Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,972
- Points
- 48
Q: What makes the ship's cat most happy?
A: Shore leave at the Canary Islands.
My name is Dr. Moreau. In my remote island laboratory, I used my DNA to alter lower creatures into human-animal hybrids. My colleagues call me a monster, but that doesn't stop me from feeling pride in my work... for the most part. To be honest, I'm rather ashamed of moose-self.
Doctor: "How are your hemorrhoids doing today, Mr. Johnson?"
Patient: "They just swell!"
I have male performance issues. No one in the theater likes my portrayal of Hamlet.
Not many fans know this, but the story for George Lucas's epic space fantasy was actually swiped from a 19th century Russian novel. But then, even most scholars have never heard of "Tsar Wars".
My wife has accused me of abusing drugs. That's ridiculous! I love drugs!
Q: "Where does a soda jerk learn his trade?
A: In Sundae School.
I bought four haunches of venison meat off a local hunter for $40.00. Is that too dear?
Sweet dreams: you hug your teddy bear before drifting off to sleep.
Nightmare: your teddy bear hugs you back.
My wife has a good nose for wine. It's shaped like a corkscrew.
Werewolf Larry Talbot found himself to be irritable, subject to mood swings and prone to bouts of violent rage. Small wonder; it was that time of the month.
When I was a kid, I could buy 100 gumballs for a dime! Really though, I only wanted 10 percent.
A penis and a rooster share a common nickname.That's understandable; they're both up before dawn.
My wife always serves my dinner cold. Yep, she really puts her heart into it!
Before his company became big, Orville Redenbacher was accused of bribing government officials for business considerations. It was a prime example of corny capitalism.
If your pooch starts running a temperature, you should immediately apply a mustard plaster. There's nothing better than mustard on a hot dog!
Bono's wife: "I'll think about you every day when you're out on tour!"
Bono: "I'll think about U2."
All great white sharks have pinkish tissue in their mouths, right between their teeth. It's technically known as "slow swimmers".
A blonde will laugh at a joke three times: (a) when the joke is first told; (b) after it's explained to her; and (c) a week later, once she gets the punchline.
Not all chemical ingredients are ferocious enough to get stains out of clothing... only those made by Procter and Gamble. They're fit to be Tide.
It shouldn't surprise anyone that Dwayne Johnson can't read the New York Times. We all know that paper beats Rock.
"So... I hear you had sex with my girlfriend."
"Hey, man, you got the wrong person."
"You saying you didn't sleep with her?"
"What I'm saying is you need a different girlfriend."
A: Shore leave at the Canary Islands.
* * *
My name is Dr. Moreau. In my remote island laboratory, I used my DNA to alter lower creatures into human-animal hybrids. My colleagues call me a monster, but that doesn't stop me from feeling pride in my work... for the most part. To be honest, I'm rather ashamed of moose-self.
* * *
Doctor: "How are your hemorrhoids doing today, Mr. Johnson?"
Patient: "They just swell!"
* * *
I have male performance issues. No one in the theater likes my portrayal of Hamlet.
* * *
Not many fans know this, but the story for George Lucas's epic space fantasy was actually swiped from a 19th century Russian novel. But then, even most scholars have never heard of "Tsar Wars".
* * *
My wife has accused me of abusing drugs. That's ridiculous! I love drugs!
* * *
Q: "Where does a soda jerk learn his trade?
A: In Sundae School.
* * *
I bought four haunches of venison meat off a local hunter for $40.00. Is that too dear?
* * *
Sweet dreams: you hug your teddy bear before drifting off to sleep.
Nightmare: your teddy bear hugs you back.
* * *
My wife has a good nose for wine. It's shaped like a corkscrew.
* * *
Werewolf Larry Talbot found himself to be irritable, subject to mood swings and prone to bouts of violent rage. Small wonder; it was that time of the month.
* * *
When I was a kid, I could buy 100 gumballs for a dime! Really though, I only wanted 10 percent.
* * *
A penis and a rooster share a common nickname.That's understandable; they're both up before dawn.
* * *
My wife always serves my dinner cold. Yep, she really puts her heart into it!
* * *
Before his company became big, Orville Redenbacher was accused of bribing government officials for business considerations. It was a prime example of corny capitalism.
* * *
If your pooch starts running a temperature, you should immediately apply a mustard plaster. There's nothing better than mustard on a hot dog!
* * *
Bono's wife: "I'll think about you every day when you're out on tour!"
Bono: "I'll think about U2."
* * *
All great white sharks have pinkish tissue in their mouths, right between their teeth. It's technically known as "slow swimmers".
* * *
A blonde will laugh at a joke three times: (a) when the joke is first told; (b) after it's explained to her; and (c) a week later, once she gets the punchline.
* * *
Not all chemical ingredients are ferocious enough to get stains out of clothing... only those made by Procter and Gamble. They're fit to be Tide.
* * *
It shouldn't surprise anyone that Dwayne Johnson can't read the New York Times. We all know that paper beats Rock.
* * *
"So... I hear you had sex with my girlfriend."
"Hey, man, you got the wrong person."
"You saying you didn't sleep with her?"
"What I'm saying is you need a different girlfriend."
