Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
Springtime makes me feel like a little kid again! Before I've even gotten out of my front yard, I've wet my plants!
"Stumble, Forest, stumble!": line from the motion picture "Forest Gimp".
My puppy was so sick, I had to carry it all the way to the pet hospital. Fortunately, once I was inside the examining room, I was able to put it down.
Remember the Burn Your Bra movement in the '60s? It wasn't around long... must have been lack of support.
My ex-girlfriend was shaped like a cantaloupe and had a face like a dog. I called her my melon/collie baby.
My new girlfriend, on the other hand, has a lot in common with turtles... whenever she ends up on her back, she's screwed.
Never be a'feared o' snakes. They're completely 'armless.
I always hear the sound of music when I pin on my old Medal of Honor, and why not! It's war-bling!
Amy Klobucahr frets more over smut than she does guns. She's always thinking about dick in the deer stand.
I give my girlfriend dark chocolate for Valentine's Day every year. She finds the holiday bittersweet.
Men are a lot like floor tiles: you can walk all over them as long as you lay them properly.
I haven't seen "Avengers Endgame" yet, but I think it's about time.
The well known Tyrannosaurus rex goes by a variety of names: Tyrannosaur, T-rex, Rexy, Tyrant Lizard, Tyrant King, etc. This brute is so popular, he might be the saurus.
My dad left home when I was very young and my mom bragged she could be both a mother and father to me. If you ask me, she made a terrible faux pa.
Hitler came to power in Germany, but he'd rather have done it in his home country of Austria. He always thought of it as his birth Reich.
My dad died a hero during 911. He was one of the finest pilots al-Qaeda ever had!
Playstation plans to adapt Rocket Raccoon into a new PS4 game. They'll be calling it "The Adventures of Trash Pandicoot".
My mom called the cops one day when she caught my brother and me misbehaved. They arrived to find me licking batteries and him reading porn. I was charged, but my brother got off.
It's a rule in the theater: always leave them wanting more. That is, of course, unless it's an operating theater and you're an anesthetist.
I have the memory of an elephant; I distinctly recall seeing one at the zoo when I was a kid.
Some smart-ass called last night to ask if my refrigerator was running. Well, I checked and it must have been... the milk in the carton had turned to butter.
My son and I were watching a movie last night when an erotic scene started.
"Boy," I said, "it's time for you to go to bed."
"What for?" he countered. "Dad, I'm 20 years old!"
"I don't care how old you are!" I snapped back. "I still don't want you to watch me jerk off!"
* * *
"Stumble, Forest, stumble!": line from the motion picture "Forest Gimp".
* * *
My puppy was so sick, I had to carry it all the way to the pet hospital. Fortunately, once I was inside the examining room, I was able to put it down.
* * *
Remember the Burn Your Bra movement in the '60s? It wasn't around long... must have been lack of support.
* * *
My ex-girlfriend was shaped like a cantaloupe and had a face like a dog. I called her my melon/collie baby.
* * *
My new girlfriend, on the other hand, has a lot in common with turtles... whenever she ends up on her back, she's screwed.
* * *
Never be a'feared o' snakes. They're completely 'armless.
* * *
I always hear the sound of music when I pin on my old Medal of Honor, and why not! It's war-bling!
* * *
Amy Klobucahr frets more over smut than she does guns. She's always thinking about dick in the deer stand.
* * *
I give my girlfriend dark chocolate for Valentine's Day every year. She finds the holiday bittersweet.
* * *
Men are a lot like floor tiles: you can walk all over them as long as you lay them properly.
* * *
I haven't seen "Avengers Endgame" yet, but I think it's about time.
* * *
The well known Tyrannosaurus rex goes by a variety of names: Tyrannosaur, T-rex, Rexy, Tyrant Lizard, Tyrant King, etc. This brute is so popular, he might be the saurus.
* * *
My dad left home when I was very young and my mom bragged she could be both a mother and father to me. If you ask me, she made a terrible faux pa.
* * *
Hitler came to power in Germany, but he'd rather have done it in his home country of Austria. He always thought of it as his birth Reich.
* * *
My dad died a hero during 911. He was one of the finest pilots al-Qaeda ever had!
* * *
Playstation plans to adapt Rocket Raccoon into a new PS4 game. They'll be calling it "The Adventures of Trash Pandicoot".
* * *
My mom called the cops one day when she caught my brother and me misbehaved. They arrived to find me licking batteries and him reading porn. I was charged, but my brother got off.
* * *
It's a rule in the theater: always leave them wanting more. That is, of course, unless it's an operating theater and you're an anesthetist.
* * *
I have the memory of an elephant; I distinctly recall seeing one at the zoo when I was a kid.
* * *
Some smart-ass called last night to ask if my refrigerator was running. Well, I checked and it must have been... the milk in the carton had turned to butter.
* * *
My son and I were watching a movie last night when an erotic scene started.
"Boy," I said, "it's time for you to go to bed."
"What for?" he countered. "Dad, I'm 20 years old!"
"I don't care how old you are!" I snapped back. "I still don't want you to watch me jerk off!"