Fishing for Sympathy ("Nice guys finish last" mentality rant)

[PlayfulCarbonara]

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[BellybTickler]

It is how they justify their lack of personality, over achievement in having zero self-confidence, and the fact their nuts failed to drop in between the ages of 12 and 14.

 

[Bothersome]

Oh my god.
I HATE people who make those drama-filled posts on facebook. One of my biggest pet peeves. I go out of my way to filter out their posts when it becomes unending.

The people I hate more are the ones who sympathize with them.

 

[Cosmo_ac]

It is how they justify their lack of personality, over achievement in having zero self-confidence, and the fact their nuts failed to drop in between the ages of 12 and 14.

Or the fact that he's venting that he's right.

if somebody you know on facebook is constantly posting stuff you don't want to see, why do you keep checking it out?

 

[BellybTickler]

Or the fact that he's venting that he's right.

if somebody you know on facebook is constantly posting stuff you don't want to see, why do you keep checking it out?

Or .. they have no personality, have no self confidence, lack a pair, and are trying to compensate for their deficiencies by making others feel pity.

 

[Kunzite]

Yes, I've definitely seen this on facebook. I guess it's understandable if you haven't had a girlfriend for a while and are starting to get a bit desperate.

 

[Cosmo_ac]

Or .. they have no personality, have no self confidence, lack a pair, and are trying to compensate for their deficiencies by making others feel pity.

Yeah, that must be it. I mean, you said it twice and all.

 

[asutickler]

Now... I'm trying desperately to understand what he is hoping to achieve by doing this.

Celibacy.

 

[scorpionldr]

Yes, I've definitely seen this on facebook. I guess it's understandable if you haven't had a girlfriend for a while and are starting to get a bit desperate.

yea, thank god incels take the time to realize that expressing themselves is just going to get ignored anyhow

 

[socktickler86]

Even reading about this angers me. Facebook really has become a wasteland. It's like getting an inside look at the minds of all your friends and being extremely disappointed by what you see every time.

 

[Bothersome]

Even reading about this angers me. Facebook really has become a wasteland. It's like getting an inside look at the minds of all your friends and being extremely disappointed by what you see every time.

QFT.

The only reason I bother going there is because it's the shabby remnants of my social life.

 

[stroker]

Im not on facebook or the like so I cant speak from personal experience of it. But it could be that these people have been brought up to believe that woman actually do respond to kindness and understanding or indeed to guys that pursue them. They are possibly suffering from a kind of culture shock when it finally dawns on them that this is not so and that the saying " Treat em mean to keep em keen " has more than a ring of truth to it. As far as sympathy goes they have no problem seeking it as they themselves have probably given out plenty to the women who come to them to complain about the neanderthals they have shacked up with.

 

[BellybTickler]

Yeah, that must be it. I mean, you said it twice and all.

If I wanted a joke I'd follow you into the bathroom and watch you take a piss.

 

[Cosmo_ac]

If I wanted a joke I'd follow you into the bathroom and watch you take a piss.

Now, now, if we're going to be on an adult site, we should probably act like adults, right?

As for the topic is question, I base my views on the studies i've seen which tend to support my views. For example,

Why women really do love self-obsessed psychopaths

By Steve Connor, Science Editor
Thursday, 19 June 2008

Bad boys, it seems, really do get all the girls. Women might claim they want caring, thoughtful types but scientists have discovered what they really want – self-obsessed, lying psychopaths.


A study has found that men with the "dark triad" of traits – narcissism, thrill- seeking and deceitfulness – are likely to have a larger number of sexual affairs.

Peter Jonason, of New Mexico University in Las Cruces, believes that these traits may have an innate, genetic component that explains why some men seem unable to stop themselves behaving badly.

The dark triad of traits are the self-obsession of narcissism, the impulsive, thrill-seeking and callous behaviour of psychopaths and the deceitful and exploitative nature of Machiavellianism. "We have some evidence these traits may represent a successful evolutionary strategy," Dr Jonason told New Scientist magazine.

Many famous men – from James Dean to Pete Doherty – could be said to show elements of the dark triad of traits, but perhaps the best fictional example is James Bond. "He's clearly disagreeable, very extrovert and likes trying new things – including killing people and new women," Dr Jonason said.

The study subjected 200 college students to personality tests designed to rank them in terms of the dark triad. They were also asked about their sexual relationships, including their attitude towards brief affairs.

Dr Jonason said those with the highest rating in terms of the dark triad tended to have more partners and a greater desire for short-term affairs.

The dark triad approach is one way of maximising a man's reproductive potential by having sex with many females, while not bothering to stick around to help with the children. "The strategy seems to have worked. We still have these traits," Dr Jonason said.

David Schmitt, of Bradley University in Peoria, Illinois, surveyed 35,000 people in 57 countries and found a similar link. "It is universal across cultures," he said.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/s...-do-love-selfobsessed-psychopaths-850007.html

 

[Speedbump]

He is posting those messages in hope that the girl he likes will have her eyes opened and suddenly be like "Omg, I should be getting rammed by HIM!" Unfortunately he's ruining any chance he ever had.

Or .. they have no personality, have no self confidence, lack a pair, and are trying to compensate for their deficiencies by making others feel pity.

The personality part isn't exactly a guaranteed issue, but it's definitely a confidence issue for sure. I used to be in a similar way. I had a decent personality, but I wasn't any good with girls and my confidence was shot, so I would post subtle hints in hopes to illicit a reaction from a specific person and not even caring that everyone else was seeing it, too. In the end, it was never the person I hoped would respond that responded, and the people that did respond thought I was an idiot.

So I said "fuck this" and changed.

Now everything is pretty awesome, just kinda going with the flow, people like me more, etc. Ya need to improve yourself before anything will change, not just hope some words will make everything better, because it won't.

This is why people say you attract more bees with honey than vinegar. 'Cause bees don't like vinegar. This facebook dude is vinegar at the moment.

Anyway, that's my opinion. Enjoy!

 

[Bothersome]

It also doesn't help that the "nice guys" are complete pushovers. When a guy acts like that in person, on facebook, wherever... that basically screams "When things get tough, I'm gonna cry." In college I have met PLENTY of guys are don't have any of the alleged "dark triad" qualities who find dates because they don't cry/whine/fish for self-pity but instead act confident and have a sense of humor. Now, if you want to say having a sense of humor are psychopathic tendencies of a "bad boy", then I guess that's exactly what these guys are.

Hell, I'm probably the least thrill-seeking, spontaneous person alive. On a relationship entertainment scale of 1(omg boring) to 10 (lets climb mt everest and skydive off the top), I'm a 1.5 and that .5 is only attributed to at least some ability to tell jokes! But that being said, in the past decade I have had 3 major relationships, several one or two date attempts (several of which resulted in us just being friends in the end, if I could work it that way) and have spent less than 2 years total being single. Why? Because I actually try! I get to know her; I get to know her likes and dislikes; find out what conversation would interest her the most. I try to make jokes and I NEVER try to feel sorry for myself towards her or cry/fish for sympathy.

But I see so many guys who think that sympathy and feeling sorry for themselves because they don't have courage to try (too afraid of rejection if they flat out ask "Hey, you wanna go out with me?") and just give up. You know what the real difference between the "bad boy" and the "nice guy" is? The "bad boy" actually asks the girl out. The "nice guy" just hints that he is interested.

There's a notable difference between a 'nice guy' and an emo.
A nice guy doesn't beat his wife/girlfriend, and generally just acts like a decent human being. An emo cries and begs for attention at every turn.

 

[metalgod]

2 things are happening that I see.

1.) He is getting upset at things he can't control (how others choose to respond). If you can't control something, worrying about it is problematic, don'tcha think?

2.) He is deferring responsibility away from what he CAN control (e.g. his bitchy attitude, his lack of confidence, etc.).

Combined, these two make for a vicious cycle. It turns into, "Poor me! Why can't they treat me better? This is the way I am! I can't help the way I am, why won't they see how great I am?" Of course, they don't realize how weak they are being at this point. They say they are the victim.

Lesson to learn? Being nice is great, but not when it's the selfish kind of nice. How nice are you if you do something nice for someone and get pissed off when they don't happen to give you back what you're looking for in return? Relationships aren't a business arrangement.

 

[GQguy]

Im not on facebook or the like so I cant speak from personal experience of it. But it could be that these people have been brought up to believe that woman actually do respond to kindness and understanding or indeed to guys that pursue them. They are possibly suffering from a kind of culture shock when it finally dawns on them that this is not so and that the saying " Treat em mean to keep em keen " has more than a ring of truth to it. As far as sympathy goes they have no problem seeking it as they themselves have probably given out plenty to the women who come to them to complain about the neanderthals they have shacked up with.

Agreed.

Guys that are raised without close bonds with their father's or bonds too closely to their mothers fall into this trap. Movies also play a role in depicting the lovable loser that finally finds a gorgeous girl to love him for his unintelligent/average looking/unathletic/non witty/unsocially aware self. For these guys any attention is positive attention.

The way I see it though.....Most of the girls date/hookup with a small percentage of guys. These guys make that possible. They can keep up the good work!

GQ

 

[Bothersome]

Well, it goes against my moral compass to treat people badly. (The internet is an exception. I'm not communicating directly with 'people' on the internet; merely bits of collected data. It's much easier to verbally punch a wooden post than the person representing the post, right?)

If that keeps me single, so be it.

Of course, I know that's not what keeps me single. What keeps me single is my laziness, my lack of confidence, and my lack of personality.

 

[socktickler86]

The personality part isn't exactly a guaranteed issue, but it's definitely a confidence issue for sure. I used to be in a similar way. I had a decent personality, but I wasn't any good with girls and my confidence was shot, so I would post subtle hints in hopes to illicit a reaction from a specific person and not even caring that everyone else was seeing it, too. In the end, it was never the person I hoped would respond that responded, and the people that did respond thought I was an idiot.

So I said "fuck this" and changed.

Now everything is pretty awesome, just kinda going with the flow, people like me more, etc. Ya need to improve yourself before anything will change, not just hope some words will make everything better, because it won't.

Exactly. Of course, then there's that one asshole who intentionally puts up mopey things on facebook and DOES get a bunch of girls to sympathy screw him. Then you're left wondering what the hell is with this world.

 

[Bothersome]

Gentlemen!

I have found a solution!

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[Persephone]

One of my biggest pet peeves are people who spill out every single dramatic aspect/problem of their lives on Facebook or the Forums. I understand you need the support of friends...but do you really need to make a public post for it? Make a blog entry..send a private message. Don't air all your dirty laundry or make your life seem like it's some Dickens novel. We ALL have problems...that is just life.

 

[Rusty Shackleford]

What can you say? Some people fucking suck.

I'm of the mind that all men are not created equal; that we're all parceled out something, be it looks, charisma, intelligence, physical ability, etc. Some have a little (or a lot) and some have none at all!

Twain said that life was not about holding good cards, but playing a poor hand well, and I agree.

Just make fun of them... what else can you do?

 

[Wolf]

Having never been a woman (well, there was that one time in college, but I was young and drunk and in love...), I can only imagine that they find the whole "Why do girls only like bad boys?" bit about as much as most guys like the "Why do guys only like vapid, airbrushed, silicone-injected sluts?" bit. It's lazy, condescending, and presupposes that the problem really lies with the other gender.

 

[Morpheus72]

It also doesn't help that the "nice guys" are complete pushovers. When a guy acts like that in person, on facebook, wherever... that basically screams "When things get tough, I'm gonna cry." In college I met PLENTY of guys are don't have any of the alleged "dark triad" qualities who find dates because they don't cry/whine/fish for self-pity but instead act confident and have a sense of humor.

Hell, I'm probably the least thrill-seeking person alive. On a relationship entertainment scale of 1(omg boring) to 10 (lets climb mt everest and skydive off the top), I'm a 4 or 5 (give or take) That being said, in the past 2 decades I have had 4 major relationships, several one or two date attempts (several of which resulted in us just being friends in the end, if I could work it that way) and have spent less than 3 years total being single.

The "bad boy" actually asks the girl out. The "nice guy" just hints that he is interested.

Chrisums, I snipped and changed some stuff to reflect my situation, but this is it in a nutshell. You can be a "nice" or "good" person at get dates. BUT, you have to be confident in yourself and let it show (acting confident never works for long), you have to have some sort of personality trait / interest that your potential date finds interesting, and you have to be relaxed enough in the situation not to appear to be a total putting-girl-on-pedestal schmuck. Oh, and that old rule about good hygiene helps too.

It really is pretty easy. That girl over there is a person. Go talk to her. Find out if YOU want to date HER, not the other way around.