Dont want this fetish anymore? How do i get rid of it?

[MistressValerie1]

There is nothing yet known that can "cure" a fetish, not even long-term treatment with drugs, behavioural modification, hypnosis, and insight psychotherapy. It has been tried for decades, and it has failed miserably.

The closest thing to a "treatment" is chemical castration with depo-provera for rapists and pedophiles, and even that doesn't always work. Some antidepressants like Prozac can dull the sex drive in some patients, giving the illusion of a "cure," but the sexual impulses will return unless the drugs are used permanently.

The way to deal with a fetish is to learn to accept it and act responsibly about it, not to try to "cure" it or get worked up into a frenzy of guilt over its supposedly being sinful. We are who we are, and there isn't much we can do about it but play the hand that we are dealt.

 

[Celtic_Emperor]

And playing the hand you're dealt can include seeking ways beyond the medical. It wouldn't just help one aspect of your life, I'm sure. The often very subtle trap that can be present in just giving in and letting it run it's course is that you don't know where it will take you, and if God is not a part of it, its even potentially more problematic.

Its sad that people see God as a repressive individual who means to keep you bottled up, when in reality, he is the most liberating force you will ever know.

I think the only way to be truely free and happy in this life and the next is to have an understanding and love for that which goes beyond what you can see and control by human understanding, standards, and evaluations.

Theres an answer for everything with God. That pisses alot of people off, but it is what it is.

 

[an3x2k31]

haha I love this fetish, seriously what could be more fun then tickling a helpless tied up attractive woman, i mean seriously, there's not many pleasures in life that get better then this, for whichever reason you decide it's terrible for, look at the cup half full instead of half empty for a change i'm sure you'll find some enjoyment out of it, i mean, it IS a fetish.

 

[MistressValerie1]

I found that by learning to accept my alternative arousal patterns, I learned a lot about myself and about other people. I have also developed a much greater compassion for people who are "different," people whom I used to ridicule when I was younger and still in denial about myself.

I believe that being sexually different has made me more spiritual, since I always have to consider questions that are not at issue in vanilla relationships, like consent and limits.

I used to consider my "fetish" a bad thing, but now I am honestly glad that I am the way I am. It has opened my mind to new ideas and insights that I would never have had otherwise.

All the best,

 

[Celtic_Emperor]

Again, she will not find her answers here among that which she is trying to get away from, you'll only give her reasons to get deeper and deeper into it and chastize her for not feeling as you do. You might say I'm doing something of the same thing, but what I'm doing is in fact neutral, and in connecting spiritually, she can evaluate her life better and decide for herself whether to stay or leave completely.

If she honestly wants an out, I've provided the most healthy one. Some of you may question that because of your personal experiences perhaps, but I know what I'm talking about. Not that I'm saying you don't however. I'm just saying I know what I'm talking about and its knowledge she can apply to her life.

"You have a fetish, love it, accept it, and live with it" is quite possibly one of the most irresponsible things you could tell her. Its much better to have her take a step back, reevaluate this, and then do as she will. Provided this isn't a game or a joke and she honestly feels conflicted, I think my advice makes more sense at the moment.

I don't know why more people aren't building on this positive concept I've suggested, whether its spiritually or not. If you step back and look at this situation, and not what it has become, you'll see I'm right and you'd help me help her.

Popular opinion is just that. Its giving people what they want (or don't in this case), not what they need.

 

[MistressValerie1]

Since there is NO TREATMENT for fetishes, except possibly chemical neutering, her choices are (1) accept it and make the best of it, or (2) spend years of pointless guilt and frustration trying to find magical or religious "cures" that won't work. Therefore, option (1) is the most responsible advice I can give.

 

[Celtic_Emperor]

It only seems more responsible to you because you are apparently an athiest, with respect.

Never did I imply she should live in guilt, shame, or frustration. Thats not what dealing with it spritually and going to God for help is about. She has many more options available to her for enlightenment than simply accepting it as a part of her as opposed to a thing she likes and does.

Part of the "cure" is in realizing a fetish does not make a person, but it can break them if they can't control it. Calling upon God for strength is all I'm really suggesting, and he never fails to deliver. If it seems that way to people, then its because they were doubting to begin with.

There are so many healthy alternatives to simply giving up and thinking that because no one is challenging you to find another way to see it, that it must be just right and just so.

Fact is, there are treatments for fetishes.

 

[MistressValerie1]

I am not an atheist -- I am very devout in my own faith. Nevertheless, I cannot in good conscience give religious advice about a medical/psychological matter. I feel that it would be disrespectful to the other forum members and to my own faith for me to start preaching religion on a sexual fetish message board.

Also, where are there treatments for fetishes that actually work? Why are they not therefore used on serial rapists, pedophiles, and others in court-ordered psychiatric treatment for violent sexual crimes?

 

[Celtic_Emperor]

Because its just the way the system works, and those are extreme cases you are talking about. They are, God forbid, beyond mental help. The best we could ever hope for, for these individuals, are some kind of neural fix, but that is inhuman, now isn't it?

I've sent you a PM about an unrelated matter, my friend. I'd appriciate that you read it.

I don't see how I'm being disrespectful though. I'm not really preaching either, if you actually look at what I'm saying. The only thing close to preaching was of my own personal experience. The rest was simply my opinion.

It only seems contemptable because its a fetish forum, but Jesus didn't care when he went among the people and was chastized for it. Why should I care? I'm not working in contempt or spite for anyone, I'm merely offering another way.

What you're saying is very healthy, but in examination, so it was I'm saying. For one voice to be heard and appriciated, but not the other is unfair, no?

 

[MistressValerie1]

Although it is not against the rules in any way, I feel that partisan religious discussion is not really appropriate at a sexual forum, so I keep my own religious views to myself.

By its nature, a forum like this will have diverse opinions, which is good, but religion in particular is a sensitive and controversial issue which has sparked many, many flame wars here. I also avoid discussing topics like abortion and the Iraq war, for the same reasons.

All the best,

 

[Celtic_Emperor]

A PARTIAL sexual forum, which is what makes this such an issue really, as there are different levels to it. I'm sure not all of us see a fetish as necessarily sexual in nature. I've seen many attest to it just being cute and fun, ranging from a passtime, to a sexual necessity.

I understand what you mean however, and every time I consider the same, theres a right and wrong way to approach it. If these types of discussions, which are simply abound anywhere you have a community and a forum for general discussions, are not taken as helpful to the overall scheme of the site and it's dynamic of community first and material second, then perhaps we should do away with the general discussions forum.

 

[MistressValerie1]

But this isn't in the General Discussions forum -- it's in the Tickling Discussions forum, where someone asked for advice with a psychological matter. The thread starter did not mention religion, but the thread quickly became a theological debate.

 

[Celtic_Emperor]

I gave her good advice. Whether it was with a religious undertone or not, I think people wanting to give her similar advice would have done so in a different way.

I know what forum this is, and what should and should not be happening here, but the context of her question simply compelled me to answer it in the way I did. I'm not going to feel guilty for it because I've done nothing wrong. Whether she accepts what I said or not is up to her.

EDIT:

Also, if there was no general discussions forum where such topics usually eminate, then perhaps topics of that nature in this forum would be less likely. The forum is infused together. Maybe it shouldn't be that way for those that do not want to tolerate it. But be prepared to sacrifice a portion of what makes this site a true community, in the process.

 

[MistressValerie1]

Nobody said that you did anything "wrong," but it was my duty to ensure that (1) the thread starter was not made to feel uncomfortable or "sandbagged" by partisan religious advice, and (2) to ensure that the thread would not devolve into yet another pointless, off-topic theological debate about whether a God can "cure" fetishes (which suggests that a fetish is some kind of "disease" or "sin," a position that offends many members in itself).

Sometimes it is appropriate to refer a person to a qualified religious counsellor, and I have done so myself in private communications, but in this thread, the mighty sword of religion was too-quickly unsheathed and waved around in a way that could be seen as practically inviting a flame war to erupt. I wanted to offer a more-neutral viewpoint based on my university coursework in psychology in order to balance the thread.

Best regards,

 

[Celtic_Emperor]

I'm not inviting anything or provoking ill-begotten thoughts. Again, I merely gave an answer to a person asking a rather desperate question. Part of even participating on a public forum is in realizing that you will not always get what you expect to hear, or see and read rather.

It only suggests what people assume it suggests. Have I not explained myself?

Theres alot of "could" and "might" and "practically" in alot of what you're saying, but I don't see my opinion having some serious ramfication just yet. Even if it did, thats not my problem, its the problem of those that take issue with it.

Sort of like a certain topic we were talking about in PMs just now. Theres no real conclusion to that apparently, and there won't be for things like this either. I'm not the first and I won't be the last.

Also, I never used the word "cure". I believe others did though, and if I did it was only after they used it, but I don't think I did.

Not at any point and time did I give anyone here a reason to be ashamed. I gave one person a suggestion, if others took to it as well, good. For those that don't, it didn't have to anyways, as apparently you have found your own way and are happy with it.

But this girl/woman is not, and so I addressed her. Religious or not, its good advice. Step back, meditate, reevaluate, search your conscience, and seek council if its that much of a problem for you.

 

[MistressValerie1]

But Vlad, this isn't about you. When I signed in this evening, this thread had already become a theological debate and the original poster's message was all but lost. My goal was to bring it back on topic and add some much-needed perspective from a more medical point of view.

 

[Celtic_Emperor]

I know its not about me. Except for one instance, it was never about me. I appriciate your point of view, but even that will have attributed to this becoming more than just about her. Simply posting at all complicates things, no matter who you are or what you said.

Which, again, like I said, makes this a desperate issue and one she should not be bringing to a place that cannot help her. I honestly think the answers she seeks are not here. But she came here for feedback, and so we have this. We can't exactly ignore her plight. I didn't mean for it to turn into this, but theology is very dominant in any discussion whether its played correctly or incorrectly.

I didn't mean for it to be taken that way, but obviously it has by at least you and another person. I understand and respect that, but I'm no more at fault than people who decided to reply to me or post their opinion.

The only way I see this getting back to being strictly about her is to close the thread, and if she wants help or advice from either of us, she can do that through PMs or what not. Note, this is another suggestion, but its up to you, the staff, to decide what to do with it.

This thread would end on a fair, high note if done this way. As two different opinions with two different contrasts were given and not just one side was heard.

 

[caden1]

I consider myself a strong Christian and don't see that tickling has to interfere with that aspect of my life. It's actually a pretty tame fetish compared to what else is out there.
I also have to ask why you want to be rid of it?

Dracula, I was inspired by your words. Wanna chat sometime? I have AIM.

 

[Celtic_Emperor]

I agree totally, and if that was something I was failing to get acrossed I'm glad somebody found the words that were escaping me at the moment.

Yes, as I said, there are different levels, even different commitments to this fetish, and its not necessarily what the majority take it to be. You get out of this what you put into it, its alot like God.

I take no issue with the fetish itself, and thats proof enough in the fact that I'm here and involve myself in it, talking to you now. But I just couldn't watch this thing turn into a one-sided advice column that wouldn't really make her think I believe. She deserves more than that, no matter who would prove to be right or wrong.

Sure, we can chat sometime, that would be nice.

I'm having difficulties with AIM at the moment however, so that service is out of the question. If you have yahoo IM, you can get my SN in my profile.

 

[jeffer42421]

thanks vlad

Vlad, i'm a lurker in the same boat as marmitemoo. for my own personal reasons, i don't want this fetish anymore and do believe with God's help i can make it a part of my past. for me, i know it is not right. i have failed many times in this goal but it is encouraging to read your posts. thanks for your advice.

 

[Celtic_Emperor]

First, you should be proud that you've made it this far and are willing to confront it, especially out in the open. That takes courage, and its to be commended.

Its good to see you have finally realized that you can no longer pretend. I don't know your situation (and if you ever want to talk about it, we can), but its clear that you know and realize that this fetish is holding you back and impeding your advancement in the ways you mean to.

For you its unwholesome and isn't making your life easier, only complicating it needlessly and subjugating you rather than liberting you. You have become a prisoner of your own desires and its time to break free, and I sincerely hope you do.

Remember, no matter how many times you fall, no matter how many times you fail, God still loves you and if you seek him out he will help you. He loves you so much, my friend, more than you or I can realize. Its a mystery.

You may not feel worthy, but you are.

"Confide in me, tell your story, its your fear that makes you worthy." Thats a line from a Corrs song, but it rings so true when it comes to what you're going through. God wants you to come to him, the way you would with a best friend. Weep, cry, let it all out. Tell him like it is.

Jesus is with us the most when we are suffering because he knew what it was to be persecuted and to suffer. Don't give up, never surrender. You can do this, you CAN do this.

I only wish I could help you more. God's speed my friend, God's speed. :happy:

 

[Celtic_Emperor]

This is by no means professional help, but try this. I want you to pretend that your fetish is a person. So address this person as he, she, it, you, etc.

In the privacy of your own house repeat the following, outloud and physicalize it if you want to:

"Time has come and time has gone.

I know you really well, and you know me really well.

But this has got to stop!

Because of you I've suffered! (feel free to say whatever troubles your fetish may have caused you all this time, etc.)

Because of you I am unhappy!

You make me miserable, you make me feel bad about myself and you have NO RIGHT TO DO THAT!

I DON'T WANT YOU ANYMORE! I DON'T NEED YOU ANYMORE! LEAVE! GET OUT! BE GONE!

I AM BETTER OFF WITHOUT YOU! I AM BETTER THAN THIS! I AM STRONGER THAN YOU AND I DON'T HAVE TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE! I DON'T NEED YOU TO BE HAPPY OR FULFILLED!

GET THE HELL OUT! NOW!"


Now I know this may seem silly, disturbing, or even stupid, or all three, but there is a method to this treatment, akin to writing a letter to a deceased person in order to release them, forgive them, etc, even though you won't actually be mailing the letter.

Just keep saying that as many times as you need to everytime you feel tempted and you know you don't want to do it but feel tempted anyway. Even if this fails, keep doing it, shout and scream if you want. Let it out. Create your own pep talks if you don't like this one.

Hopefully you will find yourself in a different posture than before and that YOU are the one thats in control and is calling the shots.

Ultimately you will subconsciously be creating more and more distant between you and the fetish, to the point where you simply do not need it.

Treat it like a person who is making you uncomfortable and is harassing you. Get offensive and muster courage to say this when you feel tempted. Curse if you need to, God will forgive you.

Note this is not a cure-all of course, but it may hold you over until you can find God in your life or rekindle a relationship with him.

You can do this, and you have my support. All of you out there. I know you're reading this. You can do it too, I know you can.

 

[Ignatz]

We must, of course, respect the right of marmitemoo and jeffer4242 to be oblique or silent about their reasons for rebelling against the peculiar passion that haunts them. It is enough that they do wish to be rid of it. For my part, I can suggest reasons, any one of which would be sufficient.
If you are so hagridden by your fetish, that satisfaction and fulfillment are not possible without it...
If it is a barrier to finding someone to love and share your life with...
Most of all, if it is driving you to behave cruelly or even sadistically toward those you do love...or, conversely, compelling you to endure agony for the sake of acceptance, then it is a curse in your life that must be lifted. Those for whom it is merely a spice in the feast of love, a bracing dash of hot sauce as it were, are to be congratulated and envied.
Our friend Vlad has offered eloquent testimony to the surest path toward freedom, and done so, I might add, without being strident or judgmental. I might add that understanding the roots of the fetish in yourself is helplful in controlling or eliminating it. Introspection may be enough; professional counseling might be necessary. As the great Christian writer C.S. Lewis put it, "Every sin is the distortion of an energy breathed into us...We poison the wine as He decants it into us, murder a melody He would play with us as the instrument. We caricature the self-portrait He would paint."

 

[Celtic_Emperor]

Ditto. Fetishes can be cruel mistresses. I know there are many people out there who are suffering needlessly and have fallen into the snare and have underestimated their primal desires and left them unchecked thinking they are the master when it couldn't be farther from the truth.

While fetishes that are so involving and so dominating and necessary are not fuelled by sin, they can create it, and create gateways into debauchery and other forms of negative self-indulgance.

This is why God is the only one who can truely help you after this has happened. But damnit, its a fight, a big damn fight, and you have to win it and have to want to win it without compromise! You have to confront it, face to face, and strike it down! And who better to have on your side than God Himself?

You'll fall and you'll stumble and may even fall back into what has become a habit and way of life, but he's still very much there and he will help you if you still want it.

I know this sounds really pompous people, but please, please know that is NOT what I'm meaning to sound like. This is for the extreme cases, were clearly its gotten out of hand.

I would suggest counciling, whether religious or otherwise to anyone whose gotten in too deep or is so conflicted that they can't stand it anymore.

You've got God on your side, you've got friends on your side, you've got your church on your side, you've got professional help on your side! There is no way in hell this fetish will have it's way if you don't want it to. Now you're probably thinking "does this mean I have to tell the people of my church?!"

No. It simply means that you can ask them to pray for you. Surely theres no harm in that. God will intercede on their behalf for you. Where two or more are gathered in his name, there shall he be.

Pray for them too, and offer up to God whatever problems they may have, even if you are not aware of them or know what they are. Creative a community of help and of prayer, find people to talk to about this, there are ways out. Don't let anyone tell you theres no alternative.

 

[jeffer42421]

i have no qualms about sharing my reasons, i just didn't feel anyone cared to know. i did mention i feel it is wrong for me, and that is because it has become an idol in my life and beyond that it leads to lustful fantasies. i desire to one day have a fulfilling marriage and i know for me, this fetish (or perhaps the way i have lived with this fetish) would cause problems in that area. there was a long time in my life where i didn't know whether it was ok or not, but after a lot of prayer and just seeing results over time, i know it is not a good thing in my life. i do hope no one thinks i condemn them for it...i can only speak for me.