This post is for my lover - he'll know it's for him. But if others want read it, I suggest you do. But be warned - it's not your usual faire.
She got the e-mail at work, welcoming here to the team. Renee had volunteered at a charity event the year before and had volunteered again for the anual event which was coming up the following month. But this year the e-mail came from Rich who was usually just another volunteer himself but this year was in charge of Renee's department. She couldn't remember him well from the year before but she was a friendly person so she wrote back even though the e-mail didn't require a response.
Rich wrote her back and so began an e-mail friendship. Rich usually sent the first e-mail each day, just asking if Renee was busy. She wrote back that she was always busy but that she always had time to chat. Some light flirting began, but they were both married, though neither happily, and Renee never thought anything would come of it.
May arrived and with it, the charity event where Rich and Renee were volunteering. During the multiple day event, the flirting continued in person and by text messages. By the last day of the event Renee was glowing from all the attention and the compliments Rich had given here. She told this to Rich and admitted the attraction was mutual. As the evening wrapped up, Renee asked Rich to walk her to her car. When the got there, away from all the prying eyes, Renee gave Rich a hug and a kiss on the cheek. As she got in her car, he leaned in and gave her a quick kiss.
As she drove home that night, Renee thought that would be the end of it, atleast in terms of face to face contact, until the following year. Rich lived 4 hours away and they were both married remember. But the e-mails continued, now combined with daily phone calls between her cell and his work. Rich could never talk on his cell since his wife saw the bill but Renee could sometimes call his home if his wife was gone for the evening.
In less than a month, Rich told Renee that he loved her. She wrote back that he was attracted to her and liked here but it couldn't be love because he didn't know her well enough yet. He wrote back, "call it want you want to call it, believe me or not but I love you. I know already that there would be a hole in my life if you left." Renee said she'd wait to see but in her heart she already believed him, wanted so much for it to be true.
Renee and her husband Mark had a terrible marriage. It had been a mistake before they even said their vows. Three years later when their first and only child had been born, Mark had told Renee that he was having an affair and wanted a divorce. Renee cried, some for herself, but mostly for her newborn son that would never really know his dad. She had decided to fight for her marriage and they had stayed together but for all the wrong reasons. Her marriage died a little more each day. Their biggest problems revolved around sex. Renee had pulled out all the ***** tricks to keep him satisfied but she still came home all too often to find him on the internet looking at porn. For years it made her cry, then it made her bitter and angry, then she just stopped caring, stopped trying. Sex became a disaster and then non-existent. Because Mark had never been an affectionate person to begin with, the lack of sexual intimacy turned them into roommates who still shared the cal-king bed. Regardless of where Rich and Renee were headed, Renee told Mark she wanted a divorce. No big surprise to anyone, not even their twelve year old son, Mark agreed.
Less than a month after the volunteer event, Rich told Renee that his wife was going out of town. He had to drive her to the airport and asked if Renee wanted to meet somewhere for coffee. Renee didn’t even hesitate; she wanted to see him again too. She even went shopping for her date. She bought a short jean mini-skirt and a super low plunge, clingy top. She knew he liked boobs and legs, even though her boobs were a c at best and her legs too short, she showed them both off for him. Besides it helped her feel sexy too and she needed every little bit of help she could get because she was terrified. She wasn’t scared because she was starting an affair – she was just afraid of getting intimate with someone new, even kissing scared her. She hadn’t kissed anyone but her husband in twenty years and she hadn’t even kissed him any time lately. She told Rich how nervous she was and the first thing he did when he saw her was kiss her several times. That put her at ease – tough stuff over right up front! They drank coffee, sat, smoked, talked about their lives, wandered around hand in hand. It was over all too soon and Rich had to drive home. As he hugged Renee goodbye, she wanted to whisper in his ear that she loved him too. But it still felt way too soon and she chickened out.
They met again in July. They went to a movie where they made out like teenagers. In the darkness of the theater they groped eaf other and Rich quickly had his hand between Renee's thighs, making her cum 3 times. Renee was on cloud 9. She felt young and sexy and desireable and oh my God did it feel good after so many years of neglect!
The relationship continued to grow and deepen, both of them now saying I love you in every phone conversation and several times by e-mail every day. They talked and talked. Renee told him everything including how she felt about stuff. She wanted to open every door for Rich so that he would truly know her. Among other things, Rich knew that Renee was going to file for divorce but that she was waiting for the following June as she had a big project the following May that was taking up most of her money and a lot of her time and planning. She just didn’t want to deal with a divorce at the same time and there was no real hurry anyway. She was miserable in her marriage and she wanted to be with Rich. He was so incredibly nice, always said just the right thing, told her how beautiful she was, how smart, how funny, how sexy, how she deserved so much more than Mark had ever given her. He told her all the things her heart ached to hear. He made her feel so amazing! For the first time in her life, she felt like this was the real deal, a love to last a lifetime.
Rich also told her about his past and his current marriage. He wasn't happy with his job or his wife and Renee encoraged him to talk, always trying to be there to say things which would boost him up, trying to get him to see things in a more positive light. He often told her the only good thing in his life was her and that she was all he needed. He had told very early on, before their first date, that he liked to write erotica. He didn't elaborate but eventually told her he used to write stories and e-mail them to people. He sent her 2 stories to read. The content didn't bother her, she had an active sexual fantasy life herself, but those other recipients did worry her. She could see he had 5 other women on his e-mail connection list and some of the connections were made after they had begun seeing each other. She tried to get him to talk about it but he said that was all in the past, he was staying away from his stories and stuff like that as long as they were in a relationship. Renee wanted to believe him but it was hard when he still had those women on his e-mail page. She told him she could wait for him to tell her more but told him a little piece of her would always be held back until he did so. Th1s didn't seem to bother Rich too much as he didn't explain, just kept telling her not to worry about it.
Pushing aside her fears and doubts, Renee allowed herself to fall head over heels in love with Rich. And she decided she wanted to marry him. She couldn’t help herself – she eventually dropped hints. Rich picked up on them and told her he wanted to marry her once they were both free. When she read that, she felt like crying with relief. She believed him. She started thinking the rest of her life could actually be happy, doing things she liked to do with someone who had similar interests and who actually loved her and cared about her. That was something she had never had with Mark. This was so much better, so incredibly wonderful, every day was better because Rich was in her life. And someday they would be together every day. She knew that things wouldn’t always feel this perfect but she knew Rich was a world apart from Mark and being married to him would be a huge improvement over the last 20 years. The future looked bright and rosy. Stupid Renee – someone should have taken her aside and explained a few things about extra marital affairs!
They saw each other twice in October. Once they just met for a picnic at a park. It was public but they were still able to get cozy. The second time, Renee rented a hotel room. She had an excuse to be out of town and stayed overnight. It was their first time and, if it wasn’t exactly what either of them thought it would be, it was still worth the wait. Renee was amazed at how beautiful it could be to make love with someone who loves you and who you love back. It was truly a first for her. To be kissed while making love, to exchange I love you’s. To actually feel something in her heart and not just her body. It was the greatest day of her life even though Rich had to leave after a few hours to go home to be with his wife and kids. She sent Rich two long e-mails telling him how great a time she had, how much she loved him, what she would be doing to him if he were there with her again. She wasn’t shy about anything, told him everything she felt and everything she thought he might like to hear.
They got together at a hotel again in January. This time they had several hours together and after they made love they had time to just relax like the old married couple they seemed and watch some movies.
The last time they got together, it was March. Renee always made the long drive so Rich could have the shorter one. They ate breakfast at a truck stop and took a drive in the desert. They were in podunk country with not much to see or do but Renee didn't mind, she was enjoying her day with her sexy man. When he suggested she pull off the road and into the desert, Renee just thought they would park and make out in the backseat but Rich had another idea. He bent her over the hood of her car and pried up her too tight skirt for a quickie. Not what Renee had planned but it was still fun if a little awkward due to clothes and all. Rich couldn't kiss her from that position, it was more Mark's style, more impersonal, but that's good too sometimes.
In April, Rich was out of touch for a week due to an anniversary trip with his family. While he was gone, Renee did a lot of thinking. If she wanted to marry Rich, she was going to have to fight her husband about custody and where she could live. The divorce which she had hoped would be easy was going to get nasty. She decided if she was going to spend time and money to fight to be with Rich, she better make sure Rich was everything he seemed.
She had time to kill on the internet so she started doing some searches. She wanted to find out who those female e-mail connections were and what Rich was doing with them. But she couldn't pin them down or find out anymore information. When Rich got back the next week, she sent him some e-mails telling him that now was the time for him to tell her his story, the whole story. She knew a lot about him but now she needed to know the ugly stuff too. She told him she was worried and why. He wrote back that that stuff was in the past and told her again she was all he needed, all he wanted. But he did give her a clue about those e-mail friends. He mentioned tickling.
Back on the internet Renee discovered some web sights about tickling but the wi-fi she was using blocked access. She did some hard thinking that night and almost ended her relationship with Rich. But she was trying to find some way to fix things, she wanted to keep him, kept trying to find the silver lining in the dark clouds. After a lot of thinking and praying she realized there were 3 things in Rich's favor so she wrote him another long, sincere e-mail. She told him about her worries and about why she thought things could still work out. She told him she wanted to be the bridge between what he normally did in bed and what he fantasized about on the internet. She told him she wanted all of him, all of his sexuality and that she wanted to be his sex toy. He could tickle her all he wanted. Funny thing was - he had never even tried! She told him again she loved him and that she was in this for the long haul but she asked him to give up the internet sex. Big mistake, Renee!
Rich's response gave her some hope that they were finally going to make some progress. He told her he would tell her everything, he just needed time to write it all out or tell her on the phone and it would have to wait until he had privacy.
A week went by with no chats about the issue which was swinging like a pendulum over the cord holding their relationship together. Rich was home Tuesday night with no family around but didn't call Renee until almost 6:30. They only talked for a few minutes and then he said he had to go as his wife would be home soon.
The next night, Renee had several free hours to spend on-line. She was hoping she'd finally get that promised e-mail to read but Rich had been too busy again. Renee was on a different wi-fi and she went back to that tickling forum website. This time she got in and easily found her lover's profile. She saw that he had posted several stories after he had voluntarily promised to stay away from that. And he had commented on other posts so he was obviously still engaged in it. And then she saw the line that cut that cord to a single tenous, oh so tenous thread. It was the date he had last accessed his profile. It was the night before right after he had hung up the phone with her!
Renee sat there in her car in shock. He had lied to her. Had been lying and deceiving her the whole time they had been involved. He had lied about it every time she brought it up. And he would continue lying about it. She fumed. She wanted to scream at him! If he lied about this then every single thing he had said and done was now suspect. How could she believe a single word!? Ah, Renee, now you get it. That thing that someone should have told her long ago. That thing that she had always known but tried to ignore. Tried to tell herself that this time was different. That thing all men and women know - a guy will say and do anything to get into a woman's panties! Duh, Renee, how stupid can you be???
She sat there dazed and wounded. Why did it hurt so bad?? Because she had been so stupid! Her yearning for love and attention had made her the perfect target. She had started this whole thing and she had actually been the pursuer all along. Rich had just used all the information Renee fed him to paint himself as her perfect soul mate and it was all lies. He had no intention of leaving his wife! And when Renee finally figured that out he would just find another sad, lonely, sex and love starved woman to prey upon. He'd probably been doing this for years. Renee was probably not his first affair; it certainly wasn't the first time he had tried.
Renee sat there and thought about what she should do. Should she just walk away from 11 months of love? Or should she give him one more chance to be honest? Well, Renee is a picker and gnawer so she decided to worry that sore spot one more time and see if there was a cure for it.
She copied and pasted the first few paragraphs of one of his "stories" (euphamism for written porn! - he knew how she felt about porn!!) into an e-mail. At the top she wrote, "thanks for lying to me!" And because she was pissed too, she next wrote, "have a nice life." She hit the send button and cried all the way home.
The next morning Rich called Renee on her way to work. She let it go to voicemail and then listened to it. The tone of his voice was changed - it was harder and leaning on annoyance and sarcasm. Rich had said, "I got your message. Don't understand it but I got it. Don't know if you're going to call back or not. If you are - great. If you aren't, (deep breath), whatever I did, I'm sorry. Talk to ya later." Click. That was it - no admission, still pretending he didn't understand the problem. No I love you, no please call me so we can talk about this. Just a blase - call if you want or don't - no big difference to me.
When Renee got in her e-mails that morning, she found two messages from Rich. The first one said, "what the heck are you talking about." Then he must have had some second thoughts so he wrote a second message which said:
not sure from your message what you believe
(Renee's interpretaion: Not what is real but what I believe – as if I’m imagining things)
Has shown you that I’ve lied to you
(Not denying that he lied to her – just wondering how she found out)
I realize you are going through a tough situation in life
(as in - she's over-emotional, unstable, not seeing or thinking clearly)
And I want to be beside you while you’re doing so
(Wants to be with with her while she's going through her divorce but not necessarily after)
Haven’t gotten my mind-reading certificate yet
(A little sarcasm back at Renee)
So I’m not gonna guess what I did
(Because he might guess wrong and give up some other secret she hasn’t discovered yet)
You as well have a great life
(fuck-off back at you, Renee)
you deserve it.
(Because you're a bitch and you deserve your shitty life!)
end of message
Renee was so incredibly incensed - he was still trying to act innocent and confused. Renee did a screen print of his tickling profile page and attached it to another e-mail. She wrote: "again, and let me be clear since you want to act stupid - THANKS FOR LYING TO ME!"
And the response this time?
Absolute silence.
No e-mails.
No phone calls.
Just absolute silence.
After 11 months of almost daily contact, he just completely dropped out of sight.
He had said over and over again that she was worth any effort. But she wasn’t. She wasn’t worth fighting for. She wasn’t worth an apology. She wasn’t even worth an explanation or a lame excuse. And that’s why she cries, not because of the past lies but because of the presnt silence. The bastard hadn't fought for her love at all. Instead he had proven what she has known all along. She was worthless.
For all of you ticklers out there with spouses and significant others. Every time you are here, you are stealing from them. You are hurting the person you supposedly love, whether they know what you do or not. You are debasing yourself into an object for someone else’s sexual gratification. You are selling yourselves and you're going cheap. You are missing the boat – real love is better than this. You are destroying your relationship. I know you don’t want to hear that, don’t want to see that, don’t want to face that. And you most definitely do not want to admit it or change your behavior. You will tell yourselves that what you do is your business and doesn’t hurt anyone. You are so wrong. Please – turn the computer off and tickle the person in your life not the stranger in a chat room.
Moderators -please, please do not delete this post. I know you won’t agree with what I have said. I know you are probably peeved. But there are two sides to every story. You post your tickling porn, please have the courage and respect to post the consequences. I need him to see it. I need him to know what he has done. What he could have had but threw away just to spend time with your bunch instead.
if you've gotten this far, thanks for reading. and if you are my lover, please call me or write me. i know we are both in God's hands and it doesn't have to be over unless you choose this site over me.
She got the e-mail at work, welcoming here to the team. Renee had volunteered at a charity event the year before and had volunteered again for the anual event which was coming up the following month. But this year the e-mail came from Rich who was usually just another volunteer himself but this year was in charge of Renee's department. She couldn't remember him well from the year before but she was a friendly person so she wrote back even though the e-mail didn't require a response.
Rich wrote her back and so began an e-mail friendship. Rich usually sent the first e-mail each day, just asking if Renee was busy. She wrote back that she was always busy but that she always had time to chat. Some light flirting began, but they were both married, though neither happily, and Renee never thought anything would come of it.
May arrived and with it, the charity event where Rich and Renee were volunteering. During the multiple day event, the flirting continued in person and by text messages. By the last day of the event Renee was glowing from all the attention and the compliments Rich had given here. She told this to Rich and admitted the attraction was mutual. As the evening wrapped up, Renee asked Rich to walk her to her car. When the got there, away from all the prying eyes, Renee gave Rich a hug and a kiss on the cheek. As she got in her car, he leaned in and gave her a quick kiss.
As she drove home that night, Renee thought that would be the end of it, atleast in terms of face to face contact, until the following year. Rich lived 4 hours away and they were both married remember. But the e-mails continued, now combined with daily phone calls between her cell and his work. Rich could never talk on his cell since his wife saw the bill but Renee could sometimes call his home if his wife was gone for the evening.
In less than a month, Rich told Renee that he loved her. She wrote back that he was attracted to her and liked here but it couldn't be love because he didn't know her well enough yet. He wrote back, "call it want you want to call it, believe me or not but I love you. I know already that there would be a hole in my life if you left." Renee said she'd wait to see but in her heart she already believed him, wanted so much for it to be true.
Renee and her husband Mark had a terrible marriage. It had been a mistake before they even said their vows. Three years later when their first and only child had been born, Mark had told Renee that he was having an affair and wanted a divorce. Renee cried, some for herself, but mostly for her newborn son that would never really know his dad. She had decided to fight for her marriage and they had stayed together but for all the wrong reasons. Her marriage died a little more each day. Their biggest problems revolved around sex. Renee had pulled out all the ***** tricks to keep him satisfied but she still came home all too often to find him on the internet looking at porn. For years it made her cry, then it made her bitter and angry, then she just stopped caring, stopped trying. Sex became a disaster and then non-existent. Because Mark had never been an affectionate person to begin with, the lack of sexual intimacy turned them into roommates who still shared the cal-king bed. Regardless of where Rich and Renee were headed, Renee told Mark she wanted a divorce. No big surprise to anyone, not even their twelve year old son, Mark agreed.
Less than a month after the volunteer event, Rich told Renee that his wife was going out of town. He had to drive her to the airport and asked if Renee wanted to meet somewhere for coffee. Renee didn’t even hesitate; she wanted to see him again too. She even went shopping for her date. She bought a short jean mini-skirt and a super low plunge, clingy top. She knew he liked boobs and legs, even though her boobs were a c at best and her legs too short, she showed them both off for him. Besides it helped her feel sexy too and she needed every little bit of help she could get because she was terrified. She wasn’t scared because she was starting an affair – she was just afraid of getting intimate with someone new, even kissing scared her. She hadn’t kissed anyone but her husband in twenty years and she hadn’t even kissed him any time lately. She told Rich how nervous she was and the first thing he did when he saw her was kiss her several times. That put her at ease – tough stuff over right up front! They drank coffee, sat, smoked, talked about their lives, wandered around hand in hand. It was over all too soon and Rich had to drive home. As he hugged Renee goodbye, she wanted to whisper in his ear that she loved him too. But it still felt way too soon and she chickened out.
They met again in July. They went to a movie where they made out like teenagers. In the darkness of the theater they groped eaf other and Rich quickly had his hand between Renee's thighs, making her cum 3 times. Renee was on cloud 9. She felt young and sexy and desireable and oh my God did it feel good after so many years of neglect!
The relationship continued to grow and deepen, both of them now saying I love you in every phone conversation and several times by e-mail every day. They talked and talked. Renee told him everything including how she felt about stuff. She wanted to open every door for Rich so that he would truly know her. Among other things, Rich knew that Renee was going to file for divorce but that she was waiting for the following June as she had a big project the following May that was taking up most of her money and a lot of her time and planning. She just didn’t want to deal with a divorce at the same time and there was no real hurry anyway. She was miserable in her marriage and she wanted to be with Rich. He was so incredibly nice, always said just the right thing, told her how beautiful she was, how smart, how funny, how sexy, how she deserved so much more than Mark had ever given her. He told her all the things her heart ached to hear. He made her feel so amazing! For the first time in her life, she felt like this was the real deal, a love to last a lifetime.
Rich also told her about his past and his current marriage. He wasn't happy with his job or his wife and Renee encoraged him to talk, always trying to be there to say things which would boost him up, trying to get him to see things in a more positive light. He often told her the only good thing in his life was her and that she was all he needed. He had told very early on, before their first date, that he liked to write erotica. He didn't elaborate but eventually told her he used to write stories and e-mail them to people. He sent her 2 stories to read. The content didn't bother her, she had an active sexual fantasy life herself, but those other recipients did worry her. She could see he had 5 other women on his e-mail connection list and some of the connections were made after they had begun seeing each other. She tried to get him to talk about it but he said that was all in the past, he was staying away from his stories and stuff like that as long as they were in a relationship. Renee wanted to believe him but it was hard when he still had those women on his e-mail page. She told him she could wait for him to tell her more but told him a little piece of her would always be held back until he did so. Th1s didn't seem to bother Rich too much as he didn't explain, just kept telling her not to worry about it.
Pushing aside her fears and doubts, Renee allowed herself to fall head over heels in love with Rich. And she decided she wanted to marry him. She couldn’t help herself – she eventually dropped hints. Rich picked up on them and told her he wanted to marry her once they were both free. When she read that, she felt like crying with relief. She believed him. She started thinking the rest of her life could actually be happy, doing things she liked to do with someone who had similar interests and who actually loved her and cared about her. That was something she had never had with Mark. This was so much better, so incredibly wonderful, every day was better because Rich was in her life. And someday they would be together every day. She knew that things wouldn’t always feel this perfect but she knew Rich was a world apart from Mark and being married to him would be a huge improvement over the last 20 years. The future looked bright and rosy. Stupid Renee – someone should have taken her aside and explained a few things about extra marital affairs!
They saw each other twice in October. Once they just met for a picnic at a park. It was public but they were still able to get cozy. The second time, Renee rented a hotel room. She had an excuse to be out of town and stayed overnight. It was their first time and, if it wasn’t exactly what either of them thought it would be, it was still worth the wait. Renee was amazed at how beautiful it could be to make love with someone who loves you and who you love back. It was truly a first for her. To be kissed while making love, to exchange I love you’s. To actually feel something in her heart and not just her body. It was the greatest day of her life even though Rich had to leave after a few hours to go home to be with his wife and kids. She sent Rich two long e-mails telling him how great a time she had, how much she loved him, what she would be doing to him if he were there with her again. She wasn’t shy about anything, told him everything she felt and everything she thought he might like to hear.
They got together at a hotel again in January. This time they had several hours together and after they made love they had time to just relax like the old married couple they seemed and watch some movies.
The last time they got together, it was March. Renee always made the long drive so Rich could have the shorter one. They ate breakfast at a truck stop and took a drive in the desert. They were in podunk country with not much to see or do but Renee didn't mind, she was enjoying her day with her sexy man. When he suggested she pull off the road and into the desert, Renee just thought they would park and make out in the backseat but Rich had another idea. He bent her over the hood of her car and pried up her too tight skirt for a quickie. Not what Renee had planned but it was still fun if a little awkward due to clothes and all. Rich couldn't kiss her from that position, it was more Mark's style, more impersonal, but that's good too sometimes.
In April, Rich was out of touch for a week due to an anniversary trip with his family. While he was gone, Renee did a lot of thinking. If she wanted to marry Rich, she was going to have to fight her husband about custody and where she could live. The divorce which she had hoped would be easy was going to get nasty. She decided if she was going to spend time and money to fight to be with Rich, she better make sure Rich was everything he seemed.
She had time to kill on the internet so she started doing some searches. She wanted to find out who those female e-mail connections were and what Rich was doing with them. But she couldn't pin them down or find out anymore information. When Rich got back the next week, she sent him some e-mails telling him that now was the time for him to tell her his story, the whole story. She knew a lot about him but now she needed to know the ugly stuff too. She told him she was worried and why. He wrote back that that stuff was in the past and told her again she was all he needed, all he wanted. But he did give her a clue about those e-mail friends. He mentioned tickling.
Back on the internet Renee discovered some web sights about tickling but the wi-fi she was using blocked access. She did some hard thinking that night and almost ended her relationship with Rich. But she was trying to find some way to fix things, she wanted to keep him, kept trying to find the silver lining in the dark clouds. After a lot of thinking and praying she realized there were 3 things in Rich's favor so she wrote him another long, sincere e-mail. She told him about her worries and about why she thought things could still work out. She told him she wanted to be the bridge between what he normally did in bed and what he fantasized about on the internet. She told him she wanted all of him, all of his sexuality and that she wanted to be his sex toy. He could tickle her all he wanted. Funny thing was - he had never even tried! She told him again she loved him and that she was in this for the long haul but she asked him to give up the internet sex. Big mistake, Renee!
Rich's response gave her some hope that they were finally going to make some progress. He told her he would tell her everything, he just needed time to write it all out or tell her on the phone and it would have to wait until he had privacy.
A week went by with no chats about the issue which was swinging like a pendulum over the cord holding their relationship together. Rich was home Tuesday night with no family around but didn't call Renee until almost 6:30. They only talked for a few minutes and then he said he had to go as his wife would be home soon.
The next night, Renee had several free hours to spend on-line. She was hoping she'd finally get that promised e-mail to read but Rich had been too busy again. Renee was on a different wi-fi and she went back to that tickling forum website. This time she got in and easily found her lover's profile. She saw that he had posted several stories after he had voluntarily promised to stay away from that. And he had commented on other posts so he was obviously still engaged in it. And then she saw the line that cut that cord to a single tenous, oh so tenous thread. It was the date he had last accessed his profile. It was the night before right after he had hung up the phone with her!
Renee sat there in her car in shock. He had lied to her. Had been lying and deceiving her the whole time they had been involved. He had lied about it every time she brought it up. And he would continue lying about it. She fumed. She wanted to scream at him! If he lied about this then every single thing he had said and done was now suspect. How could she believe a single word!? Ah, Renee, now you get it. That thing that someone should have told her long ago. That thing that she had always known but tried to ignore. Tried to tell herself that this time was different. That thing all men and women know - a guy will say and do anything to get into a woman's panties! Duh, Renee, how stupid can you be???
She sat there dazed and wounded. Why did it hurt so bad?? Because she had been so stupid! Her yearning for love and attention had made her the perfect target. She had started this whole thing and she had actually been the pursuer all along. Rich had just used all the information Renee fed him to paint himself as her perfect soul mate and it was all lies. He had no intention of leaving his wife! And when Renee finally figured that out he would just find another sad, lonely, sex and love starved woman to prey upon. He'd probably been doing this for years. Renee was probably not his first affair; it certainly wasn't the first time he had tried.
Renee sat there and thought about what she should do. Should she just walk away from 11 months of love? Or should she give him one more chance to be honest? Well, Renee is a picker and gnawer so she decided to worry that sore spot one more time and see if there was a cure for it.
She copied and pasted the first few paragraphs of one of his "stories" (euphamism for written porn! - he knew how she felt about porn!!) into an e-mail. At the top she wrote, "thanks for lying to me!" And because she was pissed too, she next wrote, "have a nice life." She hit the send button and cried all the way home.
The next morning Rich called Renee on her way to work. She let it go to voicemail and then listened to it. The tone of his voice was changed - it was harder and leaning on annoyance and sarcasm. Rich had said, "I got your message. Don't understand it but I got it. Don't know if you're going to call back or not. If you are - great. If you aren't, (deep breath), whatever I did, I'm sorry. Talk to ya later." Click. That was it - no admission, still pretending he didn't understand the problem. No I love you, no please call me so we can talk about this. Just a blase - call if you want or don't - no big difference to me.
When Renee got in her e-mails that morning, she found two messages from Rich. The first one said, "what the heck are you talking about." Then he must have had some second thoughts so he wrote a second message which said:
not sure from your message what you believe
(Renee's interpretaion: Not what is real but what I believe – as if I’m imagining things)
Has shown you that I’ve lied to you
(Not denying that he lied to her – just wondering how she found out)
I realize you are going through a tough situation in life
(as in - she's over-emotional, unstable, not seeing or thinking clearly)
And I want to be beside you while you’re doing so
(Wants to be with with her while she's going through her divorce but not necessarily after)
Haven’t gotten my mind-reading certificate yet
(A little sarcasm back at Renee)
So I’m not gonna guess what I did
(Because he might guess wrong and give up some other secret she hasn’t discovered yet)
You as well have a great life
(fuck-off back at you, Renee)
you deserve it.
(Because you're a bitch and you deserve your shitty life!)
end of message
Renee was so incredibly incensed - he was still trying to act innocent and confused. Renee did a screen print of his tickling profile page and attached it to another e-mail. She wrote: "again, and let me be clear since you want to act stupid - THANKS FOR LYING TO ME!"
And the response this time?
Absolute silence.
No e-mails.
No phone calls.
Just absolute silence.
After 11 months of almost daily contact, he just completely dropped out of sight.
He had said over and over again that she was worth any effort. But she wasn’t. She wasn’t worth fighting for. She wasn’t worth an apology. She wasn’t even worth an explanation or a lame excuse. And that’s why she cries, not because of the past lies but because of the presnt silence. The bastard hadn't fought for her love at all. Instead he had proven what she has known all along. She was worthless.
For all of you ticklers out there with spouses and significant others. Every time you are here, you are stealing from them. You are hurting the person you supposedly love, whether they know what you do or not. You are debasing yourself into an object for someone else’s sexual gratification. You are selling yourselves and you're going cheap. You are missing the boat – real love is better than this. You are destroying your relationship. I know you don’t want to hear that, don’t want to see that, don’t want to face that. And you most definitely do not want to admit it or change your behavior. You will tell yourselves that what you do is your business and doesn’t hurt anyone. You are so wrong. Please – turn the computer off and tickle the person in your life not the stranger in a chat room.
Moderators -please, please do not delete this post. I know you won’t agree with what I have said. I know you are probably peeved. But there are two sides to every story. You post your tickling porn, please have the courage and respect to post the consequences. I need him to see it. I need him to know what he has done. What he could have had but threw away just to spend time with your bunch instead.
if you've gotten this far, thanks for reading. and if you are my lover, please call me or write me. i know we are both in God's hands and it doesn't have to be over unless you choose this site over me.
It won't decrease the person's love for you (provided it's there), and if it really worries you then just keep an open dialogue about it and make sure it doesn't affect your sex life. If the guy wanks it to online porn INSTEAD of being intimate with you, then yes, then I can see the problem. Otherwise... it's only natural.
Cars!!!!
