Fear of Bondage?

[Lil GuY x]

I wanted to know does anyone have a fear of being bound?
As a child my dad abused me and one day tied me to a pole and tried to freeze me to death. I wanted to know if anyone else has a fear of this, and if so could you give any suggestions on how to get over it?

 

[milagros317]

All I can say is this: If you are with somebody that you trust, then there is no fear. Trust means that you know they won't leave you alone, you know they will do what you mutually enjoy, and you know they will respect your safeword.

 

[Lil GuY x]

I used to trust my dad

 

[steph]

Had an abusive paternal unit, but I have no fear of bondage~then again, I'd never play with anyone I didn't feel I could trust with my life. You might try having someone tie you so loosely, you could get out anytime you started to freak out. Or maybe have them tie just your legs or JUST your hands as a start...

XOXO

 

[Lil GuY x]

well maybe I could try that, thanks.

 

[steph]

No problem!

Question for you hon...was this a general question or do you have someone special in mind, and if you do, what's your relationship with them like?

XOXO

 

[ticklkitten]

Hey babe, it's all about finding someone that you trust. Not everyone is going to be like your dad and if you are truely afraid of that a counselor might be able to help you. I would never be tied up by anyone I didn't trust and I trust my tickler TOTALLY.

hope this helps even a little bit,
kitten

 

[Lil GuY x]

Re: No problem!

Question for you hon...was this a general question or do you have someone special in mind, and if you do, what's your relationship with them like?

XOXO

What exactly do you mean by this?

 

[Lil GuY x]

Someone special as in someone I trust?

 

[steph]

Yes, kitten sees where I'm going on this~someone you trust to make sure you're safe and all boundaries respected is MONSTER huge...

XOXO

 

[chrisheaven]

total trust is needed for all this....then it can be geat fun

 

[Lil GuY x]

That's just the thing, I can't trust anyone. I want to, but I just can't.

 

[steph]

Maybe not now, but one day, I think you might be able to. Learning to let go can be tricky business. I know the number my folks did on me as a kid took a lot of work to get past. Have you ever talked to anyone about this?
Who do you usually play with in real life?

XOXO
PS~I know, I'm a nosy girl but the more we know about you, the more we can help. You can also PM me if you find talking about this uncomfortable. Hell, you can even PM me to tell me to mind my own business... 😀

Actually, I think your fear is not all that unusual if that helps~I've a lot of friends on the board who can't conceive of letting themselves be tied...

 

[Lil GuY x]

It's fine that your asking me questions, I asked for help and thats what you're doing. I guess my girlfriend is special to me. She stays away from being bound and all that, and I've never talked to anyone about this because I thought I could get over it.

 

[steph]

Good, so you have someone who cares about you and vice versa, I'm glad for that. How long are you together? Can you discuss bondage and your fears with her?

XOXO
PS~I wish I could tell you "getting over it" just happens but in my experience, it just tends to get deeper rooted. I know I had to work on it, and hard!

 

[Lil GuY x]

I could talk to her about it but I don't think she would be more helpful then any of you would.

 

[steph]

Could it be that you underestimate her?

If this is not a new relationship, I'm sure she really wants you to be happy, she might surprise you...Oh and AFA what she has over us, is that she can actually DO something about this with you, hold your hand, keep asking if you're ok while she tries to slowly get you to get comfortable with being loosely tied...Just a thought...

XOXO

 

[Lil GuY x]

Yeah, I guess so. She is very sweet and knows how to make people feel better no matter what.

 

[steph]

Then you are very, very lucky! She sounds like someone you can feel safe with.
Will you keep us posted?

XOXO

 

[Lil GuY x]

Absolutely, and thanks again!

 

[steph]

You are very VERY welcome. Like moderator Dan says, "it's all about the love," I HATE to see people in pain (I suffer from terminal angel syndrome...)

Try to make it sweet and sensual, use silk scarves, loosely tied, I am sure you can get past this, with her help...
XOXO

 

[Ayla ny]

I don’t know if this is going to make sense… but I am going to try.

I had issues with being restrained, and with being tickled, from my childhood. now I crave both. I think that part of the reason that the things that freak us out early in life, become something we desire later in life, is that we want to own the things that were stolen from us as children. trust being the number one thing that can be stolen so easily when you are young.

trusting someone (who is trustWORTHY!) with the very things that were used against you, kind of proves how wrong the person who betrayed that trust really was. reaffirms that it really was them… and not you.

so my only advice would be to go for it. jump. just be very sure that the person you trust with this very fragile part of you, is worthy of that trust.

 

[Lil GuY x]

Actually I was thinking about doing that, don't think just do kind of thing. I'll try it slow at first though.

 

[steph]

I thought about you all night (I'm a dork, I know!)I'd like to add a little to my other comment...

We already talked about trust. I think another key to making this enjoyable for you is to make it as UNLIKE the experience with your father as humanly possible. If your girlfriend is like me (a total girlie girl) she'll instinctively know what I mean by this. In case she's just getting her feet wet too in the venture, I'd use soft lighting, some scented candles, maybe some music you both like, (low volume)😉. Make sure you've eaten enough, have plenty of water (I'd avoid alcohol) and that you are in a good mood. I think it should feel like a seduction in your case, ultimately, and be REALLY fun for you both.

Communicate like crazy before, during and afterwards and ask your girl to pay close attention to your signals...(I start to panic if anyone goes near my face and I don't hide it very well, for example.) An ideal playmate knows to respect your reactions.

Ok, enough out of long-winded me, I'm sure the rest of the gang has ideas to help too! I look forward to hearing how it goes...

XOXO

You are very VERY welcome. Like moderator Dan says, "it's all about the love," I HATE to see people in pain (I suffer from terminal angel syndrome...)

Try to make it sweet and sensual, use silk scarves, loosely tied, I am sure you can get past this, with her help...
XOXO

 

[Lil GuY x]

Thanks again, it's great to know you actually care even though you dont know me!