things right, right from the start. My best wishs to you, and good luck in your future. We're here to listen everytime you want us to.

 

[stloldg]

Leo

I’m a bipolar, manic-depressive, alcoholic; I’m also 43 soon to be 44. I kept it under control for the last 43 and some months years of my life. Until an onerous amount of stress hit me within 6 mos. Before I knew it I was drinking cases of beer within a couple of days, mixing 5 types of alcohol (white/dark/whiskey/gin/unknown) and drinking it straight.

I ended up in a hospital where I was dried out; I take pills for my depression and mood stabilizer. Also my 15 year old son has also been diagnosis with the same disorder and he also takes medications.

The meds will only work if you want them to it will help you believe me; I just had two incidents that almost ended in road rage. My meds keep me for doing what I would have done 90 days ago, because I truly didn’t want that side of me to come out anymore.

Take your meds and get your ass back in school, if not you will be homeless, and broke; the government will not pay to keep you in a ward, but they will pay to keep you butt in jail.

From one disorder to another if you want to talk my IM is lojak62 on yahoo

 

[Leo tickles]

Dude... I'm bipolar... without my pills I can't even live with myself. Why in the hell do you think they make them?
If you need them, and they have been recommended to make your life easier but you won't take them... quit yer bitchin'.

First of all, thanks everybody for your suggestions/support.

Second. Mz Chaos. I have one thing to say to you. Your welcome. For giving you a reason to come and tell me to quit bitching. You feel much greater as a person now. Your life has no problems. You are now free of all your worries just because you brought someone down on an internet forum. You are God.


PS: After reading her response I come off as normal.....

 

[kis123]

I encourage you to at least try the pills. If you don't like the changes they will create in you, you can always stop taking them. My son takes meds and he hates taking them, but he hates how he feels without them.

Since you're not looking for "good lucks", I won't wish them to you. But I do wish you well and that you make the best decision for yourself. You've come this far-I'm sure you'll go all the way!

 

[steph]

I'm with kis on this.

I used to suffer from near disabling (don't laugh) PMS. If someone cut me off in traffic I would literally see red. Now, I come from a long line of NON pill takers, even for something as silly as aspirin for a headache--my family just never took them. My doctor suggested putting me on a low dose of Fluoxatine (Prozac) to you know, even me out a little. My biggest fear is that I wouldn't be "me" anymore but I knew I couldn't keep going the way I was. I told a few good friends and asked them to watch for any signs of weirdness. Prozac is one of those medications you have to take for several weeks before you feel any effects. Guess what they told me? I was still the same me, but I wasn't as short-fused and I cried a lot less "around that time."

You can always go off them if you don't like them or they don't work, but if you do go this route, make sure you ask how long they'll take to kick in so you give them a chance.
XOXO

 

[One&OnlyShadow]

A smart man once told me....

The past is History, Let it Go
The future is Mystery, You don't no
But treat the present like the beautiful gift it is

I think thats how he said it. Anyway, I am not really sure I know of anything to say that will help you, but if you ever need someone to talk to you can talk to me. I think maybe you should at least try the pills. When I was in elementry school they told me I was ADHD and neaded pills, but I didn't want to take them. I kept getting into trouble and fights and got kicked out of three schools before I finnally started taking them. They may help you never know. Me and you have a lot in common. I had it hard growing up as well. I am 18 also and just started my 1st semester in College. My major, ironically, is Psychology. I decided to go to school because this working for a living shit sucks. (in fact I have to go to work in about 2 hours and wont get off untill 2 a.m. tommorow) However, that is your own choice. Whatever makes you happy in life DO IT, and if I can ever help you out or anything let me know.

Shadow

 

[Strider]

I'm bipolar and refuse to take pills. I'm not one of those anti-medical science types, I'm sure pills do work for a lot of people, but not for everyone. I don't look at not taking pills as refusing to deal with things, I just see it as I'm just going to handle it my way.