ex issues

[one]

Seeing as this seems to be a rather kind little community, I was hoping to get a little advice, plus let ya peeps know a little about me beyond my public profile.

I worked with absolutely beautiful gal who was unfortunately taken. Though apparently she had a crush on me, and as we got to know each other things started to progress. This girl seemed perfect, she was intelligent, (or so i thought) kind, sexy and we got along great. So me and her were started secretly dating for like 3 months, while she was going through the process of breaking up with her douchebag bf.

the thing is though, is that she told me she adored me, that i was fantastic, that i was heroic to her, (I once intimidated a sword wielding nutcase who was threatening her but that's a story for another time). And so, seeing as I'm a romantic I was falling in love with the girl, and i really thought she felt the same. Though right when her and her bf were at the shattering point, she tells me she needs space (uhoh) and then starts not responding to my texts, or messages on myspace. Only to then next week tell me we cant see each other anymore.

She wanted to be friends with me after, which i of course refused, I cant ever have such feelings for someone and not express them. But this is what kills me, she then goes on to tell me, that she still cares about me, saying please just don't join the army, I promise we'll be together again.

So now I'm in this limbo, as it was a dream of mine to be a soldier, but when i started dating this girl, I lost all will to do that because i didn't want to be away from her. I'm stuck between my hesitation to join the army because of her, and the worry that I'm being lied to and she wont ever come back to me.

its a miserable situation So if anyone has some advice I'd be appreciative.

oh and to make it tickling related, this girl was ridiculously ticklish, into bondage, and was quoted while i was first playfully tickling at her, "we should really get a feather" a line which nearly made me collapse I was so turned on. What a laugh on her too, she was angelic

p.s. still not feeling bold enough to put up that link, so I'll have to deprive you all of my good looks for just a bit longer

 

[naughtylucy]

Sorry to hear about your troubles.

You're still in control of your life, though, and my advice is to do what you want to do. If joining the army is your dream, then go for it.

It doesn't sound as though this woman is as committed as you are, and there's unfortunately nothing you can do about that. Time to move on, I think.

Take care

Lucy

 

[Ekdall98]

well honestly i have been in the same boat but a little bit different. my advice is to go into the army and do that cuz if you said it was your dream to do that then you should, dont let her stop you from your dreams. and if she has already went back and forth with you about being together she probably will continue that so its best to just try to break away from her. it will be hard but going into the army maybe the best way to do that. on the bright side of things military guys are popular with the ladies 😀 so good luck with and i hope i have helped you some. oh yeah good to hear that she was so ticklish 😀

 

[justatickler]

Women are dream killers, don't fall into that trap. There are millions of other women out there, and not one of them are worth throwing a dream away. Forget about her and join the Army, because that's exactly what you want to do and that's all the reason you need.

 

[Fire_Sprite]

Women are dream killers,

An image of Freddy Kreuger with tits just popped into my mind.


Screw her. She dated you even though she was still involved with someone, broke up with you so that she could fully indulge in being single again, and now she's essentially saying "don't follow your dream because I may need you someday." Everything about her actions seems selfish. Don't alter your entire future for the sake of some girl who may or not really care about you.

 

[steph]

Follow your dreams and join the Army. The "perfect woman" (there's no such thing, BTW) you'll meet a hundred times over in your lifetime. Establish a career for yourself and you can be with anyone you want.
XOXO

 

[KrazieDog]

Follow your dreams. She's playing right now. You don't not follow them because someone says "no really we will get back together someday on my terms". Good luck being all you can be man.

 

[one]

to clarify, she didn't run off to be single, she dropped me instead of the douche bf. But ya know I was going to go into detail right now of how i was so sure she meant it when she said she cared about me, that she was honest, we got to know each other so well.

but the naivety of it really just hit me now. I was unusually trusting towards her, so i suppose i was really easy to lie to....

 

[aurora5150]

first off there are horrible women out there just as there are horrible men out there. and it sucks cuz we gotta weed out the jerks and get our heart broken on our journey to find that one person who you fit with. take that for whatever it may or may not mean for you. it's just my thoughts and thought i might share.

you need to take care of yourself. the only person who can make you happy is you. if you want to go and join the army then live your dream. don't wait for life to come to you (corney i know). get out there and grab life by the balls and have the time of your life. and for those people who hurt you, do you really want them to continue to be in your life? it's so hard sometimes to be happy in this world. don't let this girl make it any harder to find the happiness you deserve. IMHO. was that too much?

 

[tcklft]

first off there are horrible women out there just as there are horrible men out there. and it sucks cuz we gotta weed out the jerks and get our heart broken on our journey to find that one person who you fit with.

you need to take care of yourself. the only person who can make you happy is you. if you want to go and join the army then live your dream. don't wait for life to come to you (corney i know). get out there and grab life by the balls and have the time of your life. and for those people who hurt you, do you really want them to continue to be in your life? it's so hard sometimes to be happy in this world. don't let this girl make it any harder to find the happiness you deserve.

Quoted for truth.

 

[..Glamorous..]

I say continue to follow your dreams, and life will even itself out! Plus, what girl cant resist a guy in the military?! I can't that's how my husband got me! hahah. Sorry things had to happen the way they did though!

 

[mabus]

I agree with everyone here - join the army.

Look, here's some more nasty truth:
She started dating you while she was dating another man. Yeah, yeah, I'm sure she called him a douche, asshole, etc.....
...then why'd she keep dating him? And why didn't she immediatly break it off when she met you? And why didn't she insist that she must be completely out of her old relationship before she even thought about getting serious with you? These are all simply responsible things people who care about other people.

I think she's playing you. I'm sure she's nice, you probably think she's perfect. But I'm afraid love is blinding you.
The problem is you are willing to give 100% of yourself, and she isn't. You will invest a lot of emotion into her, and she will crush that and you'll be hurt for a long time, and her saying "Let's be friends" is saying "I don't feel like dealing with any hurt feelings and trouble, and I can be the good guy and offered friendship." I've seen this so many times before, and I've seen people put off their dreams and desires, and life, waiting for the other person to come around. Some have waited years, some decades. Hell, I've done that, and got burned, because the other girl just didn't care about me. I would have had a lot more focus, and accomplished much more if I had spent that time focusing on college and my future career. Or finding someone who cared about me. Don't make the mistakes that I made.

And again, if she was willing to date you, while still dating another man....why wouldn't she do that again? "Yes, yes, but we have something special!" you may insist. I'm sure she told the "doucebag" they had something special while she was seeing you. What if she gets a job soemwhere, and works with some other guy. Who says she won't start dating him while she's with you? Maybe you'll become the "asshole" this time around........

Good luck.

 

[..Glamorous..]

I agree with everyone here - join the army.

Look, here's some more nasty truth:
She started dating you while she was dating another man. Yeah, yeah, I'm sure she called him a douche, asshole, etc.....
...then why'd she keep dating him? And why didn't she immediatly break it off when she met you? And why didn't she insist that she must be completely out of her old relationship before she even thought about getting serious with you? These are all simply responsible things people who care about other people.

I think she's playing you. I'm sure she's nice, you probably think she's perfect. But I'm afraid love is blinding you.
The problem is you are willing to give 100% of yourself, and she isn't. You will invest a lot of emotion into her, and she will crush that and you'll be hurt for a long time, and her saying "Let's be friends" is saying "I don't feel like dealing with any hurt feelings and trouble, and I can be the good guy and offered friendship." I've seen this so many times before, and I've seen people put off their dreams and desires, and life, waiting for the other person to come around. Some have waited years, some decades. Hell, I've done that, and got burned, because the other girl just didn't care about me. I would have had a lot more focus, and accomplished much more if I had spent that time focusing on college and my future career. Or finding someone who cared about me. Don't make the mistakes that I made.

And again, if she was willing to date you, while still dating another man....why wouldn't she do that again? "Yes, yes, but we have something special!" you may insist. I'm sure she told the "doucebag" they had something special while she was seeing you. What if she gets a job soemwhere, and works with some other guy. Who says she won't start dating him while she's with you? Maybe you'll become the "asshole" this time around........

Good luck.

Agreed! If she did it for you, She'll do it too you!

 

[dskodj]

Ill def say Steph's responce hit it right on the money..

I was in a simmaler situation once (nothing that was holding up my life though - just the gal with baggage thing)...and i'll tell you, dont let her (or anyone) run your life and ruin your goals.

At one time, I even pissed away a very VERY good job opertunity due to this relationship/ball and chain B.S. (my joke of a marrage this was - im OVER hapily divorced almost 7 years now - yay!!)...something ive never ever forgave myself for, but learned from it and will def never let happen again, or let anyone hold me back from anything.

So by all means my friend, like others have said in this thread, follow your dream, to hell with that game playing inmature gal and be all you can be

 

[Sleepy Jean]

You're very young, my friend. Don't pine over this. Join the Army if that's what you want. It's not like joining a convent. You have so much of your life ahead of you, I'm sure there is someone out there for you. As Steph said the perfect woman (or perfect man) doesn't exist. But you have time to find that lady who shares your love of bondage and tickling. Somewhere, she's there.

Wishing you all the best,
Jean

P.S.: When someone tells you she needs "space," walk away without a word (but maybe a dirty look). If you must say something, tell her that cliche was swept off the stable floor.

 

[DJ Tickler]

And now a word from our cynic...

Ok I’m not going to harp on about how bad this woman was: It has been established that she was obviously not right for you

I am not going to harp on about you joining the army: If that’s you pursuit, then do it without fear or regret

What I AM going to do is give my opinion on the matter

Being in the Wedding Industry, I am perhaps the most cynical person available. That is not to say I’m not romantic (on the contrary, the best people in this industry at putting together dream weddings are usually the most cynical) I can be a very romantic person. But what were you thinking for falling for someone after a few months???!!!

I am not trying to start a debate on the nature of love and all that BS, but I do want to say that perhaps next time you keep your heart less in the air and more on sensible ground. Think with your head before you think with your heart! Otherwise you will keep getting in these situations.

Just my 2 cents worth…take it all leave it 🙂

DJ Tickler

(I hope I havent started WW3 with this)

 

[xionking]

I can most definately appreciate what you're saying, DJ Tickler. You and I are both cynics and thats what I love about ya.

Because you dj weddings, you'd probably spend a lot of time observing the newly weds, and drawing your own opinions and conclusions about the direction in which their marriage might take.

It's amazing that you only have to see a couple in action for a short amount of time, and you can almost predict what may happen in the end. It is even more so with newly weds, particularly at their wedding reception, because if you observe the body language of the Bride on what should be the happiest day of her life and it doesn't seem to you like she is having the happiest day of her life, then you can guess what will probably happen, days, months or years down the track.

To the one who started this thread, I'd say it's best you found out now rather than later.

 

[DJ Tickler]

I can most definately appreciate what you're saying, DJ Tickler. You and I are both cynics and thats what I love about ya.

Because you dj weddings, you'd probably spend a lot of time observing the newly weds, and drawing your own opinions and conclusions about the direction in which their marriage might take.

It's amazing that you only have to see a couple in action for a short amount of time, and you can almost predict what may happen in the end. It is even more so with newly weds, particularly at their wedding reception, because if you observe the body language of the Bride on what should be the happiest day of her life and it doesn't seem to you like she is having the happiest day of her life, then you can guess what will probably happen, days, months or years down the track.

To the one who started this thread, I'd say it's best you found out now rather than later.

Felling the love bro😎

Yeah, as a general rule I try not to make assumptions about whether the marriage will last because, just because I’m a cynical bastard doesn’t mean everyone has had my experience to make them into one. But you are right in regards to seeing a couple and taking a hazard guess.

I did a wedding once and 3 months later they were divorced (now that is saying something)

The biggest thing is being able to cut through all the “Pink Cloud” romance and see the facts of what they are (that’s why cynics are the best people to organize romantic events)

But back to the thread, like Xionking said: better you find out now rather than later

DJ Tickler

 

[one]

I cant honestly say "what I was thinking" when I fell for the girl, Its honestly not something you really can control.

I know that through experience people become more protective and cynical. But if you feel that connection with someone, its not like you can go

NO!

to your gut feeling, I'm a romantic its how I work, you may be wary of this, but don't become so cynical as to rationalize this emotion. When we're talking about romance and the semi-insanity it brings (lol) someone doesnt get the luxury of pragmatic rationalization.

I got along with her great, was immensely attracted to her physically and wanted a relationship with her. Ya know part of me believes this is what happened, I don't think she expected so much from me. She had a bad history with men and I don't think she's ever run into my sort. Not to come off as an arrogant douche, but I'm chivalrous, caring, honest and direct, and when she told me her roster of men, none fit that list in the slightest. I think she is being honest when she says she cares about me, but is caught between worlds so to speak. So she was left with the choice of tearing it all down and going with me, or staying in a long term, constant if rather unstable relationship. She made the wrong choice completely, dont get me wrong. And even more so, she's behaved like a selfish immature brat to both me and her bf. Your responses kinda helped me see that.

That relationship of hers, its in the miserable waltz stage as I like to call it. The 3 steps of this dance are, massive long term fights, pointless make ups (nothing is resolved merely ignored) then "peace." Now a peace stage, isn't like the post fight behavior of a healthy relationship. Its not time spent happy, its just time spent not fighting. And they'll keep dancing to this tune until the relationship is so worn down that they outright hate one another.

Ya know what though, I was so good to this girl, I deserve better than her. I'm not going to wait, but I know that in maybe a few months, I'm going to receive a surprise message from her. But whether or not I answer, is going to be based on if I'm even still in town


Woah i really ranted there... sorry if that was a bit long winded

 

[kis123]

Go be all that you can be.....

Simply put, if she'll cheat with you, she'll cheat on you!

There are better women to be found that are faithful and loyal to their men! Don't you dare put your dreams down over some flaky ass woman! And I am female so I know what I'm talking about. I made too many decisions because of a man, and I regretted every one of them.

Go to the Army if that's your dream; if she's really for you, she'll be there when you get back. But based on her history, she's looking for whatever she can get while holding onto the "douche". She ain't letting him go so move the hell on!!

 

[Handonfoot9]

You should just do you and join the Army. Right now you're waiting for something that will more than likely never come. And who knows, but she may have even done this to somebody else before. The one sure thing is that you must never let somebody come between you and your dream. Only once you reach your dream will you find true happiness.

 

[Strider]

In her mind, her relationship with her boyfriend was already over and she probably viewed being involved with you as something close to rebounding. Sorry, but it happens.

 

[Sandrock74]

She never even left her douchebag boyfriend while she "secretly dated" you?!? Which of them, exactly, was the douchebag?? LOL

I say, go join the army and become Snake-Eyes from G.I. friggin' Joe! He never had such problems...

 

[one]

LOL!!!

it amazes me you bring up that character

I'd love nothing more than to become as badass as snake eyes, that guy was my hero when i was a kid.

And so you all know thanks for the posts they were helpful. I'm happy I opened up to this community.

 

[Sandrock74]

Alrighty then, go be Snake-Eyes! I'll be Storm Shadow.