"Eew, feet are gross!!"

[Wolf]

I think it's possible for a female to find feet gross and also feel they have to fit the mold of being attractive from head to foot and possibly not being conscious they're in "the pose" aside from trying to look cute for a picture. That's just me.

Sad, isn't it? Even when they're trying to fit the mold of being attractive, and pose like a cute girl is supposed to pose, someone finds something to get butt-hurt about.
People can be downright tyrannical about what they think other people should be.
(had to backtrack, as I just caught this comment)

 

[duderino84]

I've gotten that before.
You'd be amazed at how quickly the tune changes from "Ew, feet are gross!" to "Oh my God that feels so good, you're going to put me to sleep!" after you've had a date or two under your belt and you're giving her a late night foot rub.

You'd also be amazed at how quick it goes from "Ew, feet are gross!" to a flirty "I just painted my nails, how do you like them?" after a few more dates when you've broken the news of your foot fetish to a girl who is starting to care for you a bit.

And you'd be even more surprised how quickly "Ew, feet are gross!" turns into her putting her feet in your lap and wiggling her toes playfully with held breath after those dates turn into an actual relationship and she's already thinking about if her parents will like you and is falling in love, and you've had the difficult discussion of your T-fetish and she knows how much it means to you and wants to make you happy.

Stages dude.
A lot of women think feet are gross.
A lot of newlywed wives or smitten girlfriends will also go out of their way to stick their toes in their husband or boyfriend's mouth and think it's sexy because it turns him on.

A lot of women hate being tickled.
A lot of newlywed wives or smitten girlfriends will gladly let their husbands or boyfriends run their fingers over their bodies while they buck and laugh, and think its sexy because it turns him on.

The common ground in all of this is having a girl care for you.
And for that, you've got to bring more to the table than just "I have a fetish, let me touch your feet in a way you don't like".

Be a normal human being, fall in love, the rest comes into place.

You know, all this business of marriage would be fun if it just wasn't so permanent.

 

[Rectangle]

I would not suggest falling in love with someone you're not sure you're compatible with unless the tickling / foot thing is really not very important to you. At worst, you end up frustrated, dissatisfied, maybe heartbroken. At best, you wasted time with someone when you could have been having fun with someone else.

I mean, maybe, I guess, sort of..
You do generally need to carry it past the point of the first or second encounter.
When you've hit three or four dates and you've got a connection and are in sort of "relationship prep mode", and those smitten feelings are starting to take hold..
..yeah, I'd say drop it then.

Unless you've had success telling guys when they come to buy you a drink that you like being tickled..
Guy: Hey yo! What you drinkin'?
Girl: Amaretto Sour. Want to hear about my fetish?
..in which case you've got far more game than me 🙂


I've always had it sort of naturally play out early on, I'm trying to take what happens naturally without much of a plan and put it into words.
There comes that time where you're starting to cuddle and talk about shit (..and get into poke/tickle fights *hint*)..where it becomes a lot easier to slip in that this is something important to you and have it received in a much warmer, understanding way.

If it blows up in your face, then, well, you've lost a friend with benefits but that's about it. Swallow the lump in your throat and drive on.
If it doesn't, you can move on into solidifying the relationship.


That's how I've personally found the most success.

 

[chicago]

I mean, just because I would rather not wait to develop feelings for someone that doesn't enjoy tickling doesn't mean I bring up the subject after introductions, but yes probably somewhere around the first date really. I've had success in that I've never found myself in a relationship where tickling was off the table and nor do I feel like I put a lot of time or effort into something that was going to be unsuccessful. I've had relationships end but never due to tickling. I guess your use of the term "fall in love" seemed a bit much to me, but now that you're kind of backpedaling to smittenness after 3 or 4 dates, which is much different than falling in love, I'd say we agree.

 

[Rectangle]

I mean, just because I would rather not wait to develop feelings for someone that doesn't enjoy tickling doesn't mean I bring up the subject after introductions, but yes probably somewhere around the first date really. I've had success in that I've never found myself in a relationship where tickling was off the table and nor do I feel like I put a lot of time or effort into something that was going to be unsuccessful. I've had relationships end but never due to tickling. I guess your use of the term "fall in love" seemed a bit much to me, but now that you're kind of backpedaling to smittenness after 3 or 4 dates, which is much different than falling in love, I'd say we agree.

Ouch, veiled snark!

I'm not backpedaling, that period of "smitteness" where you've gone from "I met an interesting guy/girl last night!" to laying there gazing longingly into each other's eyes, trading secrets and the essences of each other's characters and personalities, getting to know the person on a deeper level than "I think they're cute".
..that IS falling in love.
That's the exact period in between being "not in love" and "in love".

If you're saying you have success dropping it before then, at the acquaintance level where you're just someone they've met once or twice, then awesome!
You've got a better "reveal" game than me.

I'm saying that personally I've had better results throwing it out there when there are some feelings between us to soften the blow, and when we've already established that there are other things about me that she's interested in so I come at her as a full person, and not just some dude she's met with a weird kink.

 

[Wolf]

Ouch, veiled snark!
I'm not backpedaling, that period of "smitteness" where you've gone from "I met an interesting guy/girl last night!" to laying there gazing longingly into each other's eyes, trading secrets and the essences of each other's characters and personalities, getting to know the person on a deeper level than "I think they're cute".
..that IS falling in love.
That's the exact period in between being "not in love" and "in love".
If you're saying you have success dropping it before then, at the acquaintance level where you're just someone they've met once or twice, then awesome!
You've got a better "reveal" game than me.
I'm saying that personally I've had better results throwing it out there when there are some feelings between us to soften the blow, and when we've already established that there are other things about me that she's interested in so I come at her as a full person, and not just some dude she's met with a weird kink.

I think was on your side of this not-really-an-argument until you made that distinction.
I think it's a little ...manipulative(?) to wait until there's a real emotional investment before revealing such a minor thing.
It means you, being the one with the kink, gets to decide if you want to continue the relationship, based on your needs,
and puts the responsibility on the other person to either be into it, tolerate it, or lose you, based on something they didn't even know was an issue.
Would you want to be in their position?

 

[jujimbo]

Some mainstream women call it 'gross', others call it 'weird' and others call it 'cute'. This also often depends on whether she likes the man in question aside from the fact what she thinks of feet herself. Nothing new here. I tend to move on. I'm not that heavily foot-focused myself (well nice female soles turn me on of course), I just think female feet have a quality that unique and they're fun to tickle to boot. Perhaps the fact that I tickled my fair share of female feet as a youngster made me associate female feet with fun times, hence their appeal to me. Makes no sense being grossed out when you have touched tender female soles often.

A woman not wanting me to ever touch her feet would be tricky, but a woman I can't ever tickle altogether is the true deal-breaker.

 

[Rectangle]

I think was on your side of this not-really-an-argument until you made that distinction.
I think it's a little ...manipulative(?) to wait until there's a real emotional investment before revealing such a minor thing.
It means you, being the one with the kink, gets to decide if you want to continue the relationship, based on your needs,
and puts the responsibility on the other person to either be into it, tolerate it, or lose you, based on something they didn't even know was an issue.
Would you want to be in their position?

And walking up like Boomhauer to every girl in a bar telling her about your fetish is somehow more respectful of their humanity?
That's somehow more protective of their feelings?

This shit is a private matter dude.
Look around.
We're on a forum filled with people lamenting the fact that they're socially stunted because of the fear of expressing this to someone.

And now you guys are saying that it's somehow abusive to wait to reveal "the kink" until you're comfortable that someone at least cares enough to listen?
That it's fucking manipulative to wait until you've felt the person out as:
A) Someone you're interested in as a human being outside of "the kink".
..and..
B) Someone who's not the sum of your worst fears and is going to burn you with rejection the moment you reveal.


No wonder people around here are chewing the carpet in anguish over the kink.
On one side you've got people wanking off in the corner of nail salons, and on the other you've got people saying that it's manipulative to wait until someone has expressed feelings to you before allowing yourself to feel safe revealing an extremely touchy subject in your life.


I feel like I'm in some sort of twilight zone hell walking through this forum sometimes.

 

[duderino84]

And walking up like Boomhauer to every girl in a bar telling her about your fetish is somehow more respectful of their humanity?
That's somehow more protective of their feelings?

This shit is a private matter dude.
Look around.
We're on a forum filled with people lamenting the fact that they're socially stunted because of the fear of expressing this to someone.

And now you guys are saying that it's somehow abusive to wait to reveal "the kink" until you're comfortable that someone at least cares enough to listen?
That it's fucking manipulative to wait until you've felt the person out as:
A) Someone you're interested in as a human being outside of "the kink".
..and..
B) Someone who's not the sum of your worst fears and is going to burn you with rejection the moment you reveal.


No wonder people around here are chewing the carpet in anguish over the kink.
On one side you've got people wanking off in the corner of nail salons, and on the other you've got people saying that it's manipulative to wait until someone has expressed feelings to you before allowing yourself to feel safe revealing an extremely touchy subject in your life.


I feel like I'm in some sort of twilight zone hell walking through this forum sometimes.

It's ok, I once heard it's like pulling your dick out in public to tickle on the first date (after introductions, of course).

 

[Rectangle]

On another note.

I'm an Iraq veteran.
Infantryman in Ramadi in 2006 when shit was..interesting.
I've dealt with PTSD, "readjustment disorder", all that bullshit.

That's some really deep shit to me.
Do you think I'm going to reveal that to someone on the first or second date?

That I'm going to open up and spill all the dark shit in my soul left there from the dark shit in my past, to someone I barely know?

Fuck no.
And fuck you if you think that's because I'm trying to be manipulative because of it.
I'm going to know who the fuck you are and have some sort of a trust and connection with you before I go into that shit.


I've had this "kink" for 30 odd years.
It's run far longer and far deeper than anything left over from Iraq.
I've gone out of my way my entire life to make sure it's hidden from friends, family, and anyone who would see it and "wouldn't understand".
I've read horror stories on here since I was 14-15 years old lurking about what happens when someone is "outed" to people they know.
*EDIT: If I remember right, one of those stories was yours Chicago*
How those people, people who they considered friends, family who loved them, reacted when they found out.

If you think I'm dropping this shit into someone's lap after a meeting or two without even having worked up a foundation of trust, you're out of your mind.


Trust is build on a foundation of affection and knowing that the other person cares enough about me to keep my trust inviolate and receive it from a position of non-judgement.
Without that trust, I'm not telling you shit.

That's not manipulation, that's normal fucking human interaction.

God..people around here man..

 

[Wolf]

And walking up like Boomhauer to every girl in a bar telling her about your fetish is somehow more respectful of their humanity?
That's somehow more protective of their feelings?

Yeah..totally not what I was saying. You might want to see an orthopedist about that knee of yours. It's got a habit of jerking.

This shit is a private matter dude.
Look around.
We're on a forum filled with people lamenting the fact that they're socially stunted because of the fear of expressing this to someone.

Shouldn't that be the other way around? They have the fear because they're socially stunted?

And now you guys are saying that it's somehow abusive to wait to reveal "the kink" until you're comfortable that someone at least cares enough to listen?
That it's fucking manipulative to wait until you've felt the person out as:
A) Someone you're interested in as a human being outside of "the kink".
..and..
B) Someone who's not the sum of your worst fears and is going to burn you with rejection the moment you reveal.

Manipulative is a far cry from abusive. It just means you're keeping a bit of an advantage.

No wonder people around here are chewing the carpet in anguish over the kink.
On one side you've got people wanking off in the corner of nail salons, and on the other you've got people saying that it's manipulative to wait until someone has expressed feelings to you before allowing yourself to feel safe revealing an extremely touchy subject in your life.

For all of your espousing about love, and soft cushy feelings, you seem to be forgetting that the other person has a sexual identity as well.
And anyone's anguish over their own kink it their own responsibility.

I feel like I'm in some sort of twilight zone hell walking through this forum sometimes.

Don't kid yourself. It's not that interesting.

See, as someone who's also in a happy relationship, I'm with you on some things.
Just not on your perspective on this one.

 

[Rectangle]

It's ok, I once heard it's like pulling your dick out in public to tickle on the first date (after introductions, of course).

What?
See? This is what I mean.

No dude, no.
It's not.
You might have a connection, things might be going great, you or her might say "Let's get out of here" and head back to your place and some tickle fight happens while you're cuddling.

And that's absolutely fine. That's how things roll "in the real world".

You also might get to the end of the first night/date after a well structured dinner and walk her to the door and that's it. You go home.


You have to feel this shit out man, life is situational, it doesn't abide by a set of A+B=X rules.


She's trying to feel you out too. She's a human being with thoughts and hopes and desires and people that love her and things that she's afraid of and favorite colors and everything else.
If she does poke you in the side or something I wouldn't take it as an invitation to go full Knismo-Warrior on her until she's crying.


It goes without saying, but if it's not an appropriate time to touch her, it's not an appropriate time to tickle her.

 

[Rectangle]

All that stuff I said..

By God, here we go.
You know what guy? Fine. Print you up a t-shirt with "I like to touch feet", throw it on, head out to the bar, and have at it.
If you find success, fine. Good for you.

But fuck you for saying I'm trying to be manipulative when I'm one of the few motherfuckers around here that advocates treating women like human beings and not fetish food.

That's really fucking unfair.

 

[chicago]

I have PTSD too, but I don't equate that to kink. They're worlds apart and not even in the same ballpark.

I disagree that a person can begin falling in love after a few dates.

I also disagree that the only option outside of telling someone after you've fallen in love/achieved smittenness (which to me are very different feelings) is telling someone upon first meeting them. That's kind of extreme and I'm sure as mature thinking adults we know there are other options besides those two.

And please don't say "you guys" when responding to one persons opinion. I don't think it's abuse to wait until you love someone to tell them what turns you on, I just don't agree with it.

How people want to live their lives is up to them. This is a lot of anger and drama and bringing up deep mental health issues when that's not really the topic. I don't think having a kink is automatically something to hide, be shameful of, or equates to any kind of mental illness. And no one is going to hear any points you make if you just jump to anger and name calling because of a different opinion on the interwebz.

It's not that serious

 

[Wolf]

By God, here we go.
You know what guy? Fine. Print you up a t-shirt with "I like to touch feet", throw it on, head out to the bar, and have at it.
If you find success, fine. Good for you.
But fuck you for saying I'm trying to be manipulative when I'm one of the few motherfuckers around here that advocates treating women like human beings and not fetish food.
That's really fucking unfair.

Dude, Chill. I am not against you. I didn't say you were manipulative, or abusive...I said that "tactic" was, and that's very different.
I'm a veteran, as well, and I have PTSD, as well (Mine wasn't service-related).
Like Chicago says, PTSD is not the same as a sexual kink. PTSD is a medical condition that is a result of your experience.

And I'm not into feet, anyway.

 

[Rectangle]

I have PTSD too, but I don't equate that to kink. They're worlds apart and not even in the same ballpark.

I disagree that a person can begin falling in love after a few dates.

I also disagree that the only option outside of telling someone after you've fallen in love/achieved smittenness (which to me ate very different feelings) is telling someone upon first meeting them. That's kind of extreme and I'm sure as mature thinking adults we know there are other options besides those two.

And please don't say "you guys" when responding to one persons response. I don't think it's abuse to wait until you love someone to tell them what turns you on, I just don't agree with it.

You know what?
I'm sorry. Everyone forgive me.
I can't keep track of which points of what I said have offended someone.

If we disagree, fine, I've tried to be clear in every post that if you've found something that works for you, you're doing awesome.

I take serious offense though at being called manipulative for waiting until a relationship is forming before trusting someone with some of the more sensitive areas of my life.
Edit: Or even calling it a "manipulative tactic"..



But past that, I'm sorry for the offense.
I was just throwing my two cents in and trying to help.



*Backs out wide eyed and wonders what the hell happened here*

 

[chicago]

I can understand reading that and taking it personally. Wolf could have worded it more carefully, though to his credit, he did try to clear it up by saying that's how he felt about that particular strategy /approach rather than you as a person.

It's all good though. No worries man

 

[Wolf]

I can understand reading that and taking it personally. Wolf could have worded it more carefully, though to his credit, he did try to clear it up by saying that's how he felt about that particular strategy /approach rather than you as a person.

It's all good though. No worries man

Sure, I could have worded it differently.
I am sometimes guilty of being too fond of my own opinions.
Luckily, Rectangle took the initiative to PM me, and I think we got it sorted.

 

[Rectangle]

We all good?
Good.

 

[Rectangle]

So, did we kill this thread?
Because I feel like me might have killed this thread.


Duderino, find your own balance between the "dropping it on the first date" and "waiting a few dates in".
It's going to come down to your comfort level, what you gauge her comfort level to be, and it's probably going to be heavily situational.
The only thing I would say not to do , definitely, without a doubt, is to jump the gun with putting your hands on someone.

As far as "Ew, my feet are gross!", it's more often than not a self-depreciating thing, they're getting pedicures and wearing nice shoes because they're worried their feet are gross.
Many women in my experience aren't as confident about their bodies as they put out, they're under a lot of pressure from all sides on that issue and are constantly comparing themselves to others, and the "I hate my feet" thing might be reflective of a sort of self-depreciating humility and worry that others see their feet as gross.

I''ll say it again, I've never had a girl I was dating turn down a foot rub.
I've had them at the outset kind of be like "You don't think it's gross?" before, and I've plainly stated "No, I actually think they're beautiful", and the conversation drifts on to more productive areas from there.


Then again, some people just think feet are gross.
Some people don't like broccoli.
Is that it is.

 

[Wolf]

So, did we kill this thread?
Because I feel like me might have killed this thread.

I'd call it a mercy killing.

 

[duderino84]

What?
See? This is what I mean.

No dude, no.
It's not.
You might have a connection, things might be going great, you or her might say "Let's get out of here" and head back to your place and some tickle fight happens while you're cuddling.

And that's absolutely fine. That's how things roll "in the real world".

You also might get to the end of the first night/date after a well structured dinner and walk her to the door and that's it. You go home.


You have to feel this shit out man, life is situational, it doesn't abide by a set of A+B=X rules.


She's trying to feel you out too. She's a human being with thoughts and hopes and desires and people that love her and things that she's afraid of and favorite colors and everything else.
If she does poke you in the side or something I wouldn't take it as an invitation to go full Knismo-Warrior on her until she's crying.


It goes without saying, but if it's not an appropriate time to touch her, it's not an appropriate time to tickle her.

For me it's a case of rapport. I put it on the table before I even really go out because I don't want any of it to be a surprise. I'm in a way giving them the opportunity to bow out if they feel it's an issue. Some can handle it, some can't. Just the way it is. But either way you get to have dinner and meet someone new.

 

[Rectangle]

I'd call it a mercy killing.

I went to edit that post after I posted it to add more on-topic stuff, and now it's gotten lost in the page turn because I took too long

 

[duderino84]

As far as everyone else's comments, I think it's just the fact that it's sort of brought up in passing by the time a relationship is actually established. Which is cool if tickling is just something else to add. But for tickling....addicts, let's say, that's kind of like hiding the real you until you've gotten their trust whereas you could just deal with the fact that people have...dealbreakers. Maybe I'm not reading it right?

 

[jujimbo]

As far as everyone else's comments, I think it's just the fact that it's sort of brought up in passing by the time a relationship is actually established. Which is cool if tickling is just something else to add. But for tickling....addicts, let's say, that's kind of like hiding the real you until you've gotten their trust whereas you could just deal with the fact that people have...dealbreakers. Maybe I'm not reading it right?

Well, it's not as if most of us never try to tickle a person when we date someone new. In my personal experience women have an idea I'm a tickle addict before I can even tell them, even if put a brake on myself. People generally notice it quickly without even bringing words up about it. And if the reaction to the tickling is very negative, you know it's a dealbreaker even before a real bond is established in many cases. I know it makes me less enthusiastic about a girl. Her reaction to tickling is part of her attractiveness after all.